How To Say No to People

Saying no is a challenge that each of us faces every single day. Some of us are very good at saying no, while others struggle with the concept. Due to the need to "people please" or be popular, we sometimes take on anything and everything. This just isn't healthy! Here is how to say no even when it is uncomfortable.


1. Utilize your common sense. Saying no is uncomfortable sometimes, and it should only be done when there are no other viable options. Spend some time thinking over any requests before answering, and see if there is a compromise available. Do not rush to answer and then realize that you could have gotten by with saying maybe.

2. Answer people with a respectful no. When we are faced with a situation where it is not in our best interest to answer a request, it is important to decline and say no with kindness. Most people will accept rejection gracefully if it is done with respect.

3. Speak in an even, calm manner. When saying no, you should always keep your voice on an even keel. This will help to ease the stress of the situation, and avoid arguments. People like to get their way, and saying no will be stressful sometimes. Always remain calm when saying no.

4. Suggest an alternative to their request. Sometimes when you say no, it is an opportunity to help someone come up with a better idea. Do not be afraid to give them alternative choices. You may not be able to host that party, but you might be willing to help out in some other way. Think over any request and suggest another idea.

5. Stand your ground when you are challenged. Some people will not take no for an answer and this is when it is vital that you stand your ground. Do not give in to anger, bullying or abusive behavior. You have a right to say no to any request that you are uncomfortable with. Say no, and mean it!

How To Dress For Success

Step1

Call the Human Resources office of your potential employer and ask what their dress code is. If you go into the office to pick up an employment application then observe what the employees are wearing. The goal is to dress as if you already fit in with the current personnel.

Step2

Wear solid-colored, conservative suits. Women should wear a coordinating blouse while men should wear a white, long-sleeve shirt and conservative tie.

Step3

Polish your dress shoes. If you wear shoes that are dirty, cracked or dull then you're sending the message that you do not pay attention to detail.

Step4

Make sure you are well groomed. Your hair should be combed and in place, your teeth brushed and you should be free of body odor.

Step5

Keep the jewellery to a minimum. There shouldn't be any visible body piercings other than conservative earrings for women.

Step6

Apply sparse makeup if you wear any at all. Too much makeup will make you appear flashy.

Telephone Etiquette

Presenting a professional image, both in person and on the telephone, is very important in the Office Skills profession. Taking care of your customers over the telephone and making them feel well informed and appreciated is essential. Whether you are the front office receptionist or an executive secretary, the following phone tips should always be followed.

Answering Calls

1. Speak clearly. A picture paints a thousand words but the caller on the other end of the phone can only hear you. They cannot see your face or body language. Therefore, taking the time to speak clearly, slowly and in a cheerful, professional voice is very important.

2. Use your normal tone of voice when answering a call . If you have a tendency to speak loud or shout, avoid doing so on the telephone.

3. Do not eat or drink while you are on telephone duty. Only eat or drink during your coffee break or lunch break.

4. Do not use slang words or Poor Language. Respond clearly with “yes” or “no” when speaking. Never use swear words.

5. Address the Caller Properly by his or her title. (i.e. Good morning Mr. Brown, Good afternoon Ms. Sanders). Never address an unfamiliar caller by his or her first name.

6. Listen to the Caller and what they have to say. The ability to listen is a problem in general but it is very important to listen to what the caller has to say. It is always a good habit to repeat the information back to the client when you are taking a message. Verify that you have heard and transcribed the message accurately.

7. Be patient and helpful. If a caller is irate or upset, listen to what they have to say and then refer them to the appropriate resource. Never snap back or act rude to the caller.

8. Always ask if you can put the caller on hold. If you are responsible for answering multiple calls at once, always ask the caller politely if you may put them on hold. Remember that the caller could have already waited several minutes before getting connected to you and may not take lightly to being put on hold. Never leave the person on hold for more than a few seconds or they may become upset and hang up.

9. Always focus on the call. Try not to get distracted by people around you. If someone tries to interrupt you while you are on a call, politely remind them that you are on a customer call and that you will be with them as soon as you are finished

How to Learn Speed Reading

STEPS

1. Have your eyes checked. Many people who read particularly slowly do so because they have an undiagnosed vision problem. Even if you think you have perfect vision, if you haven't had an eye exam recently, there's no time like the present.
2. Time your current reading speed. It is important to find out how fast you read now so that you can track your improvement through subsequent timings. Not only will timing help you to tell if you're improving, but it will also keep you motivated.
   
