Mending A Broken Relationship

Have you ever had an argument with a friend or family member? Chances are that you have and that you know how difficult it can be to try to mend a relationship once an argument has taken place. Whether it is your pride or simply not knowing what you should say that gets in the way, you should never think that any relationship is too far gone without giving it another chance. Maybe during the coming Hari Raya celebration, you can take the opportunity to work toward mending your relationship that has gone sour.

1. Take responsibility - It is natural to try to point the finger of blame at the other person. No one likes to admit that they are wrong. But it is precisely this kind of pride that leads to so many relationship problems. The fact of the matter is that 9 times out of ten both parties involved in the argument are going to be partially at fault. Blaming your own insufficiencies on the other person only angers them more and the conversation naturally turns to argument. Once you have made the decision to mend a relationship you must also take responsibility for your actions and for the faults that you brought to the argument.

2. Apologize - It sounds like a simple thing to do, but saying "I'm sorry" can be very difficult. Apologizing is a significant part of mending a relationship because in doing so, not only are you swallowing your pride and showing humility, but you are also sincerely asking for the other person to accept your apology.

3. Listen to the other person's point of view - In an argument there are always two sides to a story. While we are arguing chances are that we are less likely to be really concentrating on what the other person is saying, and more likely to be thinking about what we will say next to further "stick it to `em." Once the heat of the moment has cooled express your desire to hear what the other person has to say and really sincerely want to understand where they are coming from.

4. Express your feelings - You cannot mend relationships by simply always admitting that you were wrong and giving the other person no responsibility whatsoever. Relationships involve two people and just as you were willing to hear out your friend, you should be able to now express what you were feeling when the argument took place. Speaking of your own emotions can be difficult especially if those emotions are still close to the surface. As best as you can, you should use "I" statements (statements where you begin your sentences with "I feel," "I thought," etc.) rather than on criticizing the other person.

5. Give it some time - Mending a relationship that has gone sour can take some time, especially if you have waited a long time to try to resolve your differences. Accept that there will be times when even after talking to each other respectfully you still feel hurt or offended. When something such as trust is broken it will take time to build that trust up again. Harsh words can cut deep and those wounds do not always heal over night. Be willing to do what it takes over the period of time that you and your friend will need to set things right again. If you really value the relationship you will give the other individual as much time as they feel that they need to forgive and forget. Remember that you cannot change the past; all you can do is try to build a better future relationship.

MAY I ALSO TAKE THE OPPORTUNITY TO WISH ALL MY MUSLIM FRIENDS

"SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI, MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN"