Umumnya, wanita berbohong bukannya disebabkan mereka tiada arah tuju atau cuba mencipta sesuatu perkara yang tidak masuk fikiran. Terdapat beberapa alasan yang mendorong mereka melakukan hal ini.
1. Balas dendam
Sekiranya kamu berani mengkhianati cintanya, dia juga akan berani membalasnya. Bahkan, dia lebih hebat daripada kamu. Walaupun tindakannya itu telah diketahui, mungkin dia sengaja melakukan sedemikian. Ramai wanita mempunyai cara tersendiri saat menghadapi situasi pembohongan yang dilakukan kekasihnya. Malah, dia juga berani melakukannya dengan secara tersembunyi, tanpa pengetahuan kamu.
2. Urutan kasih
Wanita sememangnya menginginkan dirinya dicintai dan dihargai. Apatah lagi, mengharapkan sebuah percintaan yang tiada titik noktahnya. Lebih-lebih lagi daripada insan tersayang. Mereka ingin menjadi wanita pertama di dalam hidup kamu dan bukannya, berada di tangga kedua atau berikutnya. Sekali kamu menduakan cintanya, dia akan berkali-kali mengkhianati hidup kamu.
3. Kekerasan
Kini, ramai wanita semakin sedar tentang pentingnya penghargaan yang patut diterimanya. Salah satunya ialah bersikap tegas ketika pasangannya melakukan kekerasan (umumnya secara fizikal) kepadanya. Mungkin pada awalnya dia akan cuba bertahan, tetapi apabila kamu kembali mengulangi tindakan tersebut, mereka akan meninggalkan kamu tanpa sebaris nota. Mereka yakin, masih ramai lelaki di luar sana yang dapat menghargai dirinya yang jauh lebih baik daripada kamu.
4. Hambar
Wanita begitu gemar hal-hal yang remeh atau kecil. Misalnya, hari ulang tahunnya, hari jadi kamu berdua atau hal-hal istimewa lainnya. Hati-hati bila kamu menganggap semua ini sebagai hal yang remeh. Apatah lagi apabila selama ini, si dia selalu mengurus hal yang melibatkan pengorbanan demi kekasihnya.
Sekiranya, kamu tidak pernah sesekali menghargai apa yang dia lakukan untuk kamu dan mengabaikan hal-hal yang dianggapnya penting, bersiap sedialah menghadapi pertengkaran yang hebat.
5. Seks
Meskipun kamu tidak memberikan perhatian yang sepenuhnya terhadap si dia, ketidakpuasan dalam urusan seks mampu memberi kesan yang mendalam terhadap perhubungan. Ingat, akibat kurangnya layanan seks, ia akan mendatangkan kesan bahaya dalam perkahwinan. Oleh itu, segeralah mencari jalan penyelesaiannya.
BIASANYA wanita akan mencari jalan penyelesaiannya sendiri apabila berhadapan dengan masalah cinta. - Gambar hiasan
6. Cadangan
Saat putus cinta, biasanya kaum wanita lebih cepat 'menderita' ketika menghadapi hari-hari mendatang sebelum mampu bangkit semula untuk hidup gembira.
Ini kerana, sewaktu dia mendapat petunjuk bahawa perhubungan itu tidak dapat dipertahankan lagi, mungkin dia akan mencari pengganti kamu. Jadi, sekiranya kamu benar-benar mencintainya, perbaikilah hubungan kamu dengannya segera.
7. Jejaka bermasalah
Maksudnya, terdapat banyak perkara di sekeliling kamu yang membuatkan pasangan merasakan kamu tidak diperlukan lagi. Sebabnya, selain menjalani hubungan cinta yang sudah tentunya tidak lepas daripada kekangan masalah, kamu juga harus menangani karakter kekasih yang semakin berani. Ingat, dia bersikap sedemikian disebabkan kamu yang memulakannya dahulu.
8. Hubungan tiada kesudahan
Kebiasaannya, saat menjalani hubungan dengan pasangan, wanita menginginkan adanya hubungan yang penuh komitmen, iaitu hubungan yang diakhiri dengan keputusan membanggakan.
Apabila sudah lama menjalin hubungan cinta, tetapi tiada keputusan untuk ke jinjang pelamin, wanita akan berfikir bahawa kamu tidak lagi menginginkan dia dalam hidupnya. Jadi, buat apa menunggu kamu dengan lebih lama?
