The Things That Make Us Happy

The Myth: We think the finer things in life will make us happy. The Reality: Most of what makes us happy is pretty prosaic.

Beauty
People like pretty. Good looks help your popularity and, by extension, your career; both boost mood. But beauty on its own doesn't do much good.

Money
If you're poor, money does make a difference. But above a threshold of about $40,000 a year, more won't make you happier. Comparisons, though, influence your state of mind: No matter how much or how little you make, doing better than your neighbor will make you feel better.

Education
In the 1950s, book learning brought happiness, but a college education no longer lifts well-being on its own. Education opens the door to a better career, but it also fosters higher expectations that may be disappointed.

Aging
Young people are more aware of bad news and negative emotions than are the elderly. Aging seems to bias us toward the positive, despite more fragile health and finances; that may be because we've come closer to reaching our goals.

Intelligence
Smarts have only a weak effect on happiness; being brainy may decrease satisfaction by raising your expectations and making you more aware of your shortcomings.

Religion
Surprisingly, churchgoers get only a small lift from the Lord. The cause: Faith fosters both community ties and social networks, which are both known to make people happier.

Free time
Well-spent leisure time can lead to great leaps in happiness: Activities that combine socializing and physical activity and require some moderate skills are the best (think salsa!). Most of us spend a lot of our leisure time watching TV, which can be relaxing; but we'd be happier if we just went bowling. Don't envy your laid-off friends; while the unemployed have more time, most have little active leisure, which is one of the reasons they're so unhappy.

Narcissism
High self-esteem protects against psychological suffering, and a little bit of narcissism is good for your mood: People with abundant self-love are less likely to be depressed, lonely or anxious.

Social skills
Friendship is one of life's main joys. Due to novelty, spending time with friends lifts your mood more than spending time with family. Being cooperative and knowing how to chat up the opposite sex are also associated with happiness.

Sense of humor
Not taking things so seriously can bring hope and happiness. People with a hopeful outlook tend to also be good at laughing.

Volunteering
In one study, volunteer and charity work generated more joy than anything except dancing. The sense of accomplishment, the social connection and the chance to do something meaningful are what make it so much fun.

The Last Lecture

Sekiranya anda diberitahu oleh doktor anda bahawa anda cuma ada beberapa bulan untuk hidup, apakah yang anda akan lakukan?

1. Ikutilah kisah luar biasa Prof Randy Pausch (klip video) di

http://download.srv.cs.cmu.edu/~pausch/

2. Untuk versi tempatan, layarilah laman web Hee Boon's Amazing New Adventures di

http://fhbadventure.blogspot.com/

Semoga mendapat manfaat darinya.

Gratitude: The Forgotten Virtue

It's Danke in German, Merci in French, Gracias in Spanish, Xia-xia in Chinese and Nandri in Tamil. In English, it simply means 'Thank You.'

'Thank You' - It is one of the most polite and welcome phrase in the language of love. To thank is to be grateful. And it is a happy feeling enjoyed by both the giver and the receiver. It is a virtue shared even by the animals. A dog, for example, will wag its tail upon receiving food from its master.

Even though gratitude is an act that can bring joy to our hearts, it continues to be an under-rated virtue. The increasing number of Old Folks Home, the rise in the rate of suicides and abortions are some of the dreadful consequences brought about by the lack of gratitude. At times, we too, take things for granted and fail to appreciate the efforts made by others to make our lives easier.

Why is it so necessary to have this virtue? What are the benefits of being grateful? Is it because of its sentimental value? That it makes us good to say 'Thank you'? No! The value of gratitude stretches far beyond that. It is more than giving us the happy feeling. It actually enriches our whole life and the lives of others around us as well.

Personally, being grateful helps us to appreciate life better. When we practise the art of gratitude, we become more aware of the many beautiful things in our lives. It makes us more sensitive to all the good things that life has to offer. We will no longer take things for granted. And when that happens, our lives will become brighter, more alive, and more meaninful.

There is a true story told that a certain doctor in NSW, Australia who would even prescribe a 'Thank you Cure' for some of his patients who came to him discouraged and full of negative thoughts. Now this doctor would tell his patients, "For six weeks, I want you to say 'Thank you' whenever anyone does you a favour and to show you mean it, emphasize the words with a smile." And true enough, more often than not, these patients would return to him, very much convinced that people had become more kind and friendly toward them.

The art of gratitude will not only help the person who says it but also the one who receives it(The giver). It affirms the receiver that his effort to help is not in vain but is very much acknowledged and appreciated. It strengthened his conviction that giving is indeed a worthy cause. That it pays to give. And in this respect, gratitude fosters cooperation and helps to promote the art of giving.

