The EQ factor

IT used to be that our IQ was the deciding factor of success. However, more and more employers and clients look for our ability to be able to mix with a wide range of people, to listen to the needs of our customers or be able to read people and their actions.

To know how to do all of that, we need to have a well-developed EQ or emotional quotient.

The concept of needing a strong and positive EQ comes from Howard Gardiners’ multiple intelligence model that is based around the concept that people are not just intelligent in one area (such as logic and reason which is what IQ tests normally measure) but a range of intelligence that ­includes creativity, language, ­understanding nature and our social skills.

EQ refers in the main to our talent or intelligence in reading the emotional cues of others. Someone with a highly-developed EQ is likely to get on with a wide range of people, is a natural networker and is quick to accurately read the needs of the people they are relating to or working with.

While there is no doubt some people are natural at this, it is possible to model and teach behaviours to children to help them develop these skills.

The investment of this pays off ­particularly if you want your children to succeed on a worldwide stage where there is a range of different cultures and peoples.

Our world is getting smaller with each passing year, and being able to break through social constraints across a range of cultures will help your children move far in their chosen career.

If this is something that does not come naturally to you, it is possible to learn the skills you need to model the correct social behaviours to your children.

Try the following steps:

» Talking about feelings
This isn’t about letting our children emote all over the place but rather, it’s about teaching them to identify their own feelings so they can manage them.

Use three-word sentences that start with “I feel”. For example, “I feel angry”, or “I feel sad”. This is about not pointing a finger of blame at another person, but instead identifying the feelings you have when they do that.

» Turning -ve to ­+ve
Teach them the energy of ‘negative’ ­emotions. For instance, teach them to harness their fear of public speaking to become an outstanding public speaker.

If a child is angry, they can use the anger to energise themselves out of an angry situation.

» Listening to their feelings
Encourage children to listen to their own feelings when making decisions or setting goals.

We tend to put energy into the things we feel positive about. Find a way to harness positive energy to get jobs or work done. A happy heart has a lot of energy to complete a task.

» Teaching responsibility
Teach children to take responsibility for their own feelings. This is tricky as children instinctively will want to blame someone else for their anger or sadness. Instead of saying: “You are annoying me, stop it”, encourage your child to say: “I feel angry”.

This still warns the other child of a possible result of their continued annoying behaviour but does not escalate the issue.

» Teaching empathy
Encourage them to empathise with ­others. If we always seek first to understand another’s actions, we then are able to change our reactions to them, and adapt our behaviour to get a better result out of them.

This is a great thing for us parents to do as well. A three-year-old’s temper tantrum, when understood to be as a result of fear, hunger or tiredness, can then be easily solved.

Our emotions can actually propel us, direct us and empower us far further than we give them credit for.

Spend time teaching your children to identify their own emotions and read them, and you’ll have children who know how to use their own developing Emotional Intelligence to get them places.