9. Bosan
Hal ini muncul disebabkan dia terperangkap dalam rutin hariannya sama ada kerja rumah mahupun hubungan yang dijalinkan itu begitu membosankan.
Baginya, jika kamu tidak memberinya perhatian yang diharapkan dan waktu kamu pula lebih banyak dihabiskan untuk urusan lain, biasanya wanita akan mencari jalan penyelesaiannya yang tersendiri. Perlu diingatkan bahawa wanita gemarkan suatu kejutan dan selalu ingin dirinya lebih istimewa.
10. Hubungan tidak diduga
Pada awalnya, dia berasa terlalu selesa saat menjalin hubungan dengan kamu. Tetapi ternyata, dia tidak menikmati kehangatan bersama dan terasa begitu terikat dengan kamu. Tidak hairanlah apabila kamu masih cuba membawanya ke sana dan ke sini, dia mula bersikap dingin kerana sudah menyerahkan seluruh perasaannya kepada insan lain.
Showing posts with label Komunikasi. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Komunikasi. Show all posts
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Berbohong secara kompulsif
Apabila anak berbohong secara kerap ia adalah petanda awal masalah yang lebih serius.
KANAK-KANAK berbohong. Inilah satu kenyataan yang perlu dihadapi oleh kebanyakan ibu bapa. Tiada arahan atau galakan diperlukan.
Berbohong seakan sudah sebati dalam jiwa sesetengah kanak-kanak. Memperbesarkan masalah, memutar-belitkan kebenaran, mereka cerita dan menafikan kenyataan adalah antara yang akan dilakukan sewaktu bercakap bohong.
Namun, jika kekerapan seseorang anak berbohong menjadi kompulsif dan tanpa sebab, ibu bapa mungkin perlu 'campur tangan'.
Apabila kitaran penipuan bermula, ia akan menghilangkan kepercayaan orang lain terhadap si anak, sekali gus menyukarkan kitaran tidak sihat ini dihentikan.
Oleh sebab itulah, ibu bapa perlu bertindak meneroka sebab anak berbohong dan perlu mencari jalan penyelesaian untuk memperbaiki tabiat buruk itu.
Mungkin ramai yang tidak tahu berbohong juga adalah petanda awal kepada masalah yang lebih serius.
Berbohong cara kompulsif biasanya dikaitkan dengan penderitaan anak ekoran gangguan masalah sosial pada peringkat awal. Khasnya akibat penyakit Gangguan Hiperaktif dan Kurang Daya Tumpuan (ADHD) dan gangguan perilaku.
Dalam sesetengah kes, tabiat berbohong secara kompulsif turut disertakan dengan masalah kelakuan yang lain. Ini termasuk mencuri, ponteng sekolah, bersikap ganas, agresif dan kemahiran bersosial yang lemah.
Masalah seperti ini biasanya bercambah daripada rasa tidak selesa dalam situasi bersosial, bertindak secara spontan dan tidak menumpukan perhatian.
Apabila berlaku situasi seperti ini, penglibatan pakar-pakar kaunseling misalnya, amat penting untuk membantu kanak-kanak ini. Kaunselor-kaunselor dapat menolong melengkapkan ibu bapa dengan gaya mendidik serta pemahaman terhadap anak yang lebih spesifik.
Mengapa berbohong?
Terdapat beberapa sebab mengapa kanak-kanak bercakap bohong secara kompulsif.
Takut
Perasaan takut adalah pendorong biasa untuk seseorang memberanikan diri berbohong. Takut dimarahi ibu atau takut kebebasan yang diberikan akan dirampas. Ketakutan yang rasional atau tidak juga boleh memberi kesan pembohongan serupa. Sebab apa yang diimpikan oleh anak hanyalah 'perlindungan' sementara daripada hukuman.
Namun, terdapat dua perkara penting di sini. Pertama, anak yang berbohong besar kemungkinannya tahu mereka telah melakukan sesuatu kesalahan. Kedua, ibu bapa perlu menerima pembohongan itu kerana anak sememangnya takut berdepan dengan reaksi mereka.
Tidak hairanlah apabila teriakan bertalu-talu, sikap pemarah dan ibu bapa yang terlalu melindungi anak membuatkan mereka ketakutan. Memberi peluang untuk berkompromi dan mendengar sebelum menyalahkan anak membolehkan komunikasi dua hala berlangsung.
