How Police Spot A Lie

Forget what you've learned from years of watching cop shows on television. Liars do not have trouble making eye contact. The guilty don't fidget. Culprits don't sweat more. As a matter of fact, research indicates that innocent people tend to be more nervous when they are being questioned because they are very intent on proving that they didn't do it. Liars come in with a script in their heads.

"A lot of different signs of anxiety are mistaken for signs of deception," says Kevin Colwell, a forensic scientist at Southern Connecticut State University in New Haven. He says research shows that even for the innocent, the whole tenor of an encounter with police can make it harder to remember things accurately. "In interrogation the whole goal is to convince somebody or trick them or coerce them whatever it takes to get them to confess to the crime."

Colwell is on the forefront of a movement to change that mindset and convince law enforcement and other interrogators that encounters with suspects are opportunities to get information, not just a moment to elicit a confession. The concern is that if an interviewer is already convinced that someone committed the crime they are investigating, interviewers stop searching for other answers. And that can lead to mistakes.

Seek Information, Not a Confession

This approach, of seeking information rather than a confession, is already well entrenched in Britain. Back in the mid-1980s, after a raft of cases involving false confessions, British courts ruled that officers were no longer allowed to use aggressive techniques — such as lying about evidence — to goad suspects. Interrogations in Britain also have to be taped. This has changed the way UK officers interview a suspect. They chat them up, and start by asking questions to which they already know the answers. The police in Britain say this shift in strategy hasn't reduced the number of confessions.

Colwell and a forensic psychologist at National University in La Jolla, Calif., named Cheryl Hiscock-Anisman have been doing this kind of interrogation research for years. As a general matter, they have found that people who are making up a story prepare an airtight, simple script that is easy to remember. People telling the truth have no script because, basically, they lived the story. So they tend to recall unrelated details and often make mistakes.

Colwell and Hiscock-Anisman have been working on a system that draws that contrast more vividly. And they've been taking their theories out into the field.

They are training police officers across the country to look for verbal patterns instead of fidgets. Just weeks ago they sat down with a group at the San Diego Police Department.

Sergeant Romeo De Los Reyes sat in on the session and, initially, was a little skeptical. "We've always learned that communication is 60- to 90-percent non-verbal," he said. "So this was a different approach to dealing with deception."

Now he sees this approach as another tool for his interview toolbox.

Ask a Simple Question

Basically the system asks an interviewer to pay attention to words and verbal cues rather than focusing on non-verbal communication. Hiscock-Anisman suggests interviewers begin with a non-threatening question. "For example, when I was living in Texas and I was running inmates for one of my studies we asked, 'what was the first day like for you in prison?'" she said. She chose that question for two reasons: it was a vivid memory, and it was very likely to get a truthful answer.

"There's no need to lie about your first day in prison, even if you're an inmate," she said.

The first question is designed to give interviewers a baseline of sorts. It gives them an idea of how much detail someone provides when they are telling a story truthfully. Next, interviewers are supposed to ask the person to tell them about the event under investigation. Then they compare the two stories. Does the suspect use the same number of descriptive phrases? Is there the same kind of recall? All these things are very important when trying to turn a gut instinct about whether someone is lying, into something more rooted in specific patterns.

Then comes the harder question, which Hiscock-Anisman says often separates the liars from the truth-tellers. "I say, now what I want you to do is I want you to go back to that time and I want you to describe every single thing that happened but this time I want you to tell me what happened last and work all the way backwards," she said. She laughs. "A liar is going to have a hell of a time, right?"

Try this the next time your teenager comes home late.

The point is, the research indicates that a person who is being honest tends to provide tons of little facts, anecdotal details that you only get from living a situation. In fact, Hiscock-Anisman says she's found that truth-tellers tend to add about 30 percent more detail than people who are lying.

But there are still practical questions on how law enforcement might use this approach. San Diego's De Los Reyes says the system might work with someone who has to decided to talk, but what about someone who is refusing to cooperate? That's unclear. Even so, the San Diego Police Department has asked Colwell and Hiscock-Aninson to come back, to do more training.

Laughter: Not Just for Funny Stuff

A cackle and a giggle can mean different things.

Scientists say there are two types of laughter: the kind that comes from pure glee, and the kind that's meant to send a social message. New research suggests autistic children don't often express the latter type, a finding that could reveal more about the nature of human laughter.

From the beginning

Laughter probably predates human speech by millions of years, scientists think. It likely evolved as an early form of communication to help people negotiate group dynamics and establish hierarchy, said William Hudenko, a psychologist at Ithaca College who led the new study.

Babies usually learn to laugh before they learn to speak.

"We think it's so hardwired that even infants start to use laughter in order to promote affiliation and bonding with caregivers," Hudenko told LiveScience.

People are about 30 times more likely to laugh in the presence of others than alone, reinforcing the idea that laughter is a social phenomenon.

And though we associate laughter with humor, a large proportion of laughs aren't in response to anything remotely funny. Rather, they are often just affirmations, communications, or expressions of joy.

We laugh "to kind of grease the social wheels," Hudenko said.

