The Five Most Common Lies in Business

There are as many lies in business as there are people in business.

Paul LaFontaine left Bertelsmann Music Group in March 1997 to advise other businesspeople about radical honesty. He has lots of work to do. "There are as many lies in business as there are people in business," he says. Here are his nominees for the five most common lies:

Lie: "People are our most important asset."

Truth: "People are our most worrisome and unpredictable asset. Our most important assets are really our financial assets."

B.S. Detector: This may be the leading lie of our times. "When management starts talking about how important people are," LaFontaine says, "you can bet there is going to be an unpopular human resources decision coming soon."

Lie: "This was a rational decision."

Truth: "I wanted to do this."

B.S. Detector: People "want what they want just because they want it," says LaFontaine.

Lie: "We judge people by their performance."

Truth: "I judge your performance based on how much I like you."

B.S. Detector: "Why do most people who keep their jobs keep them?" LaFontaine asks. "Because the people they work for like them. And you get fired when the people you work for don't like you anymore.

Lie: "This is business, it isn't personal."

Truth: "Everything's personal."

B.S. Detector: "As people, we get mad at each other," says LaFontaine. "Attempts to avoid it are cowardly. So get mad. Then get over it and move on." LaFontaine believes that any disagreement can be handled with an honest conversation.

Lie: "The customer comes first."

Truth: "I come first."

B.S. Detector: "More often than not, 'the customer' is an abstraction," LaFontaine warns. "People take care of customers when it benefits them and ignore customers when they can get away with it. Nobody says 'I come first,' which is what's usually going on."

How to Catch a Liar

Are you being lied to? Find out how you can tell.

1. How is the person speaking?
Although a change in voice can be the tip-off to a lie, experts say that to be sure, you should also pay attention to a person's speech rate and breathing pattern -- if either speeds up or slows down, chances are you're not hearing the whole truth.

2. What is the person saying?
Liars tend to avoid exclusionary words like "but," "nor," "except," and "whereas," because they have trouble with complex thought processes. Liars are less likely to use the words "I," "me," and "mine." In their attempts to distance themselves psychologically from their tall tales, liars will tend to communicate using fewer personal pronouns.

3. Is his face giving it away?
You may think disguising your true feelings is easily accomplished with the help of a smile, but the expressions that flash across your face will give away what you're really thinking -- whether you know it or not. Experts advise paying close attention to the micro-expressions that a face can't hide. These clues are often so difficult to detect that even trained experts have trouble discerning them.

4. How is the person smiling?
A smile can sometimes mask a person's true feelings. Pay close attention to how a person smiles as well as other facial movements. You may be able to detect the emotions he or she is trying to hide -- such as fear, anger, and disgust. A true smile will incorporate both a person's lips and eyes.

5. Does the body language follow the story?
It's more important to examine a person's entire demeanor, as there's no one feature that's apt to give away a liar. Honesty is characterized by features that are in sync with one another -- so besides posture, note the fit between face, body, voice, and speech.

6. Is your subject behaving uncharacteristically?
Experts believe changes in a person's baseline -- how she generally conducts herself -- are worthy of your attention. You should weigh rate of speech, tone of voice, posture, and hand gestures against what you know, along with the context of the situation.

7. Is the question simple or embarrassing?
It's normal for someone to look away when asked a difficult question. But when someone avoids your gaze when asked a simple question, you should be suspicious.

Adapted from Quiz: Can You Spot a Liar?

How You View Others Says a Lot About Self

You might want to think twice before you talk about others, because your words could reveal a lot about your own personality traits, even ones that you may not be aware of, or clues to whether you’re kind or mean.

That’s the finding of a new study, which concludes that the way you view others reflects a lot about who you are, including both good and bad characteristics.

“Your perceptions of others reveal so much about your own personality,” says study researcher Dustin Wood, PhD, an assistant professor of psychology at Wake Forest University. “Seeing others positively reveals your own positive traits.”

On the other hand, your words could reveal negative perceptions of others that are linked to narcissism, antisocial behavior, and even neuroticism, says the research team, which also includes Peter Harms, PhD, of the University of Nebraska, and Simine Vazire, PhD, of Washington University in St. Louis.

Their study is published in the July issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
The Study

The study participants, who were college students, were asked to rate positive and negative characteristics of other students with whom they were acquainted.

The researchers discovered that a person’s tendency to describe other people in positive terms is an important indicator of the positivity of the person’s own personality traits.

Strong associations were found between positively judging others and how enthusiastic, happy, kind-hearted, courteous, emotionally stable, and capable the person describes his or her self and is described by others.

The study also found that how positively people see others shows how satisfied they are with their own lives and how much they are liked by others.

The researchers say that negative perceptions of other people are linked to higher levels of narcissism and antisocial behavior.

“A huge suite of negative personality traits is associated with viewing others negatively,” Wood says in a news release. “The simple tendency to see people negatively indicates a greater likelihood of depression and various personality disorders.”

Because negative perceptions about others may underlie a number of personality disorders, the researchers say that finding ways to get people to see others in a more positive light might promote the cessation of behavior patterns associated with personality disorders.

Thus, Wood says, the study suggests that when you ask a person to rate the personality of a co-worker, for example, you may learn as much about the person whose opinion you’re seeking as the one they are describing.

Being overly negative may be a tip-off that the person describing someone else is disagreeable, unhappy, neurotic, or has other negative personality traits, the researchers say.

Wood says that by evaluating the raters and what they said a year later, the researchers found strong evidence “that how positively we tend to perceive others in our social environment is a highly stable trait that does not change substantially over time.”

They add, “many behavioral patterns that are commonly studied by psychologists are thought to be caused in part by how individuals perceive others in their environments, which in turn shapes the behavioral options that individuals see as desirable, adaptive, or appropriate.”

The authors say their findings show that what a person sees in another is more than “simply the projection of an individual’s self-image onto other people.”

Telltale signs that she likes you

Let’s be honest: Sometimes it’s tough to tell if your date’s just being nice or if she’s really into you. So if you need help sussing out your lady love’s true feelings, check out these pointers from Greg Hartley, former Army Special Forces interrogator and author of I Can Read You Like a Book: How to Spot the Messages and Emotions People Are Really Sending With Their Body Language. Who knew your date’s smile, complexion and even where she places her handbag can reveal whether she considers you friend or boyfriend material? Read on!

Five signs your date is into you…

1. She tilts her head
“When a woman sees and feels especially comfortable with a man, she will tilt her head,” Hartley says. A tilt in any direction — right, left or down — are all signs that she’s interested in getting to know you better — say, over another date.

2. She takes a sip when you take a sip
When a woman is drawn to a guy, she’ll instinctively mirror his actions, Hartley says. While men do this, too, women are more likely than men to first begin the copying. What should you look for? “You might notice she will shift her body in the same direction as yours or take your lead for behavioral changes like, picking up a glass to drink or blinking her eyes repeatedly if you’re doing so,” he suggests. If you want to test her, lean forward and see if she comes closer, too.