Tabiat
Kata orang, semakin kerap kita mempraktikkan sesuatu, semakin mudahlah ia bertukar menjadi satu tabiat. Begitu juga dengan bercakap bohong. Pembohongan berulang biasanya diperkukuhkan dengan pendekatan yang agresif. Salah satu kaedah paling efektif untuk menyelesaikan pembohongan berkala adalah memberi peluang kepada anak untuk menarik balik kata-kata bohong itu. Ini harus dilakukan tanpa rasa takut akan akibat yang bakal dihadapinya.
Meniru
Sebahagian besar anak 'terpanggil' untuk berbohong setelah melihat orang lain melakukannya. Dilema yang dihadapi oleh ibu bapa adalah mampukah mereka melindungi anak daripada berbohong. Seandainya sukar untuk ibu bapa mengawal anak daripada meniru pembohongan di luar rumah, maka buangkanlah tabiat berbohong anda terlebih dahulu. Lebih berkesan jika mereka tidak meniru tabiat berbohong di rumah dan menjadikannya tabiat.
Perlukah saya menghukum?
PERASAAN takut adalah pendorong biasa untuk seseorang memberanikan diri berbohong.
Terdapat beberapa perkara yang perlu ibu bapa pertimbangkan sebelum menjatuhkan hukuman ke atas kesalahan anak.
1. Hukuman sememangnya direka untuk mengurangkan perilaku yang teruk. Masalahnya, hukuman tanpa kasih sayang dan arahan yang betul adalah sia-sia. Dalam sesetengah situasi, hukuman pula menyumbang kepada tindakan melampau dan penderaan.
2. Menghukum anak atas pembohongan yang berobjektifkan ketakutan atau akibat meniru bukan satu kaedah efektif dalam jangka masa panjang. Sebaliknya, mengenal pasti punca masalah adalah lebih praktikal berbanding berdepan dengan simptom-simptomnya.
3. Hukuman patut dijadikan pilihan terakhir dan bukan dilakukan mengikut emosi. Penggunaan bahasa dan pendekatan yang lebih lembut biasanya lebih berkesan. Beritahu anak dalam nada rendah seperti, "Tahu tak, mak dan ayah rasa kecewa apabila Atan berbohong?"
Yang penting, ketahuilah niat setiap ibu bapa adalah untuk melihat anak bercakap benar. Justeru, gunakanlah pendekatan yang lebih baik agar anak belajar daripada kesilapannya.
KANAK-KANAK berbohong. Inilah satu kenyataan yang perlu dihadapi oleh kebanyakan ibu bapa. Tiada arahan atau galakan diperlukan.
Berbohong seakan sudah sebati dalam jiwa sesetengah kanak-kanak. Memperbesarkan masalah, memutar-belitkan kebenaran, mereka cerita dan menafikan kenyataan adalah antara yang akan dilakukan sewaktu bercakap bohong.
Namun, jika kekerapan seseorang anak berbohong menjadi kompulsif dan tanpa sebab, ibu bapa mungkin perlu 'campur tangan'.
Apabila kitaran penipuan bermula, ia akan menghilangkan kepercayaan orang lain terhadap si anak, sekali gus menyukarkan kitaran tidak sihat ini dihentikan.
Oleh sebab itulah, ibu bapa perlu bertindak meneroka sebab anak berbohong dan perlu mencari jalan penyelesaian untuk memperbaiki tabiat buruk itu.
Mungkin ramai yang tidak tahu berbohong juga adalah petanda awal kepada masalah yang lebih serius.
Berbohong cara kompulsif biasanya dikaitkan dengan penderitaan anak ekoran gangguan masalah sosial pada peringkat awal. Khasnya akibat penyakit Gangguan Hiperaktif dan Kurang Daya Tumpuan (ADHD) dan gangguan perilaku.
Dalam sesetengah kes, tabiat berbohong secara kompulsif turut disertakan dengan masalah kelakuan yang lain. Ini termasuk mencuri, ponteng sekolah, bersikap ganas, agresif dan kemahiran bersosial yang lemah.
Masalah seperti ini biasanya bercambah daripada rasa tidak selesa dalam situasi bersosial, bertindak secara spontan dan tidak menumpukan perhatian.