Last but not least, gratitude also helps in building up our faith in God. To keep our relationship with God alive, we must never stop thanking him. When we thank God, we accept the fact that he is alive and is working in our lives. And so we put our trust and confidence in him as our provider and saviour.

As a matter of fact, there is so much in life that we can be thankful for. We can thank God for our beautiful country, Malaysia, for our wonderful parents, great friends, so on and so forth. But the real test in gratitude, my friends, lies not in our ability to give thanks in good times but in bad times. When we are criticised, betrayed or persecuted, can we be thankful in these hours? For the trials that we face?

In the book 'The Song of the Bird', Fr Anthony de Mello told a wonderful story from the Middle East on the kind of attitude that we should have in facing criticisms or difficulties of life. In this story, there was a monkey up a coconut tree and being naughty, it hurled a coconut at the head of a sufi, a religious man. What was remarkable was that this man did not reacted angrily or showed any obscene signs towards the monkey despite the pain he was experiencing.

Instead, he picked the coconut up, said 'Thank you', drank the milk, ate the flesh and made a bowl from the shell. Making full use of the coconut thrown at him.

Perhaps, there is an important lesson on gratitude that we can draw here. And I sincerely believe if we can do what the sufi master did, then we can fully appreciate whatever life is throwing at us in a grateful manner.

Thank you!

(Adapted from a talk given at the Sitiawan Charismatic Renewal meeting in SFDS Church, Sitiawan, 2005)

True riches in Life

Wealth, they say, is relative. The more wealth, the more relatives.

To me, there are two ways to be wealthy. The first method, the conventional way, is to acquire as much wealth as possible; as much money, shares, properties etc to meet the many unsatiable desires in our lives. However, the downside to this is that it can lead to greed and untold miseries when the many wants in our lives are not met.

The second way, the one favoured by the mystics, involves not in acquiring of wealth but rather in cutting down of the many wants or desires in our lives. The great Buddha, The Enlightened One, once had this to say. He said, "The world if full of sorrow. The root of sorrow is desire. And the uprooting of sorrow is desireless-ness."

Accordingly, the true riches of life are to be sought from within and not without and this is beautifully illustrated in a Hindu story. In this story, the Lord Vishnu appeared in a dream to a man and told him that at 10 o'clock the next morning a mendicant(wandering beggar) would be passing by the only road in the village and should he give the man the stone that he had, the man would be the richest man in the world.

And true enough, at 10 the next morning, the man saw the mendicant passing by the road and rushed to him. "Give me the stone! Give me the stone!" "What stone are you talking about?" "Last night the Lord Vishnu told me to wait here for a mendicant at 10 this morning and should he give me the stone that he had, I would be the richest man in the world." So the mendicant rummaged his bag and took out a stone. " Is this what you are looking for?" Wow! It was the largest diamond in the world. "Yes, would you give it to me?" "Of course, found it somewhere in my wandering."

Now, as the man was walking back with the diamond, something struck him. He sat down under a tree and pondered all day long. Evening came and again he saw the mendicant. Again he rushed up to the mendicant and told him, "Take back the stone. I don't want it. But would you give me the riches that is in your heart which enable you to give away this stone?"

My dear friends, there is something precious within us. The Bible says that "The Kingdom of God is within us." If only, we care enough to reflect and plough deep within us, we will find that all the riches needed to live a meaningful and enriching lives are inside of us and that we have a lot more to offer to the world and that we are all millionaires in our own right.

(Presented during the Sitiawan Toastmasters Club meeting - Table Topic in 2000)

Honesty is the Best Policy

I have heard people say that, "There is nothing straight in a Chinese except may be his hair." I do not really know how true this is but I thank God that I am first a Christian and then a Chinese. And
this does give me some measure of confidence to deal with this topic called 'Honesty.'

Honesty, people say, is the best policy. To be honest is to be truthful, frank and straight forward. An honest man is one who would not be crooked even if he could get away with it. He knows no lying, no cheating and no hanky panky. All his ways are noble. A famous English poet, Alexander Pope, once described an honest man to be the noblest work of God.

But like all good virtues, honesty is hard to find nowadays. The Gospel of this world preaches that honesty is a thing of the past and to succeed in today's competitive world, one needs to be cunning, not honest. This spirit, unfortunately, has caught up with many people. Yet despite what negative things the world may say about honesty, I honestly, still believe it to be the best policy.

