Siapa Makan Cili

The Five Most Common Lies in Business

2010-08-31T11:27:00.003+08:00

There are as many lies in business as there are people in business.

Paul LaFontaine left Bertelsmann Music Group in March 1997 to advise other businesspeople about radical honesty. He has lots of work to do. "There are as many lies in business as there are people in business," he says. Here are his nominees for the five most common lies:

Lie: "People are our most important asset."

Truth: "People are our most worrisome and unpredictable asset. Our most important assets are really our financial assets."

B.S. Detector: This may be the leading lie of our times. "When management starts talking about how important people are," LaFontaine says, "you can bet there is going to be an unpopular human resources decision coming soon."

Lie: "This was a rational decision."

Truth: "I wanted to do this."

B.S. Detector: People "want what they want just because they want it," says LaFontaine.

Lie: "We judge people by their performance."

Truth: "I judge your performance based on how much I like you."

B.S. Detector: "Why do most people who keep their jobs keep them?" LaFontaine asks. "Because the people they work for like them. And you get fired when the people you work for don't like you anymore.

Lie: "This is business, it isn't personal."

Truth: "Everything's personal."

B.S. Detector: "As people, we get mad at each other," says LaFontaine. "Attempts to avoid it are cowardly. So get mad. Then get over it and move on." LaFontaine believes that any disagreement can be handled with an honest conversation.

Lie: "The customer comes first."

Truth: "I come first."

B.S. Detector: "More often than not, 'the customer' is an abstraction," LaFontaine warns. "People take care of customers when it benefits them and ignore customers when they can get away with it. Nobody says 'I come first,' which is what's usually going on."

How to Catch a Liar

2010-08-31T11:18:00.005+08:00

Are you being lied to? Find out how you can tell.

1. How is the person speaking?
Although a change in voice can be the tip-off to a lie, experts say that to be sure, you should also pay attention to a person's speech rate and breathing pattern -- if either speeds up or slows down, chances are you're not hearing the whole truth.

2. What is the person saying?
Liars tend to avoid exclusionary words like "but," "nor," "except," and "whereas," because they have trouble with complex thought processes. Liars are less likely to use the words "I," "me," and "mine." In their attempts to distance themselves psychologically from their tall tales, liars will tend to communicate using fewer personal pronouns.

3. Is his face giving it away?
You may think disguising your true feelings is easily accomplished with the help of a smile, but the expressions that flash across your face will give away what you're really thinking -- whether you know it or not. Experts advise paying close attention to the micro-expressions that a face can't hide. These clues are often so difficult to detect that even trained experts have trouble discerning them.

4. How is the person smiling?
A smile can sometimes mask a person's true feelings. Pay close attention to how a person smiles as well as other facial movements. You may be able to detect the emotions he or she is trying to hide -- such as fear, anger, and disgust. A true smile will incorporate both a person's lips and eyes.

5. Does the body language follow the story?
It's more important to examine a person's entire demeanor, as there's no one feature that's apt to give away a liar. Honesty is characterized by features that are in sync with one another -- so besides posture, note the fit between face, body, voice, and speech.

6. Is your subject behaving uncharacteristically?
Experts believe changes in a person's baseline -- how she generally conducts herself -- are worthy of your attention. You should weigh rate of speech, tone of voice, posture, and hand gestures against what you know, along with the context of the situation.

7. Is the question simple or embarrassing?
It's normal for someone to look away when asked a difficult question. But when someone avoids your gaze when asked a simple question, you should be suspicious.

Adapted from Quiz: Can You Spot a Liar?

How You View Others Says a Lot About Self

2010-08-08T22:22:00.000+08:00

You might want to think twice before you talk about others, because your words could reveal a lot about your own personality traits, even ones that you may not be aware of, or clues to whether you’re kind or mean.

That’s the finding of a new study, which concludes that the way you view others reflects a lot about who you are, including both good and bad characteristics.

“Your perceptions of others reveal so much about your own personality,” says study researcher Dustin Wood, PhD, an assistant professor of psychology at Wake Forest University. “Seeing others positively reveals your own positive traits.”

On the other hand, your words could reveal negative perceptions of others that are linked to narcissism, antisocial behavior, and even neuroticism, says the research team, which also includes Peter Harms, PhD, of the University of Nebraska, and Simine Vazire, PhD, of Washington University in St. Louis.

Their study is published in the July issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
The Study

The study participants, who were college students, were asked to rate positive and negative characteristics of other students with whom they were acquainted.

The researchers discovered that a person’s tendency to describe other people in positive terms is an important indicator of the positivity of the person’s own personality traits.

Strong associations were found between positively judging others and how enthusiastic, happy, kind-hearted, courteous, emotionally stable, and capable the person describes his or her self and is described by others.

The study also found that how positively people see others shows how satisfied they are with their own lives and how much they are liked by others.

The researchers say that negative perceptions of other people are linked to higher levels of narcissism and antisocial behavior.

“A huge suite of negative personality traits is associated with viewing others negatively,” Wood says in a news release. “The simple tendency to see people negatively indicates a greater likelihood of depression and various personality disorders.”

Because negative perceptions about others may underlie a number of personality disorders, the researchers say that finding ways to get people to see others in a more positive light might promote the cessation of behavior patterns associated with personality disorders.

Thus, Wood says, the study suggests that when you ask a person to rate the personality of a co-worker, for example, you may learn as much about the person whose opinion you’re seeking as the one they are describing.

Being overly negative may be a tip-off that the person describing someone else is disagreeable, unhappy, neurotic, or has other negative personality traits, the researchers say.

Wood says that by evaluating the raters and what they said a year later, the researchers found strong evidence “that how positively we tend to perceive others in our social environment is a highly stable trait that does not change substantially over time.”

They add, “many behavioral patterns that are commonly studied by psychologists are thought to be caused in part by how individuals perceive others in their environments, which in turn shapes the behavioral options that individuals see as desirable, adaptive, or appropriate.”

The authors say their findings show that what a person sees in another is more than “simply the projection of an individual’s self-image onto other people.”

Telltale signs that she likes you

2010-08-08T12:00:00.004+08:00

Let’s be honest: Sometimes it’s tough to tell if your date’s just being nice or if she’s really into you. So if you need help sussing out your lady love’s true feelings, check out these pointers from Greg Hartley, former Army Special Forces interrogator and author of I Can Read You Like a Book: How to Spot the Messages and Emotions People Are Really Sending With Their Body Language. Who knew your date’s smile, complexion and even where she places her handbag can reveal whether she considers you friend or boyfriend material? Read on!

Five signs your date is into you…

1. She tilts her head
“When a woman sees and feels especially comfortable with a man, she will tilt her head,” Hartley says. A tilt in any direction — right, left or down — are all signs that she’s interested in getting to know you better — say, over another date.

2. She takes a sip when you take a sip
When a woman is drawn to a guy, she’ll instinctively mirror his actions, Hartley says. While men do this, too, women are more likely than men to first begin the copying. What should you look for? “You might notice she will shift her body in the same direction as yours or take your lead for behavioral changes like, picking up a glass to drink or blinking her eyes repeatedly if you’re doing so,” he suggests. If you want to test her, lean forward and see if she comes closer, too.

3. She twirls her hair
Since the beginning of time, a woman’s hair has been celebrated as a symbol of her beauty and power. And it’s true today, says Hartley: If your date begins twirling or playing with her hair while talking to you, it is a good sign she’s into you and subconsciously trying to attract you.

4. She gets a glow
While blushing often means embarrassment, don’t assume that her rosy cheeks are an indication of discomfort. When a woman is attracted to someone, blood flows to her face, causing her cheeks to get redder, Hartley explains. And if your date is smitten, he adds, her lips and even eyelids will get fuller, too.

5. Her pupils dilate
While your gaze is fixed on her, pay particular attention to her pupils, advises Hartley. “When a woman is attracted to a man, her pupils will dilate,” he notes. “Essentially, the body does this in order to allow itself to take in more of a good thing.”

…and five signs your date is not into you

1. She crosses her arms
Did she assume the angry librarian stance? “When a woman on a date places her hands in front of her body — especially if they are crossed — she is closing herself off from the man,” Hartley notes. If you get this red flag, you don’t stand a chance… and she wants you to know it. “Men are not nearly as perceptive as women, so even if she’s not consciously aware of it, a woman knows her body language needs to be very loud,” Hartley explains. “In this instance, that body language reads loud and clear.”

2. She places her bag between you two
“When I ask male friends how a blind date went, step-by-step, and they say‘she put her bag on the table,’ I always know that’s a bad sign,” Hartley says. If your date places her purse — a real and physical barrier — between the two of you, she’s showing she wants to create distance, he says. Not a good sign.

3. She speaks faster than an auctioneer
So she seems to love talking to you? Before you start celebrating, note the speed of her small talk. “Romantic conversation does not occur at the same speed as business conversation,” Hartley says. “Conversation between two people who are attracted typically slows to about three-quarter speed and softens in tone. In fact, most emotional conversation — with the exception of when it is very hostile — is at a slowed cadence.” That said, she may be nervous early in your first date, and her nerves can cause her to spit her sentences out in rapid-fire succession. But if by the end of the evening she’s still going at a rapid rate, consider it a clue that she just wants to be friends at best.

4. She offers you a chin-up smile
Though it’s tempting to interpret any old smile as a sign of interest, all smiles are not created equal. Smiles can say a lot: “I’m polite,” “I’m crazy about you,” and, believe it or not, “I can’t stand you.” The secret to decoding what her smile really means? It’s all in the chin placement. A woman who gives you a relaxed, chin-down “soft smile” is smitten and wants you to dig her back, Hartley explains. A full-on toothpaste grin or stiff and polite smile — both of which generally involve the chin raised up — mean either, “I like you as a friend” or “I wanna get out of here!”

5. She strokes her neck
If your date’s telling you she agrees that you should get together again, that’s a good sign, right? Maybe, says Hartley. “Her body language may be the key to the real truth,” he says. “If a woman is gently stroking her neck when telling you this, it may be a sign that she’s interested, but it is also known to be a sign of lying.” To figure out which message she’s sending, consider the aforementioned “she’s not into you” signals. If she’s also giving you the raised-chin smile and speaking to you over a giant purse, you may want to move on to your next prospect.

Chelsea Kaplan is deputy editor of www.thefamilygroove.com and regularly appears as a guest on XM Radio’s “Broad Minded.” Her blog, “I’m Somebody’s Mother?” can be found at www.chelseakaplan.com. For the other side of this story, read 5 signs he’s into you.

Secret Signals Men Give When They Lie

2010-06-01T23:53:00.003+08:00

Next time you question your guy’s honesty, watch for these little clues to find out whether or not he’s telling the whole truth. Plus, watch this video to find out why guys cheat.

1) He looks up and to the left

The next time you ask him a sticky question or he wants to explain himself to you, note which way he looks. If his eyes move up to the right, he’s recalling information from his memory. If he looks up and to the left, there’s a good chance that he’s inventing the answer. Take this quiz to see how well you can decode guy-speak.

2) He toys with his ears or his nose.

If your guy starts toying with his ear or nose (and he doesn’t have allergies), be suspicious. When a guy is being deceptive, it’s common for blood to rush to his face. His nose and ears will get warm and begin to itch, causing him to unconsciously rub or scratch them. Read these signs to tell if he’s cheating.

3) He shifts in his chair or taps his fingers

These tics may make it seem like he’s just plain nervous, but if they’re done while he’s explaining himself to you, they actually indicate that he could be fibbing. Want more? Read the body language of liars and you'll be able to catch him in the act.

4) He covers his mouth with his hand.

This guy is probably lying. When he unconsciously obstructs your view of his lips, it’s a sign that he’s trying to block the truth from slipping out. In addition, he might lick his lips and look away from you— directing his eyes down and to the right. These little moves reveal what's bugging him. Plus, read 10 most common fibs guys tell and find out what’s on his mind when he’s totally speechless.

Moulding young achievers

2009-11-16T21:43:00.003+08:00

One problem many parents might face with children is their lack of urge to study or start on their homework. The advent of technological gadgets such as computers is not doing anything to help the situation.

To overcome the problem, first find out or observe what is discouraging your child’s progress.

According to research on mindsets carried out by Prof Carol Dweck from Stanford University, some of the factors stopping children’s drive for success include a wrong learning mindset and negativity. The lack of motivation could also be due to bad past experiences or impatience for results.

So, motivate your child by developing the right mentality in them and turn their passion into action.

» Eliminate negativity

Some children feel unmotivated because they feel incompetent. Sometimes, this could be due to parents’ negative comments like "You’re stupid" or "Why aren’t you as good as the rest?"

These remarks make children lose their motivation to study because they will feel they are naturally stupid, incapable and there’s nothing that they can do about it.

So, highlight your child’s positive traits instead and help them use these traits as motivating factors to drive their desire to do better in studies.

» Enforcing discipline

It is important to instil in your child the habit of doing homework and studying so that it becomes a routine that comes naturally and not as something that is very difficult to do. For example, make 8pm the study time every night.

Set realistic and reasonable rules like if they don’t finish their work or study, they won’t get their TV time. Then they’ll have a motivation to start their homework and do their revision.

» Compliment effort

Appreciate your child’s effort. When children feel that their hard work is valued, they are likely to keep trying and keep working.

Brilliant children might stop putting in an effort if they are praised merely for being intelligent.

They may either feel over-confident with their natural ‘talent’ or they want to stay on the top and not make mistakes, so they don’t want to move forward. It stunts their motivation.

According to Dweck, the key to overcome this is to praise children’s effort and not their intelligence. Intelligence can be developed through effort, but without effort, intelligence can only bring you that far.

» Failures as lessons

Help your child see failures as learning opportunities. When your child did badly in his test, motivate by telling him that the mistakes in the test are lessons that will help him improve.

From these mistakes, he will learn the correct answers to the questions so that he won’t repeat the same mistakes next time.

Every mistake serves a purpose; help your children see the positive in every mistake so that they will continue to stay motivated even when they fall.

Motivation and drive can be developed in a child if you nurture the right mindset – that success comes with hard work, patience and very often, failure is the key to success.

Good & Easy Flirting Tips

2009-10-31T12:05:00.002+08:00

Flirting is the art of playfully drawing the attention of a desirable man or woman and holding it. Doing it probably already comes naturally to you. Doing it well takes practice. Mastering it can mean a date for next Saturday night. Next time you go out, practice these 10 simple flirting tips to catch the eye of that cute guy or girl and keep it.

Confidence

The key to good flirting is confidence. Before you go out, put on your favorite dress or jeans, a hot top and/or your favorite scent. Make yourself feel sexy. If you feel sexy, other people are more likely to think you are, too.

Carriage

Posture goes hand-in-hand with confidence. A woman who stands up straight gives a much more likable first impression than a woman who slouches. Males who hunch look like underachievers to women, ruining any good flirting technique.

Grooming

You've got the confidence and posture, but you still need to project an air of upkeep. Make sure your hair is clean and shiny and that you smell clean. Bad breath, body odor and greasy hair can distract anyone from a good flirting technique.

Touch

When flirting, touch the other person lightly. A feathery touch is slightly sensual and makes the other person feel like you are comfortable around her.

Brush

Just like a feathery touch, brushing back a strand of hair from his forehead or a piece of lint from a shirt collar is putting yourself in his comfort zone. This is an intimate moment that can be a turn-on.

Eye Contact

Eye contact can be a great way to flirt with or without words. Catch the person's eye and hold it with your own. Grin just a little and don't blink. Let the moment smolder.

Hair

If you're a woman, you may want work your hair as you flirt. Twirl your hair around your finger, run your fingers through it or smooth it with your hand. It will get the guy thinking about touching your hair.

Attention

Pay genuine attention to what the other person says and respond to it. Intelligence is sexy. Feigning interest is not.

Mirror

While flirting, mirror your companion's body language. This will make them feel at ease. Try to do it without being obvious, though. Move your hand to your chin a few moments after he does, for example, or take a drink of your beverage a couple of seconds after she does.

Smile

The most important part of flirting successfully is having fun. Try to always have fun with it and don't take it too seriously.