3. She twirls her hair
Since the beginning of time, a woman’s hair has been celebrated as a symbol of her beauty and power. And it’s true today, says Hartley: If your date begins twirling or playing with her hair while talking to you, it is a good sign she’s into you and subconsciously trying to attract you.

4. She gets a glow
While blushing often means embarrassment, don’t assume that her rosy cheeks are an indication of discomfort. When a woman is attracted to someone, blood flows to her face, causing her cheeks to get redder, Hartley explains. And if your date is smitten, he adds, her lips and even eyelids will get fuller, too.

5. Her pupils dilate
While your gaze is fixed on her, pay particular attention to her pupils, advises Hartley. “When a woman is attracted to a man, her pupils will dilate,” he notes. “Essentially, the body does this in order to allow itself to take in more of a good thing.”

…and five signs your date is not into you

1. She crosses her arms
Did she assume the angry librarian stance? “When a woman on a date places her hands in front of her body — especially if they are crossed — she is closing herself off from the man,” Hartley notes. If you get this red flag, you don’t stand a chance… and she wants you to know it. “Men are not nearly as perceptive as women, so even if she’s not consciously aware of it, a woman knows her body language needs to be very loud,” Hartley explains. “In this instance, that body language reads loud and clear.”

2. She places her bag between you two
“When I ask male friends how a blind date went, step-by-step, and they say‘she put her bag on the table,’ I always know that’s a bad sign,” Hartley says. If your date places her purse — a real and physical barrier — between the two of you, she’s showing she wants to create distance, he says. Not a good sign.

3. She speaks faster than an auctioneer
So she seems to love talking to you? Before you start celebrating, note the speed of her small talk. “Romantic conversation does not occur at the same speed as business conversation,” Hartley says. “Conversation between two people who are attracted typically slows to about three-quarter speed and softens in tone. In fact, most emotional conversation — with the exception of when it is very hostile — is at a slowed cadence.” That said, she may be nervous early in your first date, and her nerves can cause her to spit her sentences out in rapid-fire succession. But if by the end of the evening she’s still going at a rapid rate, consider it a clue that she just wants to be friends at best.

4. She offers you a chin-up smile
Though it’s tempting to interpret any old smile as a sign of interest, all smiles are not created equal. Smiles can say a lot: “I’m polite,” “I’m crazy about you,” and, believe it or not, “I can’t stand you.” The secret to decoding what her smile really means? It’s all in the chin placement. A woman who gives you a relaxed, chin-down “soft smile” is smitten and wants you to dig her back, Hartley explains. A full-on toothpaste grin or stiff and polite smile — both of which generally involve the chin raised up — mean either, “I like you as a friend” or “I wanna get out of here!”

5. She strokes her neck
If your date’s telling you she agrees that you should get together again, that’s a good sign, right? Maybe, says Hartley. “Her body language may be the key to the real truth,” he says. “If a woman is gently stroking her neck when telling you this, it may be a sign that she’s interested, but it is also known to be a sign of lying.” To figure out which message she’s sending, consider the aforementioned “she’s not into you” signals. If she’s also giving you the raised-chin smile and speaking to you over a giant purse, you may want to move on to your next prospect.

Chelsea Kaplan is deputy editor of www.thefamilygroove.com and regularly appears as a guest on XM Radio’s “Broad Minded.” Her blog, “I’m Somebody’s Mother?” can be found at www.chelseakaplan.com. For the other side of this story, read 5 signs he’s into you.

Secret Signals Men Give When They Lie

Next time you question your guy’s honesty, watch for these little clues to find out whether or not he’s telling the whole truth. Plus, watch this video to find out why guys cheat.

1) He looks up and to the left

The next time you ask him a sticky question or he wants to explain himself to you, note which way he looks. If his eyes move up to the right, he’s recalling information from his memory. If he looks up and to the left, there’s a good chance that he’s inventing the answer. Take this quiz to see how well you can decode guy-speak.

2) He toys with his ears or his nose.

If your guy starts toying with his ear or nose (and he doesn’t have allergies), be suspicious. When a guy is being deceptive, it’s common for blood to rush to his face. His nose and ears will get warm and begin to itch, causing him to unconsciously rub or scratch them. Read these signs to tell if he’s cheating.

3) He shifts in his chair or taps his fingers

These tics may make it seem like he’s just plain nervous, but if they’re done while he’s explaining himself to you, they actually indicate that he could be fibbing. Want more? Read the body language of liars and you'll be able to catch him in the act.

4) He covers his mouth with his hand.

This guy is probably lying. When he unconsciously obstructs your view of his lips, it’s a sign that he’s trying to block the truth from slipping out. In addition, he might lick his lips and look away from you— directing his eyes down and to the right. These little moves reveal what's bugging him. Plus, read 10 most common fibs guys tell and find out what’s on his mind when he’s totally speechless.

Good & Easy Flirting Tips

Flirting is the art of playfully drawing the attention of a desirable man or woman and holding it. Doing it probably already comes naturally to you. Doing it well takes practice. Mastering it can mean a date for next Saturday night. Next time you go out, practice these 10 simple flirting tips to catch the eye of that cute guy or girl and keep it.

Confidence

The key to good flirting is confidence. Before you go out, put on your favorite dress or jeans, a hot top and/or your favorite scent. Make yourself feel sexy. If you feel sexy, other people are more likely to think you are, too.

Carriage

Posture goes hand-in-hand with confidence. A woman who stands up straight gives a much more likable first impression than a woman who slouches. Males who hunch look like underachievers to women, ruining any good flirting technique.

Grooming

You've got the confidence and posture, but you still need to project an air of upkeep. Make sure your hair is clean and shiny and that you smell clean. Bad breath, body odor and greasy hair can distract anyone from a good flirting technique.

Touch

When flirting, touch the other person lightly. A feathery touch is slightly sensual and makes the other person feel like you are comfortable around her.

Brush

Just like a feathery touch, brushing back a strand of hair from his forehead or a piece of lint from a shirt collar is putting yourself in his comfort zone. This is an intimate moment that can be a turn-on.

Eye Contact

Eye contact can be a great way to flirt with or without words. Catch the person's eye and hold it with your own. Grin just a little and don't blink. Let the moment smolder.

Hair

If you're a woman, you may want work your hair as you flirt. Twirl your hair around your finger, run your fingers through it or smooth it with your hand. It will get the guy thinking about touching your hair.

Attention

Pay genuine attention to what the other person says and respond to it. Intelligence is sexy. Feigning interest is not.

Mirror

While flirting, mirror your companion's body language. This will make them feel at ease. Try to do it without being obvious, though. Move your hand to your chin a few moments after he does, for example, or take a drink of your beverage a couple of seconds after she does.

Smile

The most important part of flirting successfully is having fun. Try to always have fun with it and don't take it too seriously.