Apabila berlaku situasi seperti ini, penglibatan pakar-pakar kaunseling misalnya, amat penting untuk membantu kanak-kanak ini. Kaunselor-kaunselor dapat menolong melengkapkan ibu bapa dengan gaya mendidik serta pemahaman terhadap anak yang lebih spesifik.
Mengapa berbohong?
Terdapat beberapa sebab mengapa kanak-kanak bercakap bohong secara kompulsif.
Takut
Perasaan takut adalah pendorong biasa untuk seseorang memberanikan diri berbohong. Takut dimarahi ibu atau takut kebebasan yang diberikan akan dirampas. Ketakutan yang rasional atau tidak juga boleh memberi kesan pembohongan serupa. Sebab apa yang diimpikan oleh anak hanyalah 'perlindungan' sementara daripada hukuman.
Namun, terdapat dua perkara penting di sini. Pertama, anak yang berbohong besar kemungkinannya tahu mereka telah melakukan sesuatu kesalahan. Kedua, ibu bapa perlu menerima pembohongan itu kerana anak sememangnya takut berdepan dengan reaksi mereka.
Tidak hairanlah apabila teriakan bertalu-talu, sikap pemarah dan ibu bapa yang terlalu melindungi anak membuatkan mereka ketakutan. Memberi peluang untuk berkompromi dan mendengar sebelum menyalahkan anak membolehkan komunikasi dua hala berlangsung.
Tabiat
Kata orang, semakin kerap kita mempraktikkan sesuatu, semakin mudahlah ia bertukar menjadi satu tabiat. Begitu juga dengan bercakap bohong. Pembohongan berulang biasanya diperkukuhkan dengan pendekatan yang agresif. Salah satu kaedah paling efektif untuk menyelesaikan pembohongan berkala adalah memberi peluang kepada anak untuk menarik balik kata-kata bohong itu. Ini harus dilakukan tanpa rasa takut akan akibat yang bakal dihadapinya.
Meniru
Sebahagian besar anak 'terpanggil' untuk berbohong setelah melihat orang lain melakukannya. Dilema yang dihadapi oleh ibu bapa adalah mampukah mereka melindungi anak daripada berbohong. Seandainya sukar untuk ibu bapa mengawal anak daripada meniru pembohongan di luar rumah, maka buangkanlah tabiat berbohong anda terlebih dahulu. Lebih berkesan jika mereka tidak meniru tabiat berbohong di rumah dan menjadikannya tabiat.
Perlukah saya menghukum?
PERASAAN takut adalah pendorong biasa untuk seseorang memberanikan diri berbohong.
Terdapat beberapa perkara yang perlu ibu bapa pertimbangkan sebelum menjatuhkan hukuman ke atas kesalahan anak.
1. Hukuman sememangnya direka untuk mengurangkan perilaku yang teruk. Masalahnya, hukuman tanpa kasih sayang dan arahan yang betul adalah sia-sia. Dalam sesetengah situasi, hukuman pula menyumbang kepada tindakan melampau dan penderaan.
2. Menghukum anak atas pembohongan yang berobjektifkan ketakutan atau akibat meniru bukan satu kaedah efektif dalam jangka masa panjang. Sebaliknya, mengenal pasti punca masalah adalah lebih praktikal berbanding berdepan dengan simptom-simptomnya.
3. Hukuman patut dijadikan pilihan terakhir dan bukan dilakukan mengikut emosi. Penggunaan bahasa dan pendekatan yang lebih lembut biasanya lebih berkesan. Beritahu anak dalam nada rendah seperti, "Tahu tak, mak dan ayah rasa kecewa apabila Atan berbohong?"
Yang penting, ketahuilah niat setiap ibu bapa adalah untuk melihat anak bercakap benar. Justeru, gunakanlah pendekatan yang lebih baik agar anak belajar daripada kesilapannya.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Gesturing babies are smarter
BABIES who use many gestures to communicate when they are 14 months old have much larger vocabularies when they start school than those who don't, US researchers said.
They said babies with wealthier, better-educated parents tend to gesture more and this may help explain why some children from low-income families fare less well in school.
"When children enter school, there is a large socio-economic gap in their vocabularies," said the University of Chicago's Meredith Rowe, whose study appears in the journal Science.
Gestures could help explain the difference, Rowe told the American Association for the Advancement of Science annual meeting in Chicago.
Vocabulary is a key predictor of school success. Earlier research showed that well-off, educated parents tend to talk to their children more than their poorer, less-educated peers.