Alina Bradford has been a writer for 11 years. She has written for dozens of online and traditional health and parenting publications, such as Pregnancy.org, Mama Health and Tots to Teens. She is also a gamer that has written dozens of gaming articles and several gaming guides. As an artist for more than 20 years, her work has been used in magazines and websites around the glob

6 Signs Your Guy is Cheating

2009-10-25T18:51:00.003+08:00

It’s every woman’s worst relationship fear — that her man is cheating. We’ve all heard the statistic: half of all men cheat. And some experts say that number is even closer to three quarters. Could it be happening to you? Aside from finding lipstick on his collar, a mysterious condom in his pocket or, yes, a phone number on a napkin (helpful hints but unlikely clichés!), there are some red flags to watch out for to tip you off that something fishy might be going on. The following are six signs that should raise your eyebrows:

1. He’s Acting Differently.
The most telltale sign of a cheating man is that he’s acting differently than the way he used to. If any of the signals below describe your guy’s usual actions, don’t freak out and immediately assume he’s having an affair; he’s probably just being his quirky self. What you should be suspicious of is new developments, says Barbara Feld, LCSW, a couple’s therapist at Park Avenue Relationship Consultants in New York City. She says you should ask yourself, “Is what’s happening different than normal? Is he showing a real change in behavior?” If he’s always been private, hasn’t ever had the highest sex drive, or often flakes out on plans, that’s just who he is. It’s when he starts to be that way and never was before that you should start asking questions.

2. He’s Avoiding You.
If your guy has suddenly started coming home much later, seems to be making excuses to be out of the house, starts going away with out you on the weekends, or just generally seems to be avoiding you, that’s a clear indication of trouble in your relationship. M. Gary Neuman, a licensed family counselor and the author of “The Truth About Cheating” found that 61 percent of cheating men said they started spending more time away from home. 55 percent of men about to cheat said the same thing. No matter how busy your guy may be, he should be making an effort to see you (because, hello – he loves you, right?). If he’s stopped making time for you, it’s not at all unreasonable to wonder if he’s making time for someone else.

3. You’re Having Less/Different Sex.
You might think that cheating men stop sleeping with their partners completely. But that’s not always the case. According to M. Gary Neuman, a little less than half of cheating men report having less sex with their partner. Others keep having sex so that they don’t raise suspicions – sneaky b------ s. So be alert to the amount of sex you’re having, but most of all, pay attention to the quality of the sex. Therapist Barbara Feld says sometimes when a guy is having an affair, the quantity of sex remains the same, but it’s the sex itself that changes. Maybe it used to be very romantic, and feel more like making love, and now it just feels like plain old sex.

4. His General Response to You Has Changed.
If a guy is having an affair, he may stop acting like the sweet, romantic man you fell in love with. Maybe he used to be very loving and kind towards you, but now he seems to get annoyed easily, be critical, or pick fights. If he’s consistently not being affectionate with you, don’t brush it off. Try to figure out why he’s different – and what could be distracting him, or making him feel guilty.

5. He Has Suddenly Become Very Private.
It’s just not normal for your guy to always go into a different room to answer calls, keep his cell phone in his car, or get really private about his bills (unless, of course, your man is a privacy freak and you knew that going in). But if he suddenly stops checking his e-mail in front of you, has turned the bathroom into a phone booth, and has redirected the bills to his office, it’s a fair guess than an affair is under way.

6. He is Unreliable
Quite simply, says Barbara Feld, “is he where he says he will be?” If he’s never where he says he’s going to be, it’s a certain sign he’s lying to you about something. Maybe he says he’ll be at the office, but you call and he’s not there. Or he says he’s with a friend, and that friend then calls looking for him. Everyone’s plans change sometimes, but if your guy is consistently not where he says he will be, it’s very possible it’s because he’s with another woman.

What to Do?
If your guy is showing any of these six signs, talk with him about it. Tell him things feel different than they used to, and you want to know what’s going on. “If he tells you everything is fine but you know it’s not, continue to pursue the issue,” says Barbara Feld. “You can also suggest, ‘let’s talk to someone together,’ and get couples therapy.”

Don’t turn a blind eye on your relationship. If things are bad, getting bad, or just feel strange, do something about it. Even if you guy isn’t having an affair, all the signs above could be signals that he’s about to. By addressing – and working with him to fix – whatever is going on in your relationship, you can prevent an affair from ever happening in the first place. If you’re noticing negative changes or problems in your relationship, address them now, while they’re still small. Maintaining a strong relationship with open communication is one of the best things you can do to ensure fidelity—both on his part, and on yours.

Betty’s Sexpert Amber Madison is a sex educator and author of Hooking Up: A Girl's All-Out Guide to Sex and Sexuality, and Talking With Your Kids About Sex, to be released this March

Top 5 Mistakes We Make Teaching Kids About Money

2009-10-10T19:23:00.002+08:00

We all make stupid money mistakes. Find out if you're making bad money decisions with this advice from Kodak spokesperson and money expert Laura Rowley.

1. Becoming a Human ATM Machine
Give children an allowance and let them know what they have to pay for out of their own stash—whether it's the ice cream truck, the goodies in the $1 aisle at the discount store or that Scholastic book order form that comes home from school. This reduces nagging, allows them to develop math skills and learn from their mistakes. It's amazing to see how much more they value the things they paid for themselves.

2. Overlooking Every Day Lessons
Don't miss opportunities to discuss simple economics in every day settings. While grocery shopping, explain why it's smarter to choose the package that costs less per pound, or the more affordable generic brand; and why it makes sense to stock up when an item is on sale. Explain why savvy savings habits make sense: "By saving just $15 a week using the grocery store's loyalty cards and coupons, we'll have almost $800 at the end of the year to spend on something fun."

3. Not Involving Kids in Longer-Term Goals
Solid money management comes down to two things, planning ahead and making choices. If you're planning a vacation, talk to the kids about the budget: airfare, lodging and entertainment. Take a coffee can and label it the "Vacation Fund" and throw in your loose change at the end of the day. Take the coins to the bank and show the kids how the money is adding up; and how the bank will pay you interest for storing the cash in a savings account. Give them a specific budget for souvenirs—say $15—and suggest they increase it by earning cash for the trip through lemonade stands, dog sitting or lawn mowing.

4. Missing the Opportunity to Motivate Their Savings Habits
If your kids put money in the bank, match their contributions. I took my kids to our local bank branch when they were 8, 6 and 4 and opened savings accounts for all of them. I matched the money they deposited, using the opportunity to discuss how a 401(k) plan works and why someone should contribute up to the amount of the company match (free money!).

5. Not Explaining How Plastic Works
According to a study by Nellie Mae, the student loan firm, the average college freshman has $1,500 in credit card debt, and that figure doubles by the time they graduate. Some 56 percent of college seniors carry four or more credit cards. That's when the real trouble starts, because if teens lose the battle to understand and manage credit cards at 18, the damage can haunt them for years. An estimated 70 percent of employers check credit scores before they hire. Over time, a low credit score will suck tens of thousands of dollars out of your child's pocket when they seek financing for an auto or a home. Consider allowing a teen to practice with a pre-paid, reloadable debit card such as Visa Buxx. It has fewer fees than competing cards and features parental controls—such as setting a weekly cash limit. Parents can also get email alerts showing when and where a teen used the card, setting the stage for discussions about wise spending.

By Laura Rowley

How to Live to 100

2009-10-05T18:21:00.003+08:00

People often ask me if it is actually possible to live to age 100, especially if they had bad habits in the past. I always answer that while aging is inevitable, poor health is not. Read on to find the most effective ways to live to 100.

It really is possible to live to 100.
The good news is that your body was designed to be 100 — but, you have to get out of the way. Getting out of the way means taking an honest look at the habits and lifestyle you are living with today. Most of us have developed habits that limit our true health potential. But don't let these bad habits of the past discourage you. What matters is what you do from this moment forward. Leave behind the habits that aren't serving you — smoking, eating fast food, and so on — and start choosing habits that your body needs to thrive.

Lifestyle habits that age you most quickly
The culprits that will most quickly age you and negatively affect your health are:

1. Poor diet
2. Lack of exercise
3. Stress and worry
4. Exhaustion
5. Unhappiness
6. Lack of love
7. Toxic overload
8. Blockages and congestion of the transportation highways within our bodies.

Healthy habits to live long
It takes 14 to 21 days of repetitive behavior to form a new pattern in your brain. Once the pattern is formed, it becomes an automatic behavioral response. As you develop new healthy habits, they will begin to replace bad habits. Here are some of the most transformative longevity habits:

1. Drink more water
Drink 8 glasses of fresh, filtered water every day. Water is very important for proper lymphatic drainage and hydrating the cells to prevent buildup of toxic waste products. Your safest bet is filtered water. The best kind of filtration processes for removing contaminants use activated charcoal, which removes the impurities but leaves the water-soluble minerals. Avoid water softeners, which take away essential minerals. To learn about a high-performance filtration system that I recommend, click here.

2. Eat like a centenarian
The rural community of Rugao, four hours north of Shanghai, enjoys the reputation as the "longevity county of China" because there are over 200 centenarians in the small region -- the highest number per 1,000 residents anywhere in China. Rugao residents eat mostly fish, vegetables, mushrooms, seaweed, corn and buckwheat. There was virtually no meat or poultry present in the majority of their diet. Scientists have confirmed the health benefits of a diet high in fish and vegetables and low in animal products.

Know what foods to enjoy and what to avoid:
• The very best thing you can do for your health is to eat a wide array of colorful
fruits and vegetables every day.
• Eat fish and cut back on meat and poultry.
• Choose the right fats. Cut back on saturated fats like butter and avoid all trans
fats. Instead, choose mono-saturated fats: olive, sesame, canola, flax, and fish
oils.
• Avoid all refined sugars.

3. Restore with regular rest
Get 7 to 8 hours of quality sleep every night.

4. Take the stairs!
Take a walk. Go for a swim. Join the gym. Find an exercise activity that works for you and stick to it, practicing at least four times a week for thirty minutes a session. Regular exercise can strengthen your immune system, uplift your mood, maintain joint mobility, increase energy - the list goes on and on!

5. Manage your stress.
Stress is the root cause of most of the diseases that shorten our life span. Meditation is a powerful way to manage your stress level. For the best results, meditate every day. Start with five minutes and work your way up to fifteen or twenty minutes. (See 3 Easy Beginner Mediation Techniques.) For a guided CD that is filled with meditations for living to 100, click here. Another option? Get your exercise and stress-management all in one by beginning a tai chi practice.

6. Detoxify your surroundings.
With environmental factors causing ever more damage to our well-being, it is important to know what to look out for and avoid. For starters, you can avoid many dangerous chemical compounds if you buy organic foods and use glass and recycled paper products. In addition, it is beneficial to undergo periodic detoxification treatments with special dietary and herbal regimens to lower your body's toxic load. An herbal blend that is specially formulated for helping your body detoxify is Internal Cleanse. Also learn how to eliminate the toxins with this 5-Step Detox to Revitalize You.

I hope you found the answers to get you started on your own longevity quest! I invite you to visit often and share your own personal health and longevity tips with me.

May you live long, live strong, and live happy!

Dr Mao

6 Financial Moves That Sound Good -- but Aren't

2009-10-02T19:37:00.003+08:00

For most people, each and every day involves some type of financial decision. So how do you feel about your financial decision-making skills? If you think you are making sound choices, ask yourself this: Have you weighed the consequences of your choices against their apparent benefits? In many cases, the answer is no.

Let's take a look at six common financial choices that sound like smart moves, but could leave you scratching your head wondering where you went wrong.

1. Applying for a Line of Credit
Advantages: Starting a line of credit will diversify your credit sources, which is good news for your credit score. It also allows you to access funds you may need for large purchases, like buying a car, without having to scramble to arrange the funds when you decide to buy.

Consequences: A line of credit is too often treated like free money. In many cases, such easy access to funds leads borrowers to rack up consumer debt for things they don't really need. And there's nothing free about this cash injection: borrowers have to make minimum payments on the line's outstanding balance. In addition, a balance will limit borrowing power on other loans, such as a mortgage.

2. Withdrawing From Your EPF or Retirement Savings to Pay Down Debt
Advantages: If you have a big debt to pay off, you may choose to either put off contributing to a retirement or savings fund, or to withdraw money from an existing fund. The upside to this is that paying down debt is a good thing, and the sooner it is paid off, the greater the savings in interest expenses for the borrower.

Consequences: By withdrawing funds set aside for retirement, you are robbing yourself of the benefits of compounding. Also, pulling the money out of your savings could leave you in a very bad position should something unexpected, like a job loss, happen. The earlier you start saving, the more money you will be able to accumulate for retirement. If properly invested, money saved now is almost always better than more money saved later. (For more on the power of compound interest, see Compounding Your Way To Retirement.)

3. Choosing Only the Safest Investing Vehicles
Advantages: If you invest in risk-free or nearly risk-free vehicles, the risk of losing your hard-earned cash is extremely low. This can be a viable option, especially if you are nearing retirement.

Downside: However, you are again missing out on the opportunity to have your money work for you. Take into consideration your age and stage of life when deciding your risk level. Although everyone's risk tolerance is different, generally speaking, the younger you are, the riskier you can afford to be. This is because you have the time to make up any losses, and also because the higher risk may be warranted because it helps combat the effects of inflation on your portfolio's gains. The closer you are to retirement (or to whatever goal you are saving for) the more conservative you should be in order to protect your investment. (To learn more about risk, see Determining Risk And The Risk Pyramid.)

4. Avoiding Debt Altogether
Advantages: "Debt free". It sounds good, doesn't it? And it can be. Living debt-free is a wonderful goal and is more achievable than you might think.

Downside: However, debt can also be a tool. If, in your quest to remain debt free, you are turning down "good debt", that is, debt that allows you to leverage your investments, you are doing yourself a disservice. Examples of good debt include taking out a mortgage to buy a house. This is because houses and property tend to appreciate over time, and owning your home can lower your living expenses compared to renting. Another example would be taking out a student loan for post-secondary education. While student debt can be a huge responsibility, it is also an investment in yourself that boosts your potential earning power.

5. Cutting Your Variable Spending
Advantages: If you are looking to cut your spending, this suggests that you have a budget to modify. That's great! Often variable expenses (expenses that are not fixed, such as entertainment, dining out and personal spending) are out of line with the amount we earn. An honest appraisal of where your money is going is a great step to getting your budget in fighting shape.

Downside: This seemingly great idea is only great if you include the second part of it: sticking to your new budget. Unrealistic expectations, or treating your budget goals as "guidelines" rather than rules, could leave you spending more than ever. (For more tips, see Get Emotional Spending Under Control.)

6. Paying Off a Major Loan in One Payment
Advantages: You've been working hard and saving – smart! Before your loans start accumulating interest, or even if they have, you decide to pay them off in one payment. That's a wonderful accomplishment that will save you months', or years' worth of interest.

Downside: If you choose this route, make sure you take a look at your interest rate. Some loans have such a low interest rate that you'd be better off putting your money in a savings account that earns you a higher return and paying off your debt monthly. Keep in mind this is only a good idea if 1) your savings interest rate is higher than your debt interest rate and 2) you are disciplined enough to pay the debt off on time, every month, and not to spend your hard-earned cash on luxuries instead. The bonus? Responsibly paying off monthly debt helps you to establish a good credit history. This is especially helpful if you don't have a credit history or you are trying to rebuild a bad one).

There's nothing worse than making a choice you thought was conscientious only to find out it had hidden consequences. Make sure you do your homework and your financial situation will be the best it can be.

9 Signs a Guy Is a Keeper

2009-09-25T16:40:00.002+08:00

#1. Keeper clue: He has his act together.
This seems like a no-brainer, but it's a good place to start. "It's very important that you two be able to have a lot of fun together, so a party boy or a screw-up will probably not work out for you," says Mira Kirshenbaum, a family and couples therapist and author of Is He Mr. Right? "No matter how charming he is, if he is still struggling to grow up, it will get very old, very fast."

#2. Keeper clue: He puts you first.
Picture a delicious platter of grilled steak. Does your man offer it to you first to pick the best piece? He does if he's a keeper! "When it comes to taking the best piece of meat or offering it to you, that's a metaphor for how he'd always put you first the rest of your life," says Rachel Greenwald, author of "Why He Didn't Call You Back: 1,000 Guys Reveal What They Really Thought of You After Your Date."

#3. Keeper clue: He's not afraid of your germs.
You know a guy is really into you when he can't stay away, even when you're bedridden and snotty. "When you're sick with the flu, he says, 'Let me come over and take care of you,' rather than, 'Oooh, you sound really contagious... call me when you're feeling better,'" Greenwald says.

#4. Keeper clue: He's a family man.
He asks about your family, and he seems to genuinely want to hear about them. "Interest in your family shows that he thinks about you as a whole person, and he knows that being with you means understanding and accepting your relatives too," says Sarah Harrison, senior editor of yourtango.com.

