Understanding body language is a skill that can enhance your life. You can know what a person thinks and feels by examining their subconscious body language. This article will help hone this social advantage you can gain over people in your life. You must watch from head to toe to see their actions.
Steps
1. Gauge how close someone is to you.
The closer they are, the warmer their opinions are of you. The farther away that someone is, the less they care. It is worth noting that personal space is culturally fluid; be aware that what is considered close in one country is far away in another.
2. Watch their head position.
* Overly tilted heads are a potential sign of sympathy. Alternatively, the person is trying to convince you of their honesty.
* Lowered heads indicate a reason to hide something. Take note if someone lowers their head. If it is when he is complimented, he may be shy, ashamed, timid, keeping distance from the other person, in disbelief, or thinking to himself. If it is after an explanation, then he may be unsure if what he said was correct.
o It should be noted that some cultures see this as a sign of respect.
* Cocked heads mean that they are confused or challenging you, depending on eye, eyebrow, and mouth gestures.
3. Look into their eyes.
* Liars will consecutively look at you and look away a number of times. You can actually learn specifically how to observe behavior to judge whether someone is lying.
* People who look away while supposedly listening to you are thinking about something else. This is why when you are talking to a group of people, if an item in conversation strikes the one looking away, they will ask for you to repeat the story.
* Some cultures believe that looking at someone in the eyes is a sign of disrespect.
* Auditory learners may look from side-to-side and repeat phrases in an effort to retain information.
4. See if they're mirroring you.
Mirroring is another common gesture. If someone mirrors, or mimics your appearance, this is a very genuine sign that they are interested in you.
5. Check their arms.
* People with crossed arms are closing themselves to social influence. The worst thing that you can do to people with crossed arms is to challenge them in one way or another, no matter how they react. This annoys them. Though some people just cross their arms as a habit, it may indicate that the person is (slightly) reserved, uncomfortable with their weight (therefor trying to hide it), or just trying to hide something on their shirt.
* If someone rests their arms behind their neck, they are open to what is being discussed and interested in listening more. They may be waiting to state their opinion on the matter.
* Look at the location of their hands. If their hands are in their pockets, then they are more relaxed and are more likely to be attracted to you.
6. Be aware of nervous gestures:
* If someone brushes their hair back with their fingers, their thoughts about something conflict with yours. They might not voice this. If you see raised eyebrows during this time, you can be pretty sure that they disagree with you.
* If the person wears glasses, and is constantly pushing them up onto their nose again, with a slight frown, that may also indicate they disagree with what you are saying. Look to make sure they push up their glasses with an intent, not casually adjusting them. Look for pushing on the rim with two fingers, or an extra motion of wiggling the side of their glasses. The frown or raised eyebrows should tip you off.
* If they are playing or fiddling with their hair (a girl may twirl a lock of her tresses around a finger), they are feeling self-conscious and possibly uncomfortable.
* If someone is biting their lip, they are anticipating something.
* Lowered eyebrows and squinted eyes illustrate an attempt at understanding what is being said or going on. It's usually skeptical. (Or maybe they have a problem seeing things e.g. short-sightedness, astigmatism...)
7. Watch their feet:
* A fast tapping, shifting of weight, or movement of the foot will most often mean that the person is excited, nervous, scared, or intimidated.
* Slowly shifting weight usually means that someone is distracted, uncomfortable, or bored.
8. The eyes play a very important part:
* Dilated pupils mean that the person is interested. Keep in mind, however, that alcohol causes pupils to dilate, as does cocaine, amphetamines, MDMA and LSD. Don't mistake having a few drinks for attraction.
* Looking to the side means that the person feels guilty.
Tips
* It's easy to spot a confident person; they will make prolonged eye contact and have a strong posture.
* If people laugh excessively, it may be dishonest, or they just might be very naturally jovial, or just happy. Use your best judgment. Some people laugh out of nervousness.
* Don't isolate yourself by constantly examining body language when interacting with people. Otherwise, there is no reason to gain a social upper hand anyway. This is paralysis by analysis.
* Watch the face, it will usually give off a quick involuntary and sometimes subconscious twitch when something happens that irritates, excites, or amuses them.
* Mimicking your actions means that the person is comfortable around you.
Warnings
* Unfortunately, there are always exceptions. Some people's body language cues are not a representation of how they feel. This is where your instincts must decide.
* There are wide cultural differences, so body language will differ in other countries.
* Some people know how to control their body and are able to project false, misleading signs, such as thieves, actors, or other good liars.
Monday, February 16, 2009
10 tough questions interviewers ask
1. Tell me about yourself.
Restrict your answer to a minute or two. Cover your education and work history, and emphasise your recent career experience.
2. What do you know about us?
You should be able to discuss products or services, revenues, reputation, image, goals, problems, management style, people, history and philosophy. Show that you have done some research, but do not act as if you know everything about the place.