"What we are doing here is going one step earlier and asking, does this socio-economic status relate to gesture, and can that explain some of the gap we see at school entry," Rowe said.
The researchers filmed 50 Chicago-area children and parents from diverse economic backgrounds and counted the number of gestures, such as pointing at a picture.
The team found that 14-month-olds from high-income, well-educated families used gesture to convey an average of 24 different meanings during each 90-minute session, compared with 13 meanings conveyed by children from lower-income families.
When the same children entered school at age four and a half, those from higher-income families had better vocabulary scores on standardised tests.
"At 14 months, an age when there aren’t even socio-economic differences in their talk yet, we see there are differences in their gestures," Rowe said.
The videos revealed that the wealthier parents gestured more with their children than the other parents.
Rowe said the findings suggest that gestures can at least partly explain vocabulary differences between the groups, and may prove useful as the basis for interventions.
"Can we manipulate how much parents and children gesture, and if so, will it increase their vocabulary?" Rowe said.
They said babies with wealthier, better-educated parents tend to gesture more and this may help explain why some children from low-income families fare less well in school.
"When children enter school, there is a large socio-economic gap in their vocabularies," said the University of Chicago's Meredith Rowe, whose study appears in the journal Science.
Gestures could help explain the difference, Rowe told the American Association for the Advancement of Science annual meeting in Chicago.
Vocabulary is a key predictor of school success. Earlier research showed that well-off, educated parents tend to talk to their children more than their poorer, less-educated peers.
"What we are doing here is going one step earlier and asking, does this socio-economic status relate to gesture, and can that explain some of the gap we see at school entry," Rowe said.
The researchers filmed 50 Chicago-area children and parents from diverse economic backgrounds and counted the number of gestures, such as pointing at a picture.
The team found that 14-month-olds from high-income, well-educated families used gesture to convey an average of 24 different meanings during each 90-minute session, compared with 13 meanings conveyed by children from lower-income families.
When the same children entered school at age four and a half, those from higher-income families had better vocabulary scores on standardised tests.
"At 14 months, an age when there aren’t even socio-economic differences in their talk yet, we see there are differences in their gestures," Rowe said.
The videos revealed that the wealthier parents gestured more with their children than the other parents.
Rowe said the findings suggest that gestures can at least partly explain vocabulary differences between the groups, and may prove useful as the basis for interventions.
"Can we manipulate how much parents and children gesture, and if so, will it increase their vocabulary?" Rowe said.
Monday, February 16, 2009
How to Read Body Language
Understanding body language is a skill that can enhance your life. You can know what a person thinks and feels by examining their subconscious body language. This article will help hone this social advantage you can gain over people in your life. You must watch from head to toe to see their actions.
Steps
1. Gauge how close someone is to you.
The closer they are, the warmer their opinions are of you. The farther away that someone is, the less they care. It is worth noting that personal space is culturally fluid; be aware that what is considered close in one country is far away in another.
2. Watch their head position.
* Overly tilted heads are a potential sign of sympathy. Alternatively, the person is trying to convince you of their honesty.
* Lowered heads indicate a reason to hide something. Take note if someone lowers their head. If it is when he is complimented, he may be shy, ashamed, timid, keeping distance from the other person, in disbelief, or thinking to himself. If it is after an explanation, then he may be unsure if what he said was correct.
o It should be noted that some cultures see this as a sign of respect.
* Cocked heads mean that they are confused or challenging you, depending on eye, eyebrow, and mouth gestures.
3. Look into their eyes.
* Liars will consecutively look at you and look away a number of times. You can actually learn specifically how to observe behavior to judge whether someone is lying.
* People who look away while supposedly listening to you are thinking about something else. This is why when you are talking to a group of people, if an item in conversation strikes the one looking away, they will ask for you to repeat the story.
* Some cultures believe that looking at someone in the eyes is a sign of disrespect.
* Auditory learners may look from side-to-side and repeat phrases in an effort to retain information.
4. See if they're mirroring you.
Mirroring is another common gesture. If someone mirrors, or mimics your appearance, this is a very genuine sign that they are interested in you.
5. Check their arms.
* People with crossed arms are closing themselves to social influence. The worst thing that you can do to people with crossed arms is to challenge them in one way or another, no matter how they react. This annoys them. Though some people just cross their arms as a habit, it may indicate that the person is (slightly) reserved, uncomfortable with their weight (therefor trying to hide it), or just trying to hide something on their shirt.