#5. Keeper clue: He makes time for your friends.
In the beginning of your relationship, does your man show an interest in meeting your besties? And does he follow it up with a plan, like hosting a low-key dinner party? "Friends are an important part of your life, and his knowing them makes him more involved with you." Harrison says. "Plus, he'll have to deal with them at some point, so initiating it himself shows maturity."

#6. Keeper clue: He's your biggest cheerleader.
And she even has a poem:
When your guy calls your mom to tell her about your promotion before you do, that should tell you something. A man who is supportive of you and your goals is typically a guy who doesn't "feel threatened by your success," says Kirshenbaum. "He knows who he is and where he's going," which means he can ultimately be there for you.

#7. Keeper clue: He remembers the little things.
Does your man really listen to you? You'll know he's a keeper if you tell him you have a big scary work meeting and the next time you talk, he asks how it went. Or if you tell him you left your sunglasses at his house and he remembers them on your next date. "Following up on things you say to him means he pays attention to you -- always a good sign," Harrison says.

#8. Keeper clue: He's happy when you're happy.
This is the guy who "goes to a chick flick with you on Friday night rather than an action film -- not because he actually wants to, but because it makes you happy," says Greenwald.

#9. Keeper clue: He makes you the best you can be.
A guy who makes you feel like the luckiest woman alive -- like you can (and should!) be your confident, fabulous self -- is worth hanging on to. "It's not just about how you feel about him but more about how he makes you feel about yourself," Kirshenbaum says.

The confidence factor

2009-09-25T16:27:00.011+08:00

It is show-and-tell day at school. Little Jack is afraid to step forward to share with his classmates what he brought to school to show them.

"I can’t do it, I’m not good," he says.

At other times, Jack does not want to try new things. He frequently thinks he is not good at anything and speaks negatively of himself. He finds new challenges frustrating and gives up easily.

Nurturing self-esteem in a child, like in many other areas of parenting, requires conscious effort.

Self-esteem can be defined as the opinions and feelings we have of ourselves. How we perceive ourselves affects our attitudes, what we do, and how we feel and behave towards ourselves and others.

Children with good self-esteem tend to be more positive, and will take on new challenges without giving in to anxiety and failure.

When children fail at something, and are encouraged to try again and again until they succeed, they learn to develop positive ideas about their own capabilities.

When parents are around to encourage and guide them in forming these right feelings they have about themselves, children will grow to have higher self-esteem.

They will have positive ideas of their own abilities, and feel more accepted and loved.

In helping children build self-esteem, we must first of all remember that they are unique. Accept them by recognising that each has his/her own unique talents and help to nurture their different abilities.

We should never ever compare them with other children.

Choose your words carefully. If she is not made out to be the next Mozart, do not make her feel unworthy and useless by saying: "Look at Jill, she can play the piano so well, why can’t you?"

Or if she compares herself with Jill, help her see that she is good at other things and praise her for her efforts in playing the piano.

Reward her effort even if she did not win the coveted Pianist of the Year award.

Instead of labelling your child as a "naughty boy", separate the bad behaviour and deal with it without judging the child.

Tell him/her: "What you did to your friend was not good" instead of "You were so naughty".

Allow them to make some of the decisions on their own. This does not mean that you give them total freedom to do as they please.

By letting them decide on simple things, as long as their choices are not detrimental or extreme, our children will learn independence and be self-decisive.

Allowing them to make their own judgments and feel good about the outcome also help strengthen their self-worth.

In that way, they gain confidence and their self-esteem is raised.

As parents, we can provide them with a safe and loving environment. Be there for them, listen to them and build up the trust and respect between parent and child.

When children know that they are loved for who they are, they feel more secure.

Positive feelings about themselves will in the long run help them be confident with people, experiences and challenges they would come across in their lives in the future.

4 Dumbs Financial Moves In The Recession

2009-09-17T19:02:00.003+08:00

You can almost hear the collective slaps to the head.

This recession has brought to light dumb money management practices, forcing just about all of us to confront our financial foibles.

Maybe, for instance, you're one of the ones who panicked and sold during the market bottom. Or, you believed housing prices were guaranteed to rise.

The federal government is tapping behavioral economists -- experts on why we humans make the money judgments we do -- to help devise regulations so that people don't take on unaffordable mortgages and to help them understand their actual credit card fees.

But these efforts just scratch the surface. Here are four common mistakes that surfaced during this economic turmoil, and fixes that we can put in place to prevent ourselves from making the same costly error again:
4 recession regrets

1. Not having emergency reserves.
2. Panicking over the market collapse.
3. Investing in the "sure" thing.
4. Ignoring the fine print.

Regret 1: I didn't have emergency reserves.
Outsmart yourself: When we're confident about our security, stashing cash can seem like a waste. We'd prefer to put the dollars into a "better" use, whether it be sprucing up our home or going on vacation.

Last year, when the unemployment rate started soaring, so did the savings rate of suddenly scared Americans.

If you were one of those scrambling to build emergency reserves, you may abandon the practice once your fear subsides -- setting yourself up for another panic at the next sign of trouble.

So prevent yourself from slipping out of the savings habit by establishing an automatic withdrawal from your checking to a liquid savings. Moreover, if you instruct the bank to sweep a certain sum into a short-term CD when your balance reaches a prescribed level, you won't be tempted to raid the emergency stash.

"The idea is to create a mechanism that will force a habit," says Dan Ariely, a Duke University behavioral economist and author of "Predictably Irrational: The Hidden Forces That Shape Our Decisions."

If disaster does strike, there may be a small penalty to cash in a CD, but at least there'll be money to tap, says Ariely. Not all banking institutions may agree to automatically set up a short-term CD, however, so you might have to direct yourself periodically by putting the task on your calendar as a "must do."

Regret 2: I panicked when the market collapsed.
Outsmart yourself: Once a powerful emotion sets in, don't expect to overcome it, says Ariely. So head off the fear before it takes hold, he says.

When the market took a plunge earlier this year, Ariely says he personally took deliberate steps to block the reports of the Dow's dive. "I didn't want to look at my accounts online, so I input the wrong password three times. That locked me out," he says.

Don't listen to the business news, either, if that will rattle your resolve to hold your investments, Ariely adds.

Moreover, before an investment drops precipitously, you may want to set up alerts (many brokerage houses and financial Web sites offer this service) so that you receive an e-mail when a stock price drops to a certain level. Although he doesn't think most individuals know enough about a particular company to wisely invest in stocks, Eric Toya, a financial adviser based in Redondo Beach, Calif., says that these alerts could spur investors to talk with their adviser about keeping a holding that's losing value.

Regret 3: I greedily overinvested in a 'sure' thing.
Outsmart yourself: Studies have shown that the human brain's "wanting" system strongly activates when an asset goes up in value, driving us to buy more, says Paul Zak, director of the Center for Neuroeconomics Studies at Claremont Graduate University.

So even if you've sworn that you'll never again put the bulk of your wealth in a single asset, like a house or a stock fund, what's to stop your brain from getting excited when the next "big" thing rolls around?

Enlist your financial adviser, your partner or a trusted friend to dampen your excitement, says Michael Ervolini, head of the Boston behavioral finance firm, Cabot Research.

While a broker or financial adviser may not actually be able to prevent you from dictating that you'd like to sink your money in one investment type, you can ask him, even put it in writing, to dissuade you.

Cleveland financial planner Kenneth Robinson says his clients sign off on a written asset allocation plan, which helps them stick to the resolve to diversify.

And, says Ervolini, especially if you invest with a partner who has a vested interest in the success of your investment plan, establish a pact that you won't make moves unless you've both talked it over.

Finally, for those who can afford to set aside some "play" money, a separate fund can placate the desire to follow the hot trend without "betting the farm," says Zak.

Regret 4: I didn't read the fine print on my loan.
Outsmart yourself: If you're one of those homeowners with a mortgage that seemed cheap initially but has since proven ridiculously expensive, chances are "you were just following what you thought was acceptable wisdom" when you took the loan, Ariely says.

"Figuring out how to borrow is very complex," he says. Instead of delving through loan documents and plotting out just how much payments can rise, consumers are lured into complacency when they hear platitudes like "you can always refinance" or "if you're moving again in a few years, you don't have to worry."

Make a pact with a partner or friend that you won't take on debt without reading all the fine print, says Ervolini.

The federal government aims to make that easier with proposed reforms, like requiring a lender to give a one-page outline of a loan's risky features.

Still, complex loans will likely stick around. Ervolini says, "If you are not willing to read and really understand what a loan is all about, pledge that you'll go with the plain vanilla option."

4 Things That Make Women Unapproachable

2009-09-17T16:41:00.002+08:00

Sometimes it seems like no amount of silent prayer or sassy outfit will get that cute stranger to take a hint and chat you up. Could you be scaring away single men before they even approach you? We asked the male members of Marie Claire's online community for dating and relationship advice: What female behavior makes you scared to go in for the kill?

#1. You look angry. Hey, perma-scowl: swap the pouty lips for a genuine, friendly smile and your eye candy for the night will be more likely to approach you. The majority of men agreed that an unfriendly facial expression will keep them from approaching you, so flash those pearly whites at the guy you've been eyeing!

#2. You're not locking eyes. What's harder than approaching a stranger? Approaching a stranger who hasn't acknowledged your existence with even a brief look. "I need to see, by her looking and smiling at me, that she wants me to approach her. If I don't see it, I don't approach," says Anonymous. So next time you think he catches you looking at him, don't look away. Hold your stare for a few seconds so he knows you're looking, and that you like what you see.

#3. You're too flirtatious. A chip on your shoulder is a turnoff to any guy waiting to make his approach, but so is the other extreme. Istillhatescreennames is put off when women cross the line from friendly to flirty...with everyone they see. "If she's flirting with lots of guys. Nothing like a woman who is basically telling everyone in the place that she's open for business with anyone," he says. "Flirting with everyone" would put him off, agrees Anonymous, adding another pet peeve: "Grinding out on the dance floor (yeah, it's fun to look at, but I like to look at strippers too...I wouldn't take any home to meet my mom)." Sure, he'll notice you if you're the loudest, most aggressive girl in the room -- but not in a good way.

#4. You're surrounded by friends. Admit it, your awesome group of friends can be a little intimidating, especially when a strange guy approaches to hit on just one of you. Seanc writes, "Being surrounded by more than one friend makes her less approachable because of the embarrassment of being rejected in front of more people." Make sure you're giving him the opportunity to approach you alone. Check out the jukebox and linger for a bit, or offer to grab the next round of drinks for your friends.

9 Ways to Make Your Relationship Last

2009-09-06T00:26:00.002+08:00

1. Delineate "yours," "mine," and "ours." If you have finances that should be placed in each of these three categories (for example, you have an inheritance and he has a savings account he accumulated before the marriage, and you also have a checking account to which you both contribute), have an upfront conversation about those assets and what belongs to whom. Moreover, talk about your time away from "together" activities, like he wants to bowl with the guys on Tuesday nights and you want to attend your yoga class on Wednesday. Respect these important delineations. Doing so will make the relationship stronger.

2. Carve out time to be together. Sure, you're busy working and attending meetings, but how important are those things if your relationship falls apart? Make time to do things together that you both enjoy. This could be anything from grocery shopping to taking in a movie. Take regular vacations together -- at least a couple of long weekends and, better yet, a couple of long vacations (more than a weekend jaunt). Commit to a weekly date night and make it as unbreakable as that all-important staff meeting at work.

3. Take care of yourself. Spend time every day on your appearance and your physical well-being. Work out regularly, eat healthy, and stay fit. Not only will your partner like looking at you, but you'll feel better about yourself.

4. Make sure communication goes both ways. Many relationships fail because of misunderstandings. Effective communication skills are necessary if your relationship is going to survive. If there is a hint or vibe that your partner is disconnected or you are unhappy about something, do not ignore those signals or feelings. Approach your mate and suggest an open discussion. You may be frustrated, angry, or hurt and so may he or she, but always stay calm and reasonable. Your goal should be to resolve differences, and the only viable way of doing so is through open and direct communication.

5. Criticize gently. Don't judge too harshly. If you criticize, do so in the same way you would want others to criticize you. Be kind and considerate.

6. Never stop courting one another. Gifts, compliments, and a loving embrace go a long way, especially when they are a surprise. Send unexpected greeting cards, slap a Post-It note where you know your mate will find it, keep those flowers coming in a "just because" way. Treat your partner with the same courtesies you did when you were dating. A terrific mindset is to pretend you are trying to win your partner all over again.

7. Keep the flame burning. Keep your romance alive despite the chaos and craziness life can present from living in the midst of sheer reality. Resolve to offer up romantic suggestions for your partner's pleasure, even if only occasionally, like cooking her favorite meal when you know she's had an impossible day, or entice him into a bubble bath with you just for the fun of it. Little gestures like these from time to time can ensure that the flame you once had burns forever.

8. Spell out your terms of endearment. Call out the expectations for one another in the form of the "terms" of your relationship together. Put them in a contract, if you like. This contract will simply clarify and document those needs and wants that mean a lot to you. For example, though he typically runs late, your agreement might specify those times when he agrees not to be late; she may agree to keep her spending at a certain limit, though she typically has little restraint as she traipses through the mall. Discussing these boundaries, as well as your needs and wants, can prevent either of you from stepping over the line and causing irritation. It is often the disappointments (needs and wants, gone unexpressed) that bring down a relationship.

9. Renegotiate your contract. Your relationship will evolve, and your needs and wants will change right along with it. Once a year,it's a good idea to review, update, or revise your contract with each other -- whether it is verbal or written. Be mindful, however, not to allow such a "contract" to ruin your relationship.

What Women Really Want From Men

2009-09-04T12:36:00.009+08:00

God, apparently as a prank, devised two sexes and called them "opposite." The sex war has raged since for 5,ooo years. But it's time we called a truce... starting with men negotiating their terms of surrender.

Why do men like intelligent women? Because opposites attract. Just look at the evidence. What excites men? Food, footy and the Playboy channel. The trouble is, women get all excited about nothing... and then we marry him.

Over half of all marriages today end in divorce, (and let's face it, more ought to!) and the majority of these divorces are initiated by women. (Obviously many marriages break up for religious reasons - he thinks he's a God and well, she just doesn't.)

Marriage statistics are currently lower than Britney Spears's bikini line. And as we now know that marriage suits men much better than it suits women, (married men live longer than single men, have less heart disease and mental problems, whereas single women live longer than married women and have less heart disease and mental problems), I suspect that it's women who are getting PMT. - Pre Monogamy Tension.

As it's in a man's interest to keep us happy, it might be helpful to give them a list of what a woman's looking for in her Knight in Shining Armani.

First and foremost, we want a man who knows that 'mutual orgasm' is not an insurance company. (If he persists in this attitude, may I suggest you adopt the "doggy position" - where he begs - and you just roll over and play dead.)

We also prefer a man who does half the housework and the odd sensitive thing with mange tout. (The way to a woman's heart is through her stomach. That is NOT aiming too high.)

We favour a bloke who talks to us too. I often feel that my small intestine communicates with me more often than my husband. After all, word play is foreplay for females. How else is Woody Allen still getting laid?

But girls, do you know what really makes a man perfect? Being perfect enough to understanding why we're not.

How to Avoid Sabotaging Your Job

2009-09-03T10:50:00.002+08:00

In today's workplace, there are more ways to damage your career than ever before. An errant tweet. An erroneous Facebook post. A heated email exchange. All of these can sully an otherwise impeccable reputation, as can a litany of faux pas in front of your coworkers.
Workplace expert Alexandra Levit, author of "How'd You Score That Gig?," shares her insights for avoiding the stumbling blocks and temptations that inhabit our work lives and work spaces.

1. Keep your focus on the networking part of social networking.
She says, "You have to set boundaries as to how you use various social networks (e.g. Facebook for personal, LinkedIn for professional) and make sure you communicate those boundaries so that feelings aren't hurt." While Facebooking has become a part of many people's workdays, Levitt says, "Don't let your boss and coworkers catch you chatting and playing with Facebook applications when you should be working."

2. Avoid sending a tweet in the heat of the moment.
Twitter is a great tool to help raise your reputation. Levitt advises, "Use your real name on Twitter to network with people you wouldn't have the chance to communicate with in real life, and send them valuable information or interesting tidbits about their field. Just don't get caught up in the heat of the moment. Before you post something on Twitter, think about whether you'd want to read it on the front page of the Wall Street Journal.

