9 Signs a Guy Is a Keeper

#1. Keeper clue: He has his act together.
This seems like a no-brainer, but it's a good place to start. "It's very important that you two be able to have a lot of fun together, so a party boy or a screw-up will probably not work out for you," says Mira Kirshenbaum, a family and couples therapist and author of Is He Mr. Right? "No matter how charming he is, if he is still struggling to grow up, it will get very old, very fast."

#2. Keeper clue: He puts you first.
Picture a delicious platter of grilled steak. Does your man offer it to you first to pick the best piece? He does if he's a keeper! "When it comes to taking the best piece of meat or offering it to you, that's a metaphor for how he'd always put you first the rest of your life," says Rachel Greenwald, author of "Why He Didn't Call You Back: 1,000 Guys Reveal What They Really Thought of You After Your Date."

#3. Keeper clue: He's not afraid of your germs.
You know a guy is really into you when he can't stay away, even when you're bedridden and snotty. "When you're sick with the flu, he says, 'Let me come over and take care of you,' rather than, 'Oooh, you sound really contagious... call me when you're feeling better,'" Greenwald says.

#4. Keeper clue: He's a family man.
He asks about your family, and he seems to genuinely want to hear about them. "Interest in your family shows that he thinks about you as a whole person, and he knows that being with you means understanding and accepting your relatives too," says Sarah Harrison, senior editor of yourtango.com.

#5. Keeper clue: He makes time for your friends.
In the beginning of your relationship, does your man show an interest in meeting your besties? And does he follow it up with a plan, like hosting a low-key dinner party? "Friends are an important part of your life, and his knowing them makes him more involved with you." Harrison says. "Plus, he'll have to deal with them at some point, so initiating it himself shows maturity."

#6. Keeper clue: He's your biggest cheerleader.
And she even has a poem:
When your guy calls your mom to tell her about your promotion before you do, that should tell you something. A man who is supportive of you and your goals is typically a guy who doesn't "feel threatened by your success," says Kirshenbaum. "He knows who he is and where he's going," which means he can ultimately be there for you.

#7. Keeper clue: He remembers the little things.
Does your man really listen to you? You'll know he's a keeper if you tell him you have a big scary work meeting and the next time you talk, he asks how it went. Or if you tell him you left your sunglasses at his house and he remembers them on your next date. "Following up on things you say to him means he pays attention to you -- always a good sign," Harrison says.

#8. Keeper clue: He's happy when you're happy.
This is the guy who "goes to a chick flick with you on Friday night rather than an action film -- not because he actually wants to, but because it makes you happy," says Greenwald.

#9. Keeper clue: He makes you the best you can be.
A guy who makes you feel like the luckiest woman alive -- like you can (and should!) be your confident, fabulous self -- is worth hanging on to. "It's not just about how you feel about him but more about how he makes you feel about yourself," Kirshenbaum says.

The confidence factor

It is show-and-tell day at school. Little Jack is afraid to step forward to share with his classmates what he brought to school to show them.

"I can’t do it, I’m not good," he says.

At other times, Jack does not want to try new things. He frequently thinks he is not good at anything and speaks negatively of himself. He finds new challenges frustrating and gives up easily.

Nurturing self-esteem in a child, like in many other areas of parenting, requires conscious effort.

Self-esteem can be defined as the opinions and feelings we have of ourselves. How we perceive ourselves affects our attitudes, what we do, and how we feel and behave towards ourselves and others.

Children with good self-esteem tend to be more positive, and will take on new challenges without giving in to anxiety and failure.

When children fail at something, and are encouraged to try again and again until they succeed, they learn to develop positive ideas about their own capabilities.

When parents are around to encourage and guide them in forming these right feelings they have about themselves, children will grow to have higher self-esteem.

They will have positive ideas of their own abilities, and feel more accepted and loved.

In helping children build self-esteem, we must first of all remember that they are unique. Accept them by recognising that each has his/her own unique talents and help to nurture their different abilities.

We should never ever compare them with other children.

Choose your words carefully. If she is not made out to be the next Mozart, do not make her feel unworthy and useless by saying: "Look at Jill, she can play the piano so well, why can’t you?"