   
   • You can break out a book and a stopwatch and either time how long it takes you to read a certain number of words on a page or find out how many words you read in a given amount of time.
   • An easier way to time yourself is to take an online reading speed test. There are a plethora of these available: just enter "reading speed test" in your search engine. Many of these have reading comprehension tests, as well, so you can see how well you're understanding what you're reading.
   • Regardless of how you decide to time yourself, be sure to read at your normal speed during the timing, and time yourself on a few different pages - the average of your times should approximate your average reading speed.
3. Get rid of distractions. Even if you think you read better when you have music playing or when you're in a crowded coffee house, you can probably increase your speed if you reduce distractions to a bare minimum. Try to find a solitary place to read, and turn off the TV, radio and cell phone. Even being in a room of people talking is distracting. If no solitary place is available, try using earplugs to block out any distractions around you. In order to maximize comprehension while reading quickly, you will need to focus on the material at hand as closely as possible.
4. Adjust reading speed depending on the material. Often, we must trade off comprehension for speed, so an important part of increasing reading speed is deciding how thoroughly you need to comprehend a particular piece of writing. So before you even start reading, decide how fast you intend to go. If you're reading a newspaper article, chances are you just want to get the main ideas, and you can skim through the passages quite rapidly. If, however, you're reading a mathematics textbook or a demanding philosophical treatise - and you need to fully understand the material - you do not want to rush.
5. Learn to separate the wheat from the chaff with pre-reading. No matter what you are reading, there is frequently a lot of "filler" that you can read quickly through or even skim over. With practice, you will be able to identify the most important parts of a book as you skim through it. When you get to such a passage, slow down. Before you begin a chapter or book, look over the entire piece very quickly. Try to find patterns of repeated words, key ideas, bold print and other indicators of important concepts. Then, when you actually do your reading you may be able to skim over large portions of the text, slowing only when you come to something you know is important.
6. Train yourself not to reread. Most people frequently stop and skip back to words or sentences they just read to try to make sure they understood the meaning. This is usually unnecessary, but it can easily become a habit, and many times you will not even notice you're doing it. One exercise to help you avoid rereading is to take a sheet of paper or index card and drag it down the page as you read, covering each line once you've read it. Try to drag the card in a steady motion; start slowly, and increase your speed as you feel more comfortable.
7. Stop reading to yourself. As you read you probably subvocalise, or pronounce the words to yourself. Almost everybody does it, although to different degrees: some people actually move their lips or say the words under their breath, while others simply say each word in their heads. Regardless of how you subvocalise, it slows you down. (You are concerned with speed reading here, not reading to practice communicating the material verbally, which can be done later if you find it necessary.) To break the habit, try to be conscious of it. When you notice yourself pronouncing words to yourself, try to stop doing it. It may help to focus on key words and skip over others, or you may want to try humming to yourself in order to prevent subvocalising. One exercise to stop your lips from moving is to put a finger on your mouth and keep it there while you read.
8. Read with your hand. Smooth, consistent eye motion is essential to speed reading. You can maximize your eyes' efficiency by using your hand to guide them. One such method is to simply draw your hand down each page as you read. You can also brush your hand under each line you read, as if you are brushing dust off the lines. Your eyes instinctively follow motion, and the movement of your hand serves to keep your eyes moving constantly forward. Note, however, that many speed reading instruction books warn off using a tracking member in speed reading as it inhibits the process.
9. Practice reading blocks of words. Nearly everyone learned to read word-by-word or even letter-by-letter, but once you know the language, that's not the most efficient method of reading. Not every word is important, and in order to read quickly, you'll need to read groups of words - or even whole sentences or short paragraphs - instantaneously. The good news is you probably already do this to some extent: most people read three or four words at a time. Once you make an effort to be aware of your reading style, you'll discover how many words you read at a time. Now you just need to increase that number. Using your hand as a guide may help, as may holding the book a little further from your eyes than you usually do.
10. Practice and push yourself. While you may see some gains in speed the moment you start using these tips, speed reading is a skill that requires a lot of practice. Always push yourself to your comfort level and beyond - if you end up having to reread a section, it's not a big deal. Keep practicing regularly.
11. Time yourself regularly. After a week or so of practice, time yourself as in step two. Do this regularly thereafter, and keep track of your improvement. Don't forget to pat yourself on the back every time your reading speed increases!

TIPS

• Try books with large font to start. A book with small letters might be hard at first because it is easy to skip lines by mistake.
• Start by reading a book or article that you have already read. It will be easier to skip words and keep up a smooth flow if you're familiar with the material.
• When using your hand or finger to guide your eyes, start slowly, but at a challenging pace. Even if you don't think you're keeping up with your hand, keep going for a page or two and then test your comprehension. With practice, you'll be able to move your hand and read faster that way.
• Take frequent breaks. Your comprehension and focus will be better if you take a five-minute break every hour or half-hour. Taking breaks is also important to keep your eyes healthy and avoid eye strain.
• You may not want to read some things quickly, even if you can. Fiction for example, is usually relatively easy to read quickly, but you can miss out on a lot of the nuance and beauty of the fiction writer's craft, even if you understand everything that's going on in a story. The same is doubly true for poetry. If you're reading for enjoyment, it may be best to savor the words.
• An index card, bookmark, or other page-width item might help increase speed more than a finger. By obscuring surrounding text, a card prevents your eyes from wandering.
• Read every day at least 10 minutes.