Alina Bradford has been a writer for 11 years. She has written for dozens of online and traditional health and parenting publications, such as Pregnancy.org, Mama Health and Tots to Teens. She is also a gamer that has written dozens of gaming articles and several gaming guides. As an artist for more than 20 years, her work has been used in magazines and websites around the glob

6 Signs Your Guy is Cheating

It’s every woman’s worst relationship fear — that her man is cheating. We’ve all heard the statistic: half of all men cheat. And some experts say that number is even closer to three quarters. Could it be happening to you? Aside from finding lipstick on his collar, a mysterious condom in his pocket or, yes, a phone number on a napkin (helpful hints but unlikely clichés!), there are some red flags to watch out for to tip you off that something fishy might be going on. The following are six signs that should raise your eyebrows:

1. He’s Acting Differently.
The most telltale sign of a cheating man is that he’s acting differently than the way he used to. If any of the signals below describe your guy’s usual actions, don’t freak out and immediately assume he’s having an affair; he’s probably just being his quirky self. What you should be suspicious of is new developments, says Barbara Feld, LCSW, a couple’s therapist at Park Avenue Relationship Consultants in New York City. She says you should ask yourself, “Is what’s happening different than normal? Is he showing a real change in behavior?” If he’s always been private, hasn’t ever had the highest sex drive, or often flakes out on plans, that’s just who he is. It’s when he starts to be that way and never was before that you should start asking questions.

2. He’s Avoiding You.
If your guy has suddenly started coming home much later, seems to be making excuses to be out of the house, starts going away with out you on the weekends, or just generally seems to be avoiding you, that’s a clear indication of trouble in your relationship. M. Gary Neuman, a licensed family counselor and the author of “The Truth About Cheating” found that 61 percent of cheating men said they started spending more time away from home. 55 percent of men about to cheat said the same thing. No matter how busy your guy may be, he should be making an effort to see you (because, hello – he loves you, right?). If he’s stopped making time for you, it’s not at all unreasonable to wonder if he’s making time for someone else.

3. You’re Having Less/Different Sex.
You might think that cheating men stop sleeping with their partners completely. But that’s not always the case. According to M. Gary Neuman, a little less than half of cheating men report having less sex with their partner. Others keep having sex so that they don’t raise suspicions – sneaky b------ s. So be alert to the amount of sex you’re having, but most of all, pay attention to the quality of the sex. Therapist Barbara Feld says sometimes when a guy is having an affair, the quantity of sex remains the same, but it’s the sex itself that changes. Maybe it used to be very romantic, and feel more like making love, and now it just feels like plain old sex.

4. His General Response to You Has Changed.
If a guy is having an affair, he may stop acting like the sweet, romantic man you fell in love with. Maybe he used to be very loving and kind towards you, but now he seems to get annoyed easily, be critical, or pick fights. If he’s consistently not being affectionate with you, don’t brush it off. Try to figure out why he’s different – and what could be distracting him, or making him feel guilty.

5. He Has Suddenly Become Very Private.
It’s just not normal for your guy to always go into a different room to answer calls, keep his cell phone in his car, or get really private about his bills (unless, of course, your man is a privacy freak and you knew that going in). But if he suddenly stops checking his e-mail in front of you, has turned the bathroom into a phone booth, and has redirected the bills to his office, it’s a fair guess than an affair is under way.

6. He is Unreliable
Quite simply, says Barbara Feld, “is he where he says he will be?” If he’s never where he says he’s going to be, it’s a certain sign he’s lying to you about something. Maybe he says he’ll be at the office, but you call and he’s not there. Or he says he’s with a friend, and that friend then calls looking for him. Everyone’s plans change sometimes, but if your guy is consistently not where he says he will be, it’s very possible it’s because he’s with another woman.

What to Do?
If your guy is showing any of these six signs, talk with him about it. Tell him things feel different than they used to, and you want to know what’s going on. “If he tells you everything is fine but you know it’s not, continue to pursue the issue,” says Barbara Feld. “You can also suggest, ‘let’s talk to someone together,’ and get couples therapy.”

Don’t turn a blind eye on your relationship. If things are bad, getting bad, or just feel strange, do something about it. Even if you guy isn’t having an affair, all the signs above could be signals that he’s about to. By addressing – and working with him to fix – whatever is going on in your relationship, you can prevent an affair from ever happening in the first place. If you’re noticing negative changes or problems in your relationship, address them now, while they’re still small. Maintaining a strong relationship with open communication is one of the best things you can do to ensure fidelity—both on his part, and on yours.

Betty’s Sexpert Amber Madison is a sex educator and author of Hooking Up: A Girl's All-Out Guide to Sex and Sexuality, and Talking With Your Kids About Sex, to be released this March

9 Signs a Guy Is a Keeper

#1. Keeper clue: He has his act together.
This seems like a no-brainer, but it's a good place to start. "It's very important that you two be able to have a lot of fun together, so a party boy or a screw-up will probably not work out for you," says Mira Kirshenbaum, a family and couples therapist and author of Is He Mr. Right? "No matter how charming he is, if he is still struggling to grow up, it will get very old, very fast."

#2. Keeper clue: He puts you first.
Picture a delicious platter of grilled steak. Does your man offer it to you first to pick the best piece? He does if he's a keeper! "When it comes to taking the best piece of meat or offering it to you, that's a metaphor for how he'd always put you first the rest of your life," says Rachel Greenwald, author of "Why He Didn't Call You Back: 1,000 Guys Reveal What They Really Thought of You After Your Date."

#3. Keeper clue: He's not afraid of your germs.
You know a guy is really into you when he can't stay away, even when you're bedridden and snotty. "When you're sick with the flu, he says, 'Let me come over and take care of you,' rather than, 'Oooh, you sound really contagious... call me when you're feeling better,'" Greenwald says.

#4. Keeper clue: He's a family man.
He asks about your family, and he seems to genuinely want to hear about them. "Interest in your family shows that he thinks about you as a whole person, and he knows that being with you means understanding and accepting your relatives too," says Sarah Harrison, senior editor of yourtango.com.

#5. Keeper clue: He makes time for your friends.
In the beginning of your relationship, does your man show an interest in meeting your besties? And does he follow it up with a plan, like hosting a low-key dinner party? "Friends are an important part of your life, and his knowing them makes him more involved with you." Harrison says. "Plus, he'll have to deal with them at some point, so initiating it himself shows maturity."

#6. Keeper clue: He's your biggest cheerleader.
And she even has a poem:
When your guy calls your mom to tell her about your promotion before you do, that should tell you something. A man who is supportive of you and your goals is typically a guy who doesn't "feel threatened by your success," says Kirshenbaum. "He knows who he is and where he's going," which means he can ultimately be there for you.

#7. Keeper clue: He remembers the little things.
Does your man really listen to you? You'll know he's a keeper if you tell him you have a big scary work meeting and the next time you talk, he asks how it went. Or if you tell him you left your sunglasses at his house and he remembers them on your next date. "Following up on things you say to him means he pays attention to you -- always a good sign," Harrison says.

#8. Keeper clue: He's happy when you're happy.
This is the guy who "goes to a chick flick with you on Friday night rather than an action film -- not because he actually wants to, but because it makes you happy," says Greenwald.

#9. Keeper clue: He makes you the best you can be.
A guy who makes you feel like the luckiest woman alive -- like you can (and should!) be your confident, fabulous self -- is worth hanging on to. "It's not just about how you feel about him but more about how he makes you feel about yourself," Kirshenbaum says.