Or if she compares herself with Jill, help her see that she is good at other things and praise her for her efforts in playing the piano.

Reward her effort even if she did not win the coveted Pianist of the Year award.

Instead of labelling your child as a "naughty boy", separate the bad behaviour and deal with it without judging the child.

Tell him/her: "What you did to your friend was not good" instead of "You were so naughty".

Allow them to make some of the decisions on their own. This does not mean that you give them total freedom to do as they please.

By letting them decide on simple things, as long as their choices are not detrimental or extreme, our children will learn independence and be self-decisive.

Allowing them to make their own judgments and feel good about the outcome also help strengthen their self-worth.

In that way, they gain confidence and their self-esteem is raised.

As parents, we can provide them with a safe and loving environment. Be there for them, listen to them and build up the trust and respect between parent and child.

When children know that they are loved for who they are, they feel more secure.

Positive feelings about themselves will in the long run help them be confident with people, experiences and challenges they would come across in their lives in the future.

4 Dumbs Financial Moves In The Recession

You can almost hear the collective slaps to the head.

This recession has brought to light dumb money management practices, forcing just about all of us to confront our financial foibles.

Maybe, for instance, you're one of the ones who panicked and sold during the market bottom. Or, you believed housing prices were guaranteed to rise.

The federal government is tapping behavioral economists -- experts on why we humans make the money judgments we do -- to help devise regulations so that people don't take on unaffordable mortgages and to help them understand their actual credit card fees.

But these efforts just scratch the surface. Here are four common mistakes that surfaced during this economic turmoil, and fixes that we can put in place to prevent ourselves from making the same costly error again:
4 recession regrets

1. Not having emergency reserves.
2. Panicking over the market collapse.
3. Investing in the "sure" thing.
4. Ignoring the fine print.

Regret 1: I didn't have emergency reserves.
Outsmart yourself: When we're confident about our security, stashing cash can seem like a waste. We'd prefer to put the dollars into a "better" use, whether it be sprucing up our home or going on vacation.

Last year, when the unemployment rate started soaring, so did the savings rate of suddenly scared Americans.

If you were one of those scrambling to build emergency reserves, you may abandon the practice once your fear subsides -- setting yourself up for another panic at the next sign of trouble.

So prevent yourself from slipping out of the savings habit by establishing an automatic withdrawal from your checking to a liquid savings. Moreover, if you instruct the bank to sweep a certain sum into a short-term CD when your balance reaches a prescribed level, you won't be tempted to raid the emergency stash.

"The idea is to create a mechanism that will force a habit," says Dan Ariely, a Duke University behavioral economist and author of "Predictably Irrational: The Hidden Forces That Shape Our Decisions."

If disaster does strike, there may be a small penalty to cash in a CD, but at least there'll be money to tap, says Ariely. Not all banking institutions may agree to automatically set up a short-term CD, however, so you might have to direct yourself periodically by putting the task on your calendar as a "must do."

Regret 2: I panicked when the market collapsed.
Outsmart yourself: Once a powerful emotion sets in, don't expect to overcome it, says Ariely. So head off the fear before it takes hold, he says.

When the market took a plunge earlier this year, Ariely says he personally took deliberate steps to block the reports of the Dow's dive. "I didn't want to look at my accounts online, so I input the wrong password three times. That locked me out," he says.

Don't listen to the business news, either, if that will rattle your resolve to hold your investments, Ariely adds.

Moreover, before an investment drops precipitously, you may want to set up alerts (many brokerage houses and financial Web sites offer this service) so that you receive an e-mail when a stock price drops to a certain level. Although he doesn't think most individuals know enough about a particular company to wisely invest in stocks, Eric Toya, a financial adviser based in Redondo Beach, Calif., says that these alerts could spur investors to talk with their adviser about keeping a holding that's losing value.

Regret 3: I greedily overinvested in a 'sure' thing.
Outsmart yourself: Studies have shown that the human brain's "wanting" system strongly activates when an asset goes up in value, driving us to buy more, says Paul Zak, director of the Center for Neuroeconomics Studies at Claremont Graduate University.