12 Tips for Making Small Talk

Being able to connect with others through small talk can lead to big things, according to Debra Fine, author of 'The Fine Art of Small Talk.' A former engineer, Fine recalls being so uncomfortable at networking events that she would hide in the restroom. Now a professional speaker, Fine says the ability to connect with people through small talk is an acquired skill.Fine and her fellow authorities on schmoozing offer the following tips for starting -- and ending -- conversations:

1. As you prepare for a function, come up with three things to talk about as well as four generic questions that will get others talking. If you've met the host before, try to remember things about her, such as her passion for a sport or a charity you're both involved in.

2. Be the first to say "hello." If you're not sure the other person will remember you, offer your name to ease the pressure. For example, "Charles Bartlett? Lynn Schmidt... good to see you again." Smile first and always shake hands when you meet someone.

3. Take your time during introductions. Make an extra effort to remember names and use them frequently.

4. Get the other person talking by leading with a common ground statement regarding the event or location and then asking a related open-ended question. For example, "Attendance looks higher than last year, how long have you been coming to these conventions?" You can also ask them about their trip in or how they know the host.

5. Stay focused on your conversational partner by actively listening and giving feedback. Maintain eye contact. Never glance around the room while they are talking to you.

6. Listen more than you talk.

7. Have something interesting to contribute. Keeping abreast of current events and culture will provide you with great conversation builders, leading with "What do you think of...?" Have you heard...?" What is your take on...?" Stay away from negative or controversial topics, and refrain from long-winded stories or giving a lot of detail in casual conversation.

8. If there are people you especially want to meet, one of the best ways to approach them is to be introduced by someone they respect. Ask a mutual friend to do the honors.

9. If someone hands you a business card, accept it as a gift. Hold it in both hands and take a moment to read what is written on it. When you're done, put it away in a shirt pocket, purse or wallet to show it is valued.

10. Watch your body language. People who look ill at ease make others uncomfortable. Act confident and comfortable, even when you're not.

11. Before entering into a conversation that's already in progress, observe and listen. You don't want to squash the dynamics with an unsuited or ill-timed remark.

12. Have a few exit lines ready, so that you can both gracefully move on. For example, "I need to check in with a client over there," "I skipped lunch today, so I need to visit the buffet," or you can offer to refresh their drink.

When should you exit a conversation? According to Susan RoAne, author and speaker known as the "Mingling Maven," your objective in all encounters should be to make a good impression and leave people wanting more. To do that, she advises: "Be bright. Be brief. Be gone."

Some Advice on Good Table Manners

1. Sit down properly with napkin placed on the lap.
   
2. Wait to begin eating until everyone is seated and has been served.
3. Stay seated in seats without jiggling in chairs, going under the table, or getting up and down.
4. Say, “Excuse Me,” and ask permission to leave the table.
5. Elbows do not go on the table.
6. Mouths should stay closed while chewing.
7. “May I please” and “Thank you” should be used when we would like some food and never reach across the table.
8. Participate in the conversation during dinner and no interruptions when other people are talking.
9. Slurping, burping, squealing, singing, humming are all sounds that are not to be made at the table.
10. It is never kind or polite to make negative comments about what is being served for dinner.
11. Before getting up at the end of the meal say, “May I please be excused?”
12. Thank the cook.

Mastering the Laugh

You won’t croak if you tell a joke!

Let’s face it. Humor is hard! Even experienced speakers struggle with knowing how to (appropriately!) tickle their audience’s funny bones. We all enjoy listening to a funny speech –the problem is, we typically don’t think of ourselves as being funny speakers. Members of Toastmasters are no different; that’s why we have assembled a wide range of resource material on this topic. Toastmasters exist to help your audience laugh with you, not at you!

Humor has many benefits. It can:

• Help establish a bond with the audience
• Win over a hostile audience
• Keep the audience interested
• Emphasize or illustrate a point
• Help people remember you

Here are some tips:

• Be yourself. Think about what types of humor you appreciate, then create a library of such items. Don’t like jokes? Try a humorous anecdote or a witty observation from your own life.
• It’s OK to be mildly amusing, rather than eye-dabbingly funny.
• Use humor sparingly, like a spice. At first, try using a humorous opener to your speech. A quote or offhand observation can be a good icebreaker.
• Keep it relevant to your speech topic.
• Avoid retelling jokes found on the Internet. Chances are good others have already heard or seen them.
• Keep it clean! Humor is supposed to make people feel good – not embarrassed, insulted or offended.
• Make it readily identifiable as humor. But in case no one laughs, prepare a comment in advance or just move on.
• Keep it appropriate to the audience and the situation.
• Self-effacing humor is safe –a little of it goes a long way. The audience would rather hear about the time you fell on your face than when you won the race.
• Work on your delivery. Practice using vocal variety and gestures.
• Timing is everything! Pause before the punch line.