Two types

Laughter mainly comes in two types, researchers think: voiced, and unvoiced.

"We need more research to be done to understand the function of voice versus unvoiced laughter, but our best hypothesis is that unvoiced laughs are probably used more to negotiate social interactions, and voiced might be more linked to a positive internal state," Hudenko said.

So voiced laughter - the prototypical, belly-laugh type, that sounds more like sing-song - is usually spontaneous. We create the sound with our vocal chords (hence the name), and usually laugh this way naturally and spontaneously.

Unvoiced laughter, however, is more of a conscious expression. We make these panting, grunting, snorting noises when we are trying on purpose to laugh, usually for a social purpose, such as to ease conversation or make friends.

For adults, each type of laughter represents about 50 percent of the total. Young children may express more voiced than unvoiced laughter, as they haven't yet learned to purposely laugh.

But strikingly, Hudenko and team found that autistic children almost never produce unvoiced laughs. They monitored kids between ages 8 and 10 playing in a lab, and set up situations that would elicit laughter, such as falling block towers and squeaky balloons.

The test group of autistic children laughed just about as often as the non-autistic kids, but the autistic children's laughter was 98 percent voiced, while non-autistic children produced both types.

"We take this as some preliminary evidence that children with autism might not be using laughter the same way," Hudenko said. "Our hypothesis is that typically-developing children, through the course of development, learn a large repertoire of laugh sounds in order to negotiate social circumstances. We suspect the children with autism are not attuned to the same social subtleties."

Developing skills

The finding helps underscore the different purposes of the two kinds of laughter. It could also help researchers design better ways to help kids with autism navigate social situations.

"The idea is that we might be able to help them to express laughter more readily during social interactions," Hudenko said. "This shows that these children with autism have a really fantastic skill that might help them to promote relationships with individuals."

In fact, research shows that most people prefer to listen to voiced laughter more than unvoiced. Call it our suspicious nature: We react better to laughter that is spontaneously produced, rather than laughter that is calculated to send a message.

This fact could prove beneficial to autistic children, who tend to produce the more popular variety of laughter.

"We at least know they're producing sounds that other people like to hear," Hudenko said. "We think this is a powerful first start to look at ways we might be able to use emotional capacities these children already have instead of trying to teach them some new skill."

What Does Your Handwriting Say About You?

If Your Writing Slants…

To the right: You are open to the world around you and like to socialize with other people.

To the left: You generally like to work alone or behind the scenes. If you are right-handed and your handwriting slants to the left, you may be expressing rebellion.

Not at all: You tend to be logical and practical. You are guarded with your emotions.

If the Size of Your Letters Is…

Large: You have a big personality. Many celebrities have large handwriting. It may suggest that you are outgoing and like the limelight.

Small: You are focused and can concentrate easily. You tend to be introspective and shy.

Average: You are well-adjusted and adaptable.


If Your Loops Are...

Closed for L (meaning the upstroke overlaps the downstroke): Feeling tense? This implies you are restricting yourself in some way.

Full for L: You are spontaneous and relaxed and find it easy to express yourself.

Closed for E: You tend to be skeptical and are unswayed by emotional arguments.

Full for E: You have an open mind and enjoy trying new things.

If Your S’s Are…

Round: You are a people-pleaser and seek compromise. You avoid confrontation.

Pointy: You are intellectually probing and like to study new things. The higher and pointier the peaks, the more ambitious you are.

Open at the bottom: You might not be following your heart. For example, you always wanted to be an artist, but you have a career in finance.


If You Want Neater, More Legible Handwriting

Write out this sentence in your normal, everyday style: A quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. (Don’t worry if you use a mix of printing and cursive. By high school, more than two-thirds of people combine them, according to writing specialist Steve Graham.) So how does it look? If it’s a scrawled mess, start by slowing down. In addition to that general rule, experts recommend focusing on five target areas to improve the appearance and the legibility of your handwriting. Read their advice, and study which example they say is the model style (the last sample, in each case). The goal? Script that is easier to read―even “note”-worthy.

1. Line Quality

If your writing is faint, like a bad photocopy, simply focus on pressing harder. If you pressed so hard that your fingers got sore, correct your grip: Try to hold the pen between the pads of your middle finger and thumb, with your index finger resting on top. If you have trouble retraining yourself, try using an ergonomic pencil grip.

2. Alignment

Does your sentence tilt up or down on the page? If the answer is yes, use an index card to guide you when you write on unlined paper. Use the top of the note card as the base for each line of writing. And use the space between the lines on the card as a reference for the amount of space you should leave between the lines of your note.

3. Slant

To straighten up a bit, adjust the angle of the paper. Think of your writing space as a clock, with 12 o’clock straight ahead. If you’re right-handed, rotate the page so that the bottom-right corner is at 4 o’clock and the top-left one is at 10 o’clock. For lefties, the bottom-left corner should fall at 8 and the upper-right corner at 2.

4. Spacing

If your letters and words are too close together, they blend into one another. Too far apart and they get lost in space. Imagine a lowercase o split vertically in half. That’s the correct amount of space to leave between each letter. A full lowercase o should fit between words.