So even if you've sworn that you'll never again put the bulk of your wealth in a single asset, like a house or a stock fund, what's to stop your brain from getting excited when the next "big" thing rolls around?

Enlist your financial adviser, your partner or a trusted friend to dampen your excitement, says Michael Ervolini, head of the Boston behavioral finance firm, Cabot Research.

While a broker or financial adviser may not actually be able to prevent you from dictating that you'd like to sink your money in one investment type, you can ask him, even put it in writing, to dissuade you.

Cleveland financial planner Kenneth Robinson says his clients sign off on a written asset allocation plan, which helps them stick to the resolve to diversify.

And, says Ervolini, especially if you invest with a partner who has a vested interest in the success of your investment plan, establish a pact that you won't make moves unless you've both talked it over.

Finally, for those who can afford to set aside some "play" money, a separate fund can placate the desire to follow the hot trend without "betting the farm," says Zak.

Regret 4: I didn't read the fine print on my loan.
Outsmart yourself: If you're one of those homeowners with a mortgage that seemed cheap initially but has since proven ridiculously expensive, chances are "you were just following what you thought was acceptable wisdom" when you took the loan, Ariely says.

"Figuring out how to borrow is very complex," he says. Instead of delving through loan documents and plotting out just how much payments can rise, consumers are lured into complacency when they hear platitudes like "you can always refinance" or "if you're moving again in a few years, you don't have to worry."

Make a pact with a partner or friend that you won't take on debt without reading all the fine print, says Ervolini.

The federal government aims to make that easier with proposed reforms, like requiring a lender to give a one-page outline of a loan's risky features.

Still, complex loans will likely stick around. Ervolini says, "If you are not willing to read and really understand what a loan is all about, pledge that you'll go with the plain vanilla option."

4 Things That Make Women Unapproachable

Sometimes it seems like no amount of silent prayer or sassy outfit will get that cute stranger to take a hint and chat you up. Could you be scaring away single men before they even approach you? We asked the male members of Marie Claire's online community for dating and relationship advice: What female behavior makes you scared to go in for the kill?

#1. You look angry. Hey, perma-scowl: swap the pouty lips for a genuine, friendly smile and your eye candy for the night will be more likely to approach you. The majority of men agreed that an unfriendly facial expression will keep them from approaching you, so flash those pearly whites at the guy you've been eyeing!

#2. You're not locking eyes. What's harder than approaching a stranger? Approaching a stranger who hasn't acknowledged your existence with even a brief look. "I need to see, by her looking and smiling at me, that she wants me to approach her. If I don't see it, I don't approach," says Anonymous. So next time you think he catches you looking at him, don't look away. Hold your stare for a few seconds so he knows you're looking, and that you like what you see.

#3. You're too flirtatious. A chip on your shoulder is a turnoff to any guy waiting to make his approach, but so is the other extreme. Istillhatescreennames is put off when women cross the line from friendly to flirty...with everyone they see. "If she's flirting with lots of guys. Nothing like a woman who is basically telling everyone in the place that she's open for business with anyone," he says. "Flirting with everyone" would put him off, agrees Anonymous, adding another pet peeve: "Grinding out on the dance floor (yeah, it's fun to look at, but I like to look at strippers too...I wouldn't take any home to meet my mom)." Sure, he'll notice you if you're the loudest, most aggressive girl in the room -- but not in a good way.

#4. You're surrounded by friends. Admit it, your awesome group of friends can be a little intimidating, especially when a strange guy approaches to hit on just one of you. Seanc writes, "Being surrounded by more than one friend makes her less approachable because of the embarrassment of being rejected in front of more people." Make sure you're giving him the opportunity to approach you alone. Check out the jukebox and linger for a bit, or offer to grab the next round of drinks for your friends.

9 Ways to Make Your Relationship Last

1. Delineate "yours," "mine," and "ours." If you have finances that should be placed in each of these three categories (for example, you have an inheritance and he has a savings account he accumulated before the marriage, and you also have a checking account to which you both contribute), have an upfront conversation about those assets and what belongs to whom. Moreover, talk about your time away from "together" activities, like he wants to bowl with the guys on Tuesday nights and you want to attend your yoga class on Wednesday. Respect these important delineations. Doing so will make the relationship stronger.