* If someone rests their arms behind their neck, they are open to what is being discussed and interested in listening more. They may be waiting to state their opinion on the matter.
* Look at the location of their hands. If their hands are in their pockets, then they are more relaxed and are more likely to be attracted to you.
6. Be aware of nervous gestures:
* If someone brushes their hair back with their fingers, their thoughts about something conflict with yours. They might not voice this. If you see raised eyebrows during this time, you can be pretty sure that they disagree with you.
* If the person wears glasses, and is constantly pushing them up onto their nose again, with a slight frown, that may also indicate they disagree with what you are saying. Look to make sure they push up their glasses with an intent, not casually adjusting them. Look for pushing on the rim with two fingers, or an extra motion of wiggling the side of their glasses. The frown or raised eyebrows should tip you off.
* If they are playing or fiddling with their hair (a girl may twirl a lock of her tresses around a finger), they are feeling self-conscious and possibly uncomfortable.
* If someone is biting their lip, they are anticipating something.
* Lowered eyebrows and squinted eyes illustrate an attempt at understanding what is being said or going on. It's usually skeptical. (Or maybe they have a problem seeing things e.g. short-sightedness, astigmatism...)
7. Watch their feet:
* A fast tapping, shifting of weight, or movement of the foot will most often mean that the person is excited, nervous, scared, or intimidated.
* Slowly shifting weight usually means that someone is distracted, uncomfortable, or bored.
8. The eyes play a very important part:
* Dilated pupils mean that the person is interested. Keep in mind, however, that alcohol causes pupils to dilate, as does cocaine, amphetamines, MDMA and LSD. Don't mistake having a few drinks for attraction.
* Looking to the side means that the person feels guilty.
Tips
* It's easy to spot a confident person; they will make prolonged eye contact and have a strong posture.
* If people laugh excessively, it may be dishonest, or they just might be very naturally jovial, or just happy. Use your best judgment. Some people laugh out of nervousness.
* Don't isolate yourself by constantly examining body language when interacting with people. Otherwise, there is no reason to gain a social upper hand anyway. This is paralysis by analysis.
* Watch the face, it will usually give off a quick involuntary and sometimes subconscious twitch when something happens that irritates, excites, or amuses them.
* Mimicking your actions means that the person is comfortable around you.
Warnings
* Unfortunately, there are always exceptions. Some people's body language cues are not a representation of how they feel. This is where your instincts must decide.
* There are wide cultural differences, so body language will differ in other countries.
* Some people know how to control their body and are able to project false, misleading signs, such as thieves, actors, or other good liars.
Steps
1. Gauge how close someone is to you.
The closer they are, the warmer their opinions are of you. The farther away that someone is, the less they care. It is worth noting that personal space is culturally fluid; be aware that what is considered close in one country is far away in another.
2. Watch their head position.
* Overly tilted heads are a potential sign of sympathy. Alternatively, the person is trying to convince you of their honesty.
* Lowered heads indicate a reason to hide something. Take note if someone lowers their head. If it is when he is complimented, he may be shy, ashamed, timid, keeping distance from the other person, in disbelief, or thinking to himself. If it is after an explanation, then he may be unsure if what he said was correct.
o It should be noted that some cultures see this as a sign of respect.
* Cocked heads mean that they are confused or challenging you, depending on eye, eyebrow, and mouth gestures.
3. Look into their eyes.
* Liars will consecutively look at you and look away a number of times. You can actually learn specifically how to observe behavior to judge whether someone is lying.
* People who look away while supposedly listening to you are thinking about something else. This is why when you are talking to a group of people, if an item in conversation strikes the one looking away, they will ask for you to repeat the story.
* Some cultures believe that looking at someone in the eyes is a sign of disrespect.
* Auditory learners may look from side-to-side and repeat phrases in an effort to retain information.
4. See if they're mirroring you.
Mirroring is another common gesture. If someone mirrors, or mimics your appearance, this is a very genuine sign that they are interested in you.
5. Check their arms.
* People with crossed arms are closing themselves to social influence. The worst thing that you can do to people with crossed arms is to challenge them in one way or another, no matter how they react. This annoys them. Though some people just cross their arms as a habit, it may indicate that the person is (slightly) reserved, uncomfortable with their weight (therefor trying to hide it), or just trying to hide something on their shirt.