5. Letter Formation

Everyone has a letter or two that manage to get mangled in daily penmanship. Lowercase letters, especially vowels, are the usual suspects. Look at what you wrote and circle the letters that aren’t completely closed or are missing stems. Be more mindful of them and slow down.

Write On

How you craft letters and words can indicate more than 5,000 different personality traits, according to the science of graphology, also known as handwriting analysis. To introduce students to the field, graphologist Kathi McKnight has them write She sells seashells by the seashore in cursive. Why cursive? Graphologists say it gives them a better read on a person. Try writing the same sentence now in cursive (even if you usually print), then read on to see how graphologists might characterize you. (Note: Each analysis corresponds to the handwriting sample to its right.)

By Amanda Armstrong

How to Detect Lies

Introduction to Detecting Lies:

The following techniques to telling if someone is lying are often used by police, and security experts. This knowledge is also useful for managers, employers, and for anyone to use in everyday situations where telling the truth from a lie can help prevent you from being a victim of fraud/scams and other deceptions.

Warning: Sometimes Ignorance is bliss; after gaining this knowledge, you may be hurt when it is obvious that someone is lying to you.

Signs of Deception:
Body Language of Lies:

• Physical expression will be limited and stiff, with few arm and hand movements. Hand, arm and leg movement are toward their own body the liar takes up less space.

• A person who is lying to you will avoid making eye contact.

• Hands touching their face, throat & mouth. Touching or scratching the nose or behind their ear. Not likely to touch his chest/heart with an open hand.

Emotional Gestures & Contradiction

• Timing and duration of emotional gestures and emotions are off a normal pace. The display of emotion is delayed, stays longer it would naturally, then stops suddenly.

• Timing is off between emotions gestures/expressions and words. Example: Someone says "I love it!" when receiving a gift, and then smile after making that statement, rather then at the same time the statement is made.

• Gestures/expressions don’t match the verbal statement, such as frowning when saying “I love you.”

• Expressions are limited to mouth movements when someone is faking emotions (like happy, surprised, sad, awe, )instead of the whole face. For example; when someone smiles naturally their whole face is involved: jaw/cheek movement, eyes and forehead push down, etc.

Interactions and Reactions

• A guilty person gets defensive. An innocent person will often go on the offensive.

• A liar is uncomfortable facing his questioner/accuser and may turn his head or body away.

• A liar might unconsciously place objects (book, coffee cup, etc.) between themselves and you.

Verbal Context and Content

• A liar will use your words to make answer a question. When asked, “Did you eat the last cookie?” The liar answers, “No, I did not eat the last cookie.”

•A statement with a contraction is more likely to be truthful: “ I didn't do it” instead of “I did not do it”

• Liars sometimes avoid "lying" by not making direct statements. They imply answers instead of denying something directly.

• The guilty person may speak more than natural, adding unnecessary details to convince you... they are not comfortable with silence or pauses in the conversation.

• A liar may leave out pronouns and speak in a monotonous tone. When a truthful statement is made the pronoun is emphasized as much or more than the rest of the words in a statement.

• Words may be garbled and spoken softly, and syntax and grammar may be off.In other words his sentences will likely be muddled rather than emphasized

Other signs of a lie:

• If you believe someone is lying, then change subject of a conversation quickly, a liar follows along willingly and becomes more relaxed. The guilty wants the subject changed; an innocent person may be confused by the sudden change in topics and will want to back to the previous subject.

• Using humor or sarcasm to avoid a subject.

Final Notes:

Obviously, just because someone exhibits one or more of these signs does not make them a liar. The above behaviors should be compared to a persons base (normal) behavior whenever possible.

@http://www.blifaloo.com/info/lies.php

How To Sniff Out A Liar

There are plenty of dangerously skilled liars--and not just the Bernie Madoffs and Jeffrey Skillings of the world. Indeed, under the right (or wrong) circumstances, we're all guilty fibbers.

According to an oft-cited 1996 University of Virginia study led by psychologist Bella DePaulo, lying is part of the human condition. Over the course of one week, DePaulo and her colleagues asked 147 participants, aged 18 to 71, to record in a diary all of their social interactions and all of the lies they told during them. On average, each person lied just over 10 times, and only seven participants claimed to have been completely honest

To be fair, most of the time we're just trying to be nice. (When your wife asks if you enjoyed the dinner she cooked, most husbands who know what's good for them say, "It was delicious.") Such "false positive" lies are delivered 10 to 20 times more often than spurious denials of culpability, according to DePaulo's research. Other studies show that men and women lie with equal frequency, though women are more likely to lie to make other people feel good, while men tend to lie to make themselves look better. As for who we hoodwink, "we lie less frequently to our significant others because we're more invested in those relationships," says Jeffrey Hancock, associate professor of communication at Cornell University.

The question is: How to know when someone's selling you ice in Eskimo?

Traditional polygraph tests, around in some form or fashion since the early 1900s, use sensors to detect fluctuations in blood pressure, pulse, respiration and sweat in response to probing questions. Two problems with polygraphs: First, they only work about 80% of the time, according to the American Polygraph Association. Second, it's not like we are going to carry all that hardware to a business meeting or a bar. And that means relying on our own very limited vigilance.