3. Why do you want to work for us?
You can say that your research has shown that the company is doing things you would like to be involved in, and that it is doing them in ways that greatly interest you.
4. What can you do for us that someone else can't?
Talk about your record of getting things done, and mention specifics from your resumé or list your career accomplishments. Say that your skills and interests, combined with a history of getting results, make you valuable. Mention your ability to set priorities, identify problems and use your experience and energy to solve them.
5. What do you expect to be doing in this role?
Think in terms of responsibilities and accountability. Make sure that you really do understand what the position involves. If you are not certain, ask the interviewer; he may answer the question for you.
6. How long would it take you to make a meaningful contribution?
Be realistic. Say that, while you would expect to pull your own weight from the first day, it might take six months to a year before you could expect to know the organisation and its needs well enough to make a major contribution.
7. Do you think you are over-qualified or too experienced?
Emphasise your interest in establishing a long-term association with the organisation, and say that you assume that if you perform well in this job, new opportunities will open up for you.
Mention that a strong company needs strong staff. Observe that experienced executives are always at a premium. Suggest that since you are so well-qualified, the employer will get a fast return on his investment.
8. What is your management style?
Possible styles include:
* Task-oriented: "I enjoy problem-solving, choosing a solution and implementing it";
* Results-oriented: "Every management decision I make is determined by how it will affect the bottom line";
* Paternalistic: "I'm committed to taking care of my subordinates and pointing them in the right direction."
* Participative: "I prefer an open-door method of managing, and getting things done by motivating people and delegating responsibility.
9. Why are you leaving (did you leave) your present (last) job?
Be brief and as honest as you can without hurting yourself. If you were laid off in an across-the-board cutback, say so; otherwise, indicate that the move was your decision. Do not mention personality conflicts.
10. What do you think of your boss?
Be as positive as you can. A potential boss is likely to wonder if you might talk about him in similar terms at some point in the future.
When you are well-prepared to field tough questions, you will not only give thoughtful answers but will seem calm and self-assured - qualities that the interviewer will give you extra points for.
There is life after retrenchment
WITH the current financial crisis, there are many reasons why companies are retrenching employees if they cannot be redeployed.
Companies are freezing wages and hiring. Some are re-locating to other countries with lower costs. Others may wind up their operations totally. What if you are caught in the crossfire and made redundant?
Here are some tips to cope better if you are laid off during this financial crisis.
1. Reframe your beliefs
First, accept the fact that your services are not required by your current employer. It is natural to feel shocked and angered by this, but sooner or later, you will have to move on.
You are afraid to step out of your comfort zone to experience new growth. You are not alone. Many people don't bother to stretch themselves. They remain somewhat contented in this zone as they are complacent, safe and sound.
Your comfort zone is dictated by change. The harder you fight change and resist its force, the more difficult it is to break through and move forward.
Begin with embracing small changes incrementally and adapting to the new environment. Then you can move on. A tree grows a small bit at a time, adding layers to its foundation for greater strength and stability in the future. Be like the tree and grow daily.
Technology and ways of doing business are evolving every day. Sooner or later, you will be left behind if you do not act. Playing it safe is usually not an option. You must continue to learn or risk falling behind.
2. Work in a different industry
If your current industry is described as being in its sunset phase, it is probably not a wise choice to stay in it. You may want to consider a career in another industry. Although your salary package might be reduced, at least you are still engaged in the workforce. Alternatively, you can take on a part-time job. This will help to easy your current cash-flow problems and give you more time to decide what you want your next job to be.
3. Upgrade your skills
Enrol for courses to upgrade your skills. It is never too late to improve. Business writing, communication, resumé writing and presentation courses boost your soft skills and directly impact your chances of finding a job. Next, decide which technical skills you need to work on to make yourself more employable.
4. Network
Don't sit in front of the computer or stay at home for too long. Participate in a variety of networking events to broaden your knowledge and build up your circle of contacts. You will be able to find people with common interests. Networking also provides fresh information about new openings and other career opportunities.
5. Work on your resumé
If you have worked at the same company for a long time, your resumé will be outdated. You may want advice from a professional resumé writer or attend courses on how to create an impressive resumé.
6. Update your image
It's not enough to be smart: You have to look smart too. Read up on how to present a professional and well-groomed image to boost your job search. You can even invest in the services of an image consultant if you think you need a dramatic overhaul. When you feel good about yourself, you will appear confident and make a good impression on your interviewers.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Teens at work
AS the parent of a teenager, you have many decisions to make every day, ranging from approving their clothes and hairstyles to boyfriends and girlfriends.
If your child wants a part-time job, however, the decision is easy – let him/her take it.
Part-time jobs are great for teenagers as they teach them responsibility, the value of hard work, and money management skills that they will learn nowhere else but the real world.
By allowing your teenager to find a part-time job, you’re stepping out of the way and letting the adult world teach him these skills.