3. Finding friends at the office is fine -- but don't look for love.
You spend a lot of time at the office, so it may be tempting to become involved with a colleague. She states, "You can pursue friendships in other departments and with friends of your coworkers, but don't ever date a boss or a direct report. And refrain from dating an immediate coworker unless you can handle seeing that person every day if the relationship goes south."

4. Appearances count around the office.
Don't let casual Fridays be your fashion downfall. Levit, also the author of "Success for Hire," says, "Pay attention to what constitutes business casual in your workplace (i.e. what others are wearing) and dress accordingly -- although business casual usually means khakis and a butto- down shirt. And no matter what the trend du jour is, "Don't ever wear short-shorts or flip-flops to work."

5. Practice proper email etiquette.
Almost everyone has trouble managing their inboxes these days, so don't be so quick to send unnecessary emails -- or those that might stir the pot around the office. She counsels, "Only 'reply to all' if every person on the string really needs to hear what you're saying. Always check the list of people in the 'to' and 'cc' lines before sending any e-mail. Don't hit reply too quickly in case that reply-to-all function is accidentally on, and don't use e-mail for negative or controversial discussion."

6. Think before you speak.
Converse carefully with coworkers, especially at first. "Spend more time listening than you do speaking. Show an interest in other people, but don't discuss anything that you wouldn't talk about with your grandmother or religious officiant -- especially with a coworker you don't know extremely well. In general, steer clear of sex, drugs, and politics," she reveals.

7. It's good to be heard -- but not all the time.
Watch your volume control around the office. And don't be afraid to speak up if someone else's volume is distracting you. Levit urges, "Say nicely that you're on the phone with a client and ask if he wouldn't mind keeping it down a bit. Never allow your desire to avoid confrontation affect your work effectiveness."

8. Just say "no" to complaining.
Everyone has complaints at the office, but it may be best to avoid sharing them with coworkers. She admits, "It's good to get negative emotions off your chest by venting to a close friend or family member, but don't complain at work at all -- people won't like you. Instead, think of ways to turn a bad situation into a more positive one and approach your boss and coworkers with solutions rather than problems."

9. Handle alcohol with care.
Sometimes bonding over food and/or drink is part of business. According to Levit, "It's OK to have fun at happy hour with your colleagues, but keep it to a one- or two-drink maximum. Don't drink at lunch or during daytime business meetings, and don't ever get drunk with coworkers even in evening, social settings. You'll end up saying or doing something you'll regret (and your coworkers may not forget)."

10. Know the difference between sharing and oversharing.
There's a fine line between a caring coworker and an overbearing one. She urges, "Develop close friendships with coworkers over a period of time, assessing how much you can trust them before you disclose too much personal information. However, do not assume someone is going to be your best friend just because you work in the same office eight hours a day; and when it doubt, you should err on the side of caution."

Bored To Tears

2009-08-24T09:06:00.002+08:00

EVEN if your children are good at amusing themselves most of the times, there may come a day when they get bored. That is when parents have to find ways to keep them occupied.

Try a couple of these ideas here and the boredom will soon be a distant memory.

Children love playing with other children of their own age so if you can, try to arrange some play dates for them.

Parents generally love play dates as it gives them a couple of hours of peace either when the child is at another house or when he is being entertained in his own house by a friend.

Children also love the special attention they get when their own parents play with them. Don’t worry if you aren’t very creative; your children aren’t measuring your imaginative capabilities.

If it is a nice day, take your child out exploring. If you live near a beach, go visit it even if the sun isn’t shining. Children don’t care about getting a little wet – so long as it is not a torrential downpour, a little rain won’t hurt them.

Children also love messing about in the sand. Younger ones will build sandcastles while the older ones will dig moats or play ball games.

Bring a picnic with you as the combination of sea air and exercise will lead to hungry tummies!

Children also love playing with water either swimming in the sea or in a pool. If you opt for the pool, you could take your child to a structured swimming class or else go as a family group.

If swimming isn’t convenient but the weather is nice, take your child out to the local park and play some ball games. Ball games are great fun but they also help teach sharing and team building while developing eye-hand co-ordination and balance.

If your child is small, you may find that he crawls to the ball as this is quicker than walking.

Don’t stress out about how dirty he is getting or what he is crawling in. Children need exposure to dirt and germs as it helps to build up their immune system.

I would suggest, however, that you only allow him to play in a dog-free zone.

If you like gardening, why not take the children out to the back garden. Most youngsters, particularly the younger ones, love to do what mummy and daddy do.

You can give them an area for their "own" garden. Just remember that most children lack patience so whatever you choose to grow, make it fast growing. An example of something that is easy and low maintenance would be cress or radishes. You can cheat by buying a couple of herb plants to plant in between.

For older children, you can let them grow carrots or potatoes in grow bags and small containers. My son loves sunflowers simply as they grow so much taller than him.

Studies also show that children eat more vegetables and fruit if they have grown them themselves.

So, if you like to cook, get your children to help. Younger children can still help you cook – let them stir the bowl and maybe even lick the spoon when you are finished.

If the weather is awful, why not head to the local library. Reading is one of the best educational things you can do for your children.

Not only are you helping them improve their education but you are also opening up a wonderful world of make-believe that may well go with them through adulthood. After all, most Harry Potter readers are quite a bit older than the original intended audience.

You could rent a DVD and make some popcorn and throw your own ‘cinema’ evening. While resorting to the TV all day every day is not good for children, the odd hour here and there never hurt anyone.

Dust off some old board games and sit down as a family to play. Just pick a game that is age appropriate or you may find the boredom quickly turns to frustration and temper tantrums.

Don’t try to overdo it on the educational front though. Children are supposed to have fun playing and will learn something from all sorts of situations.

10 Ways to Be Liked in Your Job Interview

2009-08-20T20:10:00.002+08:00

No matter your resume and talents, if you mess up a job interview you won't get that position. In today's tough economy you need every possible edge. As authors of the new book, "I Hate People! Kick Loose from the Overbearing and Underhanded Jerks at Work and Get What you Want Out of Your Job," we see it as a simple equation: You want to be liked -- not hated.

Here are 10 simple things to do that will dramatically increase your chances: from wearing the right expression, to knowing what not to say, to never ever breaking a sweat.

1. Don't be a "smiley face."

Excessive smiling in a job interview is seen for what it is -- nervousness and a lack of confidence. A smiley-face person exudes phoniness, which will quickly be picked up by the interviewer. Instead be thoughtful and pleasant. Smile when there's something to smile about. Do a practice run in front of a mirror or friend.

2. Don't be a small-talker.

Your job is to be knowledgeable about the company for which you're interviewing. Random facts about last night's episode of "Dancing with the Stars" or your favorite blog will not get you the job. Never feel you have to fill an interview with small talk. Find ways to talk about serious subjects related to the industry or company. Pockets of silence are better than padding an interview with random babble.

3. Don't sweat.

You can lose a job by wearing an undershirt or simply a little too much clothing. Sweaty palms or beads on your forehead will not impress. You are not applying to be a personal trainer. Sweat will be seen as a sign of weakness and nervousness. Do a practice run with your job interview outfit in front of friends. The job interview is one place you definitely don't want to be hot.

4. Don't be a road block.

Interviewers are seeking candidates eager to take on challenging projects and jobs. Hesitance and a nay-saying mentality will be as visible as a red tie -- and seen as a negative. Practice saying "yes" to questions about your interest in tasks and work that might normally give you pause.

5. Don't be petty.

Asking the location of the lunchroom or meeting room will clue the interviewer into your lack of preparation and initiative. Prepare. Don't ask questions about routine elements or functions of a company: where stuff is, the size of your cube, and company policy on coffee breaks.

6. Don't be a liar.

Studies show that employees lie frequently in the workplace. Lying won't get you a job. In a job interview even a slight exaggeration is lying. Don't. Never stretch your resume or embellish accomplishments. There's a difference between speaking with a measured confidence and engaging in BS. One lie can ruin your entire interview, and the skilled interviewer will spot the lie and show you the door.

7. Don't be a bad comedian.

Humor tends to be very subjective, and while it may be tempting to lead your interview with a joke you've got to be careful about your material. You probably will know nothing about the sensibilities of your interviewer, let alone what makes them laugh. On the other hand, nothing disarms the tension of a job interview like a little laughter, so you can probably score at least a courtesy chuckle mentioning that it's "perfect weather for a job interview!"

8. Don't be high-maintenance.

If you start talking about the ideal office temperature, the perfect chair for your tricky back, and how the water cooler needs to be filled with imported mineral water, chances are you'll be shown a polite smile and the door, regardless of your qualifications. Nobody hiring today is going to be looking for someone who's going to be finicky about their workspace.

9. Don't be a time-waster.

At every job interview, the prospective hire is given the chance to ask questions. Make yours intelligent, to the point, and watch the person across the desk for visual cues whether you've asked enough. Ask too many questions about off-target matters and you'll be thought of as someone destined to waste the company's resources with insignificant and time-wasting matters.

10. Don't be a switchblade.

Normally the switchblade is thought of a backstabber, often taking credit for someone else's work. In an interview setting, the switchblade can't help but "trash talk" his former employer. If you make it seem like your former workplace was hell on Earth, the person interviewing you might be tempted to call them to find out who was the real devil.

Copyright 2009 Jonathan Littman and Marc Hershon, authors of "I Hate People!: Kick Loose from the Overbearing and Underhanded Jerks at Work and Get What You Want Out of Your Job

How Police Spot A Lie

2009-08-19T09:55:00.001+08:00

Forget what you've learned from years of watching cop shows on television. Liars do not have trouble making eye contact. The guilty don't fidget. Culprits don't sweat more. As a matter of fact, research indicates that innocent people tend to be more nervous when they are being questioned because they are very intent on proving that they didn't do it. Liars come in with a script in their heads.

"A lot of different signs of anxiety are mistaken for signs of deception," says Kevin Colwell, a forensic scientist at Southern Connecticut State University in New Haven. He says research shows that even for the innocent, the whole tenor of an encounter with police can make it harder to remember things accurately. "In interrogation the whole goal is to convince somebody or trick them or coerce them whatever it takes to get them to confess to the crime."

Colwell is on the forefront of a movement to change that mindset and convince law enforcement and other interrogators that encounters with suspects are opportunities to get information, not just a moment to elicit a confession. The concern is that if an interviewer is already convinced that someone committed the crime they are investigating, interviewers stop searching for other answers. And that can lead to mistakes.

Seek Information, Not a Confession

This approach, of seeking information rather than a confession, is already well entrenched in Britain. Back in the mid-1980s, after a raft of cases involving false confessions, British courts ruled that officers were no longer allowed to use aggressive techniques — such as lying about evidence — to goad suspects. Interrogations in Britain also have to be taped. This has changed the way UK officers interview a suspect. They chat them up, and start by asking questions to which they already know the answers. The police in Britain say this shift in strategy hasn't reduced the number of confessions.

Colwell and a forensic psychologist at National University in La Jolla, Calif., named Cheryl Hiscock-Anisman have been doing this kind of interrogation research for years. As a general matter, they have found that people who are making up a story prepare an airtight, simple script that is easy to remember. People telling the truth have no script because, basically, they lived the story. So they tend to recall unrelated details and often make mistakes.

Colwell and Hiscock-Anisman have been working on a system that draws that contrast more vividly. And they've been taking their theories out into the field.

They are training police officers across the country to look for verbal patterns instead of fidgets. Just weeks ago they sat down with a group at the San Diego Police Department.

Sergeant Romeo De Los Reyes sat in on the session and, initially, was a little skeptical. "We've always learned that communication is 60- to 90-percent non-verbal," he said. "So this was a different approach to dealing with deception."

Now he sees this approach as another tool for his interview toolbox.

Ask a Simple Question

Basically the system asks an interviewer to pay attention to words and verbal cues rather than focusing on non-verbal communication. Hiscock-Anisman suggests interviewers begin with a non-threatening question. "For example, when I was living in Texas and I was running inmates for one of my studies we asked, 'what was the first day like for you in prison?'" she said. She chose that question for two reasons: it was a vivid memory, and it was very likely to get a truthful answer.

"There's no need to lie about your first day in prison, even if you're an inmate," she said.

The first question is designed to give interviewers a baseline of sorts. It gives them an idea of how much detail someone provides when they are telling a story truthfully. Next, interviewers are supposed to ask the person to tell them about the event under investigation. Then they compare the two stories. Does the suspect use the same number of descriptive phrases? Is there the same kind of recall? All these things are very important when trying to turn a gut instinct about whether someone is lying, into something more rooted in specific patterns.

Then comes the harder question, which Hiscock-Anisman says often separates the liars from the truth-tellers. "I say, now what I want you to do is I want you to go back to that time and I want you to describe every single thing that happened but this time I want you to tell me what happened last and work all the way backwards," she said. She laughs. "A liar is going to have a hell of a time, right?"

Try this the next time your teenager comes home late.

The point is, the research indicates that a person who is being honest tends to provide tons of little facts, anecdotal details that you only get from living a situation. In fact, Hiscock-Anisman says she's found that truth-tellers tend to add about 30 percent more detail than people who are lying.

But there are still practical questions on how law enforcement might use this approach. San Diego's De Los Reyes says the system might work with someone who has to decided to talk, but what about someone who is refusing to cooperate? That's unclear. Even so, the San Diego Police Department has asked Colwell and Hiscock-Aninson to come back, to do more training.

5 Compliments Every Woman Loves To Hear

2009-08-19T09:47:00.001+08:00

Words of appreciation spoken directly to your romantic partner go far in paving the way to a happy, healthy relationship. What is sometimes too easily forgotten: disagreements among couples (from trifling to serious) can nearly always be overcome with a few words of gratitude from a partner (a.k.a., a healthy dose of authentic compliments). But it takes more than a "Hey Baby, you're hot" to really win points with your partner here. These are the top five compliments every woman loves to hear. If you can't remember the words verbatim, remember the key principles: appreciation, support and acceptance. This is the triage to a strong, lasting and powerful romantic endeavor.

1.You're Irreplaceable. This is a surefire way to light up your partner’s eyes. Saying these words (with full eye contact, of course) lets the special one in your life know that you know who she is as a person and that you value her as a unique individual. Why is this so effective? Think about when you break up with someone and part ways. One of the worst ramifications of the break-up is finding out, via Facebook update or chattering among friends, that you've been replaced by someone new. On the flip side, hearing from your current partner that you're valued for more than what you look like scores big, meaningful points.

2. You bring light to my life. Yes, we know this sounds like a bit much. But bear with us and let us make one point: relationships can go off course when one or both partners takes for granted the contributions the other makes to their lives. Saying this shows that a man understands and remembers that a women chooses to be with her man and opts to give her energy and time to him. Showing he appreciates that she shares her life with him is symphonic to a woman's ears. If the word light is a tad too over-the-top for you try replacing it with happiness, joy, sunshine—whichever word you can say with genuine meaning.

3. You are perfect just the way that you are. This one takes the gold star award for ability to make a woman’s day, week, month or even year (if, that is, whenever she gets miffed at you for something small she recalls you saying this to her). Ingrid Michaelson sang it best with her lyrics to the song "The Way that I Am." If you really want to make your partner's day, we suggest e-mailing this song or youtube video to the woman you love. Deep, lasting love is unconditional. Showing that you comprehend and embrace this idea will touch your partner way more than superficial comments such as, "Your earrings are cute." Read: Dating A Golddigger

4. I love your (fill in the blank: bright eyes, cute toes, toned arms, sleek legs, silky hair). We did not mean to give the impression above that we women do not like to hear you notice when we put extra effort into looking foxy for our man. But what’s key here is that what you say is genuine. Don’t just pick any random feature. Think about it. What is your partner’s best physical attribute and why do you like it? Telling your partner this will show her you pay attention to details, and to her.

5. I am so proud of you. A big deal-breaker in any relationship can be supporting one another’s life goals or not. Paying attention to your partner’s current goals she is working hard to achieve endear her to you for life. Whether it is paying off her credit card debt, completing a class, putting in extra hours to earn a promotion or even trying to better balance her life, show your loving support for your women. Her heart will melt then and every time thereafter she remembers when you supported along the way to making things happen and brushing off when the chips are down.

TIPS FOR DEALING WITH CRITICISM:

2009-07-27T20:28:00.003+08:00

Criticism sucks. If you’re being rightly criticized, your ego needs to shake it off like a wet dog and keep wagging it's tail. And if you’re being unjustly ‘dissed, you’ve still got to keep your ego limber so that you can objectively fight for your dignity. Either way, criticism is a call to be your classiest self.