"Although there are some ways in which liars behave differently from truth-tellers, there are no perfectly reliable cues to deception," admits DePaulo, author of more than a dozen deception studies. "Cues to deception differ according to factors such as the type of lie and the motivation for getting away with it."

While there is no surefire on-the-spot way to sniff out dissemblers, there are some helpful tactics for uncovering untruths.

Liars often give short or one-word responses to questions, while truth tellers are more likely to flesh out their answers. According to a 2003 study by DePaulo, a liar provides fewer details and uses fewer words than an honest person, and talks for a smaller percentage of the conversation.

Skilled liars don't break a sweat, but the rest of us get a little fidgety. Four possible giveaways: shifty eyes, higher vocal pitch, perspiration and heavier breathing. Of course, not everyone who doesn't meet your gaze is a liar.

"Certain behavioral traits, like averting eye contact, could be cultural and not indicative of a liar," says Joseph Buckley, president of John E. Reid & Associates, which has provided interview and interrogation training to more than 500,000 law enforcement agents to date. The company is also the creator of the Reid Technique, a nine-step interrogation process employed by many U.S. law enforcement agencies.

Liars are often reluctant to admit ordinary storytelling mistakes. When honest people tell stories, they may realize partway through that they left out some details and would unselfconsciously backtrack to fill in holes. They also may realize a previous statement wasn't quite right, and go back and explain further. Liars, on the other hand, "are worried that someone might catch them in a lie and are reluctant to admit to such ordinary imperfections," says DePaulo.

Yet another clue: imprecise pronouns. To psychologically distance themselves from a lie, people often pepper their tales with second- and third-person pronouns like "you," "we" and "they," says Hancock. Liars are also more likely to ask that questions be repeated and begin responses with phrases like, "to tell you the truth," and "to be perfectly honest," says Reid.

When telling the truth, people often make hand gestures to the rhythm of their speech. Hands emphasize points or phrases--a natural and compelling technique when they actually believe the points they're making. The less certain will keep gesticulations in check, says Hancock.

The mode of communication matters too. Studies show that we are less likely to lie face-to-face than over the phone or the Web. In one week-long study of 30 college students, Hancock observed that the phone was the weapon of choice, enabling 37% of all the lies, versus 27% during face-to-face exchanges, 21% using Instant Messaging and just 14% via e-mail.

Will we ever come clean? Not likely. Guilty stomach knots aside, the subjects in DePaulo's study confessed that they would tell 75% of the lies again if given the opportunity. Chances are, they'd get away with it.

Dealing with Name-calling

MY daughter came home from school one day complaining about a classmate who called her names. Name-calling and teasing are common among schoolchildren but this does not mean they should be taken lightly or ignored.

Frequent name-calling, insulting or negative labeling will have undesirable effects on children. It will affect their personality development and lower the child’s self worth, esteem and confidence.

When a child’s sense of self has yet to fully develop, calling a child names and labeling him "stupid" for instance, may cause the child to believe that he is so. The child will then tend to act or behave in a manner that is consistent with that negative self-image.

How do we help a child handle such situations? In her book, My Name is Not Dummy, Elizabeth Crary, a parent educator with over 20 years’ experience, provides ideas on how to help a child overcome the problem. Here are a few.

» Ignore it – tell your child to completely ignore the unkind words and the person who says it. Do not glance in his direction, and talk with another student or read instead. Appear calm and unfazed. Usually, the teaser will lose interest and stop if he does not receive any response.

» Do the unexpected – when teasers don’t get the reaction they are looking for, they will tend to stop. For example, if a girl named Lizzie is being called "Dizzy Lizzie", she can turn around and say, "My full name is Elizabeth. Got any rhymes for that?" or "Do you have one that goes with Edward? He’s my brother."

» Ask for help – if a child has run out of ways for dealing with the problem on her own, then it is appropriate to ask an adult for help. In the above example, Lizzie might approach her teacher for help.

Lizzie’s parents can also help by affirming that she is not what they call her. They can ask, "Are you dizzy? If those kids say so, does that mean it’s true?" Help her differentiate fact from teasing words and understand that what people say of her is not necessarily right or true.

Children who tease and call others names may have picked up the bad habit from people around them such as family members, or through unsupervised television viewing.

The whole family needs to practise respect toward each other at all times. Set good examples and turn negative descriptions around by being careful with your choice of words.

For example, instead of "messy", use the word "tidy" or turn "mean" into "kind". Your words then change from "Don’t be mean to your sister" to "Please be kind to your sister".

Explain to them why name-calling is wrong, that it makes people unhappy when they do that. Ask them to imagine how they would feel if others called them names.

Certain children’s programmes on television compromise proper choice of words in their script for the sake of entertainment.

It may be funny when one cartoon character yells "Stupid!" or "You’re such a nerd!" but the odds are that the child will also use these words and think it is funny the next time he gets a chance to do so.

Be careful with what your child is exposed to and guide them in the right way when they encounter negative influence.