2. Carve out time to be together. Sure, you're busy working and attending meetings, but how important are those things if your relationship falls apart? Make time to do things together that you both enjoy. This could be anything from grocery shopping to taking in a movie. Take regular vacations together -- at least a couple of long weekends and, better yet, a couple of long vacations (more than a weekend jaunt). Commit to a weekly date night and make it as unbreakable as that all-important staff meeting at work.

3. Take care of yourself. Spend time every day on your appearance and your physical well-being. Work out regularly, eat healthy, and stay fit. Not only will your partner like looking at you, but you'll feel better about yourself.

4. Make sure communication goes both ways. Many relationships fail because of misunderstandings. Effective communication skills are necessary if your relationship is going to survive. If there is a hint or vibe that your partner is disconnected or you are unhappy about something, do not ignore those signals or feelings. Approach your mate and suggest an open discussion. You may be frustrated, angry, or hurt and so may he or she, but always stay calm and reasonable. Your goal should be to resolve differences, and the only viable way of doing so is through open and direct communication.

5. Criticize gently. Don't judge too harshly. If you criticize, do so in the same way you would want others to criticize you. Be kind and considerate.

6. Never stop courting one another. Gifts, compliments, and a loving embrace go a long way, especially when they are a surprise. Send unexpected greeting cards, slap a Post-It note where you know your mate will find it, keep those flowers coming in a "just because" way. Treat your partner with the same courtesies you did when you were dating. A terrific mindset is to pretend you are trying to win your partner all over again.

7. Keep the flame burning. Keep your romance alive despite the chaos and craziness life can present from living in the midst of sheer reality. Resolve to offer up romantic suggestions for your partner's pleasure, even if only occasionally, like cooking her favorite meal when you know she's had an impossible day, or entice him into a bubble bath with you just for the fun of it. Little gestures like these from time to time can ensure that the flame you once had burns forever.

8. Spell out your terms of endearment. Call out the expectations for one another in the form of the "terms" of your relationship together. Put them in a contract, if you like. This contract will simply clarify and document those needs and wants that mean a lot to you. For example, though he typically runs late, your agreement might specify those times when he agrees not to be late; she may agree to keep her spending at a certain limit, though she typically has little restraint as she traipses through the mall. Discussing these boundaries, as well as your needs and wants, can prevent either of you from stepping over the line and causing irritation. It is often the disappointments (needs and wants, gone unexpressed) that bring down a relationship.

9. Renegotiate your contract. Your relationship will evolve, and your needs and wants will change right along with it. Once a year,it's a good idea to review, update, or revise your contract with each other -- whether it is verbal or written. Be mindful, however, not to allow such a "contract" to ruin your relationship.

What Women Really Want From Men

God, apparently as a prank, devised two sexes and called them "opposite." The sex war has raged since for 5,ooo years. But it's time we called a truce... starting with men negotiating their terms of surrender.

Why do men like intelligent women? Because opposites attract. Just look at the evidence. What excites men? Food, footy and the Playboy channel. The trouble is, women get all excited about nothing... and then we marry him.

Over half of all marriages today end in divorce, (and let's face it, more ought to!) and the majority of these divorces are initiated by women. (Obviously many marriages break up for religious reasons - he thinks he's a God and well, she just doesn't.)

Marriage statistics are currently lower than Britney Spears's bikini line. And as we now know that marriage suits men much better than it suits women, (married men live longer than single men, have less heart disease and mental problems, whereas single women live longer than married women and have less heart disease and mental problems), I suspect that it's women who are getting PMT. - Pre Monogamy Tension.

As it's in a man's interest to keep us happy, it might be helpful to give them a list of what a woman's looking for in her Knight in Shining Armani.

First and foremost, we want a man who knows that 'mutual orgasm' is not an insurance company. (If he persists in this attitude, may I suggest you adopt the "doggy position" - where he begs - and you just roll over and play dead.)

We also prefer a man who does half the housework and the odd sensitive thing with mange tout. (The way to a woman's heart is through her stomach. That is NOT aiming too high.)

We favour a bloke who talks to us too. I often feel that my small intestine communicates with me more often than my husband. After all, word play is foreplay for females. How else is Woody Allen still getting laid?