Whether it’s mowing grass for the neighbours or flipping burgers at your local fast-food joint, a job is a classroom in and of itself, where your teen learns a variety of real-life lessons.
Learning these lessons will be a boon to them now and when they grow up.
» Be responsible
The key element of doing well at a job is showing up. If your teenager can manage that, consistently and on time, he’s ahead of the game.
People, who are frequently absent from work or are tardy, end up getting fired. Regular attendance will teach your teen the importance of responsibility.
He’ll also practise this skill as he works on the tasks required by the job – to do them consistently and accurately.
If your teen gets fired, you may be tempted to jump in and negotiate on his behalf. Don’t! Instead, help him to see where he fell short on the job and correct his mistakes, so that the problem doesn’t happen again.
By doing so, you’ll be teaching your teen even more about responsibility, although it may be a painful lesson to learn.
» Know value of hard work
Most part-time jobs require repetitive tasks or manual labour – neither of which is a lot of fun. In fact, the job may very well feel like ... well ... WORK!
This may be your teen’s first experience with hard work, so be sure to reiterate to him how valuable the experience is.
Take the time, however, to help your teenager find a job that suits his skills or interests, so that he won’t completely detest it. There’s value in finding meaningful work that you enjoy – help your teen to do so if possible.
» Money management skills
Now that your teenager has a part-time job, it may be time for him to start contributing a bit more to the household finances.
For example, you may have him pay his own cellphone bill, or contribute towards his petrol or car insurance bills.
Teach your teenager about money, savings, credit, and other financial subjects. He will need this information as he grows into adulthood, and it’s wise to use his own money to help him learn.
If he is of age, you may even consider opening a current or savings account in his name and teach him how to use it properly.
While it can be difficult at first to let your child work, remember that part of your job as a parent is to let go when necessary.
A part-time job is a great way to practise sending your young adult out into the world, while you’re still around to help him work through his mistakes.
If your child wants a part-time job, however, the decision is easy – let him/her take it.
Part-time jobs are great for teenagers as they teach them responsibility, the value of hard work, and money management skills that they will learn nowhere else but the real world.
By allowing your teenager to find a part-time job, you’re stepping out of the way and letting the adult world teach him these skills.
Whether it’s mowing grass for the neighbours or flipping burgers at your local fast-food joint, a job is a classroom in and of itself, where your teen learns a variety of real-life lessons.
Learning these lessons will be a boon to them now and when they grow up.
» Be responsible
The key element of doing well at a job is showing up. If your teenager can manage that, consistently and on time, he’s ahead of the game.
People, who are frequently absent from work or are tardy, end up getting fired. Regular attendance will teach your teen the importance of responsibility.
He’ll also practise this skill as he works on the tasks required by the job – to do them consistently and accurately.
If your teen gets fired, you may be tempted to jump in and negotiate on his behalf. Don’t! Instead, help him to see where he fell short on the job and correct his mistakes, so that the problem doesn’t happen again.
By doing so, you’ll be teaching your teen even more about responsibility, although it may be a painful lesson to learn.
» Know value of hard work
Most part-time jobs require repetitive tasks or manual labour – neither of which is a lot of fun. In fact, the job may very well feel like ... well ... WORK!
This may be your teen’s first experience with hard work, so be sure to reiterate to him how valuable the experience is.
Take the time, however, to help your teenager find a job that suits his skills or interests, so that he won’t completely detest it. There’s value in finding meaningful work that you enjoy – help your teen to do so if possible.
» Money management skills
Now that your teenager has a part-time job, it may be time for him to start contributing a bit more to the household finances.
For example, you may have him pay his own cellphone bill, or contribute towards his petrol or car insurance bills.
Teach your teenager about money, savings, credit, and other financial subjects. He will need this information as he grows into adulthood, and it’s wise to use his own money to help him learn.
If he is of age, you may even consider opening a current or savings account in his name and teach him how to use it properly.
While it can be difficult at first to let your child work, remember that part of your job as a parent is to let go when necessary.
A part-time job is a great way to practise sending your young adult out into the world, while you’re still around to help him work through his mistakes.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
40 Things You Can Learn About a Guy in 10 Minutes
You don't have to date a guy for six months to get the lowdown on who he really is. With the right clues, you can size him up in 10 minutes. "A man's actions -- especially the ones you see in unguarded moments when he's not going out of his way to try to impress you (or doesn't realize you're watching) -- can speak volumes about his character and personality traits," says Rita Benasutti, PhD, a psychotherapist who specializes in couples' issues.
His Favorite Sport
"Solo sportsmen, like runners and swimmers, 1 savor their independence and relish spending a lot of time alone," says relationship-skills coach Steve Nakamoto, author of "Men Are Like Fish: What Every Woman Needs to Know About Catching a Man." Men who are fans of mainstream team sports, like football, basketball, and baseball, 2 tend to be competitive -- on the field and in all aspects of their life -- and they like to hang with their entourage. As for the guy who's just not into sports at all, 3 "he's an independent thinker, usually on the sensitive side."