1. Expand. Sometimes criticism stings because we know the criticizer has a valid point. After you’ve done the inner wince, take a deep breath and get back in the ring. And look, just because you may need to clean up your act a bit, it doesn’t mean that you’re a full scale loser. We're all just bozos on the same bus, as my dear friend Donna would say. So literally, take a deep expansive breath, with your fists unclenched. You sustain less injury when you do NOT brace for impact. I guess that's why they call it "rolling with the punches."

2. Admit that it stings. “Ouch. That’s hard to hear. But I’m up for it.” Honesty when criticized is a great equalizer and a show of nobility and maturity.

3. Don’t react...yet. Sometimes it’s best to just listen and simply say, “I’ve heard you. Let me process what you've said and I’ll get back to you tomorrow.” So many of us are so adrift from our deep sensitivity that it takes some time to clearly know how we feel. So just take the time, it’s better than a half-cocked reaction that you’ll regret. And if you do say something you regret, or you don’t say what you think you should have…

4. Go back to it. Feel free to bring it up again, even if it was a closed subject. "I thought more about what you said and I just wanted to let you know that….” It’s better to clear the air after the fact than it is to bury your feelings.
5. Be compassionate to your criticizer. This can really soften the situation. Giving honest criticism is no fun for most people, and it’s often a case of, “This is going to hurt me as much as it might hurt you.”

6. Consider the source. As Ralph Waldo Emerson put it, to succeed is to “earn the appreciation of honest critics.” So firstly, you need to consider your source and their motivation. If you feel you’re being inaccurately criticized, then you need to say so in no uncertain terms. This is tricky because you may be perceived as being defensive. In this case, it’s good to refer to point #3. Collect your thoughts and give a rebuttal that shows your strengths {I’m a rock star because I…} and describes the challenges of the situation {I’ve been operating on a dime budget…}

7. Don’t take any shit. Sometimes you have to play hardball. I once got a super crappy performance review from a manger at a retail job. I got on the phone right away and called the big cheese. “There’s no way I’m signing this review and there’s no way I’m quitting. I think she's losing her marbles." My knees were shaking but I knew I had to do it. As it turned out, I wasn’t the only person complaining about Crazy Manageress. She left shortly thereafter. And guess who got promoted?

8. Know your rights. Sometimes there are legalities to consider. Your job may be on the line. If you lip off, and it leads to a dismissal, you want to know what your rights are – employers may need to formally warn you in writing, etc. You also have the right to be treated with respect no matter how severely you screw up. Criticism given without care is irresponsible.

9. Bring closure to it. If you’re being asked to improve in some way, then ask for specific measurables – you can’t run a race if you don’t know where the finish line is. Be extra diligent about checking in on mutual satisfaction.

10. Say thank you. Whether you’ve been rightly our wrongly critiqued, say thanks – either way, it’s a learning opportunity.

11. Lick your wounds. Bruises need icepacks and hotbaths. Be sweet to yourself because tomorrow is another day and you're up for the ride. Life never dishes out something you can't handle.

By Danielle LaPorte

How to Ask for a Raise

2009-07-23T20:04:00.001+08:00

Step 1

Evaluate your worth. Make a list of your accomplishments, skills and contributions.

Step 2

Arm yourself with information. Know what a normal raise is for someone of your experience and occupation.

Step 3

Assess your supervisor's mood and outlook. Is he or she ready to consider your request?

Step 4

Choose an appropriate time of day. Make an appointment or ask if there are a few minutes to spare. Plan for an end-of-business-day meeting.

Step 5

Consider asking for a specific amount that's a little higher than what you want. Say 8 percent when you would be happy with 6 percent.

Step 6

Be realistic. If your company is going through tough times but you still feel deserving, decide how you'll respond if a lower amount is offered.

Step 7

Be flexible. Would you consider a supplement in perks, time off, flextime or vacation time in lieu of a raise? Negotiate.

Step 8

If your supervisor turns you down, have a plan ready and regroup.

Visual Deal-Breakers for Daters

2009-07-19T13:22:00.005+08:00

A few weeks back I had a great time working on an upcoming "Man in the Street" feature for Marie Claire. We asked women what makes a guy dating material, and the most common answer was: someone who has it together, and has goals and ambitions.

"Having it together" goes beyond the mental aspect. I've realized that women can take one look at me and size me up as someone who doesn't have it together, and may have no ambition. My disheveled appearance could stand some adjustments.

Here are some elements that I should work on to look more "together":

#1 Dating Element: Posture
I walk around as if I'm auditioning for the lead role in a Nosferatu remake. My shoulders are rolled forward, and I'm hunched over. I can't tell whether I'm tired, too relaxed, or what. But there's one thing I do know, women like tall guys. I'm cheating myself with my bad posture. If I stand up straight, I'm 5'11" (well, 5'10 and .99999999 inches); nothing to write home about, but it is over the average for the American male (5'9"). I should take advantage of anything above average about me. Standing up straight will also make me look more confident.

#2 Dating Element: Holes
You've read about the moth holes in my clothes, but there are other places where holes pop up. Assuming that women don't notice my shoes is naive, considering their love of all things shoe-related. I get everything I can out of a pair of sneakers. Plus, I'm too lazy to go out and buy new ones. My current sneakers are literally wearing away to nothingness. I could act as a visual aid for one of those old guys telling stories about the Great Depression: "In my day we used cardboard boxes for shoes." My friend Margaret, the other day, stuck her finger into the bottom of my shoe and struck foot! She declared that my porous shoes were responsible for my bad luck with the ladies. If only it were that simple...

#3 Dating Element: Hair
This "hair" refers to cat hair. You know you're in trouble when someone takes a look at you and asks, "Do you have a cat?" I'm always running late, so I don't have time to apply the lint roller before I leave my apartment. Cat hair has a mind of its own and silently floats around and attaches itself to important spots on clothing.

#4 Dating Element: Fingernails
I chew my fingernails to the hilt. In addition to being a dirty habit, it makes my hands look terrible. My fingernails are so low that people sometimes cringe when they look at them and ask me how bad it hurts. We all know I'm an anxious person, but wearing that anxiety on the outside in the form of jagged, bleeding fingernails is not going to attract many women. I've been trying to kick the habit for awhile, and when I do maybe I'll look like I have my life together more... or at least I'll look like I'm not eternally nervous.

It never occurred to me that women might see me and think I don't care how I look, and then make the connection to me not caring how my apartment looks, and not caring about my life goals and aspirations. I've let my apathetic attitude permeate my appearance, and that's not good.

Things are going to change. The other day, Margaret forced me to buy a wallet. So, I'm no longer walking around with random cards in my pockets and misplacing certain cards. The wallet is a symbol for me pulling it together. As Margaret says, "No girl likes it when a guy buys them a dinner with a balled-up wad of bills."

Laughter: Not Just for Funny Stuff

2009-07-18T11:39:00.003+08:00

A cackle and a giggle can mean different things.

Scientists say there are two types of laughter: the kind that comes from pure glee, and the kind that's meant to send a social message. New research suggests autistic children don't often express the latter type, a finding that could reveal more about the nature of human laughter.

From the beginning

Laughter probably predates human speech by millions of years, scientists think. It likely evolved as an early form of communication to help people negotiate group dynamics and establish hierarchy, said William Hudenko, a psychologist at Ithaca College who led the new study.

Babies usually learn to laugh before they learn to speak.

"We think it's so hardwired that even infants start to use laughter in order to promote affiliation and bonding with caregivers," Hudenko told LiveScience.

People are about 30 times more likely to laugh in the presence of others than alone, reinforcing the idea that laughter is a social phenomenon.

And though we associate laughter with humor, a large proportion of laughs aren't in response to anything remotely funny. Rather, they are often just affirmations, communications, or expressions of joy.

We laugh "to kind of grease the social wheels," Hudenko said.

Two types

Laughter mainly comes in two types, researchers think: voiced, and unvoiced.

"We need more research to be done to understand the function of voice versus unvoiced laughter, but our best hypothesis is that unvoiced laughs are probably used more to negotiate social interactions, and voiced might be more linked to a positive internal state," Hudenko said.

So voiced laughter - the prototypical, belly-laugh type, that sounds more like sing-song - is usually spontaneous. We create the sound with our vocal chords (hence the name), and usually laugh this way naturally and spontaneously.

Unvoiced laughter, however, is more of a conscious expression. We make these panting, grunting, snorting noises when we are trying on purpose to laugh, usually for a social purpose, such as to ease conversation or make friends.

For adults, each type of laughter represents about 50 percent of the total. Young children may express more voiced than unvoiced laughter, as they haven't yet learned to purposely laugh.

But strikingly, Hudenko and team found that autistic children almost never produce unvoiced laughs. They monitored kids between ages 8 and 10 playing in a lab, and set up situations that would elicit laughter, such as falling block towers and squeaky balloons.

The test group of autistic children laughed just about as often as the non-autistic kids, but the autistic children's laughter was 98 percent voiced, while non-autistic children produced both types.

"We take this as some preliminary evidence that children with autism might not be using laughter the same way," Hudenko said. "Our hypothesis is that typically-developing children, through the course of development, learn a large repertoire of laugh sounds in order to negotiate social circumstances. We suspect the children with autism are not attuned to the same social subtleties."

Developing skills

The finding helps underscore the different purposes of the two kinds of laughter. It could also help researchers design better ways to help kids with autism navigate social situations.

"The idea is that we might be able to help them to express laughter more readily during social interactions," Hudenko said. "This shows that these children with autism have a really fantastic skill that might help them to promote relationships with individuals."

In fact, research shows that most people prefer to listen to voiced laughter more than unvoiced. Call it our suspicious nature: We react better to laughter that is spontaneously produced, rather than laughter that is calculated to send a message.

This fact could prove beneficial to autistic children, who tend to produce the more popular variety of laughter.

"We at least know they're producing sounds that other people like to hear," Hudenko said. "We think this is a powerful first start to look at ways we might be able to use emotional capacities these children already have instead of trying to teach them some new skill."

What Does Your Handwriting Say About You?

2009-07-18T09:01:00.003+08:00

If Your Writing Slants…

To the right: You are open to the world around you and like to socialize with other people.

To the left: You generally like to work alone or behind the scenes. If you are right-handed and your handwriting slants to the left, you may be expressing rebellion.

Not at all: You tend to be logical and practical. You are guarded with your emotions.

If the Size of Your Letters Is…

Large: You have a big personality. Many celebrities have large handwriting. It may suggest that you are outgoing and like the limelight.

Small: You are focused and can concentrate easily. You tend to be introspective and shy.

Average: You are well-adjusted and adaptable.

If Your Loops Are...

Closed for L (meaning the upstroke overlaps the downstroke): Feeling tense? This implies you are restricting yourself in some way.

Full for L: You are spontaneous and relaxed and find it easy to express yourself.

Closed for E: You tend to be skeptical and are unswayed by emotional arguments.

Full for E: You have an open mind and enjoy trying new things.

If Your S’s Are…

Round: You are a people-pleaser and seek compromise. You avoid confrontation.

Pointy: You are intellectually probing and like to study new things. The higher and pointier the peaks, the more ambitious you are.

Open at the bottom: You might not be following your heart. For example, you always wanted to be an artist, but you have a career in finance.

If You Want Neater, More Legible Handwriting

Write out this sentence in your normal, everyday style: A quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. (Don’t worry if you use a mix of printing and cursive. By high school, more than two-thirds of people combine them, according to writing specialist Steve Graham.) So how does it look? If it’s a scrawled mess, start by slowing down. In addition to that general rule, experts recommend focusing on five target areas to improve the appearance and the legibility of your handwriting. Read their advice, and study which example they say is the model style (the last sample, in each case). The goal? Script that is easier to read―even “note”-worthy.

1. Line Quality

If your writing is faint, like a bad photocopy, simply focus on pressing harder. If you pressed so hard that your fingers got sore, correct your grip: Try to hold the pen between the pads of your middle finger and thumb, with your index finger resting on top. If you have trouble retraining yourself, try using an ergonomic pencil grip.

2. Alignment

Does your sentence tilt up or down on the page? If the answer is yes, use an index card to guide you when you write on unlined paper. Use the top of the note card as the base for each line of writing. And use the space between the lines on the card as a reference for the amount of space you should leave between the lines of your note.

3. Slant

To straighten up a bit, adjust the angle of the paper. Think of your writing space as a clock, with 12 o’clock straight ahead. If you’re right-handed, rotate the page so that the bottom-right corner is at 4 o’clock and the top-left one is at 10 o’clock. For lefties, the bottom-left corner should fall at 8 and the upper-right corner at 2.

4. Spacing

If your letters and words are too close together, they blend into one another. Too far apart and they get lost in space. Imagine a lowercase o split vertically in half. That’s the correct amount of space to leave between each letter. A full lowercase o should fit between words.

5. Letter Formation

Everyone has a letter or two that manage to get mangled in daily penmanship. Lowercase letters, especially vowels, are the usual suspects. Look at what you wrote and circle the letters that aren’t completely closed or are missing stems. Be more mindful of them and slow down.

Write On

How you craft letters and words can indicate more than 5,000 different personality traits, according to the science of graphology, also known as handwriting analysis. To introduce students to the field, graphologist Kathi McKnight has them write She sells seashells by the seashore in cursive. Why cursive? Graphologists say it gives them a better read on a person. Try writing the same sentence now in cursive (even if you usually print), then read on to see how graphologists might characterize you. (Note: Each analysis corresponds to the handwriting sample to its right.)

By Amanda Armstrong

How to Detect Lies

2009-07-17T15:15:00.008+08:00

Introduction to Detecting Lies:

The following techniques to telling if someone is lying are often used by police, and security experts. This knowledge is also useful for managers, employers, and for anyone to use in everyday situations where telling the truth from a lie can help prevent you from being a victim of fraud/scams and other deceptions.

Warning: Sometimes Ignorance is bliss; after gaining this knowledge, you may be hurt when it is obvious that someone is lying to you.

Signs of Deception:
Body Language of Lies:

• Physical expression will be limited and stiff, with few arm and hand movements. Hand, arm and leg movement are toward their own body the liar takes up less space.

• A person who is lying to you will avoid making eye contact.

• Hands touching their face, throat & mouth. Touching or scratching the nose or behind their ear. Not likely to touch his chest/heart with an open hand.

Emotional Gestures & Contradiction

• Timing and duration of emotional gestures and emotions are off a normal pace. The display of emotion is delayed, stays longer it would naturally, then stops suddenly.

• Timing is off between emotions gestures/expressions and words. Example: Someone says "I love it!" when receiving a gift, and then smile after making that statement, rather then at the same time the statement is made.

• Gestures/expressions don’t match the verbal statement, such as frowning when saying “I love you.”

• Expressions are limited to mouth movements when someone is faking emotions (like happy, surprised, sad, awe, )instead of the whole face. For example; when someone smiles naturally their whole face is involved: jaw/cheek movement, eyes and forehead push down, etc.

Interactions and Reactions

• A guilty person gets defensive. An innocent person will often go on the offensive.

• A liar is uncomfortable facing his questioner/accuser and may turn his head or body away.

• A liar might unconsciously place objects (book, coffee cup, etc.) between themselves and you.

Verbal Context and Content

• A liar will use your words to make answer a question. When asked, “Did you eat the last cookie?” The liar answers, “No, I did not eat the last cookie.”

•A statement with a contraction is more likely to be truthful: “ I didn't do it” instead of “I did not do it”

• Liars sometimes avoid "lying" by not making direct statements. They imply answers instead of denying something directly.

• The guilty person may speak more than natural, adding unnecessary details to convince you... they are not comfortable with silence or pauses in the conversation.

• A liar may leave out pronouns and speak in a monotonous tone. When a truthful statement is made the pronoun is emphasized as much or more than the rest of the words in a statement.

• Words may be garbled and spoken softly, and syntax and grammar may be off.In other words his sentences will likely be muddled rather than emphasized

Other signs of a lie:

• If you believe someone is lying, then change subject of a conversation quickly, a liar follows along willingly and becomes more relaxed. The guilty wants the subject changed; an innocent person may be confused by the sudden change in topics and will want to back to the previous subject.

• Using humor or sarcasm to avoid a subject.

Final Notes:

Obviously, just because someone exhibits one or more of these signs does not make them a liar. The above behaviors should be compared to a persons base (normal) behavior whenever possible.

@http://www.blifaloo.com/info/lies.php

In love? It's not enough to keep a marriage, study finds

2009-07-15T08:49:00.001+08:00

SYDNEY (Reuters Life!) – Living happily ever after needn't only be for fairy tales. Australian researchers have identified what it takes to keep a couple together, and it's a lot more than just being in love.