Dream-Related Questions

What is the average amount of dreams a person usually has in one night?

The average person has about 3 to 5 dreams per night, but some may have up to 7 dreams in one night. The dreams tend to last longer as the night progresses. During a full 8-hour night sleep, two hours of it is spent dreaming.

Please tell me is it unusual for an individual to have multiple dreams during the course of one night's sleep? Is this normal? I normally dream two or three dreams in one night.

It is not at all unusual for a person to have more than one dream per night. In fact, it is perfectly normal! The trick is remembering all your dreams. Some people have trouble remembering one single dream, let alone multiple dreams.

Does a person dream all night? If not, when do they?

No, a person does not spend the entire night dreaming. A person spends about two hours in the dream state per night. A person moves through the four stages of the sleep cycle throughout the night. In the final stage of the sleep cycle (referred to as REM sleep) is where dreaming occurs. Each cycle of sleep lasts anywhere from 60-90 minutes and then will repeat itself throughout the night.

Would you please tell me why people do not dream?

Everybody dreams! This is a scientifically proven fact. Research has shown that all human beings in a study showed brain activity during their sleep. Just because you cannot remember your dreams does not mean that you do not dream. So why is it that some people don't remember their dream? This may be attributed to alcohol consumption, certain antibiotics, fever, lack of sleep, high levels of stress, and/or unconscious fears about the content of your dreams. Some researchers believe that certain people have a genetic disposition to forget their dreams as they come out of their sleep.

Do children's dreams mean the same as adults? If not what is the difference?

Dreams often reflect our experiences and life concerns. For this reason, children's dreams are different then the dreams of adults. The dreams of young children (3-5 year olds) usually have no real story line or any strong emotional content. Children around this age also frequently experience nightmares relating to their fears (strangers, monsters, loud noises, etc.) By the time children reaches their teen years, their dream patterns are matched closer to that of adults.

Is it true that some dreams can predict the future?

There is no scientific proof that dreams can predict and foretell the future. Yes, many people have had dreams that eventually came true afterwards. This can be explained in how we unconsciously gather little information here and there and when you have a dream, it puts together all this unconscious information before you are consciously able to do so. In short, you unconsciously already know what was going to happen and it only appears as if the dream had predicted the future. Another explanation is that such dream are mere coincidences or is the faulty memory of the dreamer.

Why do you think that we have dreams?

This is still an unresolved topic amongst researchers as to the reason we have dreams. One theory suggests that dreams serve as a means for cleansing and release. During the day, we may hold back our feelings and repress our anger. Thus dreams serve as a safe outlet for us to release our negative emotions. Another theory says that dreams is a biologically necessary aspect of sleep. Research has shown that people who were prevented from entering the dream state and woken up before they can dream were more easily irritated, jittery, and performed far below average. I believe these are two theories summarize why we dream.



Do dreams have any significance?

Yes dreams have a significance. The images in our dreams always contain hidden meaning which goes far beyond the outer appearance. The language of dreams is symbolic and are not to be taken literally.
The significance of dreams is personal and dependent on your own personal experiences. However, there are many universal symbols.

What causes or why do some dreams keep repeating themselves?

Dreams that recur (or repeat themselves) is a clear indication that some issue is not being confronted or that it has not yet been resolved. Your anxieties about a certain situation that you are struggling with may also cause you to have recurring dreams.

Do we dream in black and white or color, or does it mean anything if we dream one way or the other?

Most people do dream in color, but some may not notice colors in their dreams. Because color is such a natural part of our visual experience, we sometimes overlook colors in our dreams. Another reason may have to do with how our dreams fades so quickly from our memory upon waking that when we may be able to recall the dream in shades of gray. However, the dreams that are in black and white can be an indication of a depressed or sadden mood.

I heard from a friend that the more senses you can experience in dreams (colors, smell, etc), the greater your intelligence is in general. Do you know anything about this?

I have never heard that the more senses you experience in your dream is correlated with your intelligence. The way we process our senses varies from individual to individual and does not necessarily have to do with intelligence. However, it is correct to say that most people recall the visual and auditory aspects of their dreams. Touch, smell, and taste tend to be secondary unless it happens to be a central component of the dream. Or unless the person is visually impaired, In this case, sense of feel and/or smell will be dominate.

Do animal dreams?

Similar to humans, all other mammals exhibit the same brain activity during sleep. But the extent and nature of their dreams is another questions.

I've been checking out you web site since I found it a few day ago. I must say that your site is great!!! But I still don't understand what REM sleep is. Does it refer to deep sleeping?

Yes, the REM stage of sleep is where you achieve your deepest sleep. It is also the final stage in the sleep cycle. REM which stands for Rapid Eye Movement is so called because in this stage of sleep, your eyes move rapidly back and forth under your eyelids. It is also in REM sleep that you experience all your vivid, and sometimes bizarre dreams.

How can our daily activities effect our dreams?

Whenever you suppress your feelings throughout the day, it has a very good chance of showing up in your dream. For example, if you wanted to express your anger toward someone and then refrain from doing so, then your suppressed anger may show up in your dream in some symbolic form. Traumatic experiences also have a way to affect the content of your dreams.