4 Things That Make Women Unapproachable

Sometimes it seems like no amount of silent prayer or sassy outfit will get that cute stranger to take a hint and chat you up. Could you be scaring away single men before they even approach you? We asked the male members of Marie Claire's online community for dating and relationship advice: What female behavior makes you scared to go in for the kill?

#1. You look angry. Hey, perma-scowl: swap the pouty lips for a genuine, friendly smile and your eye candy for the night will be more likely to approach you. The majority of men agreed that an unfriendly facial expression will keep them from approaching you, so flash those pearly whites at the guy you've been eyeing!

#2. You're not locking eyes. What's harder than approaching a stranger? Approaching a stranger who hasn't acknowledged your existence with even a brief look. "I need to see, by her looking and smiling at me, that she wants me to approach her. If I don't see it, I don't approach," says Anonymous. So next time you think he catches you looking at him, don't look away. Hold your stare for a few seconds so he knows you're looking, and that you like what you see.

#3. You're too flirtatious. A chip on your shoulder is a turnoff to any guy waiting to make his approach, but so is the other extreme. Istillhatescreennames is put off when women cross the line from friendly to flirty...with everyone they see. "If she's flirting with lots of guys. Nothing like a woman who is basically telling everyone in the place that she's open for business with anyone," he says. "Flirting with everyone" would put him off, agrees Anonymous, adding another pet peeve: "Grinding out on the dance floor (yeah, it's fun to look at, but I like to look at strippers too...I wouldn't take any home to meet my mom)." Sure, he'll notice you if you're the loudest, most aggressive girl in the room -- but not in a good way.

#4. You're surrounded by friends. Admit it, your awesome group of friends can be a little intimidating, especially when a strange guy approaches to hit on just one of you. Seanc writes, "Being surrounded by more than one friend makes her less approachable because of the embarrassment of being rejected in front of more people." Make sure you're giving him the opportunity to approach you alone. Check out the jukebox and linger for a bit, or offer to grab the next round of drinks for your friends.

9 Ways to Make Your Relationship Last

1. Delineate "yours," "mine," and "ours." If you have finances that should be placed in each of these three categories (for example, you have an inheritance and he has a savings account he accumulated before the marriage, and you also have a checking account to which you both contribute), have an upfront conversation about those assets and what belongs to whom. Moreover, talk about your time away from "together" activities, like he wants to bowl with the guys on Tuesday nights and you want to attend your yoga class on Wednesday. Respect these important delineations. Doing so will make the relationship stronger.

2. Carve out time to be together. Sure, you're busy working and attending meetings, but how important are those things if your relationship falls apart? Make time to do things together that you both enjoy. This could be anything from grocery shopping to taking in a movie. Take regular vacations together -- at least a couple of long weekends and, better yet, a couple of long vacations (more than a weekend jaunt). Commit to a weekly date night and make it as unbreakable as that all-important staff meeting at work.

3. Take care of yourself. Spend time every day on your appearance and your physical well-being. Work out regularly, eat healthy, and stay fit. Not only will your partner like looking at you, but you'll feel better about yourself.

4. Make sure communication goes both ways. Many relationships fail because of misunderstandings. Effective communication skills are necessary if your relationship is going to survive. If there is a hint or vibe that your partner is disconnected or you are unhappy about something, do not ignore those signals or feelings. Approach your mate and suggest an open discussion. You may be frustrated, angry, or hurt and so may he or she, but always stay calm and reasonable. Your goal should be to resolve differences, and the only viable way of doing so is through open and direct communication.

5. Criticize gently. Don't judge too harshly. If you criticize, do so in the same way you would want others to criticize you. Be kind and considerate.

6. Never stop courting one another. Gifts, compliments, and a loving embrace go a long way, especially when they are a surprise. Send unexpected greeting cards, slap a Post-It note where you know your mate will find it, keep those flowers coming in a "just because" way. Treat your partner with the same courtesies you did when you were dating. A terrific mindset is to pretend you are trying to win your partner all over again.

7. Keep the flame burning. Keep your romance alive despite the chaos and craziness life can present from living in the midst of sheer reality. Resolve to offer up romantic suggestions for your partner's pleasure, even if only occasionally, like cooking her favorite meal when you know she's had an impossible day, or entice him into a bubble bath with you just for the fun of it. Little gestures like these from time to time can ensure that the flame you once had burns forever.

8. Spell out your terms of endearment. Call out the expectations for one another in the form of the "terms" of your relationship together. Put them in a contract, if you like. This contract will simply clarify and document those needs and wants that mean a lot to you. For example, though he typically runs late, your agreement might specify those times when he agrees not to be late; she may agree to keep her spending at a certain limit, though she typically has little restraint as she traipses through the mall. Discussing these boundaries, as well as your needs and wants, can prevent either of you from stepping over the line and causing irritation. It is often the disappointments (needs and wants, gone unexpressed) that bring down a relationship.

9. Renegotiate your contract. Your relationship will evolve, and your needs and wants will change right along with it. Once a year,it's a good idea to review, update, or revise your contract with each other -- whether it is verbal or written. Be mindful, however, not to allow such a "contract" to ruin your relationship.

What Women Really Want From Men

God, apparently as a prank, devised two sexes and called them "opposite." The sex war has raged since for 5,ooo years. But it's time we called a truce... starting with men negotiating their terms of surrender.

Why do men like intelligent women? Because opposites attract. Just look at the evidence. What excites men? Food, footy and the Playboy channel. The trouble is, women get all excited about nothing... and then we marry him.

Over half of all marriages today end in divorce, (and let's face it, more ought to!) and the majority of these divorces are initiated by women. (Obviously many marriages break up for religious reasons - he thinks he's a God and well, she just doesn't.)

Marriage statistics are currently lower than Britney Spears's bikini line. And as we now know that marriage suits men much better than it suits women, (married men live longer than single men, have less heart disease and mental problems, whereas single women live longer than married women and have less heart disease and mental problems), I suspect that it's women who are getting PMT. - Pre Monogamy Tension.

As it's in a man's interest to keep us happy, it might be helpful to give them a list of what a woman's looking for in her Knight in Shining Armani.

First and foremost, we want a man who knows that 'mutual orgasm' is not an insurance company. (If he persists in this attitude, may I suggest you adopt the "doggy position" - where he begs - and you just roll over and play dead.)

We also prefer a man who does half the housework and the odd sensitive thing with mange tout. (The way to a woman's heart is through her stomach. That is NOT aiming too high.)

We favour a bloke who talks to us too. I often feel that my small intestine communicates with me more often than my husband. After all, word play is foreplay for females. How else is Woody Allen still getting laid?

But girls, do you know what really makes a man perfect? Being perfect enough to understanding why we're not.

How Police Spot A Lie

Forget what you've learned from years of watching cop shows on television. Liars do not have trouble making eye contact. The guilty don't fidget. Culprits don't sweat more. As a matter of fact, research indicates that innocent people tend to be more nervous when they are being questioned because they are very intent on proving that they didn't do it. Liars come in with a script in their heads.