How Long He's Been Hanging With His Friends
A guy who has been friends with the same posse since he was 10 years old can certainly claim 4 loyalty as one of his strong suits. But "you better like what you see, because he's probably not great with change," says dating coach Liz H. Kelly, author of "Smart Man Hunting." "And be patient, because it will take a while for you to win his trust." If your date has buddies from all areas of his life -- i.e., college, the gym, work -- don't be afraid to drag him to your cousin's wedding. 5 "He has no problem schmoozing strangers and adapts to new situations easily."
Credit vs. Cash
A guy who likes to flash his plastic 6 craves status. "He may be ambitious and confident. He'll reach his financial goals," says Rob Ronin, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist and registered financial consultant. "If he always pays in cash, 7 he's self-sufficient and independent," which might make him a difficult dude to corner. And if his wallet is dry? 8 Here's a guy who's dependent on others to take care of him.
His Bad Habits
Gambling men 9 are risk-takers, which can make them a lot of fun. "But their over-the-top optimism that they'll come out ahead makes it difficult for them to face reality," says Mitchell Parks, MD, assistant professor of psychiatry at Vanderbilt University, in Nashville. "Hard-core smokers 10 tend to be anxious," says Dr. Parks, so it can be hard to pin them down for couple-time. And if he's a boozer, 11 he could be hiding his insecurity behind his buzz.
His Communication Style
When your date opts to email you -- rather than call -- 12 he could be a hard nut to crack. "The fact that he chooses a communication method that allows him to edit what he says signals that he might not want to show his true self," says Jeff Bryson, PhD, professor of psychology at San Diego State University. An IM addict 13 craves your nonstop attention and needs that instant assurance that you're there for him. And the phone fan? 14 He might be a little old-fashioned and likes to do things by the book. But, according to Bryson, "he's not afraid of intimacy."
The Clothes You Wear That He Prefers
If your fave T-shirt and jeans or a cute little sundress do more for him than your slinky black number, 15 you're dating an earthy, laid-back guy who likes equally laid-back, low-maintenance chicks. A man who's wowed by a woman who likes to get dolled up in high-end designer duds 16 places a high priority on prestige. "He'll probably make a lot of money, but it also might play too important a role in his life," says Los Angeles clinical psychologist Nancy Irwin, PsyD. And a guy who wants a Carmen Electra-sensual girl on his arm 17 is looking for an ego boost. "He places a lot of value on being admired and envied."
How He Deals With Traffic
If he constantly weaves in and out of cars, tailgates slowpokes, and glares at other drivers, 18 "it's pretty clear that he has a problem with aggression," says Leon James, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Hawaii and author of "Road Rage and Aggressive Driving." While a forceful personality might take him far in the workplace, it could be difficult to deal with this argumentative guy in a relationship. If he's able to exude Zen-like calm when stuck in gridlock, 19 "he's likely to have more self-control."
What He Orders in a Restaurant
A meat-and-potatoes-type guy 20 is usually steady and dependable, says image coach Dianne Daniels, author of "Polish and Presence: 31 Days to a New Image." "But he's also a little unadventurous." If your date goes for exotic dishes, 21 "you're with someone who makes spontaneity a priority and could easily get bored with the status quo."
Neat Freak or Messy Man
A guy who puts his dirty socks in the hamper is one thing; a guy who color-codes them in his drawer is something else. 22 "This man is way too fastidious to have fun," explains Daniels, "and he'll expect you to be just as neat." A mildly messy man 23 is looser and more open-minded. But if the inside of his shower has never seen a scrub brush, 24 he may be immature or just plain lazy.
Favorite TV Shows
Take note if he parks himself in front of one sitcom after another. 25 "Here's a guy who uses humor to defuse stress," says TV producer Hedda Muskat, author of "Dating Confidential: A Single's Guide to a Fun, Flirtatious and Possibly Meaningful Social Life." This can be a good thing, because he won't hold a grudge against you or lose his cool. But it also might be hard to get into a serious conversation with him, which can be frustrating. "The more you try to discuss something important, the more evasive he will become," says Muskat. A couch sleuth who's fascinated by CSI-type shows, on the other hand, 26 is analytical and thoughtful. "He prides himself on his problem-solving abilities and will be there for you when you need support," says Muskat.
His Birth Order
"The oldest child 27 is usually a responsible, take-charge kind of guy," says Nancy Fagan, author of "Desirable Men." If your babe is the baby of his brood, 28 "he's likely to be creative and a little rebellious." As for a middle man: 29 "He's a sensitive soul who needs loads of attention."