10 Biggest Public Speaking Mistakes

1. Starting with a whimper. Don’t start with “Thank you for that kind introduction.” Start with a bang! Give the audience a startling statistic, an interesting quote, a news headline – something powerful that will get their attention immediately.

2. Attempting to imitate other speakers. Authenticity is lost when you aren’t yourself.

3. Failing to “work” the room. Your audience wants to meet you. If you don’t take time to mingle before the presentation, you lose an opportunity to enhance your credibility with your listeners.

4. Failing to use relaxation techniques. Do whatever it takes – listening to music, breathing deeply, shrugging your shoulders – to relieve nervous tension.

5. Reading a speech word for word. This will put the audience to sleep. Instead use a “keyword” outline: Look at the keyword to prompt your thoughts. Look into the eyes of the audience, then speak.

6. Using someone else’s stories. It’s okay to use brief quotes from other sources, but to connect with the audience, you must illustrate your most profound thoughts from your own life experiences. If you think you don’t have any interesting stories to tell, you are not looking hard enough.

7. Speaking without passion. The more passionate you are about your topic, the more likely your audience will act on your suggestions.

8. Ending a speech with questions and answers. Instead, tell the audience that you will take questions and then say, “We will move to our closing point.” After the Q and A, tell a story that ties in with your main theme, or summarize your key points. Conclude with a quote or call to action.

9. Failing to prepare. Your reputation is at stake every time you face an audience – so rehearse well enough to ensure you’ll leave a good impression!

10. Failing to recognize that speaking is an acquired skill. Effective executives learn how to present in the same way they learn to use other tools to operate their businesses.

How to Make a Good First Impression

If you're like most everyone, you'd like to make a good first impression on that person. Why is it so important? Well, not only is it polite to be polite, but you never know when or where this person may affect your life somewhere down the road. The very next person you meet may just be your next boss, or the editor of a major book publisher. Or, maybe they'll be your future spouse? You just never know.

Step 1. If you're planning to go somewhere today make sure you're not dressed like a complete slob. Whether it be to the movies or to the market, always make an effort to look at least decent. No holes in your shirt is a good start. It's also important to make sure you don't stink to high-Heaven. If you haven't showered yet today at least use your deodorant. Check to make sure your breath is nice and fresh. One of the best ways to set a bad impression is by saying "Hi!" to someone after you've just woke up and eaten an onion bagel! YUK! I can guarantee that the person you've just met will NEVER forget you. Just not for the reasons you'd like.

Step 2. After you've made sure you look okay and your breath is in no danger of gagging a maggot, you may leave your abode. Okay, so now you're at your destination and just happen to run into a friend that just happens to be with a friend you've never met. There's no way you're not going to meet this person. That's unless you make a complete ass of yourself by walking away. But that's not going to happen. So, what do you do when you're introduced? This depends.

Step 3. If the person you're meeting for the first time is a woman, stand up straight, give her the kind of big smile that let's her know you're a very friendly person, then reach out and shake her hand. This is a critical step! Handshaking tells a lot about a person. If you're a man you should shake her hand firmly. Make sure not to hurt the girl, but also make certain not to give her the impression she's shaking a wet noodle, either. If you're a woman shaking a man's hand, nothing is worse than squeezing too hard. The impression this gives may be defined in a myriad ways. It depends on the persons hand you are shaking. The best bet is to use the same advice I gave the men: If you're a woman meeting a man for the first time, shake his hand firmly. You can't lose!

Step 4. After the handshake ordeal is dealt with the last thing to remember is to make good eye contact. This will let them know you're confident and feel at ease. Add some friendly small talk and you're good to go. You've just made a good first impression on your future boss, publisher, mailman, butcher, or lover.If you use these simple steps, you're sure to make a good first impression with everyone you meet.

Stay-at-home Dad

Men, who are opting to be the house husband to spend time with their children, are loving it but they need to know how to be effective in this role

IT used to be a rarity, only happening when the dad was, for some reason, unable to work and the mother was able to find something to keep the family going.

However, roles are changing and more and more men are finding themselves not only at home with their children, but quietly pleased they got to be there.

Today, more men are opting to be the stay-at-home parent. But although they do a wonderful job of it, they lack the maternal instinct and patience that many mothers seem to be born with.

As a result, it can be very helpful to a stay-at-home dad or one seeking to be one in the future to have some tips and tricks for keeping himself sane and the children happy.

Don’t try to be mum. Mothers and fathers are very different in their nurturing styles and care-giving and one should never try to be the other. Simply put, be dad and be yourself. The children love you for who you are.

Like a boy scout, you need to be prepared. Children get hungry, cranky and bored very easily. Carrying all the needed essentials on trips will help make daily life a little easier for all to cope with.