A couple's age, previous relationships and even whether they smoke or not are factors that influence whether their marriage is going to last, according to a study by researchers from the Australian National University.

The study, entitled "What's Love Got to Do With It," tracked nearly 2,500 couples -- married or living together -- from 2001 to 2007 to identify factors associated with those who remained together compared with those who divorced or separated.

It found that a husband who is nine or more years older than his wife is twice as likely to get divorced, as are husbands who get married before they turn 25.

Children also influence the longevity of a marriage or relationship, with one-fifth of couples who have kids before marriage -- either from a previous relationship or in the same relationship -- having separated compared to just nine percent of couples without children born before marriage.

Women who want children much more than their partners are also more likely to get a divorce.

A couple's parents also have a role to play in their own relationship, with the study showing some 16 percent of men and women whose parents ever separated or divorced experienced marital separation themselves compared to 10 percent for those whose parents did not separate.

Also, partners who are on their second or third marriage are 90 percent more likely to separate than spouses who are both in their first marriage.

Not surprisingly, money also plays a role, with up to 16 percent of respondents who indicated they were poor or where the husband -- not the wife -- was unemployed saying they had separated, compared with only nine percent of couples with healthy finances.

And couples where one partner, and not the other, smokes are also more likely to have a relationship that ends in failure.

Factors found to not significantly affect separation risk included the number and age of children born to a married couple, the wife's employment status and the number of years the couple had been employed.

The study was jointly written by Dr Rebecca Kippen and Professor Bruce Chapman from The Australian National University, and Dr Peng Yu from the Department of Families, Housing, Community Services and Indigenous Affairs.

6 Car Repairs You Can't Afford to Skip

2009-06-29T19:25:00.003+08:00

No matter what strange noise your car is making, it almost always turns into the ca-ching of your mechanic's cash register gobbling up your savings. Because car repairs are expensive, it's tempting to let them slide. But putting off or skipping certain repairs can be a costly and even dangerous game.

Here are six car repairs you might be tempted to skip to save a little cash. But we'll show you how making that call could cost you a lot more in the long run.

1. Brake Pads

It seems like common sense: Don't neglect your car's brakes. Still, when it's time to replace your car's brake pads, it's easy to look the other way. For one thing, brake pads tend to wear gradually, so you might not notice changes in your braking performance right away. Secondly, a car with worn brake pads will still stop -- just not as well. So what's the harm in saving some money and holding off?

It turns out the harm in not replacing your brake pads is about $400. When your brake pads are worn, they can cause damage to brake rotors. As the rotors rub against the worn pads, they become warped, which makes it tougher to stop the car (if you feel your car shudder as you brake, you probably have warped rotors). Fixing the rotors requires that they be turned or smoothed out -- something that requires a mechanic and can run over $100 per rotor. If the rotors need to be replaced, you'll end up spending four times what it would have cost to replace the brake pads.

2. Oil Change

An oil change should cost you around $40 at most quick oil change stations. And that same station will probably tell you to come back in three months or 3,000 miles. But do you have to? It depends. That old rule of thumb still applies to some cars, but others can go much longer between oil changes. To find out how long your car can go between changes, read your owner's manual.

After you've found out the oil change interval for your car, follow it. Oil is like your engine's blood. But unlike your blood, all sorts of impurities build up in unless your oil is changed regularly -- not to mention that all engines lose some oil. Too much buildup and not enough oil lead to your engine seizing up. Sure, you can save $40 by putting off an oil change, but you could end up spending $4,000 on a new engine.

3. Air Filter

Changing an air filter is cheap. It's even easy enough for most people to do themselves. Not changing your car's air filter, on the other hand, is expensive. According to the EPA, a dirty air filter can reduce fuel economy by up to 10 percent simply because your engine won't breathe as efficiently. By not changing a dirty air filter, you'll save about $15. But, if your car is supposed to get 25 miles per gallon, and gas is $2.50 a gallon, those savings have evaporated by the time you've driven about 150 miles.

Even worse, if the air filter isn't clean and that means enough air isn't getting to the engine, you could foul your spark plugs and might have to replace them. Depending on your engine, that can cost anywhere from $100 to $300. Now, spending $15 for a new air filter doesn't sound so bad, does it?

4. Transmission Fluid Leak

One of the most common problems associated with your transmission is a fluid leak. You'll likely first notice it when you see drops of red fluid on the pavement where you usually park your car. Ignore it for long enough, and you'll definitely notice it when the leak leads to your transmission shifting roughly, or the gears slipping.

Transmission fluid is what cools and lubricates your transmission. If it's leaking, you need to fix it, and fast. Resealing a transmission is a relatively easy job and should usually only cost a few hundred dollars. Ignoring the leak can lead to the transmission seizing up and a subsequent transmission replacement --which costs several thousand dollars.

5. Burned Out Lights

Here's one car repair on our list that is really easy to ignore. After all, a burned-out tail light won't eventually lead to engine failure or to your transmission falling out. While that's all true, you should still fork over your hard-earned $5 for new tail light bulb if yours is burned out.

Believe it or not, failure to keep your rear lights working can be an expensive proposition. First, if a police officer sees you with broken tail or brake lights, you're going to get a ticket. In some states, the fine for a broken tail light is $150, which makes paying for a new bulb seem like chump change. Second, broken lights increase your risk of being on the receiving end of a rear-end collision. And while the other driver's insurance should cover any damage (assuming they have insurance), you still have to deal with the headache of getting your car fixed.

6. Clogged Fuel Filter

An important part of maintaining your car is keeping impurities out of the engine. While the air filter does part of the job by keeping airborne impurities out, the fuel filter keeps impurities from the fuel out of the engine. Like the air filter, if it gets clogged and you don't fix it, you're looking at some major problems.

On older cars, a fuel filter is relatively easy to replace because it's easy for mechanics or car owners themselves to get to. On newer cars, it's a more complex job. More complexity means more money, which makes this repair tempting to skip -- despite the fact that it can lead to the car stalling or refusing to start altogether.

Don't skip it. At its most expensive, replacing a fuel filter will be a few hundred bucks. Let it go too long, and not only are you looking at dealing with a car that will barely run, you could also have dirt in your fuel injectors -- causing them to need replacing. Replacing just one fuel injector can cost over $500. But if they all need replacing, you're looking at least $1,000 in repair bills.

By Jamie Page Deaton

How to Save a Million Dollars

2009-06-23T20:23:00.005+08:00

It's easy enough to save a million dollars if you come into a large inheritance, win the lottery or strike oil on your property. It's a great idea to simply stick one million of your windfall into the bank. Yet, it's not that simple or quick for most of us. Don't let that fact discourage you. It is possible to save this much money over the course of your lifetime. You can even do so within a decade if you are careful with your money. Yes, you can save a million dollars with a bit of forward thinking and some financial restraint.

1.Spend less than what you earn. This is the fundamental principal of personal financial success. No matter how much money you make, you can blow it all if you don't make a conscious effort to spend less than what you earn. Socking the difference away in savings and investments can make all the difference.

2.Diversify your income sources. Keep your income high. Insure yourself against job loss by creating multiple sources of income. In addition to your primary job, consider consulting on the side, working a home-based business or getting a second part-time job. Save all of your secondary income, and put it into interest-bearing accounts or investment vehicles.

3.Establish and maintain residual income and semi-passive income sources to free up your time to make more money. Consider buying and renting out apartments, or perhaps start a business that can be outsourced in large amounts.

4.Set goals for your savings, and track your progress each month. Challenge yourself to save money that you would otherwise spend on things you don't really need. Watching your progress each month can really inspire your efforts.

5.Continue to earn, save and invest your income over your working years to save a lot of money. How hard you work, how dedicated you are to saving and how successful you become financially can add up to a million dollars before you are thirty, forty or fifty. Perseverance is your biggest asset in this journey.

By Maria O'Brien, eHow Editor

The 12 Worst Job Hunting Mistakes

2009-06-18T08:48:00.002+08:00

1. Having a bad attitude. Interviewing while still angry at a former employer. Being, acting, or thinking negative. The problem with negative people is that they seldom realize how terribly negative they really are. They may have good business skills, but they stay unemployed a long time and can't figure out why. Motivate yourself with FranklinCovey!

2. Thinking "something will come along." Waiting for something to happen. As a rule, good things don't "just happen." Successful people make them happen. Effort usually equals results (E=R). As a rule, the harder you work at a job search, the sooner it ends.

3. Thinking someone else will find me a job: a recruiter, a counselor, my neighbor, my employer, my spouse, my pastor—anyone. Even with counseling and support, this is really a "do-it-yourself" project.

4. Thinking they're more marketable than they are. Declining job offers that pay less than the last job or are somehow inferior. It's often best to accept a weaker offer and leverage up from there. I call it "kicking a career field goal."

5. Taking rejection personally. The best way to cope with rejection is to have so many balls in the air that one loss doesn't matter much. Having your entire future riding on one potential offer is clearly a red flag.

6. Acting desperate. You may feel desperate. Just don't let them see you sweat.

7. Shooting too high (or too low). It's essential to know where you're marketable. You learn that through networking, and by asking others where they think you're competitive. Ask college professors, experts in the field, and especially those in jobs similar to the ones you want.

8. Looking for "a job" rather than for a good fit where you'll be happy. Sometimes it's necessary to take the first job that comes along. Most of the time, it's not. Whenever possible, hold out for the right fit.

9. Launching a job campaign before you know who you are and what you want to do. (The cart before the horse.) This is like building a custom home without a blueprint. Usually, the result is a short-term fix. Then you're back in the job market with fewer resources and more anxiety. It's better to begin with structured testing and assessment like the Birkman Method®, and with time-tested paper-and-pencil exercises.

10. Asking for "a job" instead of asking for advice, ideas, and referrals. Business contacts-especially strangers—are generally willing to point you in the right direction, but they dislike being asked directly for a job, because they're uncomfortable turning you down.

11. Not preparing for interviews. Your competitors will be prepared. They will have rehearsed the answers to difficult interview questions—sometimes even on videotape. Why shouldn't you? Also, don't interview half-heartedly. Go for the job offer. You can always turn it down later.

12. Hard-selling. Coming on too strong. Pushing people to give you names. Sometimes called NFL networking. Hard selling creates bad feelings about you and is actually counter-productive.

How to Spend Like a Frugal Millionaire

2009-05-28T20:14:00.003+08:00

Saving thousands while still spending.

Millionaires make up just 2 percent of the population. They get a bad rap during recessions for being wasteful with their money and are frequently used as examples of excess. It's the millionaires that you don't see that you can learn from in times like these. I call them the frugal millionaires and interviewed 70 of them to uncover ways we can all be smarter with money.

Nearly 70 percent of the economy is based on consumer spending. To keep the economy going we need to keep spending but not waste money in the process. This is where the frugal millionaires come in. They've been smart with their money all along and haven't lost it all and had to remake it. These are the kind of people you want to learn from when it comes to spending your money.

Spending philosophy.

Frugal millionaires are unique thinkers when it comes to spending money: 1) they can easily delay their need for gratification when purchasing; 2) they are resourceful in getting what they want by carefully timing their consumer purchases; 3) they make living below their means painless; 4) they don't like wasting anything (especially money); 5) their sense of "self-entitlement" is highly minimized: and 6) spending is OK with them...depending on what they are buying (think: appreciating vs. depreciating assets).

Buying tips.

These millionaires keep more money than they spend, that's why they are rich. Their tactics work for them so they'll work even better for you. Key Point: They don't view shopping as a sport. They shop efficiently and spend their time doing more important things with their lives. Here are their tips that will help you save while spending:

Cars: Buy used (or off lease) fuel-efficient cars, often with "certified pre-owned" warranties. This warranty can be better than a new car, plus the initial depreciation hit is avoided. Drive the car for a long time and never lease it.

Eating Out: Bring half of a meal home to eat later (this also saves the waistline). Eat at happy hours. Bring wine from home and skip dessert. Value food quality over expensive ambience.

Eating In: Eat better and less expensively by cooking at home. Make it a friends and family event. Get your kids involved. Bonus: You can have that extra drink without worrying about getting busted for driving under the influence. Also: buy day-old bread at the best bakery in town and freeze it. Eat oatmeal, because it's the most cost-effective breakfast food. Get a supermarket "club card" and buy food on special. Play the game of trying to see how much of a discount can be saved off the total food bill.

Clothes: When you buy something new donate something used to charity. Buy traditional clothes, but wait for the off-season to acquire them. Go for high quality - not high price. Buy vintage clothing and avoid logo clothing and keep people guessing who the designer might be. Hint: There shouldn't be one!

Consumer Electronics: Buy low-end gear that has the basic functionality of the more expensive stuff. Don't be the first to buy new technology. Wait at least one lifecycle so the bugs are worked out. Buy refurbished electronics whenever possible.

Computers: Buy more mainstream computers with proven technology. Select higher capacity hard drives, a decent amount of RAM (the memory that the program runs in) and a cost effective processor. Super fast doesn't always equal super good...unless you are building airplanes or bridges. Laptops are a good compromise between desktops and netbooks. Don't go through the pain of upgrading operating systems on existing computers, it's not time efficient and you will probably go insane trying.

Going green: Being green and frugal go hand-in-hand. Yet frugal millionaires don't readily fall for the trendy green hype machine. They typically buy green if it helps the environment and lowers their costs. They look at the timeframe when a product can pay for itself. They do use compact fluorescent lighting, turn off lights and equipment that isn't being used, monitor AC and heat usage (with programmable thermostats), drive efficiently, live in "right-sized" homes and turn off the water when they aren't brushing their teeth or washing dishes. Because they have trained themselves to not waste money they won't waste anything else either. They get into good habits and keep them going. You can, too.

Taken from: http://finance.yahoo.com/news/How-to-Spend-Like-a-Frugal-usnews-15357371.html

Handling exam fever

2009-05-28T08:59:00.001+08:00

THERE are indeed parents, yours truly included, who feel and act as if they are the ones taking exams instead of their children.

While it is good that parents remind their children to be well prepared, there is a need to be conscious of the line between encouraging and nagging; between sharing the importance of good grades and demanding they meet your high expectations.

Being a first-timer with my child’s school exam, I recently got into gear to prepare for the exams much earlier than my daughter.

It’s not surprising since I am the one with 17 or more years’ of examination experience while my seven-year-old only knows exams as “a test to see how much you remember and have learnt so far”.

As the days drew closer, Mama started harping about doing revision, getting extra workbooks for practice, giving tips on the do’s and don’ts when answering questions, and turning every conversation with the carefree daughter into mini revision sessions.

Was I subconsciously thinking that how well my child does in school is a reflection of my parenting skills?

Taking a step back for a personal check, I told myself that it is more important for a child to progress academically and morally in the long term than achieving short-term success in exams.

It is more valuable for them to learn from the consequences of their actions when they fail to heed your advice to read their textbooks instead of comics. It is also good that they know it is all right to make mistakes and that they can learn from them.

Young children need patience, encouragement and support from parents when preparing for exams.

They have shorter attention spans, so break their revision times into shorter periods to make it less daunting for both parent and child.

Never compare their performance with those of another classmate, as this would put undue pressure on them. Not all children develop at the same pace. Neither are their interests and talents alike.

While it is important to get good grades, especially when they are older and grades are significant for their future, perfect exam scores alone do not a successful young adult make.

And what, I need to ask, is my definition of “success”? What are the values, morals, general knowledge and life skills that I want my child to possess? What good is it to be a millionaire but go through life without compassion or humility? Can she be a rocket scientist yet possess conversational skills fit for the Queen of England or the regular Joe?

Children, even those as young as five or six I believe, do have some idea of how they should and want to go about things in their lives. When we let go and trust them, we may be surprised at how they come through.

Love them for who they are, and not for how many A’s they score. I may have dreams of my daughter winning the Nobel Prize but if she chooses to be a rock drummer (not that it is more inferior a vocation), that would be great too.

As for taking exams these few early years, I shall be mindful not to nag at her to revise, or to check that all her pencils have been sharpened.

8 Marriage-Busters to Give Up Today

2009-05-26T16:13:00.003+08:00

1. Nagging, nagging, nagging. We know about the squeaky wheel, but complaining loud and long gets you only short-term gains and builds up powerful discontent on your spouse's side.

2. Blaming, criticizing, and name-calling. These tactics belittle the person you promised to love, honor, and cherish; let you play angel to his or her devil; and don't address the responsibility you both share for your marital happiness.

3. Bullying, rudeness, and selfishness. These ugly power plays tell your partner that he or she doesn't count at all in your eyes.