"A lot of different signs of anxiety are mistaken for signs of deception," says Kevin Colwell, a forensic scientist at Southern Connecticut State University in New Haven. He says research shows that even for the innocent, the whole tenor of an encounter with police can make it harder to remember things accurately. "In interrogation the whole goal is to convince somebody or trick them or coerce them whatever it takes to get them to confess to the crime."

Colwell is on the forefront of a movement to change that mindset and convince law enforcement and other interrogators that encounters with suspects are opportunities to get information, not just a moment to elicit a confession. The concern is that if an interviewer is already convinced that someone committed the crime they are investigating, interviewers stop searching for other answers. And that can lead to mistakes.

Seek Information, Not a Confession

This approach, of seeking information rather than a confession, is already well entrenched in Britain. Back in the mid-1980s, after a raft of cases involving false confessions, British courts ruled that officers were no longer allowed to use aggressive techniques — such as lying about evidence — to goad suspects. Interrogations in Britain also have to be taped. This has changed the way UK officers interview a suspect. They chat them up, and start by asking questions to which they already know the answers. The police in Britain say this shift in strategy hasn't reduced the number of confessions.

Colwell and a forensic psychologist at National University in La Jolla, Calif., named Cheryl Hiscock-Anisman have been doing this kind of interrogation research for years. As a general matter, they have found that people who are making up a story prepare an airtight, simple script that is easy to remember. People telling the truth have no script because, basically, they lived the story. So they tend to recall unrelated details and often make mistakes.

Colwell and Hiscock-Anisman have been working on a system that draws that contrast more vividly. And they've been taking their theories out into the field.

They are training police officers across the country to look for verbal patterns instead of fidgets. Just weeks ago they sat down with a group at the San Diego Police Department.

Sergeant Romeo De Los Reyes sat in on the session and, initially, was a little skeptical. "We've always learned that communication is 60- to 90-percent non-verbal," he said. "So this was a different approach to dealing with deception."

Now he sees this approach as another tool for his interview toolbox.

Ask a Simple Question

Basically the system asks an interviewer to pay attention to words and verbal cues rather than focusing on non-verbal communication. Hiscock-Anisman suggests interviewers begin with a non-threatening question. "For example, when I was living in Texas and I was running inmates for one of my studies we asked, 'what was the first day like for you in prison?'" she said. She chose that question for two reasons: it was a vivid memory, and it was very likely to get a truthful answer.

"There's no need to lie about your first day in prison, even if you're an inmate," she said.

The first question is designed to give interviewers a baseline of sorts. It gives them an idea of how much detail someone provides when they are telling a story truthfully. Next, interviewers are supposed to ask the person to tell them about the event under investigation. Then they compare the two stories. Does the suspect use the same number of descriptive phrases? Is there the same kind of recall? All these things are very important when trying to turn a gut instinct about whether someone is lying, into something more rooted in specific patterns.

Then comes the harder question, which Hiscock-Anisman says often separates the liars from the truth-tellers. "I say, now what I want you to do is I want you to go back to that time and I want you to describe every single thing that happened but this time I want you to tell me what happened last and work all the way backwards," she said. She laughs. "A liar is going to have a hell of a time, right?"

Try this the next time your teenager comes home late.

The point is, the research indicates that a person who is being honest tends to provide tons of little facts, anecdotal details that you only get from living a situation. In fact, Hiscock-Anisman says she's found that truth-tellers tend to add about 30 percent more detail than people who are lying.

But there are still practical questions on how law enforcement might use this approach. San Diego's De Los Reyes says the system might work with someone who has to decided to talk, but what about someone who is refusing to cooperate? That's unclear. Even so, the San Diego Police Department has asked Colwell and Hiscock-Aninson to come back, to do more training.

5 Compliments Every Woman Loves To Hear

Words of appreciation spoken directly to your romantic partner go far in paving the way to a happy, healthy relationship. What is sometimes too easily forgotten: disagreements among couples (from trifling to serious) can nearly always be overcome with a few words of gratitude from a partner (a.k.a., a healthy dose of authentic compliments). But it takes more than a "Hey Baby, you're hot" to really win points with your partner here. These are the top five compliments every woman loves to hear. If you can't remember the words verbatim, remember the key principles: appreciation, support and acceptance. This is the triage to a strong, lasting and powerful romantic endeavor.

1.You're Irreplaceable. This is a surefire way to light up your partner’s eyes. Saying these words (with full eye contact, of course) lets the special one in your life know that you know who she is as a person and that you value her as a unique individual. Why is this so effective? Think about when you break up with someone and part ways. One of the worst ramifications of the break-up is finding out, via Facebook update or chattering among friends, that you've been replaced by someone new. On the flip side, hearing from your current partner that you're valued for more than what you look like scores big, meaningful points.

2. You bring light to my life. Yes, we know this sounds like a bit much. But bear with us and let us make one point: relationships can go off course when one or both partners takes for granted the contributions the other makes to their lives. Saying this shows that a man understands and remembers that a women chooses to be with her man and opts to give her energy and time to him. Showing he appreciates that she shares her life with him is symphonic to a woman's ears. If the word light is a tad too over-the-top for you try replacing it with happiness, joy, sunshine—whichever word you can say with genuine meaning.

3. You are perfect just the way that you are. This one takes the gold star award for ability to make a woman’s day, week, month or even year (if, that is, whenever she gets miffed at you for something small she recalls you saying this to her). Ingrid Michaelson sang it best with her lyrics to the song "The Way that I Am." If you really want to make your partner's day, we suggest e-mailing this song or youtube video to the woman you love. Deep, lasting love is unconditional. Showing that you comprehend and embrace this idea will touch your partner way more than superficial comments such as, "Your earrings are cute." Read: Dating A Golddigger

4. I love your (fill in the blank: bright eyes, cute toes, toned arms, sleek legs, silky hair). We did not mean to give the impression above that we women do not like to hear you notice when we put extra effort into looking foxy for our man. But what’s key here is that what you say is genuine. Don’t just pick any random feature. Think about it. What is your partner’s best physical attribute and why do you like it? Telling your partner this will show her you pay attention to details, and to her.

5. I am so proud of you. A big deal-breaker in any relationship can be supporting one another’s life goals or not. Paying attention to your partner’s current goals she is working hard to achieve endear her to you for life. Whether it is paying off her credit card debt, completing a class, putting in extra hours to earn a promotion or even trying to better balance her life, show your loving support for your women. Her heart will melt then and every time thereafter she remembers when you supported along the way to making things happen and brushing off when the chips are down.

TIPS FOR DEALING WITH CRITICISM:

Criticism sucks. If you’re being rightly criticized, your ego needs to shake it off like a wet dog and keep wagging it's tail. And if you’re being unjustly ‘dissed, you’ve still got to keep your ego limber so that you can objectively fight for your dignity. Either way, criticism is a call to be your classiest self.