Meet with other parents who stay at home. You may be surprised to find that many communities offer play groups for parents where you can get some adult time and the children can meet and play with other children.

Just like mothers needing time for themselves when they are sole care-givers, the same holds true for dads. Find time to go to the gym, out with the boys or just generally time for yourself. A dad with a lower stress level can care for the children better.

Routine is key. You will very quickly learn why the mother is always nagging about getting the children home in time for bed and naps. Children are rather inflexible in their schedules and will show it to you quite loudly and quickly when over-tired or hungry.

Live in the moment. Get down and dirty with the children. Children look at the world through eyes of innocence and often by the time we reach adulthood, we forget how truly amazing the world can be.

By getting down to the child’s level, not only are they happier in their interactions with us, but we also get to relive a little of our innocence.

When first undertaking the role of being a stay-at-home dad, lower your expectations. No one expects you to jump into the role and be able to balance all the housework and the children right away.

Let the dishes sit dirty till after the children are in bed or make do with whatever you have till you have adjusted to the stress that comes with taking care of children.

Be prepared for the stereotypes. Although the number of stay-at-home dads is on the rise, it is important to be aware of the judgement you may face from those around you.

Though times are changing, many still find it odd and refer to stay-at-home dads as Mr Mum or other such names. Fathers are fathers, and they can care for their children just as well as mothers.

10 Signs That Indicate Your Marriage May Need Therapy

Marital therapy, depending on the therapist and the format, can provide a positive extension to a couple's relationship. It can help to repair damage, overcome obstacles and assist a couple in their rediscovery of each other. But what signs indicate that the marriage needs help? When does a couple decide that marriage therapy is something they need?

10 signs that indicate your marriage may need therapy include:

• You and your spouse are not communicating even when you talk everyday
• Anger and arguments are the rule of thumb in your household and not the exception
• The blame game is played regularly, both of you always finding reasons to blame the other
• If your choice is time to yourself or time with your spouse, you choose time with yourself regularly
• You think about divorce and you find yourself divvying up personal property in your head
• You find that you can't remember the positive emotions that you shared with your spouse when you got married - the present negativity coloring the past commitments
• You feel a constant sadness tinged with regret and bitterness
• Frustration colors all of your interactions with your spouse
• Sexual intimacy is something you avoid rather than seek or crave to the extent that you will hold off when you go to bed or go to bed very early
• You reach out to your friends with confidences and emotional needs more than you do your spouse

13 Things Your Car Mechanic Won't Tell You

1. "Watch out for scare tactics. Admonitions like 'I wouldn't drive this another mile' should be viewed with suspicion."

2. "Check for MAA [Malaysia Automobile Association] certification, as well as a state license. Reputable shops are proud to display them."

3. "Ask, ask, ask. For recommendations, years in business, warranties offered, licenses, and the type of equipment used. Look for a clean garage. A floor cluttered with empty oil cans, worn tires, and dirty rags is a red flag."

4. "Never sign a blank authorization form. Always get a signed work order with a specific estimate for each job and warranties that apply."

5. "It's nuts to take a car with engine problems to a shop without a good engine analyzer and scan tool. Any mechanic who says 'I don't need fancy equipment' should be avoided."

6. "Synthetic motor oils may cost more, but you'll get a lot more miles between changes."

7. "When you go for a second opinion, don't tell the mechanic what the first diagnosis and price were."

8. "Coolant flushes and power steering flushes are very common gimmicks at quick lubes. Check your owner's manual; many cars have fluid that is designed to go 100,000 miles. And cleaning fuel injectors is a waste of time and money. There are additives on the market that do a great job."

9. "Always ask for OE [original equipment] brake pads or at least equivalent material. A RM49.95 brake job will usually get you the worst friction material you can buy-it's the difference between stopping short and causing a pileup on the way to work."

10. "Ask about your new tyre's 'build date.' If you're getting an unusually good deal, you might be receiving three-year-old treads, especially risky for snow tires."

11. "Lifetime mufflers? What would ever make you think a muffler will last a lifetime? Yes, they'll give you free replacements, but they'll hit you over the head for expensive pipe repairs."

12. "Consult your dealer before you have work done on a catalytic converter or emissions parts. Some of these items carry a very long warranty, and free replacement is often required by law."

13. "It's not okay for your 'check engine' light to stay on all the time. It's probably not 'a loose gas cap.'"

Ten Tips for a Happy Marriage

1.Instead of trying to change something, he or she does - change you! Far too often, people get married with the belief they can simply change the person they married, molding him or her into the "perfect" mate. Instead, you need to accept your mate for the person he/she is. If a behavior needs to be changed, then provide support and encouragement. For example, if your husband complains about not having clean clothes, rather than nag at him, show him how to launder his shirts, jeans, or whatever it is he needs.

2.Communication is a key ingredient to any successful marriage. That means talking through situations rather than bottling up or yelling. By showing respect, you can work together as a couple should. With this, the two of you can talk to understand the other person's side better.