The first reason why we need to be honest is because it can help us to solve our problems more effectively. Honestly will give us a real and total picture of our problem. This, in return, will enable us to get to the root of our problem. And once we get to the root of the problem, it will be easier for us to find the solution. On the other hand, dishonesty will only complicate the problem and make it more difficult to solve, especially later on. A lot of time and energy will also be wasted.

It is in this respect that the court sees honesty as the most important aspect in solving its cases. Before one can testify in court, he is sworn by the following oath: "I promise to speak the truth, the whole truth, nothing but the truth. So help me God." Only then can he testify because he is now expected to be honest. But should he be caught being dishonest, then he can be charged with perjury which can carry a penalty up to 6/7 years in jail or even more, depending on its severity. This is how serious the court treats honesty in its problem solving. Are we doing the same in our lives?

The second reason why we need to be honest is that it helps our reputation. People will trust us if we are honest. Honesty breeds confidence and friendship in people. Once people realize that we have cheated them, it is so difficult to win back their trust, especially if that person happens to be your spouse or loved ones!

When I was small, one of my favourite stories is 'The Boy Who Cried Wolf' taken from Aesop Fables. In this story, the boy bought misfortune upon himself for being dishonest. He tricked the villagers one time too many by crying, 'Wolf! Wolf!" when there was no wolf. And when the wolf finally made an appearance, no one came to his aid despite his cries. They had simply lost trust in him. As Abraham Lincoln so aptly put it, "You can cheat all the people sometimes, some people all the time but not all people all the time." When they find out, there will be a lot of unpleasantness and it is definitely not worth it.

Reason number three why we must be honest is because honesty is good for our health, both mentally and physically. You see when we lie, we must always remember what we have said in case people check on us. Worse still, to cover this lie, we have to create another lie, and another and another. There is no end to it and it can be quite tortuous to remember them all.

But this problem does not arise if we tell the truth. There is a Jewish proverb which says, "If you speak the truth, you don't have to remember." There is no need to hide or worry. Our conscience will be clear and our poor heart can relax and I can assure you, you will sleep well at night. The truth will set you free.

In a world that is so torn by lies and half-truths, it is important for us to be able to say "Yes" for a yes and "No' for a no. Being honest does make a difference to our lives, eventually. Once a house-builder was asked by his boss to build a bungalow. He was given all the neccessary materials to build a beautiful bungalow on a hilltop overlooking the sea. Now, being, dishonest, this man tried to cheat and cut corners. He was putting more sand than cement, the wiring was poorly done, the floor unevened, walls cracking and so forth. He even sold off quality materials in exchange for poor ones. Within months, the hastily-built house was completed.

Then one day, in a dinner given by the company, his boss made a surprise annoucement. Refering to the man, he gladly announced:"In appreciation to your long service to this company, I now with great pleasure present to you the keys to the bungalow you have been building." Gosh, it was only there and then that he realized the cost of his dishonesty but it was too late. Had he been honest, he would have build himself and his family a lovely bungalow.

In many ways, my friends, we may be like this man. God has given us so much of grace to lead a good life but often we have chosen to settle for less. Let us today resolve to do better than that. Let us give honesty a chance by being truthful in our lives. True, it may not be easy. At times, it might even seem foolish to be honest. But I sincerely believe if we perservere in bearing witness to the truth, the truth will vindicate us and in due time, we will be able to experience the abundant blessings that come with it, proving that honesty is indeed the best policy.

(Adapted from a talk given during a Charismatic Renewal Meeting in St Francis De Sales Church, Sitiawan in 1994)

It Only Takes A Spark !

This morning as I was taking a monorail coach to Kompleks Kraf, KL a remarkable thing happened. Seated in front of me were two young burly Indian guys and a sweet looking chinese girl. As the train was about to stop at Hang Tuah station, the two big guys stood up. Thinking that they were about to get off the train, I had instinctively wanted to 'steal' one of the two vacated seats.

But to my surprise, they did not alight from the train. Apparently, from the window of the coach, they had seen some old ladies waiting to board the train and were giving up their seats for them. Their kind action had prompted the sweet young girl next to them to also give up her seat. Being taught a lesson in politeness, how could I not also do a bit of 'sacrifice' by not competing for seats with the respected senior citizens of ours.

In a moment of glory, I had witnessed how goodwill and generosity triumph over self-centredness. Hats off to those who were willing to show what it means to respect the elderly, especially the two young Indian guys. Their thoughtfulness saved the day for the three old ladies and inspired two others, yours truly included, to do likewise. As the proverbial saying goes, 'It only takes a spark to get the fire going!'