1. Expand. Sometimes criticism stings because we know the criticizer has a valid point. After you’ve done the inner wince, take a deep breath and get back in the ring. And look, just because you may need to clean up your act a bit, it doesn’t mean that you’re a full scale loser. We're all just bozos on the same bus, as my dear friend Donna would say. So literally, take a deep expansive breath, with your fists unclenched. You sustain less injury when you do NOT brace for impact. I guess that's why they call it "rolling with the punches."

2. Admit that it stings. “Ouch. That’s hard to hear. But I’m up for it.” Honesty when criticized is a great equalizer and a show of nobility and maturity.

3. Don’t react...yet. Sometimes it’s best to just listen and simply say, “I’ve heard you. Let me process what you've said and I’ll get back to you tomorrow.” So many of us are so adrift from our deep sensitivity that it takes some time to clearly know how we feel. So just take the time, it’s better than a half-cocked reaction that you’ll regret. And if you do say something you regret, or you don’t say what you think you should have…

4. Go back to it. Feel free to bring it up again, even if it was a closed subject. "I thought more about what you said and I just wanted to let you know that….” It’s better to clear the air after the fact than it is to bury your feelings.
5. Be compassionate to your criticizer. This can really soften the situation. Giving honest criticism is no fun for most people, and it’s often a case of, “This is going to hurt me as much as it might hurt you.”

6. Consider the source. As Ralph Waldo Emerson put it, to succeed is to “earn the appreciation of honest critics.” So firstly, you need to consider your source and their motivation. If you feel you’re being inaccurately criticized, then you need to say so in no uncertain terms. This is tricky because you may be perceived as being defensive. In this case, it’s good to refer to point #3. Collect your thoughts and give a rebuttal that shows your strengths {I’m a rock star because I…} and describes the challenges of the situation {I’ve been operating on a dime budget…}

7. Don’t take any shit. Sometimes you have to play hardball. I once got a super crappy performance review from a manger at a retail job. I got on the phone right away and called the big cheese. “There’s no way I’m signing this review and there’s no way I’m quitting. I think she's losing her marbles." My knees were shaking but I knew I had to do it. As it turned out, I wasn’t the only person complaining about Crazy Manageress. She left shortly thereafter. And guess who got promoted?

8. Know your rights. Sometimes there are legalities to consider. Your job may be on the line. If you lip off, and it leads to a dismissal, you want to know what your rights are – employers may need to formally warn you in writing, etc. You also have the right to be treated with respect no matter how severely you screw up. Criticism given without care is irresponsible.

9. Bring closure to it. If you’re being asked to improve in some way, then ask for specific measurables – you can’t run a race if you don’t know where the finish line is. Be extra diligent about checking in on mutual satisfaction.

10. Say thank you. Whether you’ve been rightly our wrongly critiqued, say thanks – either way, it’s a learning opportunity.

11. Lick your wounds. Bruises need icepacks and hotbaths. Be sweet to yourself because tomorrow is another day and you're up for the ride. Life never dishes out something you can't handle.


By Danielle LaPorte

Visual Deal-Breakers for Daters

A few weeks back I had a great time working on an upcoming "Man in the Street" feature for Marie Claire. We asked women what makes a guy dating material, and the most common answer was: someone who has it together, and has goals and ambitions.

"Having it together" goes beyond the mental aspect. I've realized that women can take one look at me and size me up as someone who doesn't have it together, and may have no ambition. My disheveled appearance could stand some adjustments.

Here are some elements that I should work on to look more "together":

#1 Dating Element: Posture
I walk around as if I'm auditioning for the lead role in a Nosferatu remake. My shoulders are rolled forward, and I'm hunched over. I can't tell whether I'm tired, too relaxed, or what. But there's one thing I do know, women like tall guys. I'm cheating myself with my bad posture. If I stand up straight, I'm 5'11" (well, 5'10 and .99999999 inches); nothing to write home about, but it is over the average for the American male (5'9"). I should take advantage of anything above average about me. Standing up straight will also make me look more confident.

#2 Dating Element: Holes
You've read about the moth holes in my clothes, but there are other places where holes pop up. Assuming that women don't notice my shoes is naive, considering their love of all things shoe-related. I get everything I can out of a pair of sneakers. Plus, I'm too lazy to go out and buy new ones. My current sneakers are literally wearing away to nothingness. I could act as a visual aid for one of those old guys telling stories about the Great Depression: "In my day we used cardboard boxes for shoes." My friend Margaret, the other day, stuck her finger into the bottom of my shoe and struck foot! She declared that my porous shoes were responsible for my bad luck with the ladies. If only it were that simple...

#3 Dating Element: Hair
This "hair" refers to cat hair. You know you're in trouble when someone takes a look at you and asks, "Do you have a cat?" I'm always running late, so I don't have time to apply the lint roller before I leave my apartment. Cat hair has a mind of its own and silently floats around and attaches itself to important spots on clothing.

#4 Dating Element: Fingernails
I chew my fingernails to the hilt. In addition to being a dirty habit, it makes my hands look terrible. My fingernails are so low that people sometimes cringe when they look at them and ask me how bad it hurts. We all know I'm an anxious person, but wearing that anxiety on the outside in the form of jagged, bleeding fingernails is not going to attract many women. I've been trying to kick the habit for awhile, and when I do maybe I'll look like I have my life together more... or at least I'll look like I'm not eternally nervous.

It never occurred to me that women might see me and think I don't care how I look, and then make the connection to me not caring how my apartment looks, and not caring about my life goals and aspirations. I've let my apathetic attitude permeate my appearance, and that's not good.

Things are going to change. The other day, Margaret forced me to buy a wallet. So, I'm no longer walking around with random cards in my pockets and misplacing certain cards. The wallet is a symbol for me pulling it together. As Margaret says, "No girl likes it when a guy buys them a dinner with a balled-up wad of bills."

Laughter: Not Just for Funny Stuff

A cackle and a giggle can mean different things.

Scientists say there are two types of laughter: the kind that comes from pure glee, and the kind that's meant to send a social message. New research suggests autistic children don't often express the latter type, a finding that could reveal more about the nature of human laughter.

From the beginning

Laughter probably predates human speech by millions of years, scientists think. It likely evolved as an early form of communication to help people negotiate group dynamics and establish hierarchy, said William Hudenko, a psychologist at Ithaca College who led the new study.

Babies usually learn to laugh before they learn to speak.

"We think it's so hardwired that even infants start to use laughter in order to promote affiliation and bonding with caregivers," Hudenko told LiveScience.

People are about 30 times more likely to laugh in the presence of others than alone, reinforcing the idea that laughter is a social phenomenon.

And though we associate laughter with humor, a large proportion of laughs aren't in response to anything remotely funny. Rather, they are often just affirmations, communications, or expressions of joy.

We laugh "to kind of grease the social wheels," Hudenko said.

Two types

Laughter mainly comes in two types, researchers think: voiced, and unvoiced.

"We need more research to be done to understand the function of voice versus unvoiced laughter, but our best hypothesis is that unvoiced laughs are probably used more to negotiate social interactions, and voiced might be more linked to a positive internal state," Hudenko said.

So voiced laughter - the prototypical, belly-laugh type, that sounds more like sing-song - is usually spontaneous. We create the sound with our vocal chords (hence the name), and usually laugh this way naturally and spontaneously.