4. Peacekeeping and passive placating. A "whatever you say, Dear" attitude may keep your home quieter but leaves you in the martyr's role. You'll end up angry, defensive, and a drudge. What fun is that?

5. Deploying logic all the time. Life isn't the starship Enterprise; playing the dispassionate Mr. Spock not only cuts you off from your feelings but also subtly tells your spouse that his or her feelings don't count either.

6. Throwing up distractions. You're just having fun, right? Think again. Being hyperactive, fooling around all the time, and refusing to focus -- in conversation or in life -- often is an attempt to avoid intimacy or difficult issues, which can be horribly frustrating for your mate.

7. Stonewalling. Another stall maneuver, stonewalling stops arguments and constructive discussions cold. Not much can happen when one spouse just won't talk about it.

8. Making unilateral decisions about the big things. Sometimes you have to pick the bathroom paint color on your own. But if you're making major decisions about your money, your time, your kids, and your family life, you're acting without accountability and cutting off the possibility of joint decision-making and deeper intimacy.

Retirement: Getting Ready

2009-05-26T15:54:00.001+08:00

Don't retire too early. "Working longer will become a necessity for many people," says Andrew Eschtruth, a spokesman at Boston College's Center for Retirement Research. "If you can work into your mid to late 60s, it will make a huge difference." For one thing, your savings and 401(k) can grow without your drawing on them for everyday expenses. That extra time can improve your chances of maintaining a comfortable retirement lifestyle.

Waiting also gives your Social Security benefits time to build up. To see how much you can expect to receive from Social Security, go to socialsecurity.gov. Remember, if you start collecting government checks at age 62, when you become eligible, your monthly payments will be smaller for the rest of your life. For each year that you work beyond your full-benefit retirement age (that's 66 or 67, depending on your year of birth) up until age 70, your Social Security benefit rises 8 percent.

Know how much money you'll really need. Some retirees, like teacher Pat Forest, 65, are having the time of their lives. Forest made sacrifices throughout her career to stretch her income and is now spending time with her grandkids between trips to dream spots like Egypt and Italy. But in an environment where nearly $2 trillion in 401(k) and IRA assets evaporated in the 12 months after October 2007, how do you know when you're ready to start the retirement chapter of your life?

One traditional rule of thumb: Expect to spend about 70 percent or 80 percent of your final working salary each year you're retired. But planners like Mackey McNeill say that's an oversimplification; after all, people tend to underestimate their expenses and overestimate how well their investments will perform. Instead of working toward an abstract number, she suggests, make yet another budget for yourself to uncover how much you'll really spend. Consult a fee-only planner -- napfa.org has a list -- or work with calculators like the one at choosetosave.org for a guide.

Think carefully about health care. This is especially true if you're planning to retire before you're eligible for Medicare, at age 65. Even then, Medicare won't pay for everything, so look into the Medicare Advantage program or private Medigap insurance, which covers the difference (a typical policy costs $100 to $300 a month).

Stay conservative. Keep cash you absolutely can't afford to lose in government-insured bank accounts, even though their rates aren't very high right now. Bank deposits are insured for up to $250,000 this year, but the rules may change in 2010, so check with the FDIC (fdic.gov) for the latest updates.

A lasting investment

2009-05-26T09:07:00.002+08:00

TRYING to fit in your needs, your children’s needs, work and all the day to day jobs we all love to hate can be exhausting.

There is a saying that goes “If you want something done, give it to a busy person.” And who is busier than a working parent?

However, there is a difference between being busy and being frantic. If you’re struggling to find time to enjoy your children who, after all, are the most important thing in your life, then a little reorganising wouldn’t go amiss.

If you want to find more quality time in a day for your family, try some of the following ideas:

» Use a weekly planner. This may sound basic but many people forget to plan out their week in relationship to their children. When notes come home from school with activities that you are required to attend, block them out as you would a meeting. Set aside family time in your diary before anything else.

Create regular family moments. There are many planners that fit the needs of a family. Marking in your family’s different outings and activities also helps to manage their time better. Consider placing it all on the computer and printing out mini schedules for each family member every week so everyone knows who is picking up and dropping off each other over the week.

» Make your child responsible for his own schedule. This can often start earlier than you think. My six-year-old and eight-year-old are responsible for checking which days are their swimming, library, or other activity days and to ensure that they have the right equipment or materials for each.

They have also been taught how to pack an overnight bag by themselves and are completely responsible for the contents of their school bags.

On top of this, they are responsible for getting the three-year-old ready in the morning. This has all contributed to giving me more time to arrange other tasks.

» Get a whiteboard. If your family is often scattered all over the place, a whiteboard can be used as an in/out message board. The trick is everyone in the family needs to use it.

This is a great place for teens to put a contact number of where they’ll be, and it’s a good practice for when they are working in a company and need to be accountable for where they are and estimate when they’ll be home. It’s a good place to leave communal messages as well.

» If you find that there is just too much going on, try an online programme for important dates such as www.rememberthemilk.com. This programme helps you plug in all those important dates and events – and then reminds you about them.

It’s a virtual to-do list and its very user friendly.

» Outsource the awful bits. You know you can. In fact it’s great for the economy. Write down your five most hated jobs and find someone else to do them.

The energy we expend from avoiding our most disliked jobs is best used doing things we love. Get a cleaner, or find someone to do some of your administrive duties. Reduce your stress, and not only will your productivity increase, but your family will have a happier you.

» Reevaluate your own priorities. If you’ve done everything you can and are still struggling to find any family time, then take a look at the long term cost of your current lifestyle.

It’s no use being absent in your children’s lives so they can have material possessions or a slightly more expensive school. Children thrive best in a family where their parents have time to talk to them.

In fact, having fewer possessions often just creates a hunger for them to succeed – as everything isn’t handed to them automatically. Your decision to spend more time with your children is a lasting investment in their lives.

NIDA InfoFacts: Lessons from Prevention Research*

2009-05-22T10:28:00.001+08:00

The principles listed below are the result of long-term research studies on the origins of drug abuse behaviors and the common elements of effective prevention programs. These principles were developed to help prevention practitioners use the results of prevention research to address drug use among children and adolescents in communities across the country. Parents, educators, and community leaders can use these principles to help guide their thinking, planning, selection, and delivery of drug abuse prevention programs at the community level.

Prevention programs are generally designed for use in a particular setting, such as at home, at school, or within the community, but can be adapted for use in several settings. In addition, programs are also designed with the intended audience in mind: for everyone in the population, for those at greater risk, and for those already involved with drugs or other problem behaviors. Some programs can be geared for more than one audience.

Principle 1 - Prevention programs should enhance protective factors and reverse or reduce risk factors (Hawkins et al. 2002).

* The risk of becoming a drug abuser involves the relationship among the number and type of risk factors (e.g., deviant attitudes and behaviors) and protective factors (e.g., parental support) (Wills et al. 1996).
* The potential impact of specific risk and protective factors changes with age. For example, risk factors within the family have greater impact on a younger child, while association with drug-abusing peers may be a more significant risk factor for an adolescent (Gerstein and Green 1993; Dishion et al. 1999).
* Early intervention with risk factors (e.g., aggressive behavior and poor self-control) often has a greater impact than later intervention by changing a child’s life path (trajectory) away from problems and toward positive behaviors (Ialongo et al. 2001).
* While risk and protective factors can affect people of all groups, these factors can have a different effect depending on a person’s age, gender, ethnicity, culture, and environment (Beauvais et al. 1996; Moon et al. 1999).

Principle 2 - Prevention programs should address all forms of drug abuse, alone or in combination, including the underage use of legal drugs (e.g., tobacco or alcohol); the use of illegal drugs (e.g., marijuana or heroin); and the inappropriate use of legally obtained substances (e.g., inhalants), prescription medications, or over-the-counter drugs (Johnston et al. 2002).

Principle 3 - Prevention programs should address the type of drug abuse problem in the local community, target modifiable risk factors, and strengthen identified protective factors (Hawkins et al. 2002).

Principle 4 - Prevention programs should be tailored to address risks specific to population or audience characteristics, such as age, gender, and ethnicity, to improve program effectiveness (Oetting et al. 1997).

Principle 5 - Family-based prevention programs should enhance family bonding and relationships and include parenting skills; practice in developing, discussing, and enforcing family policies on substance abuse; and training in drug education and information (Ashery et al. 1998).

Family bonding is the bedrock of the relationship between parents and children. Bonding can be strengthened through skills training on parent supportiveness of children, parent-child communication, and parental involvement (Kosterman et al. 1997).

* Parental monitoring and supervision are critical for drug abuse prevention. These skills can be enhanced with training on rule-setting; techniques for monitoring activities; praise for appropriate behavior; and moderate, consistent discipline that enforces defined family rules (Kosterman et al. 2001).
* Drug education and information for parents or caregivers reinforces what children are learning about the harmful effects of drugs and opens opportunities for family discussions about the abuse of legal and illegal substances (Bauman et al. 2001).
* Brief, family-focused interventions for the general population can positively change specific parenting behavior that can reduce later risks of drug abuse (Spoth et al. 2002b).

Principle 6 - Prevention programs can be designed to intervene as early as preschool to address risk factors for drug abuse, such as aggressive behavior, poor social skills, and academic difficulties (Webster-Stratton 1998; Webster-Stratton et al. 2001).

Principle 7 - Prevention programs for elementary school children should target improving academic and social-emotional learning to address risk factors for drug abuse, such as early aggression, academic failure, and school dropout. Education should focus on the following skills (Conduct Problems Prevention Research Group 2002; Ialongo et al. 2001):

* self-control;
* emotional awareness;
* communication;
* social problem-solving; and
* academic support, especially in reading.

Principle 8 - Prevention programs for middle or junior high and high school students should increase academic and social competence with the following skills (Botvin et al. 1995; Scheier et al. 1999):

* study habits and academic support;
* communication;
* peer relationships;
* self-efficacy and assertiveness;
* drug resistance skills;
* reinforcement of anti-drug attitudes; and
* strengthening of personal commitments against drug abuse.

Principle 9 - Prevention programs aimed at general populations at key transition points, such as the transition to middle school, can produce beneficial effects even among high-risk families and children. Such interventions do not single out risk populations and, therefore, reduce labeling and promote bonding to school and community (Botvin et al. 1995; Dishion et al. 2002).

Principle 10 - Community prevention programs that combine two or more effective programs, such as family-based and school-based programs, can be more effective than a single program alone (Battistich et al. 1997).

Principle 11 - Community prevention programs reaching populations in multiple settings—for example, schools, clubs, faith-based organizations, and the media—are most effective when they present consistent, community-wide messages in each setting (Chou et al. 1998).

Principle 12 - When communities adapt programs to match their needs, community norms, or differing cultural requirements, they should retain core elements of the original research-based intervention (Spoth et al. 2002b), which include:

* Structure (how the program is organized and constructed);
* Content (the information, skills, and strategies of the program); and
* Delivery (how the program is adapted, implemented, and evaluated).

Principle 13 - Prevention programs should be long-term with repeated interventions (i.e., booster programs) to reinforce the original prevention goals. Research shows that the benefits from middle school prevention programs diminish without followup programs in high school (Scheier et al. 1999).

Principle 14 - Prevention programs should include teacher training on good classroom management practices, such as rewarding appropriate student behavior. Such techniques help to foster students’ positive behavior, achievement, academic motivation, and school bonding (Ialongo et al. 2001).

Principle 15 - Prevention programs are most effective when they employ interactive techniques, such as peer discussion groups and parent role-playing, that allow for active involvement in learning about drug abuse and reinforcing skills (Botvin et al. 1995).

Principle 16 - Research-based prevention programs can be cost-effective. Similar to earlier research, recent research shows that for each dollar invested in prevention, a savings of up to $10 in treatment for alcohol or other substance abuse can be seen (Aos et al. 2001; Hawkins et al. 1999; Pentz 1998; Spoth et al. 2002a).

NIDA’s prevention research program addresses all stages of child development, a mix of audiences and settings, and the delivery of effective services at the community level. The Institute focuses on risks for drug abuse and other problem behaviors that occur throughout a child’s development. Prevention interventions designed and tested to address risks can help children at every step along their developmental path. Working more broadly with families, schools, and communities, scientists have found effective ways to help people gain the skills and approaches to stop problem behaviors before they occur. Research funded by NIDA and other Federal research organizations—such as the National Institute of Mental Health and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention—shows that early intervention can prevent many adolescent risk behaviors.

How To Sniff Out A Liar

2009-05-15T12:29:00.003+08:00

There are plenty of dangerously skilled liars--and not just the Bernie Madoffs and Jeffrey Skillings of the world. Indeed, under the right (or wrong) circumstances, we're all guilty fibbers.

According to an oft-cited 1996 University of Virginia study led by psychologist Bella DePaulo, lying is part of the human condition. Over the course of one week, DePaulo and her colleagues asked 147 participants, aged 18 to 71, to record in a diary all of their social interactions and all of the lies they told during them. On average, each person lied just over 10 times, and only seven participants claimed to have been completely honest

To be fair, most of the time we're just trying to be nice. (When your wife asks if you enjoyed the dinner she cooked, most husbands who know what's good for them say, "It was delicious.") Such "false positive" lies are delivered 10 to 20 times more often than spurious denials of culpability, according to DePaulo's research. Other studies show that men and women lie with equal frequency, though women are more likely to lie to make other people feel good, while men tend to lie to make themselves look better. As for who we hoodwink, "we lie less frequently to our significant others because we're more invested in those relationships," says Jeffrey Hancock, associate professor of communication at Cornell University.

The question is: How to know when someone's selling you ice in Eskimo?

Traditional polygraph tests, around in some form or fashion since the early 1900s, use sensors to detect fluctuations in blood pressure, pulse, respiration and sweat in response to probing questions. Two problems with polygraphs: First, they only work about 80% of the time, according to the American Polygraph Association. Second, it's not like we are going to carry all that hardware to a business meeting or a bar. And that means relying on our own very limited vigilance.

"Although there are some ways in which liars behave differently from truth-tellers, there are no perfectly reliable cues to deception," admits DePaulo, author of more than a dozen deception studies. "Cues to deception differ according to factors such as the type of lie and the motivation for getting away with it."

While there is no surefire on-the-spot way to sniff out dissemblers, there are some helpful tactics for uncovering untruths.

Liars often give short or one-word responses to questions, while truth tellers are more likely to flesh out their answers. According to a 2003 study by DePaulo, a liar provides fewer details and uses fewer words than an honest person, and talks for a smaller percentage of the conversation.

Skilled liars don't break a sweat, but the rest of us get a little fidgety. Four possible giveaways: shifty eyes, higher vocal pitch, perspiration and heavier breathing. Of course, not everyone who doesn't meet your gaze is a liar.

"Certain behavioral traits, like averting eye contact, could be cultural and not indicative of a liar," says Joseph Buckley, president of John E. Reid & Associates, which has provided interview and interrogation training to more than 500,000 law enforcement agents to date. The company is also the creator of the Reid Technique, a nine-step interrogation process employed by many U.S. law enforcement agencies.

Liars are often reluctant to admit ordinary storytelling mistakes. When honest people tell stories, they may realize partway through that they left out some details and would unselfconsciously backtrack to fill in holes. They also may realize a previous statement wasn't quite right, and go back and explain further. Liars, on the other hand, "are worried that someone might catch them in a lie and are reluctant to admit to such ordinary imperfections," says DePaulo.

Yet another clue: imprecise pronouns. To psychologically distance themselves from a lie, people often pepper their tales with second- and third-person pronouns like "you," "we" and "they," says Hancock. Liars are also more likely to ask that questions be repeated and begin responses with phrases like, "to tell you the truth," and "to be perfectly honest," says Reid.

When telling the truth, people often make hand gestures to the rhythm of their speech. Hands emphasize points or phrases--a natural and compelling technique when they actually believe the points they're making. The less certain will keep gesticulations in check, says Hancock.

The mode of communication matters too. Studies show that we are less likely to lie face-to-face than over the phone or the Web. In one week-long study of 30 college students, Hancock observed that the phone was the weapon of choice, enabling 37% of all the lies, versus 27% during face-to-face exchanges, 21% using Instant Messaging and just 14% via e-mail.

Will we ever come clean? Not likely. Guilty stomach knots aside, the subjects in DePaulo's study confessed that they would tell 75% of the lies again if given the opportunity. Chances are, they'd get away with it.

The EQ factor

2009-05-11T08:16:00.003+08:00

IT used to be that our IQ was the deciding factor of success. However, more and more employers and clients look for our ability to be able to mix with a wide range of people, to listen to the needs of our customers or be able to read people and their actions.