Are there any differences in male and female dream patterns?

If, by dream patterns, you mean brain wave activity while in the dream state, then the answer is no. There are no difference between male and female dream patterns. However, if your are referring to the content of the dream, then the answer is yes. Studies have shown that men tend to dream more about men, while women dream about both men and women equally. This makes perfect sense when you think about it. Dreams are often seen as aspect of yourselves. For a man to dream about a woman, indicates that he is acknowledging some feminine aspect of his own self, which is difficult for men to admit that they have a soften feminine side to begin with.

Is it normal only to remember nightmares and never a good dream?

It is not a question of whether or not it is normal to remember only your nightmares, but why you remember your nightmares as opposed to your other dreams. Nightmares are much easier to remember for several reasons. First nightmares are vivid, frightening, and often jolt you awake. Whenever you are awakened in the REM stage
of sleep, you are much more likely to recall the events of your nightmare. Secondly, nightmares tend to occur in the early morning hours, when you are about to wake up. Remembering your dreams can take some effort on your part and not a question of normality.



What does it mean to have a dream within a dream?

Having a dream within a dream may be safer and more acceptable way to express material from your unconscious. The dream within a dream protects you, the dreamer from waking up. Such dreams often reflect a hidden but crucial issue which you need to acknowledge and confront.

Is it possible to die (not really die in real life) in your our dreams?

Yes, it is possible to experience death in your dreams. Dreams of death often occur as a result of great stress caused by relationships, school, career changes, depression or by the approach of death itself. Death in dreams may also be viewed as a metaphor - as a new beginning or a time of renewal. Judging from your question, I am assuming you never have had a dream about dying.

I frequently have dreams that something happens like a gun shot, I fall or something that would make me jerk. I really do jerk and usually wake up. What's with that? Like why do I jerk and wake up when something like that happens in my dream?

There is actually a term to describe what you are experiencing in your dream. It is called myclonic
jerks. Many who dream that they are falling sometimes jerk or twitch their legs/arms and end up waking themselves up. There is no concrete reason as to why this happens. One theory is that it is our instinctive response for what the brain perceives as
a potentially dangerous situation. Sometimes dreams are so real that the brain believes that you are really falling or in some sort of danger. And hence the brain sends signals to the body to start "fleeing".

Berbohong secara kompulsif

Apabila anak berbohong secara kerap ia adalah petanda awal masalah yang lebih serius.


KANAK-KANAK berbohong. Inilah satu kenyataan yang perlu dihadapi oleh kebanyakan ibu bapa. Tiada arahan atau galakan diperlukan.

Berbohong seakan sudah sebati dalam jiwa sesetengah kanak-kanak. Memperbesarkan masalah, memutar-belitkan kebenaran, mereka cerita dan menafikan kenyataan adalah antara yang akan dilakukan sewaktu bercakap bohong.

Namun, jika kekerapan seseorang anak berbohong menjadi kompulsif dan tanpa sebab, ibu bapa mungkin perlu 'campur tangan'.

Apabila kitaran penipuan bermula, ia akan menghilangkan kepercayaan orang lain terhadap si anak, sekali gus menyukarkan kitaran tidak sihat ini dihentikan.

Oleh sebab itulah, ibu bapa perlu bertindak meneroka sebab anak berbohong dan perlu mencari jalan penyelesaian untuk memperbaiki tabiat buruk itu.

Mungkin ramai yang tidak tahu berbohong juga adalah petanda awal kepada masalah yang lebih serius.

Berbohong cara kompulsif biasanya dikaitkan dengan penderitaan anak ekoran gangguan masalah sosial pada peringkat awal. Khasnya akibat penyakit Gangguan Hiperaktif dan Kurang Daya Tumpuan (ADHD) dan gangguan perilaku.

Dalam sesetengah kes, tabiat berbohong secara kompulsif turut disertakan dengan masalah kelakuan yang lain. Ini termasuk mencuri, ponteng sekolah, bersikap ganas, agresif dan kemahiran bersosial yang lemah.

Masalah seperti ini biasanya bercambah daripada rasa tidak selesa dalam situasi bersosial, bertindak secara spontan dan tidak menumpukan perhatian.

Apabila berlaku situasi seperti ini, penglibatan pakar-pakar kaunseling misalnya, amat penting untuk membantu kanak-kanak ini. Kaunselor-kaunselor dapat menolong melengkapkan ibu bapa dengan gaya mendidik serta pemahaman terhadap anak yang lebih spesifik.

Mengapa berbohong?

Terdapat beberapa sebab mengapa kanak-kanak bercakap bohong secara kompulsif.

Takut

Perasaan takut adalah pendorong biasa untuk seseorang memberanikan diri berbohong. Takut dimarahi ibu atau takut kebebasan yang diberikan akan dirampas. Ketakutan yang rasional atau tidak juga boleh memberi kesan pembohongan serupa. Sebab apa yang diimpikan oleh anak hanyalah 'perlindungan' sementara daripada hukuman.