Unvoiced laughter, however, is more of a conscious expression. We make these panting, grunting, snorting noises when we are trying on purpose to laugh, usually for a social purpose, such as to ease conversation or make friends.

For adults, each type of laughter represents about 50 percent of the total. Young children may express more voiced than unvoiced laughter, as they haven't yet learned to purposely laugh.

But strikingly, Hudenko and team found that autistic children almost never produce unvoiced laughs. They monitored kids between ages 8 and 10 playing in a lab, and set up situations that would elicit laughter, such as falling block towers and squeaky balloons.

The test group of autistic children laughed just about as often as the non-autistic kids, but the autistic children's laughter was 98 percent voiced, while non-autistic children produced both types.

"We take this as some preliminary evidence that children with autism might not be using laughter the same way," Hudenko said. "Our hypothesis is that typically-developing children, through the course of development, learn a large repertoire of laugh sounds in order to negotiate social circumstances. We suspect the children with autism are not attuned to the same social subtleties."

Developing skills

The finding helps underscore the different purposes of the two kinds of laughter. It could also help researchers design better ways to help kids with autism navigate social situations.

"The idea is that we might be able to help them to express laughter more readily during social interactions," Hudenko said. "This shows that these children with autism have a really fantastic skill that might help them to promote relationships with individuals."

In fact, research shows that most people prefer to listen to voiced laughter more than unvoiced. Call it our suspicious nature: We react better to laughter that is spontaneously produced, rather than laughter that is calculated to send a message.

This fact could prove beneficial to autistic children, who tend to produce the more popular variety of laughter.

"We at least know they're producing sounds that other people like to hear," Hudenko said. "We think this is a powerful first start to look at ways we might be able to use emotional capacities these children already have instead of trying to teach them some new skill."

What Does Your Handwriting Say About You?

If Your Writing Slants…

To the right: You are open to the world around you and like to socialize with other people.

To the left: You generally like to work alone or behind the scenes. If you are right-handed and your handwriting slants to the left, you may be expressing rebellion.

Not at all: You tend to be logical and practical. You are guarded with your emotions.

If the Size of Your Letters Is…

Large: You have a big personality. Many celebrities have large handwriting. It may suggest that you are outgoing and like the limelight.

Small: You are focused and can concentrate easily. You tend to be introspective and shy.

Average: You are well-adjusted and adaptable.


If Your Loops Are...

Closed for L (meaning the upstroke overlaps the downstroke): Feeling tense? This implies you are restricting yourself in some way.

Full for L: You are spontaneous and relaxed and find it easy to express yourself.

Closed for E: You tend to be skeptical and are unswayed by emotional arguments.

Full for E: You have an open mind and enjoy trying new things.

If Your S’s Are…

Round: You are a people-pleaser and seek compromise. You avoid confrontation.

Pointy: You are intellectually probing and like to study new things. The higher and pointier the peaks, the more ambitious you are.

Open at the bottom: You might not be following your heart. For example, you always wanted to be an artist, but you have a career in finance.


If You Want Neater, More Legible Handwriting

Write out this sentence in your normal, everyday style: A quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. (Don’t worry if you use a mix of printing and cursive. By high school, more than two-thirds of people combine them, according to writing specialist Steve Graham.) So how does it look? If it’s a scrawled mess, start by slowing down. In addition to that general rule, experts recommend focusing on five target areas to improve the appearance and the legibility of your handwriting. Read their advice, and study which example they say is the model style (the last sample, in each case). The goal? Script that is easier to read―even “note”-worthy.

1. Line Quality

If your writing is faint, like a bad photocopy, simply focus on pressing harder. If you pressed so hard that your fingers got sore, correct your grip: Try to hold the pen between the pads of your middle finger and thumb, with your index finger resting on top. If you have trouble retraining yourself, try using an ergonomic pencil grip.

2. Alignment

Does your sentence tilt up or down on the page? If the answer is yes, use an index card to guide you when you write on unlined paper. Use the top of the note card as the base for each line of writing. And use the space between the lines on the card as a reference for the amount of space you should leave between the lines of your note.

3. Slant

To straighten up a bit, adjust the angle of the paper. Think of your writing space as a clock, with 12 o’clock straight ahead. If you’re right-handed, rotate the page so that the bottom-right corner is at 4 o’clock and the top-left one is at 10 o’clock. For lefties, the bottom-left corner should fall at 8 and the upper-right corner at 2.

4. Spacing

If your letters and words are too close together, they blend into one another. Too far apart and they get lost in space. Imagine a lowercase o split vertically in half. That’s the correct amount of space to leave between each letter. A full lowercase o should fit between words.

5. Letter Formation

Everyone has a letter or two that manage to get mangled in daily penmanship. Lowercase letters, especially vowels, are the usual suspects. Look at what you wrote and circle the letters that aren’t completely closed or are missing stems. Be more mindful of them and slow down.

Write On

How you craft letters and words can indicate more than 5,000 different personality traits, according to the science of graphology, also known as handwriting analysis. To introduce students to the field, graphologist Kathi McKnight has them write She sells seashells by the seashore in cursive. Why cursive? Graphologists say it gives them a better read on a person. Try writing the same sentence now in cursive (even if you usually print), then read on to see how graphologists might characterize you. (Note: Each analysis corresponds to the handwriting sample to its right.)

By Amanda Armstrong

How to Detect Lies

Introduction to Detecting Lies:

The following techniques to telling if someone is lying are often used by police, and security experts. This knowledge is also useful for managers, employers, and for anyone to use in everyday situations where telling the truth from a lie can help prevent you from being a victim of fraud/scams and other deceptions.

Warning: Sometimes Ignorance is bliss; after gaining this knowledge, you may be hurt when it is obvious that someone is lying to you.

Signs of Deception:
Body Language of Lies:

• Physical expression will be limited and stiff, with few arm and hand movements. Hand, arm and leg movement are toward their own body the liar takes up less space.

• A person who is lying to you will avoid making eye contact.

• Hands touching their face, throat & mouth. Touching or scratching the nose or behind their ear. Not likely to touch his chest/heart with an open hand.

Emotional Gestures & Contradiction

• Timing and duration of emotional gestures and emotions are off a normal pace. The display of emotion is delayed, stays longer it would naturally, then stops suddenly.

• Timing is off between emotions gestures/expressions and words. Example: Someone says "I love it!" when receiving a gift, and then smile after making that statement, rather then at the same time the statement is made.

• Gestures/expressions don’t match the verbal statement, such as frowning when saying “I love you.”

• Expressions are limited to mouth movements when someone is faking emotions (like happy, surprised, sad, awe, )instead of the whole face. For example; when someone smiles naturally their whole face is involved: jaw/cheek movement, eyes and forehead push down, etc.

Interactions and Reactions

• A guilty person gets defensive. An innocent person will often go on the offensive.

• A liar is uncomfortable facing his questioner/accuser and may turn his head or body away.

• A liar might unconsciously place objects (book, coffee cup, etc.) between themselves and you.