How He Approaches PDAs
When you're out in public and he's all over you like a rash, 30 "he's either trying to show you off or marking his territory, both of which are signs of insecurity," says Nakamoto. A guy who's allergic to body contact in public is 31 unsure about his feelings for you or your feelings for him. "PDAs are statements of togetherness," says Nakamoto. "If he has doubts, he'll keep his distance physically."
Whether He Always Drives or Wants You To
"A guy who doesn't automatically assume driving rights 32 is likely to let you steer the relationship at least some of the time," says Kelly. A man who hogs the wheel -- even in your car -- 33 is sweetly old-fashioned at best and, at worst, could be a control freak.
The Guy's Grooming MO
A guy who checks out his reflection in every store window you pass is obviously vain. But, interestingly, 34 it's also a sign of a dude who's intent on succeeding. "Presentation is everything to this kind of man," says Sheenah Hankin, PhD, author of "Complete Confidence." "He sees it as a measure of his self-respect and success." 35 The low-key, less conceited guy might be less ambitious, "but he's easier to connect with emotionally because he's not as superficial," says Hankin. "What counts on the inside matters more to him."
If He Looks You in the Eye
"A man who doesn't make eye contact during conversation 36 may not be trustworthy," says speech coach Diane DiResta, author of "Knockout Presentations." "Meanwhile, if his eyes bore into yours as he's talking, 37 he might be trying to intimidate you." But a smoldering gaze -- you know what that looks like -- 38 means he's immensely fond of you.
His Speaking Style
If your man moves his mouth a mile a minute, 39 you're with a spontaneous, high-energy guy who may be a little too self-absorbed. "Fast talkers get so wrapped up in making a good impression that they don't pay attention to their audience," says DiResta. Slow talkers 40 typically play it safe. "The way they deliberate every word before it comes out of their mouth is indicative of how they approach life: They look before they leap." So although you shouldn't expect a lot of surprises, at least you'll know he means what he says.
Things You'll Only Learn With Time
Your speedy profiling skills won't reveal these tidbits from psychotherapist Katherine Woodward Thomas, author of "Calling in 'The One'."
How loyal he'll be: Wait and see if you're shown the same allegiance as his buds are.
If he's a man of his word: Will he really keep those promises he made to you early on?
His little quirks: Time reveals the small details that really make a person tick.
If his parents' split haunts him: His broken home may have issued him some big-time emotional baggage.
His Favorite Sport
"Solo sportsmen, like runners and swimmers, 1 savor their independence and relish spending a lot of time alone," says relationship-skills coach Steve Nakamoto, author of "Men Are Like Fish: What Every Woman Needs to Know About Catching a Man." Men who are fans of mainstream team sports, like football, basketball, and baseball, 2 tend to be competitive -- on the field and in all aspects of their life -- and they like to hang with their entourage. As for the guy who's just not into sports at all, 3 "he's an independent thinker, usually on the sensitive side."
How Long He's Been Hanging With His Friends
A guy who has been friends with the same posse since he was 10 years old can certainly claim 4 loyalty as one of his strong suits. But "you better like what you see, because he's probably not great with change," says dating coach Liz H. Kelly, author of "Smart Man Hunting." "And be patient, because it will take a while for you to win his trust." If your date has buddies from all areas of his life -- i.e., college, the gym, work -- don't be afraid to drag him to your cousin's wedding. 5 "He has no problem schmoozing strangers and adapts to new situations easily."
Credit vs. Cash
A guy who likes to flash his plastic 6 craves status. "He may be ambitious and confident. He'll reach his financial goals," says Rob Ronin, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist and registered financial consultant. "If he always pays in cash, 7 he's self-sufficient and independent," which might make him a difficult dude to corner. And if his wallet is dry? 8 Here's a guy who's dependent on others to take care of him.
His Bad Habits
Gambling men 9 are risk-takers, which can make them a lot of fun. "But their over-the-top optimism that they'll come out ahead makes it difficult for them to face reality," says Mitchell Parks, MD, assistant professor of psychiatry at Vanderbilt University, in Nashville. "Hard-core smokers 10 tend to be anxious," says Dr. Parks, so it can be hard to pin them down for couple-time. And if he's a boozer, 11 he could be hiding his insecurity behind his buzz.
His Communication Style
When your date opts to email you -- rather than call -- 12 he could be a hard nut to crack. "The fact that he chooses a communication method that allows him to edit what he says signals that he might not want to show his true self," says Jeff Bryson, PhD, professor of psychology at San Diego State University. An IM addict 13 craves your nonstop attention and needs that instant assurance that you're there for him. And the phone fan? 14 He might be a little old-fashioned and likes to do things by the book. But, according to Bryson, "he's not afraid of intimacy."
