Body Language

Usually we associate gestures with those who are deaf and dumb. For those of who can hear and speak, there rarely cross our mind as something terribly important. But in reality, gestures or body language can be as helpful to us, as to them. It, sort of, gives us the extra edge in our day to day communication. More so for those of us who aspire to be good public speakers.

In fact, an American psychologist by the name of Albert Mehrabian did a study on this and found that the total impact of a message is about 7%verbal(words only), 38%vocal(how we say it) and 55% non-verbal. That means more than half are based on gestures. So who dare to say that body language is not important?

Today, I would like to share with you whatever little knowledge that I have on body language. And as time is short, I would only touch on some of the basic ones, namely the gestures involving the eyes, mouth and hands.

First, the eyes. In his book, 'The Tell-Tale Eye,' Hess says that the eyes give the most revealing and accurate account of all human communication signals. "It's all in the eyes," he says.

You want to know how a person really feels, look into the eyes. If you look into the eyes and the pupils dilate or get bigger, that means the person is excited or interested in what you say. Try this on your spouse tonight. Say "I love you" and look into her eyes. You will see the pupils growing big. If not, you are in trouble, man!

Now what if the person does not look at you while you are speaking. Chances are he is lying. He dares not face the truth. That's why he is turning his eyes away.

But in case of flirting, it is different. It is the case of 'now you see, now you don't.' First, she will look at you. Then she will turn her eyes elsewhere. Then she will look at you again. This time the gaze will be slightly longer than normal. And beware of those sideway glances of a pretty lady. Boy! They will knock you out.

Enough of the eyes. Now let us go to the mouth. A pout means disapproval or dislike of what has happened. A pressed-lips indicates that "I do not want this or I disagree" while biting one lips often reveals embarassment, especially when he forgets to zip his fly and get caught for it.

If someone covers his mouth or slightly touches his lips with his finger, that is also an indication that he is trying to hide something.

Be careful the next time you put a cigarette in your mouth while playing mahjong or cards. You might, unconsciously, give your game away, even if you remain poker face. if you have a good hand, you are likely to blow your smoke upward and if you do not, you are likely to blow the other way round, downward. Perhaps for the next mahjong session, you might want to offer a cigarette to your neighbour.

Let us proceed further down, to the hands. Aha! The hands can do many things, can show many things. An exposed palms reveal honesty and openess.It is as though the owner is saying, "Look, I am completely open with you. Believe me."

But if he rubs his palms like this(slow), watch out! Something fishy is in the air. The opposite happens if he rubs them like this(fast), it means "I am excited about what you have to offer me."

A note of caution though. Sometimes people rub their palms not because of anything but simply because they are feeling cold. So please don't go around interpreting every gesture that people make.

If someone puts his palm on top of yours while shaking your hands, that means he is dominant. Bosses tend to do that. And if you like to put yours under his, that means you are submissive.

Learn to shake hands like a man. When you are introduced to someone, shake his hand firmly. Like this...not crushing his hand though. A firm handshake shows that you are confident and gives a good first impression. Businessmen must always learn to shake hands firmly if they do not want to be manipulated or seen as weak by their others.

If you are giving a talk, the arms is an important indication how people are reacting to what you say. If your listeners fold their arms, you have a problem. Your message is, most likely, not getting through. They have put up a defensive wall. It is time to change your strategy.

Learn not to cross arms when you are meeting someone you like. Be natural and let them hang by the sides. It reflects openess and friendliness. But if you want to show displeasure at someone you don't like, you can always put your hands on the hip like this.... It implies "You dare to fight me? See how big I am," I always used them against my naughty students. Work all the time!

There are many things we can learn by observing the gestures of others. However, to be a good body linguist, you should never make the mistake of interpreting gestures in isolation. Instead learn to read them in context. Look out for other gestures as well, to verify and confirm.

For instance, if someone is lying, he would not only want to turn his eyes away. He would also not want to expose his palms or leave his mouth uncovered or untouched. All these inter-related gestures are called cluster gestures and must be studied in total. Also try to see if his gestures are consistent with what he says.

If you are able to do all these, then 'bingo!' we have a body language expert in the making.

(Presented as a Prepared Speech in the Sitiawan Toastmasters Club meeting, 2000)