Verbal Context and Content

• A liar will use your words to make answer a question. When asked, “Did you eat the last cookie?” The liar answers, “No, I did not eat the last cookie.”

•A statement with a contraction is more likely to be truthful: “ I didn't do it” instead of “I did not do it”

• Liars sometimes avoid "lying" by not making direct statements. They imply answers instead of denying something directly.

• The guilty person may speak more than natural, adding unnecessary details to convince you... they are not comfortable with silence or pauses in the conversation.

• A liar may leave out pronouns and speak in a monotonous tone. When a truthful statement is made the pronoun is emphasized as much or more than the rest of the words in a statement.

• Words may be garbled and spoken softly, and syntax and grammar may be off.In other words his sentences will likely be muddled rather than emphasized

Other signs of a lie:

• If you believe someone is lying, then change subject of a conversation quickly, a liar follows along willingly and becomes more relaxed. The guilty wants the subject changed; an innocent person may be confused by the sudden change in topics and will want to back to the previous subject.

• Using humor or sarcasm to avoid a subject.

Final Notes:

Obviously, just because someone exhibits one or more of these signs does not make them a liar. The above behaviors should be compared to a persons base (normal) behavior whenever possible.

@http://www.blifaloo.com/info/lies.php

In love? It's not enough to keep a marriage, study finds

SYDNEY (Reuters Life!) – Living happily ever after needn't only be for fairy tales. Australian researchers have identified what it takes to keep a couple together, and it's a lot more than just being in love.

A couple's age, previous relationships and even whether they smoke or not are factors that influence whether their marriage is going to last, according to a study by researchers from the Australian National University.

The study, entitled "What's Love Got to Do With It," tracked nearly 2,500 couples -- married or living together -- from 2001 to 2007 to identify factors associated with those who remained together compared with those who divorced or separated.

It found that a husband who is nine or more years older than his wife is twice as likely to get divorced, as are husbands who get married before they turn 25.

Children also influence the longevity of a marriage or relationship, with one-fifth of couples who have kids before marriage -- either from a previous relationship or in the same relationship -- having separated compared to just nine percent of couples without children born before marriage.

Women who want children much more than their partners are also more likely to get a divorce.

A couple's parents also have a role to play in their own relationship, with the study showing some 16 percent of men and women whose parents ever separated or divorced experienced marital separation themselves compared to 10 percent for those whose parents did not separate.

Also, partners who are on their second or third marriage are 90 percent more likely to separate than spouses who are both in their first marriage.

Not surprisingly, money also plays a role, with up to 16 percent of respondents who indicated they were poor or where the husband -- not the wife -- was unemployed saying they had separated, compared with only nine percent of couples with healthy finances.

And couples where one partner, and not the other, smokes are also more likely to have a relationship that ends in failure.

Factors found to not significantly affect separation risk included the number and age of children born to a married couple, the wife's employment status and the number of years the couple had been employed.

The study was jointly written by Dr Rebecca Kippen and Professor Bruce Chapman from The Australian National University, and Dr Peng Yu from the Department of Families, Housing, Community Services and Indigenous Affairs.

How To Sniff Out A Liar

There are plenty of dangerously skilled liars--and not just the Bernie Madoffs and Jeffrey Skillings of the world. Indeed, under the right (or wrong) circumstances, we're all guilty fibbers.

According to an oft-cited 1996 University of Virginia study led by psychologist Bella DePaulo, lying is part of the human condition. Over the course of one week, DePaulo and her colleagues asked 147 participants, aged 18 to 71, to record in a diary all of their social interactions and all of the lies they told during them. On average, each person lied just over 10 times, and only seven participants claimed to have been completely honest

To be fair, most of the time we're just trying to be nice. (When your wife asks if you enjoyed the dinner she cooked, most husbands who know what's good for them say, "It was delicious.") Such "false positive" lies are delivered 10 to 20 times more often than spurious denials of culpability, according to DePaulo's research. Other studies show that men and women lie with equal frequency, though women are more likely to lie to make other people feel good, while men tend to lie to make themselves look better. As for who we hoodwink, "we lie less frequently to our significant others because we're more invested in those relationships," says Jeffrey Hancock, associate professor of communication at Cornell University.

The question is: How to know when someone's selling you ice in Eskimo?

Traditional polygraph tests, around in some form or fashion since the early 1900s, use sensors to detect fluctuations in blood pressure, pulse, respiration and sweat in response to probing questions. Two problems with polygraphs: First, they only work about 80% of the time, according to the American Polygraph Association. Second, it's not like we are going to carry all that hardware to a business meeting or a bar. And that means relying on our own very limited vigilance.

"Although there are some ways in which liars behave differently from truth-tellers, there are no perfectly reliable cues to deception," admits DePaulo, author of more than a dozen deception studies. "Cues to deception differ according to factors such as the type of lie and the motivation for getting away with it."

While there is no surefire on-the-spot way to sniff out dissemblers, there are some helpful tactics for uncovering untruths.

Liars often give short or one-word responses to questions, while truth tellers are more likely to flesh out their answers. According to a 2003 study by DePaulo, a liar provides fewer details and uses fewer words than an honest person, and talks for a smaller percentage of the conversation.

Skilled liars don't break a sweat, but the rest of us get a little fidgety. Four possible giveaways: shifty eyes, higher vocal pitch, perspiration and heavier breathing. Of course, not everyone who doesn't meet your gaze is a liar.

"Certain behavioral traits, like averting eye contact, could be cultural and not indicative of a liar," says Joseph Buckley, president of John E. Reid & Associates, which has provided interview and interrogation training to more than 500,000 law enforcement agents to date. The company is also the creator of the Reid Technique, a nine-step interrogation process employed by many U.S. law enforcement agencies.

Liars are often reluctant to admit ordinary storytelling mistakes. When honest people tell stories, they may realize partway through that they left out some details and would unselfconsciously backtrack to fill in holes. They also may realize a previous statement wasn't quite right, and go back and explain further. Liars, on the other hand, "are worried that someone might catch them in a lie and are reluctant to admit to such ordinary imperfections," says DePaulo.

Yet another clue: imprecise pronouns. To psychologically distance themselves from a lie, people often pepper their tales with second- and third-person pronouns like "you," "we" and "they," says Hancock. Liars are also more likely to ask that questions be repeated and begin responses with phrases like, "to tell you the truth," and "to be perfectly honest," says Reid.

When telling the truth, people often make hand gestures to the rhythm of their speech. Hands emphasize points or phrases--a natural and compelling technique when they actually believe the points they're making. The less certain will keep gesticulations in check, says Hancock.

The mode of communication matters too. Studies show that we are less likely to lie face-to-face than over the phone or the Web. In one week-long study of 30 college students, Hancock observed that the phone was the weapon of choice, enabling 37% of all the lies, versus 27% during face-to-face exchanges, 21% using Instant Messaging and just 14% via e-mail.

Will we ever come clean? Not likely. Guilty stomach knots aside, the subjects in DePaulo's study confessed that they would tell 75% of the lies again if given the opportunity. Chances are, they'd get away with it.