The Clothes You Wear That He Prefers
If your fave T-shirt and jeans or a cute little sundress do more for him than your slinky black number, 15 you're dating an earthy, laid-back guy who likes equally laid-back, low-maintenance chicks. A man who's wowed by a woman who likes to get dolled up in high-end designer duds 16 places a high priority on prestige. "He'll probably make a lot of money, but it also might play too important a role in his life," says Los Angeles clinical psychologist Nancy Irwin, PsyD. And a guy who wants a Carmen Electra-sensual girl on his arm 17 is looking for an ego boost. "He places a lot of value on being admired and envied."
How He Deals With Traffic
If he constantly weaves in and out of cars, tailgates slowpokes, and glares at other drivers, 18 "it's pretty clear that he has a problem with aggression," says Leon James, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Hawaii and author of "Road Rage and Aggressive Driving." While a forceful personality might take him far in the workplace, it could be difficult to deal with this argumentative guy in a relationship. If he's able to exude Zen-like calm when stuck in gridlock, 19 "he's likely to have more self-control."
What He Orders in a Restaurant
A meat-and-potatoes-type guy 20 is usually steady and dependable, says image coach Dianne Daniels, author of "Polish and Presence: 31 Days to a New Image." "But he's also a little unadventurous." If your date goes for exotic dishes, 21 "you're with someone who makes spontaneity a priority and could easily get bored with the status quo."
Neat Freak or Messy Man
A guy who puts his dirty socks in the hamper is one thing; a guy who color-codes them in his drawer is something else. 22 "This man is way too fastidious to have fun," explains Daniels, "and he'll expect you to be just as neat." A mildly messy man 23 is looser and more open-minded. But if the inside of his shower has never seen a scrub brush, 24 he may be immature or just plain lazy.
Favorite TV Shows
Take note if he parks himself in front of one sitcom after another. 25 "Here's a guy who uses humor to defuse stress," says TV producer Hedda Muskat, author of "Dating Confidential: A Single's Guide to a Fun, Flirtatious and Possibly Meaningful Social Life." This can be a good thing, because he won't hold a grudge against you or lose his cool. But it also might be hard to get into a serious conversation with him, which can be frustrating. "The more you try to discuss something important, the more evasive he will become," says Muskat. A couch sleuth who's fascinated by CSI-type shows, on the other hand, 26 is analytical and thoughtful. "He prides himself on his problem-solving abilities and will be there for you when you need support," says Muskat.
His Birth Order
"The oldest child 27 is usually a responsible, take-charge kind of guy," says Nancy Fagan, author of "Desirable Men." If your babe is the baby of his brood, 28 "he's likely to be creative and a little rebellious." As for a middle man: 29 "He's a sensitive soul who needs loads of attention."
How He Approaches PDAs
When you're out in public and he's all over you like a rash, 30 "he's either trying to show you off or marking his territory, both of which are signs of insecurity," says Nakamoto. A guy who's allergic to body contact in public is 31 unsure about his feelings for you or your feelings for him. "PDAs are statements of togetherness," says Nakamoto. "If he has doubts, he'll keep his distance physically."
Whether He Always Drives or Wants You To
"A guy who doesn't automatically assume driving rights 32 is likely to let you steer the relationship at least some of the time," says Kelly. A man who hogs the wheel -- even in your car -- 33 is sweetly old-fashioned at best and, at worst, could be a control freak.
The Guy's Grooming MO
A guy who checks out his reflection in every store window you pass is obviously vain. But, interestingly, 34 it's also a sign of a dude who's intent on succeeding. "Presentation is everything to this kind of man," says Sheenah Hankin, PhD, author of "Complete Confidence." "He sees it as a measure of his self-respect and success." 35 The low-key, less conceited guy might be less ambitious, "but he's easier to connect with emotionally because he's not as superficial," says Hankin. "What counts on the inside matters more to him."
If He Looks You in the Eye
"A man who doesn't make eye contact during conversation 36 may not be trustworthy," says speech coach Diane DiResta, author of "Knockout Presentations." "Meanwhile, if his eyes bore into yours as he's talking, 37 he might be trying to intimidate you." But a smoldering gaze -- you know what that looks like -- 38 means he's immensely fond of you.
His Speaking Style
If your man moves his mouth a mile a minute, 39 you're with a spontaneous, high-energy guy who may be a little too self-absorbed. "Fast talkers get so wrapped up in making a good impression that they don't pay attention to their audience," says DiResta. Slow talkers 40 typically play it safe. "The way they deliberate every word before it comes out of their mouth is indicative of how they approach life: They look before they leap." So although you shouldn't expect a lot of surprises, at least you'll know he means what he says.
Things You'll Only Learn With Time
Your speedy profiling skills won't reveal these tidbits from psychotherapist Katherine Woodward Thomas, author of "Calling in 'The One'."
How loyal he'll be: Wait and see if you're shown the same allegiance as his buds are.
If he's a man of his word: Will he really keep those promises he made to you early on?
His little quirks: Time reveals the small details that really make a person tick.