3.Keep intimacy as a part of the marriage. Remember, this person is the one you love, the one you want to share your life with, which means letting go of inhibitions. Intimacy is an excellent way to stay close, doing wonders for any marriage.

4.Accept the flaws in your spouse. Since no one is perfect, you want to learn to appreciate the differences between the two of you. If your husband wakes up with bad hair or your wife is grumpy, love him/her, in spite of the flaws.

5.Learn to ignore the small stuff. Every marriage faces challenges, some big and some small. Remind yourself that life is precious and short. Therefore, focus on the larger battles, working through them as a team while letting go of the incidentals that in the big scheme of things does not matter.

6.Make sure you choose your battles wisely. If you are going to pick something apart, make sure it really matters. Unfortunately, unresolved arguments are a big issue in marriages, often leading to divorce. Therefore, unless the issue is something significant, learn to let some things roll off your back.

7.Time for friends is also crucial. Once every other week, you should both take one day or evening to spend time apart and with same-sex friends. This will help you maintain your own identity and appreciate the time you have with your spouse.

8.Never take your spouse for granted. Again, life is too precious. Instead, find things that your partner does well or things that please you and let him/her know. If your husband is outside working on the car, take time to bring him a cold glass of tea or lemonade...just because. If your wife has been home all day with the children, hire a babysitter and surprise her with a dinner out.

9.Date...just because you are now legally married, you should not stop dating. Every Friday or Saturday night, even if you have children, make a date. This could be something as simple as bowling and beer or a romantic dinner and concert. The activity is not important, just that you get time for just the two of you.

10.Be forgiving with your partner. You will be faced with tough times and you have a choice of forgiving him/her when a mistake happens or carrying it in the marriage. Obviously, if you do not forgive, the marriage will suffer. Therefore, if resolution is found, swallow your pride and forgive your mate, letting the new day be another beginning.

Self-Hypnosis

THERE are several stages in self-hypnosis.
The first is to get yourself into the trance state by creating a focus of attention.

You can stare into the flickering of a candle flame, or a black dot on a white background, until the eyes tire.
A more common method is to be seated comfortably with eyes closed, and concentrate on the breathing.

"Notice the sensations as you breathe in and out. Sensations in the muscles," says hypnotherapist George Houguez.

"Notice also the difference in the temperature in your in-breath and out-breath. The moisture content. The sensations at the back of your nose. Sensations in your chest cavity."

During this stage, your awareness would slowly drift away from external influences and distractions towards a more internal awareness.
The next stage is to deepen the trance by becoming more relaxed.

Then, the self-therapy part of the process takes place, where you give yourself suggestions.

These post-hypnotic suggestions are the things that you want to tell yourself when you're fully awake.

They are often "I" statements focused on what is wanted.

In his talk, Houguez used his personal goal of wanting to become a more understanding and tolerant father to his teenage daughter, who had a habit of not picking up after herself, as an example.

His direct suggestion is "I am a good father. I am tolerant and understanding".

When in a trance, while repeating his suggestion, Houguez would visualise himself walking past his daughter's room and seeing all the mess inside -- strewn clothes, unwashed plates, junk food packets.

He creates this scenario in his mind, but with a personal aim of being more tolerant.

If visualisation triggers one to be angry and frustrated, metaphors can be used as substitutes, says Houguez.

One which is relevant to Houguez's case is that of a father bird nursing his young in the nest. The young would eventually grow independent and fly away.

"Maybe that's more accessible -- a young bird -- because I'm not talking about my daughter. I'm recognising a process that goes on in Nature that allows me to be understanding."

The last component of self-hypnosis is the waking up bit, where you will yourself back to awareness while retaining the beneficial effects of the post-hypnotic suggestions.

As one, while in deep relaxation, can doze off during hypnosis, Houguez suggests setting 15 minutes on the timer.

Practice makes self-hypnosis a more familiar and easy process, he adds

10 (More) Reasons You're Not Rich

Here are 10 more possible reasons you aren't rich:

You care what your car looks like: A car is a means of transportation to get from one place to another, but many people don't view it that way. Instead, they consider it a reflection of themselves and spend money every two years or so to impress others instead of driving the car for its entire useful life and investing the money saved.

You feel entitlement: If you believe you deserve to live a certain lifestyle, have certain things and spend a certain amount before you have earned to live that way, you will have to borrow money. That large chunk of debt will keep you from building wealth.

You lack diversification: There is a reason one of the oldest pieces of financial advice is to not keep all your eggs in a single basket. Having a diversified investment portfolio makes it much less likely that wealth will suddenly disappear.

You started too late: The magic of compound interest works best over long periods of time. If you find you're always saying there will be time to save and invest in a couple more years, you'll wake up one day to find retirement is just around the corner and there is still nothing in your retirement account.