Namun, terdapat dua perkara penting di sini. Pertama, anak yang berbohong besar kemungkinannya tahu mereka telah melakukan sesuatu kesalahan. Kedua, ibu bapa perlu menerima pembohongan itu kerana anak sememangnya takut berdepan dengan reaksi mereka.

Tidak hairanlah apabila teriakan bertalu-talu, sikap pemarah dan ibu bapa yang terlalu melindungi anak membuatkan mereka ketakutan. Memberi peluang untuk berkompromi dan mendengar sebelum menyalahkan anak membolehkan komunikasi dua hala berlangsung.

Tabiat

Kata orang, semakin kerap kita mempraktikkan sesuatu, semakin mudahlah ia bertukar menjadi satu tabiat. Begitu juga dengan bercakap bohong. Pembohongan berulang biasanya diperkukuhkan dengan pendekatan yang agresif. Salah satu kaedah paling efektif untuk menyelesaikan pembohongan berkala adalah memberi peluang kepada anak untuk menarik balik kata-kata bohong itu. Ini harus dilakukan tanpa rasa takut akan akibat yang bakal dihadapinya.

Meniru

Sebahagian besar anak 'terpanggil' untuk berbohong setelah melihat orang lain melakukannya. Dilema yang dihadapi oleh ibu bapa adalah mampukah mereka melindungi anak daripada berbohong. Seandainya sukar untuk ibu bapa mengawal anak daripada meniru pembohongan di luar rumah, maka buangkanlah tabiat berbohong anda terlebih dahulu. Lebih berkesan jika mereka tidak meniru tabiat berbohong di rumah dan menjadikannya tabiat.

Perlukah saya menghukum?

PERASAAN takut adalah pendorong biasa untuk seseorang memberanikan diri berbohong.

Terdapat beberapa perkara yang perlu ibu bapa pertimbangkan sebelum menjatuhkan hukuman ke atas kesalahan anak.

1. Hukuman sememangnya direka untuk mengurangkan perilaku yang teruk. Masalahnya, hukuman tanpa kasih sayang dan arahan yang betul adalah sia-sia. Dalam sesetengah situasi, hukuman pula menyumbang kepada tindakan melampau dan penderaan.

2. Menghukum anak atas pembohongan yang berobjektifkan ketakutan atau akibat meniru bukan satu kaedah efektif dalam jangka masa panjang. Sebaliknya, mengenal pasti punca masalah adalah lebih praktikal berbanding berdepan dengan simptom-simptomnya.

3. Hukuman patut dijadikan pilihan terakhir dan bukan dilakukan mengikut emosi. Penggunaan bahasa dan pendekatan yang lebih lembut biasanya lebih berkesan. Beritahu anak dalam nada rendah seperti, "Tahu tak, mak dan ayah rasa kecewa apabila Atan berbohong?"

Yang penting, ketahuilah niat setiap ibu bapa adalah untuk melihat anak bercakap benar. Justeru, gunakanlah pendekatan yang lebih baik agar anak belajar daripada kesilapannya.

How to Read Body Language

Understanding body language is a skill that can enhance your life. You can know what a person thinks and feels by examining their subconscious body language. This article will help hone this social advantage you can gain over people in your life. You must watch from head to toe to see their actions.

Steps

1. Gauge how close someone is to you.

The closer they are, the warmer their opinions are of you. The farther away that someone is, the less they care. It is worth noting that personal space is culturally fluid; be aware that what is considered close in one country is far away in another.

2. Watch their head position.

* Overly tilted heads are a potential sign of sympathy. Alternatively, the person is trying to convince you of their honesty.
* Lowered heads indicate a reason to hide something. Take note if someone lowers their head. If it is when he is complimented, he may be shy, ashamed, timid, keeping distance from the other person, in disbelief, or thinking to himself. If it is after an explanation, then he may be unsure if what he said was correct.
o It should be noted that some cultures see this as a sign of respect.
* Cocked heads mean that they are confused or challenging you, depending on eye, eyebrow, and mouth gestures.

3. Look into their eyes.

* Liars will consecutively look at you and look away a number of times. You can actually learn specifically how to observe behavior to judge whether someone is lying.
* People who look away while supposedly listening to you are thinking about something else. This is why when you are talking to a group of people, if an item in conversation strikes the one looking away, they will ask for you to repeat the story.
* Some cultures believe that looking at someone in the eyes is a sign of disrespect.
* Auditory learners may look from side-to-side and repeat phrases in an effort to retain information.

4. See if they're mirroring you.

Mirroring is another common gesture. If someone mirrors, or mimics your appearance, this is a very genuine sign that they are interested in you.

5. Check their arms.

* People with crossed arms are closing themselves to social influence. The worst thing that you can do to people with crossed arms is to challenge them in one way or another, no matter how they react. This annoys them. Though some people just cross their arms as a habit, it may indicate that the person is (slightly) reserved, uncomfortable with their weight (therefor trying to hide it), or just trying to hide something on their shirt.
* If someone rests their arms behind their neck, they are open to what is being discussed and interested in listening more. They may be waiting to state their opinion on the matter.
* Look at the location of their hands. If their hands are in their pockets, then they are more relaxed and are more likely to be attracted to you.