If his parents' split haunts him: His broken home may have issued him some big-time emotional baggage.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
10 Pitfalls to Avoid When Asking for a Raise
When you're ready to ask for a raise or promotion, here are 10 major pitfalls to steer clear of, according to Camp.
1. Avoid telling your employer you hope she'll say yes.
Instead: Start by inviting your boss to say no. Tell her you're comfortable with a no answer and you want her to be comfortable to say no. This puts her at ease and clears the air.
2. Avoid being emotional.
Instead: Turn your mind into a blank slate. Have no expectations, hopes or fears. Above all, overcome all neediness, the No.1 deal-killer. Not needing this raise or promotion gives you power.
3. Avoid going into the meeting unprepared.
Instead: Research what people in your position get paid. Find out what obstacles stand in your way. Has the company just fired employees? Is there new management in the wings? Know all the issues that might keep your boss from giving you a raise. State each problem clearly and ask your boss how these problems might be solved.
4. Avoid trying to impress your boss.
Instead: Let her feel completely at ease with you, and perhaps even a little superior. Never dress to impress, brag or be pretentious.
5. Avoid giving a presentation.
Instead: Talk as little as possible. Ask your employer a lot of questions so you can find out her position, issues, concerns, needs and objectives.
6. Avoid asking yes or no questions.
Instead: Get your employer spilling the beans by beginning all of your questions with an interrogative: who, what, when, where, how or why.
7. Avoid thinking about the outcome.
Instead: Don't think about, hope for or plan on getting the raise. Focus instead on what you can control: your behavior during the negotiation.
8. Avoid believing that your mission is to get more money.
Instead: Your mission and purpose in this conversation is to fulfill your employer's business needs and objectives. Every decision you make in the negotiation process should be focused on helping your employer see that giving you a raise or promotion will further her business interests.
9. Avoid presenting your current salary or position as a problem.
Instead: Present yourself as the solution. Don't be afraid to give specific examples of challenges you faced and the solutions you provided. Special assignments that fit the employer's vision should be explained and discussed. The more examples you can provide the better.
10. Avoid giving an ultimatum.
Instead: Continue to negotiate with no need. Never threaten or posture with another offer or a take-it-or-leave-it stance. Use a calm, slow voice. State problems clearly and don't be afraid to ask for what you need to solve those problems. The more effective you appear at discussing her problem as you see it, the better.
1. Avoid telling your employer you hope she'll say yes.
Instead: Start by inviting your boss to say no. Tell her you're comfortable with a no answer and you want her to be comfortable to say no. This puts her at ease and clears the air.
2. Avoid being emotional.
Instead: Turn your mind into a blank slate. Have no expectations, hopes or fears. Above all, overcome all neediness, the No.1 deal-killer. Not needing this raise or promotion gives you power.
3. Avoid going into the meeting unprepared.
Instead: Research what people in your position get paid. Find out what obstacles stand in your way. Has the company just fired employees? Is there new management in the wings? Know all the issues that might keep your boss from giving you a raise. State each problem clearly and ask your boss how these problems might be solved.
4. Avoid trying to impress your boss.
Instead: Let her feel completely at ease with you, and perhaps even a little superior. Never dress to impress, brag or be pretentious.
5. Avoid giving a presentation.
Instead: Talk as little as possible. Ask your employer a lot of questions so you can find out her position, issues, concerns, needs and objectives.
6. Avoid asking yes or no questions.
Instead: Get your employer spilling the beans by beginning all of your questions with an interrogative: who, what, when, where, how or why.
7. Avoid thinking about the outcome.
Instead: Don't think about, hope for or plan on getting the raise. Focus instead on what you can control: your behavior during the negotiation.
8. Avoid believing that your mission is to get more money.
Instead: Your mission and purpose in this conversation is to fulfill your employer's business needs and objectives. Every decision you make in the negotiation process should be focused on helping your employer see that giving you a raise or promotion will further her business interests.
9. Avoid presenting your current salary or position as a problem.
Instead: Present yourself as the solution. Don't be afraid to give specific examples of challenges you faced and the solutions you provided. Special assignments that fit the employer's vision should be explained and discussed. The more examples you can provide the better.
10. Avoid giving an ultimatum.
Instead: Continue to negotiate with no need. Never threaten or posture with another offer or a take-it-or-leave-it stance. Use a calm, slow voice. State problems clearly and don't be afraid to ask for what you need to solve those problems. The more effective you appear at discussing her problem as you see it, the better.
6 Ways to Create Interview Chemistry
To help job seekers overcome this common obstacle and quickly create chemistry between themselves and interviewers, Susan Britton Whitcomb offers the following tips in "Interview Magic":
1. Share commonalities
Discuss your passion for your field or enthusiasm for a new product or service, as well as personal commonalities such as family (i.e., children of the same age), recreational activities, hobbies or interests.