You don't do what you enjoy: While your job doesn't necessarily need to be your dream job, you need to enjoy it. If you choose a job you don't like just for the money, you'll likely spend all that extra cash trying to relieve the stress of doing work you hate.

You don't like to learn: You may have assumed that once you graduated from college, there was no need to study or learn. That attitude might be enough to get you your first job or keep you employed, but it will never make you rich. A willingness to learn to improve your career and finances are essential if you want to eventually become wealthy.

You buy things you don't use: Take a look around your house, in the closets, basement, attic and garage and see if there are a lot of things you haven't used in the past year. If there are, chances are that all those things you purchased were wasted money that could have been used to increase your net worth.

You don't understand value: You buy things for any number of reasons besides the value that the purchase brings to you. This is not limited to those who feel the need to buy the most expensive items, but can also apply to those who always purchase the cheapest goods. Rarely are either the best value, and it's only when you learn to purchase good value that you have money left over to invest for your future.

Your house is too big: When you buy a house that is bigger than you can afford or need, you end up spending extra money on longer debt payments, increased taxes, higher upkeep and more things to fill it. Some people will try to argue that the increased value of the house makes it a good investment, but the truth is that unless you are willing to downgrade your living standards, which most people are not, it will never be a liquid asset or money that you can ever use and enjoy.

You fail to take advantage of opportunities: There has probably been more than one occasion where you heard about someone who has made it big and thought to yourself, "I could have thought of that." There are plenty of opportunities if you have the will and determination to keep your eyes open.

Credit Card Catches

Credit card offers these days often come accompanied by pages and pages of fine print. Buried in this legalese are some common catches that could impact you in a major way. From universal default clauses to annual fees, here are the most common credit card traps you should avoid:

Annual Fees – An annual fee is a charge sometimes required by credit card companies for use of an account. These fees usually range between $35-$50 and are most common with subprime credit cards designed for borrowers with poor credit and rewards credit cards. You can see exactly what the annual fee on a credit card offer is by checking out the “Schumer Box” in the rates and terms section of the offer. With a rewards card, you should ensure that the benefits of the mileage or points program outweigh the cost of the annual fee.

Bill Payment Fees – Even with online banking becoming increasingly common, some credit card companies charge extra fees for paying your bills online or by phone. If this is the case with your card, be sure you pay your bill by mail as soon as the statement arrives. You don’t want to have to pay an extra $5 or $10 just to make your credit card payment on time each month.

Grace Period – Standard credit cards commonly have a 20 to 30 day grace period. This is the period of time when you can pay your credit card bill without being charged interest. It is important for borrowers who like to use their credit cards frequently and pay their bills in full each month to have a long grace period. If your credit card doesn’t have a grace period, interest is charged on your debt as soon as you make a purchase.

Introductory Rates – Most credit card offers these days include an introductory rate for the first few months. A 0% offer can be a great deal as long as you know what strings are attached. How long does the introductory rate last? Does it apply to new purchases and balance transfers? Creditors can usually cancel the introductory rate early if you make a late payment. In some cases, you may have to pay interest retroactively on a debt if you haven’t paid it off before the end of the introductory period.

Penalty Rate – If you make a late payment on your credit card, you may have to kiss your good interest rate goodbye for a while. About 75% of credit card providers include a penalty rate clause with their credit card offers. This clause states that your rates can increase dramatically if you make a late payment on the account. The average penalty rate on a credit card is around 23%, a costly increase for a credit card that normally has a 6-12% APR. After about six months of on-time payments, most creditors will consider lowering your APR again.

Universal Default Clause – This increasingly common policy allows creditors to increase your interest rates if you make a late payment on any account, not just on their accounts. For example, your credit card APR could increase to the penalty rate if you make a late payment on an unrelated loan. Your creditors track your payment history with other accounts by checking your credit report. You can avoid problems with this clause by paying all your bills on time each month.

Even with hidden catches, credit cards are one of the easiest and most affordable ways for you to borrow money. As long as you avoid these credit card traps and use your accounts responsibly, you can make the credit card system work for you. Luckily, Credit.com has taken the pain out of reading the fine print! Search for credit cards that meet your requirements online with Credit.com’s credit card chooser tool.

The Breakup Test

To alleviate some of this anxiety, here's a list of 5 questions to ask yourself before you give someone the boot.

Question 1: Has There Been a Major Change in My Life?
Relocation, career change, an illness -- any of these factors can trigger problems in a relationship. If you're stressed out about something, be it a job or family problem, it's all too tempting to generalize these feelings to include your partner. It's very easy to think that if you got out of this relationship you would feel better. In reality, you need to deal with the problem rather than blame it on your partner.

Question 2: What's My Happiness Ratio?
Being blissfully in love with your partner 24/7 is a wonderful concept in theory, but as we all know, real-world relationships rarely live up to these expectations. Many people assume that they have to be 100 percent satisfied with their partners in order to stick with them, but good luck ever finding this perfect scenario! A better strategy would be to adopt the 80 percent rule. Ask yourself: Am I satisfied with my partner 80 percent of the time or more? If the answer is yes, then you're working with pretty good odds. If the answer is no, you may want to consider moving on.