6. Be aware of nervous gestures:

* If someone brushes their hair back with their fingers, their thoughts about something conflict with yours. They might not voice this. If you see raised eyebrows during this time, you can be pretty sure that they disagree with you.
* If the person wears glasses, and is constantly pushing them up onto their nose again, with a slight frown, that may also indicate they disagree with what you are saying. Look to make sure they push up their glasses with an intent, not casually adjusting them. Look for pushing on the rim with two fingers, or an extra motion of wiggling the side of their glasses. The frown or raised eyebrows should tip you off.
* If they are playing or fiddling with their hair (a girl may twirl a lock of her tresses around a finger), they are feeling self-conscious and possibly uncomfortable.
* If someone is biting their lip, they are anticipating something.
* Lowered eyebrows and squinted eyes illustrate an attempt at understanding what is being said or going on. It's usually skeptical. (Or maybe they have a problem seeing things e.g. short-sightedness, astigmatism...)

7. Watch their feet:

* A fast tapping, shifting of weight, or movement of the foot will most often mean that the person is excited, nervous, scared, or intimidated.
* Slowly shifting weight usually means that someone is distracted, uncomfortable, or bored.

8. The eyes play a very important part:

* Dilated pupils mean that the person is interested. Keep in mind, however, that alcohol causes pupils to dilate, as does cocaine, amphetamines, MDMA and LSD. Don't mistake having a few drinks for attraction.
* Looking to the side means that the person feels guilty.

Tips

* It's easy to spot a confident person; they will make prolonged eye contact and have a strong posture.
* If people laugh excessively, it may be dishonest, or they just might be very naturally jovial, or just happy. Use your best judgment. Some people laugh out of nervousness.
* Don't isolate yourself by constantly examining body language when interacting with people. Otherwise, there is no reason to gain a social upper hand anyway. This is paralysis by analysis.
* Watch the face, it will usually give off a quick involuntary and sometimes subconscious twitch when something happens that irritates, excites, or amuses them.
* Mimicking your actions means that the person is comfortable around you.

Warnings

* Unfortunately, there are always exceptions. Some people's body language cues are not a representation of how they feel. This is where your instincts must decide.
* There are wide cultural differences, so body language will differ in other countries.
* Some people know how to control their body and are able to project false, misleading signs, such as thieves, actors, or other good liars.

Panduan Mendengar dengan Berkesan

Mendengar dengan berkesan bermaksud dengan mata, telinga dan hati. ia melibatkan kebolehan untuk terus berdiam, mengelakkan tumpuan dan minat pada orang yang sedang bercakap. ia juga melibatkan kebolehan memahami bukan hanya pada apa yang diperkatakan, tetapi maksud diperkatakan dan perasaan orang yang memperkatakan. suatu cara menguji kebolehan mendengar ialah dengan membuat rumusan dan menyelami perasaan orang yang bercakap.

Perkara yang digalakkan :

* Duduk atau berdiri condong kearah orang yang bercakap dalam keadaan relaks.
* Pandang kearah orang yang bercakap.
* perhatikan air muka dan gerak-gerinya.
* Senyum apabila ia senyum, dan bertenang apabila cerita menyedihkan atau mengejutkan.
* Dengar apa yang diperkatakan, gaya, nada suara dan kelajuan bercakap kadangkala menyatakan sesuatu tentang perasaannya.
* Berikan galakkan supaya ia terus bercakap dengan membuat tindak balas lisan dan tidak lisan seperti mengangguk..., ya..., lepas tu..., em...

Perkara yang tidak digalakkan :

* Terlalu banyak bertanya seolah-olah menyiasat untuk kepentingan sendiri.
* Bertanya soalan 'kenapa' dalam nada seolah-olah ia bersalah.
* Menggangu atau mencelah semasa ia bercakap.
* Memberikan nasihat dan teguran.
* Menilai perbuatan sebagai salah atau betul.
* Menahan ia meluahkan perasaan sedih dan marah.
* Menyangkal atau menentang pendapatnya walaupun anda tidak bersetuju.
* Membuktikan ia bersalah atau lemah akan menyebabkan ia lebih 'defensif'.
* Tukar tajuk perbualan daripada hal lain kepada hal peribadi.

12 Active Listening Tips

1. Mentally put yourself in other person’s shoes.

2. Keep the conversation on what the speaker says, not on what interests you.

3. Spend more time listening than talking.

4. Let the speaker talk. Do not dominate the conversation and do not interrupt incessantly.

5. Pay attention, never become preoccupied with your own thoughts when others talk, take brief notes to concentrate on what is being said.

6. Do not finish the sentence of others.

7. Ask questions, but do not answer questions with questions.

8. Be aware of biases and perceptions. Control your biases and validate your assumptions.

9. Encourage the speaker, provide feedback and paraphrase to show you are listening.

10. Plan responses after the other person has finished speaking, not while they are speaking.

11. Analyze by looking at all the relevant factors, ask clarifying and open-ended questions.

12. Summarize – walk the person through your analysis.