But girls, do you know what really makes a man perfect? Being perfect enough to understanding why we're not.

How to Avoid Sabotaging Your Job

In today's workplace, there are more ways to damage your career than ever before. An errant tweet. An erroneous Facebook post. A heated email exchange. All of these can sully an otherwise impeccable reputation, as can a litany of faux pas in front of your coworkers.
Workplace expert Alexandra Levit, author of "How'd You Score That Gig?," shares her insights for avoiding the stumbling blocks and temptations that inhabit our work lives and work spaces.

1. Keep your focus on the networking part of social networking.
She says, "You have to set boundaries as to how you use various social networks (e.g. Facebook for personal, LinkedIn for professional) and make sure you communicate those boundaries so that feelings aren't hurt." While Facebooking has become a part of many people's workdays, Levitt says, "Don't let your boss and coworkers catch you chatting and playing with Facebook applications when you should be working."

2. Avoid sending a tweet in the heat of the moment.
Twitter is a great tool to help raise your reputation. Levitt advises, "Use your real name on Twitter to network with people you wouldn't have the chance to communicate with in real life, and send them valuable information or interesting tidbits about their field. Just don't get caught up in the heat of the moment. Before you post something on Twitter, think about whether you'd want to read it on the front page of the Wall Street Journal.

3. Finding friends at the office is fine -- but don't look for love.
You spend a lot of time at the office, so it may be tempting to become involved with a colleague. She states, "You can pursue friendships in other departments and with friends of your coworkers, but don't ever date a boss or a direct report. And refrain from dating an immediate coworker unless you can handle seeing that person every day if the relationship goes south."

4. Appearances count around the office.
Don't let casual Fridays be your fashion downfall. Levit, also the author of "Success for Hire," says, "Pay attention to what constitutes business casual in your workplace (i.e. what others are wearing) and dress accordingly -- although business casual usually means khakis and a butto- down shirt. And no matter what the trend du jour is, "Don't ever wear short-shorts or flip-flops to work."

5. Practice proper email etiquette.
Almost everyone has trouble managing their inboxes these days, so don't be so quick to send unnecessary emails -- or those that might stir the pot around the office. She counsels, "Only 'reply to all' if every person on the string really needs to hear what you're saying. Always check the list of people in the 'to' and 'cc' lines before sending any e-mail. Don't hit reply too quickly in case that reply-to-all function is accidentally on, and don't use e-mail for negative or controversial discussion."

6. Think before you speak.
Converse carefully with coworkers, especially at first. "Spend more time listening than you do speaking. Show an interest in other people, but don't discuss anything that you wouldn't talk about with your grandmother or religious officiant -- especially with a coworker you don't know extremely well. In general, steer clear of sex, drugs, and politics," she reveals.

7. It's good to be heard -- but not all the time.
Watch your volume control around the office. And don't be afraid to speak up if someone else's volume is distracting you. Levit urges, "Say nicely that you're on the phone with a client and ask if he wouldn't mind keeping it down a bit. Never allow your desire to avoid confrontation affect your work effectiveness."

8. Just say "no" to complaining.
Everyone has complaints at the office, but it may be best to avoid sharing them with coworkers. She admits, "It's good to get negative emotions off your chest by venting to a close friend or family member, but don't complain at work at all -- people won't like you. Instead, think of ways to turn a bad situation into a more positive one and approach your boss and coworkers with solutions rather than problems."

9. Handle alcohol with care.
Sometimes bonding over food and/or drink is part of business. According to Levit, "It's OK to have fun at happy hour with your colleagues, but keep it to a one- or two-drink maximum. Don't drink at lunch or during daytime business meetings, and don't ever get drunk with coworkers even in evening, social settings. You'll end up saying or doing something you'll regret (and your coworkers may not forget)."

10. Know the difference between sharing and oversharing.
There's a fine line between a caring coworker and an overbearing one. She urges, "Develop close friendships with coworkers over a period of time, assessing how much you can trust them before you disclose too much personal information. However, do not assume someone is going to be your best friend just because you work in the same office eight hours a day; and when it doubt, you should err on the side of caution."