Question 3: Is He/She Abusive?
Abusive behavior comes in many forms. There's physical abuse where someone hits, slaps or shoves you. A verbally abusive partner degrades you with harsh words and insults. And the most difficult to identify and pinpoint: psychological abuse. This form of abuse can involve overly controlling behavior, emotional blackmail, and episodes of extreme jealousy. If your partner engages in any of the above behavior, don't just walk -- run from the relationship.

Question 4: Have I Expressed My Frustration?
Many of us think that if our partner was right for us, he/she would be able to understand our needs intuitively without us ever having to communicate. While it would be great if our partners could just read our minds, the truth is that few of us are telepathic. Good communication is required in every relationship. So before you give your partner their walking papers, make sure to discuss your doubts and concerns so they have a chance to make it up to you.

Question 5: Am I Willing to Work at It?
Whatever your gripes or complaints, there's one factor that can make or break your union: your mutual desire to work on the relationship. If you're not both committed to improving your quality of life together, there's very little hope for the future. And remember, actions speak louder than words. If both of you make a concerted effort to work on the relationship and make the necessary changes that are required, there's really no reason to call it quits.

12 Active Listening Tips

1. Mentally put yourself in other person’s shoes.

2. Keep the conversation on what the speaker says, not on what interests you.

3. Spend more time listening than talking.

4. Let the speaker talk. Do not dominate the conversation and do not interrupt incessantly.

5. Pay attention, never become preoccupied with your own thoughts when others talk, take brief notes to concentrate on what is being said.

6. Do not finish the sentence of others.

7. Ask questions, but do not answer questions with questions.

8. Be aware of biases and perceptions. Control your biases and validate your assumptions.

9. Encourage the speaker, provide feedback and paraphrase to show you are listening.

10. Plan responses after the other person has finished speaking, not while they are speaking.

11. Analyze by looking at all the relevant factors, ask clarifying and open-ended questions.

12. Summarize – walk the person through your analysis.

Effective PowerPoint Presentation

1. Hints for a successful presentation:
Plan carefully
Do your research
Know your audience
Time your presentation
Practice your presentation
Speak comfortably and clearly

2. Effective PowerPoint Slides
Use design templates
Standardize position, colors and styles
Include only necessary information
Limit the information to essentials
Content should be self-evident
Use colors that contrast
Be consistent with effects, transitions and animation
Too many slides can lose your audience

3. Text guidelines
Generally no more than 6 words a line
Generally no more than 6 lines a slide
Avoid long sentences
Larger font indicates more important information
Font size generally ranges from 18 to 48 point
Be sure text contrasts with background
Fancy fonts can be hard to read
Words in all capital letters are hard to read
Avoid abbreviations and acronyms
Limit punctuation marks

4. Clip Art and Graphics
Should balance the slide
Should enhance and complement the text, not overwhelm
No more than two graphics per slide

Elements Of An Effective Speech

Anyone can give a speech. However, not everyone can give an effective speech. To give an effective speech there are 6 elements you should consider.

Be Prepared - Being prepared is by far the most important element. How many times do you practice your speech? As a general rule, you should spend about 30 hours of preparation and rehearsal time for every hour you will be speaking. Use a tape recorder or videotape yourself. This will help you to get an accurate picture of how you speak.

Gift of Yourself - Use personal examples and stories in your speech whenever possible. Make sure your stories help to emphasize or support your point. The stories must match your message. Use examples from your personal and professional life to make your point. In either case be willing to give of yourself by sharing some of yourself with the audience.

Stay Relaxed - To stay relaxed you should be prepared. Also, focus on your message and not the audience. Use gestures, including walking patterns. Practice the opening of your speech and plan exactly how you will say it. The audience will judge you in the first 30 seconds they see you.

Use Natural Humour - Don't try to be a stand up comedian. Use natural humour by poking fun at yourself and something you said or did. Be sure NOT to make fun of anyone in the audience. People will laugh with you when you poke fun at yourself but don't over do it.

Plan Your Body & Hand Positions - During the practice of your speech look for occasions where you can use a gesture. Establish three positions where you will stand and practice not only how to move to them but where in your speech do you move. Pick three positions, one on center stage, one to your right, and one to your left. Do not hide behind the lectern. When you do move maintain eye contact with the audience.

Pay attention to all details - Make sure you have the right location (school, hotel, room & time). Make sure you know how to get to where you are speaking. Ask how large an audience you will be speaking to. Make sure you bring all your visual aids and plenty of handouts. Arrive early so you can check out where you will be speaking and make any last minute adjustments.

It is very important that you pay attention to even the smallest details. You can never overplan. Remember, "He who fails to plan is planning for failure"