Handling exam fever

THERE are indeed ­parents, yours truly ­included, who feel and act as if they are the ones taking exams instead of their children.

While it is good that ­parents remind their children to be well prepared, there is a need to be conscious of the line between encouraging and nagging; ­between sharing the importance of good grades and demanding they meet your high ­expectations.

Being a first-timer with my child’s school exam, I ­recently got into gear to prepare for the exams much earlier than my daughter.

It’s not surprising since I am the one with 17 or more years’ of examination ­experience while my seven-year-old only knows exams as “a test to see how much you remember and have learnt so far”.

As the days drew ­closer, Mama started harping about doing revision, getting extra workbooks for practice, ­giving tips on the do’s and don’ts when ­answering ­questions, and ­turning every ­conversation with the carefree daughter into mini revision sessions.

Was I ­subconsciously ­thinking that how well my child does in school is a reflection of my parenting skills?

Taking a step back for a ­personal check, I told myself that it is more important for a child to progress academically and morally in the long term than achieving short-term ­success in exams.

It is more valuable for them to learn from the consequences of their actions when they fail to heed your advice to read their textbooks instead of comics. It is also good that they know it is all right to make mistakes and that they can learn from them.

Young children need ­patience, encouragement and support from parents when preparing for exams.

They have shorter attention spans, so break their revision times into shorter ­periods to make it less ­daunting for both parent and child.

Never compare their ­performance with those of ­another ­classmate, as this would put undue ­pressure on them. Not all ­children ­develop at the same pace. Neither are their interests and talents alike.

While it is important to get good grades, especially when they are older and grades are significant for their future, ­perfect exam scores alone do not a successful young adult make.

And what, I need to ask, is my definition of “success”? What are the values, morals, general knowledge and life skills that I want my child to possess? What good is it to be a millionaire but go through life without compassion or ­humility? Can she be a rocket scientist yet possess conversational skills fit for the Queen of England or the regular Joe?

Children, even those as young as five or six I believe, do have some idea of how they should and want to go about things in their lives. When we let go and trust them, we may be surprised at how they come through.

Love them for who they are, and not for how many A’s they score. I may have dreams of my daughter winning the Nobel Prize but if she chooses to be a rock drummer (not that it is more inferior a vocation), that would be great too.

As for taking exams these few early years, I shall be ­mindful not to nag at her to revise, or to check that all her pencils have been sharpened.