* If someone rests their arms behind their neck, they are open to what is being discussed and interested in listening more. They may be waiting to state their opinion on the matter.
* Look at the location of their hands. If their hands are in their pockets, then they are more relaxed and are more likely to be attracted to you.
6. Be aware of nervous gestures:
* If someone brushes their hair back with their fingers, their thoughts about something conflict with yours. They might not voice this. If you see raised eyebrows during this time, you can be pretty sure that they disagree with you.
* If the person wears glasses, and is constantly pushing them up onto their nose again, with a slight frown, that may also indicate they disagree with what you are saying. Look to make sure they push up their glasses with an intent, not casually adjusting them. Look for pushing on the rim with two fingers, or an extra motion of wiggling the side of their glasses. The frown or raised eyebrows should tip you off.
* If they are playing or fiddling with their hair (a girl may twirl a lock of her tresses around a finger), they are feeling self-conscious and possibly uncomfortable.
* If someone is biting their lip, they are anticipating something.
* Lowered eyebrows and squinted eyes illustrate an attempt at understanding what is being said or going on. It's usually skeptical. (Or maybe they have a problem seeing things e.g. short-sightedness, astigmatism...)
7. Watch their feet:
* A fast tapping, shifting of weight, or movement of the foot will most often mean that the person is excited, nervous, scared, or intimidated.
* Slowly shifting weight usually means that someone is distracted, uncomfortable, or bored.
8. The eyes play a very important part:
* Dilated pupils mean that the person is interested. Keep in mind, however, that alcohol causes pupils to dilate, as does cocaine, amphetamines, MDMA and LSD. Don't mistake having a few drinks for attraction.
* Looking to the side means that the person feels guilty.
Tips
* It's easy to spot a confident person; they will make prolonged eye contact and have a strong posture.
* If people laugh excessively, it may be dishonest, or they just might be very naturally jovial, or just happy. Use your best judgment. Some people laugh out of nervousness.
* Don't isolate yourself by constantly examining body language when interacting with people. Otherwise, there is no reason to gain a social upper hand anyway. This is paralysis by analysis.
* Watch the face, it will usually give off a quick involuntary and sometimes subconscious twitch when something happens that irritates, excites, or amuses them.
* Mimicking your actions means that the person is comfortable around you.
Warnings
* Unfortunately, there are always exceptions. Some people's body language cues are not a representation of how they feel. This is where your instincts must decide.
* There are wide cultural differences, so body language will differ in other countries.
* Some people know how to control their body and are able to project false, misleading signs, such as thieves, actors, or other good liars.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Telephone Etiquette
Presenting a professional image, both in person and on the telephone, is very important in the Office Skills profession. Taking care of your customers over the telephone and making them feel well informed and appreciated is essential. Whether you are the front office receptionist or an executive secretary, the following phone tips should always be followed.
Answering Calls
1. Speak clearly. A picture paints a thousand words but the caller on the other end of the phone can only hear you. They cannot see your face or body language. Therefore, taking the time to speak clearly, slowly and in a cheerful, professional voice is very important.
2. Use your normal tone of voice when answering a call . If you have a tendency to speak loud or shout, avoid doing so on the telephone.
3. Do not eat or drink while you are on telephone duty. Only eat or drink during your coffee break or lunch break.
4. Do not use slang words or Poor Language. Respond clearly with “yes” or “no” when speaking. Never use swear words.
5. Address the Caller Properly by his or her title. (i.e. Good morning Mr. Brown, Good afternoon Ms. Sanders). Never address an unfamiliar caller by his or her first name.
6. Listen to the Caller and what they have to say. The ability to listen is a problem in general but it is very important to listen to what the caller has to say. It is always a good habit to repeat the information back to the client when you are taking a message. Verify that you have heard and transcribed the message accurately.
7. Be patient and helpful. If a caller is irate or upset, listen to what they have to say and then refer them to the appropriate resource. Never snap back or act rude to the caller.
8. Always ask if you can put the caller on hold. If you are responsible for answering multiple calls at once, always ask the caller politely if you may put them on hold. Remember that the caller could have already waited several minutes before getting connected to you and may not take lightly to being put on hold. Never leave the person on hold for more than a few seconds or they may become upset and hang up.
9. Always focus on the call. Try not to get distracted by people around you. If someone tries to interrupt you while you are on a call, politely remind them that you are on a customer call and that you will be with them as soon as you are finished
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