2. L.I.S.T.E.N. attentively
Laser your focus. Investigate and be curious. Silence your tongue -- hold your judgment and open your mind. Take brief notes and take time to formulate your response. Elevate the other person. Note the nonverbal, including your body language and that of your interviewer. It is impossible to connect with others if you don't listen well.
3. R.E.S.P.O.N.D. well
Remember your objective; Engage the interviewer. Share succinctly. Point to benefits. Offer proof. Never drone on. Dedicate yourself to a win-win relationship.
4. Pay attention to the 'howchas'
The "howchas" are how you say something (as opposed to what you say). Tone, inflection, body language, attitude and motive combine to make how you say it just as important as what you say. To improve your 'howcha's,' remain deferential, respectfully curious and concerned about the interviewer/company's welfare. Use verbal and body language mirroring to enhance communication, matching aspects of your interviewer's voice, language, mannerisms and body language.
5. Recognize their learning style, whether auditory, visual or kinesthetic/tactile.
Offer variety in your interview so that each style is addressed. This might include answering questions for the auditory learners, writing an outline on a whiteboard or showing a PowerPoint demonstration for the visual learners, and engaging the kinesthetic/tactile learners in activities or encouraging them to take more thorough notes.
6. Understand their temperament
Theorists (often seen in executive roles) value impressive training or credentials, and stress vision, logic, innovation, mastery, progress and excellence. Catalysts (often seen in human service roles) value harmony in work relationships and appreciate ideal, meaningful work environments. Stabilizers (often seen in finance and management roles) value factual, reality-based responses in a sequential, detailed fashion. Improvisers (often seen in sales/marketing roles) value action, excitement and variety, and prefer solutions that are practical and effective to help them get what they want.
Making these efforts throughout the interview will go a long way toward impressing the interviewer and positioning yourself ahead of other candidates. Even if you don't win the job offer, the interviewer may be inclined to recommend you to others or keep you in mind for future opportunities if he or she developed a connection with you.
"Acing an interview -- even for a job that isn't perfect for you -- will put you on the radar screen of those who can help you in the future," Whitcomb says. "Remember that interviewers have their own network of contacts that will likely be valuable to you."
Selena Dehne is a career writer for JIST Publishing who shares the latest occupational, career and job search information available with job seekers and career changers. She is also the author of JIST's Job Search and Career Blog.
1. Share commonalities
Discuss your passion for your field or enthusiasm for a new product or service, as well as personal commonalities such as family (i.e., children of the same age), recreational activities, hobbies or interests.
2. L.I.S.T.E.N. attentively
Laser your focus. Investigate and be curious. Silence your tongue -- hold your judgment and open your mind. Take brief notes and take time to formulate your response. Elevate the other person. Note the nonverbal, including your body language and that of your interviewer. It is impossible to connect with others if you don't listen well.
3. R.E.S.P.O.N.D. well
Remember your objective; Engage the interviewer. Share succinctly. Point to benefits. Offer proof. Never drone on. Dedicate yourself to a win-win relationship.
4. Pay attention to the 'howchas'
The "howchas" are how you say something (as opposed to what you say). Tone, inflection, body language, attitude and motive combine to make how you say it just as important as what you say. To improve your 'howcha's,' remain deferential, respectfully curious and concerned about the interviewer/company's welfare. Use verbal and body language mirroring to enhance communication, matching aspects of your interviewer's voice, language, mannerisms and body language.
5. Recognize their learning style, whether auditory, visual or kinesthetic/tactile.
Offer variety in your interview so that each style is addressed. This might include answering questions for the auditory learners, writing an outline on a whiteboard or showing a PowerPoint demonstration for the visual learners, and engaging the kinesthetic/tactile learners in activities or encouraging them to take more thorough notes.
6. Understand their temperament
Theorists (often seen in executive roles) value impressive training or credentials, and stress vision, logic, innovation, mastery, progress and excellence. Catalysts (often seen in human service roles) value harmony in work relationships and appreciate ideal, meaningful work environments. Stabilizers (often seen in finance and management roles) value factual, reality-based responses in a sequential, detailed fashion. Improvisers (often seen in sales/marketing roles) value action, excitement and variety, and prefer solutions that are practical and effective to help them get what they want.
Making these efforts throughout the interview will go a long way toward impressing the interviewer and positioning yourself ahead of other candidates. Even if you don't win the job offer, the interviewer may be inclined to recommend you to others or keep you in mind for future opportunities if he or she developed a connection with you.
"Acing an interview -- even for a job that isn't perfect for you -- will put you on the radar screen of those who can help you in the future," Whitcomb says. "Remember that interviewers have their own network of contacts that will likely be valuable to you."
Selena Dehne is a career writer for JIST Publishing who shares the latest occupational, career and job search information available with job seekers and career changers. She is also the author of JIST's Job Search and Career Blog.
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