To know how to do all of that, we need to have a well-developed EQ or emotional quotient.

The concept of needing a strong and positive EQ comes from Howard Gardiners’ multiple intelligence model that is based around the concept that people are not just intelligent in one area (such as logic and reason which is what IQ tests normally measure) but a range of intelligence that includes creativity, language, understanding nature and our social skills.

EQ refers in the main to our talent or intelligence in reading the emotional cues of others. Someone with a highly-developed EQ is likely to get on with a wide range of people, is a natural networker and is quick to accurately read the needs of the people they are relating to or working with.

While there is no doubt some people are natural at this, it is possible to model and teach behaviours to children to help them develop these skills.

The investment of this pays off particularly if you want your children to succeed on a worldwide stage where there is a range of different cultures and peoples.

Our world is getting smaller with each passing year, and being able to break through social constraints across a range of cultures will help your children move far in their chosen career.

If this is something that does not come naturally to you, it is possible to learn the skills you need to model the correct social behaviours to your children.

Try the following steps:

» Talking about feelings
This isn’t about letting our children emote all over the place but rather, it’s about teaching them to identify their own feelings so they can manage them.

Use three-word sentences that start with “I feel”. For example, “I feel angry”, or “I feel sad”. This is about not pointing a finger of blame at another person, but instead identifying the feelings you have when they do that.

» Turning -ve to +ve
Teach them the energy of ‘negative’ emotions. For instance, teach them to harness their fear of public speaking to become an outstanding public speaker.

If a child is angry, they can use the anger to energise themselves out of an angry situation.

» Listening to their feelings
Encourage children to listen to their own feelings when making decisions or setting goals.

We tend to put energy into the things we feel positive about. Find a way to harness positive energy to get jobs or work done. A happy heart has a lot of energy to complete a task.

» Teaching responsibility
Teach children to take responsibility for their own feelings. This is tricky as children instinctively will want to blame someone else for their anger or sadness. Instead of saying: “You are annoying me, stop it”, encourage your child to say: “I feel angry”.

This still warns the other child of a possible result of their continued annoying behaviour but does not escalate the issue.

» Teaching empathy
Encourage them to empathise with others. If we always seek first to understand another’s actions, we then are able to change our reactions to them, and adapt our behaviour to get a better result out of them.

This is a great thing for us parents to do as well. A three-year-old’s temper tantrum, when understood to be as a result of fear, hunger or tiredness, can then be easily solved.

Our emotions can actually propel us, direct us and empower us far further than we give them credit for.

Spend time teaching your children to identify their own emotions and read them, and you’ll have children who know how to use their own developing Emotional Intelligence to get them places.

Inhalants

2009-04-29T09:34:00.000+08:00

Inhalants are a diverse group of volatile substances whose chemical vapors can be inhaled to produce psychoactive (mind-altering) effects. While other abused substances can be inhaled, the term “inhalants” is used to describe substances that are rarely, if ever, taken by any other route of administration. A variety of products common in the home and workplace contain substances that can be inhaled to get high; however, people do not typically think of these products (e.g., spray paints, glues, and cleaning fluids) as drugs because they were never intended to induce intoxicating effects. Yet young children and adolescents can easily obtain these extremely toxic substances, and are among those most likely to abuse them. In fact, more 8th graders have tried inhalants than any other illicit drug.1
What Types of Products are Abused as Inhalants?

Inhalants fall into the following categories:

Volatile solvents—liquids that vaporize at room temperature

* Industrial or household products, including paint thinners or removers, degreasers, dry-cleaning fluids, gasoline, lighter fluid
* Art or office supply solvents, including correction fluids, felt-tip marker fluid, electronic contact cleaners, glue

Aerosols—sprays that contain propellants and solvents

* Household aerosol propellants in items such as spray paints, hair or deodorant sprays, fabric protector sprays, aerosol computer cleaning products, and vegetable oil sprays

Gases—found in household or commercial products and used as medical anesthetics

* Household or commercial products, including butane lighters and propane tanks, whipped cream aerosols or dispensers (whippets), and refrigerant gases
* Medical anesthetics, such as ether, chloroform, halothane, and nitrous oxide (“laughing gas”)

Nitrites—a special class of inhalants that are used primarily as sexual enhancers

* Organic nitrites are volatiles that include cyclohexyl, butyl, and amyl nitrites, commonly known as “poppers.” Amyl nitrite is still used in certain diagnostic medical procedures. When marketed for illicit use, they are often sold in small brown bottles labeled as “video head cleaner,” “room odorizer,” “leather cleaner,” or “liquid aroma.”

These various products contain a wide range of chemicals such as:

* toluene (spray paints, rubber cement, gasoline),
* chlorinated hydrocarbons (dry cleaning chemicals, correction fluids),
* hexane (glues, gasoline),
* benzene (gasoline),
* methylene chloride (varnish removers, paint thinners),
* butane (cigarette lighter refills, air fresheners), and
* nitrous oxide (whipped cream dispensers, gas cylinders).

Adolescents tend to abuse different products at different ages.2 Among new users aged 12–15, the most commonly abused inhalants were glue, shoe polish, spray paints, gasoline, and lighter fluid. Among new users aged 16 or 17, the most commonly abused products were nitrous oxide or whippets. Nitrites are the class of inhalants most commonly abused by adults.3
How are Inhalants Abused?

Inhalants can be breathed in through the nose or mouth in a variety of ways, such as sniffing or snorting fumes from a container, spraying aerosols directly into the nose or mouth, or placing an inhalant-soaked rag in the mouth (“huffing”). Users may also inhale fumes from a balloon or a plastic or paper bag that contains an inhalant.

The intoxication produced by inhalants usually lasts just a few minutes; therefore, users often try to extend the “high” by continuing to inhale repeatedly over several hours.
How Do Inhalants Affect the Brain?

The effects of inhalants are similar to those of alcohol, including slurred speech, lack of coordination, euphoria, and dizziness. Inhalant abusers may also experience lightheadedness, hallucinations, and delusions. With repeated inhalations, many users feel less inhibited and less in control. Some may feel drowsy for several hours and experience a lingering headache. Chemicals found in different types of inhaled products may produce a variety of additional effects, such as confusion, nausea, or vomiting.

By displacing air in the lungs, inhalants deprive the body of oxygen, a condition known as hypoxia. Hypoxia can damage cells throughout the body, but the cells of the brain are especially sensitive to it. The symptoms of brain hypoxia vary according to which regions of the brain are affected: the hippocampus, for example, helps control memory, so someone who repeatedly uses inhalants may lose the ability to learn new things or may have a hard time carrying on simple conversations.

Long-term inhalant abuse can also break down myelin, a fatty tissue that surrounds and protects some nerve fibers. Myelin helps nerve fibers carry their messages quickly and efficiently, and when damaged can lead to muscle spasms and tremors or even permanent difficulty with basic actions like walking, bending, and talking.

Although not very common, addiction to inhalants can occur with repeated abuse. According to the 2006 Treatment Episode Dataset, inhalants were reported as the primary substance abused by less than 0.1 percent of all individuals admitted to substance abuse treatment.4 However, of those individuals who reported inhalants as their primary, secondary, or tertiary drug of abuse, nearly half were adolescents aged 12 to 17. This age group represents only 8 percent of total admissions to treatment.5
What Other Adverse Effects Do Inhalants Have on Health?

Lethal effects:
Sniffing highly concentrated amounts of the chemicals in solvents or aerosol sprays can directly induce heart failure and death within minutes of a session of repeated inhalations. This syndrome, known as “sudden sniffing death,” can result from a single session of inhalant use by an otherwise healthy young person. Sudden sniffing death is particularly associated with the abuse of butane, propane, and chemicals in aerosols.

High concentrations of inhalants may also cause death from suffocation by displacing oxygen in the lungs, causing the user to lose consciousness and stop breathing. Deliberately inhaling from a paper or plastic bag or in a closed area greatly increases the chances of suffocation. Even when using aerosols or volatile products for their legitimate purposes (i.e., painting, cleaning), it is wise to do so in a well-ventilated room or outdoors.

Harmful irreversible effects:

* Hearing loss—spray paints, glues, dewaxers, dry-cleaning chemicals, correction fluids
* Peripheral neuropathies or limb spasms—glues, gasoline, whipped cream dispensers, gas cylinders
* Central nervous system or brain damage—spray paints, glues, dewaxers
* Bone marrow damage—gasoline

Serious but potentially reversible effects:

* Liver and kidney damage—correction fluids, dry-cleaning fluids
* Blood oxygen depletion—varnish removers, paint thinners

HIV/AIDS:
Because nitrites are abused to enhance sexual pleasure and performance, they can be associated with unsafe sexual practices that greatly increase the risk of contracting and spreading infectious diseases such as HIV and hepatitis.
How Widespread is Inhalant Abuse?

Monitoring the Future*
According to the Monitoring the Future survey, more 8th graders (15.6 percent) have tried inhalants in their lifetime than any other illicit drug, including marijuana. Lifetime use (use at least once during a respondent’s lifetime) of inhalants was reported by 15.6 percent of 8th graders, 13.6 percent of 10th graders, and 10.5 percent of 12th graders in 2007; 3.9 percent of 8th graders, 2.5 percent of 10th graders, and 1.2 percent of 12th graders were current users of inhalants (had used at least once during the 30 days preceding response to the survey).

National Survey on Drug Use and Health**
Data from the National Survey on Drug Use and Health show that the primary abusers of most inhalants are adolescents ages 12 to 17. In 2006, 4.4 percent of adolescents reported using inhalants in the past year. Among young adults aged 18 to 25, past-year use of inhalants decreased from 2.1 percent in 2005 to 1.8 percent in 2006. Of the 783,000 persons aged 12 or older who tried inhalants for the first time within the previous year, 77.2 percent were under age 18 when they first used.

5 Careers that Pay Well Even in a Recession

2009-04-20T20:44:00.001+08:00

It seems no matter where you turn these days there's bad news: entire neighborhoods in foreclosure, a volatile stock market, and unemployment rates at their highest in decades. While the recession is affecting us all, professionals in certain fields can feel confident that their skills will be needed no matter how gloomy the financial outlook.

What's the secret to staying employed and well-paid during an economic downturn? Choose your profession wisely. With the right career choice and training, you could be employed and earn well, recession or not. Consider the following five careers.

1. Engineer

The Profession: The economic stimulus plan includes funds to rebuild roads, bridges, and schools, requiring civil engineers who can create plans and oversee these projects. A growing focus on increasing productivity is expected to lead to the creation of over 40,000 new jobs for industrial engineers, who specialize in finding the most effective ways to use the people, machines, materials, and energy to create products.

The Secret: Due to the highly technical nature of this occupation, a bachelor's degree in engineering is the standard requirement for most positions. Some colleges and universities offer five-year programs, granting graduates a master's degree in engineering, which can often increase earning potential.

The Payoff: Starting salaries for civil and industrial engineers in 2007 were nearly $50,000, and average earnings in both occupations were close to $75,000.

2. Accountant

The Profession: Given the recent financial scandals, it's no wonder that 226,000 new accountants are expected to join the workforce between 2006 and 2016. The large infrastructure projects proposed by the stimulus plan should also provide employment for accountants.

The Secret: The most common educational requirement of accountants is a four-year degree in business or accounting, often available online. Earn a license as a Certified Public Accountant (CPA) to add more employment options to your accounting career.

The Payoff: While median earnings for accountants hover around $57,000, the top quarter earned $75,000 or more in 2007.

3. Marketing and Sales Manager

The Profession: With the rapidly changing face of technological innovations, opportunities for well-trained, technically-savvy marketing and sales managers are bright. The Bureau of Labor Statistics expects 57,000 new jobs for marketing and sales managers through 2016.

The Secret: Applicants for marketing and sales management positions face stiff competition, but a bachelor's or master's degree in business administration or marketing can give you a leg up in your job search. Honing your computer skills can also add to your employability.

The Payoff: Median salaries for sales managers are just under $95,000, and most marketing managers pull in over $100,000 each year.

4. Registered Nurse

The Profession: Our nation's aging population has created an unprecedented demand for registered nurses (RNs), in hospitals, schools, and nursing care facilities. While the recession has reduced employment of nurses in some states, a national nursing shortage means that RNs who are flexible should have no trouble finding a job.

The Secret: A bachelor's of science degree in nursing (BSN) offers graduates the greatest potential for advancement, earnings, and choice in employment options. If you don't want to invest four years in your career training, consider an associate's degree in nursing (ADN), which can be completed in as little as two years. Many RNs with associate's degrees take advantage of RN-to-BSN programs to earn their bachelor's, often enjoying tuition reimbursement programs offered by some employers.

The Payoff: Median earnings for registered nurses are just over $60,000, but the top 25 percent of RNs make nearly $75,000.

5. Computer Systems Analyst

The Profession: As experts in the latest applications of technological advances, computer systems analysts help organizations choose the best technology for their needs and then incorporate it effectively into existing infrastructure. While many work in the computer systems design industry, computer systems analysts are also employed by the government, hospitals, and financial institutions. Nearly 150,000 new jobs for computer systems analysts are expected from 2006 through 2016.

The Secret: An online bachelor's degree in computer science or information science can help you get a job as a computer systems analyst. Training in information security can make you even more attractive to employers.

The Payoff: Median salaries for computer systems analysts were just over $73,000 in 2007, but the highest-paid professionals in this field raked in well over $100,000.

It's not likely we'll see the end of this recession in the near future. As you readjust your budget and lifestyle with the changing economy, be sure to map out a long-range career plan for yourself. An investment in your professional skills, especially in a strategically-chosen field, could mean the difference between a comfortable paycheck and financial uncertainty.

10 Secrets of Millionaires

2009-04-20T20:39:00.001+08:00

It turns out millionaires are just like us--but they have a lot more money. When asked about their secrets to success, they don't cite anything magical or rare, but rather the steady application of wise investing strategies, hard work, and, believe it or not, a degree of frugality. Here are 10 secrets of millionaires' money management:

Start early to avoid financial pitfalls. Adrian Cartwood, 49, author of the blog How to Make 7 Million in 7 Years, made his fortune by living frugally while he built his technology-related business. People often get into trouble, he says, by racking up personal debt early on, which acts as a big drag on their earnings. "Learn how to live within your means and how to delay gratification; these are the habits that you need to maintain on the way up, so you can keep your millions when you get there," he says.

Believe that you can do it. Before investing in real estate and becoming a millionaire, Alan Corey, author of A Million Bucks by 30, read as many biographies and autobiographies of millionaires as he could find. He says he was searching for a common characteristic that could help him in his own quest. "What I found was they all had an incredible self-belief that they would be financially successful," he says. Corey says that embracing that level of self-confidence helped him get to the top.

Articulate your vision for success. Jen Smith, author of the Millionaire Mommy Next Door blog, says that the saying, "I want to be rich," is too vague. Instead, she recommends imagining what your ideal life as a millionaire will look like. Smith offers this example: "I want to have $2,000,000 invested so that I can live off of the interest. Then I will quit my job so that I can volunteer, travel, learn to play tennis and watercolor, and enjoy picnics at the beach with my family."

Smith's vision involved becoming financially-free before becoming a parent. She cut out images from magazines of beautiful places she wanted to visit and people doing fun things and put them near her desk to help her keep that vision in mind.

Insure against life's risks. Bankruptcy is often caused by divorce, a death in the family, or a disability that renders someone unable to work. Conversely, protecting against those risks through insurance protects wealth. In The Quiet Millionaire, financial planner Brett Wilder writes that many people either fail to get adequate insurance or pay too much for it because they don't understand it.

[For more, read: "7 Killer Insurance Mistakes You're Probably Making."]

Work hard--and you'll get lucky. In his new book, Think Like a Champion, Donald Trump attributes his success to his hard work, which to outsiders often appears to be luck. But Trump says luck only comes from working hard. "If your work pays off, which it most likely will, people might say you're just lucky. Maybe so, because you're lucky enough to have the brains to work hard!" he says. That same concept, of course, was advocated by Benjamin Franklin in the 18th century. He said, "The harder I work, the luckier I get."

Practice smart budgeting. Smith recommends tracking how much you spend each month, something she does religiously. Every month, she downloads her transactions into a spreadsheet to keep her spending on track. Smith also says that, as prosaic as it sounds, maintaining a good credit score is essential to becoming and staying a millionaire. "A good credit score can save you thousands of dollars over the course of your lifetime," she says.

Do what you love. Sure, a career in finance might come with a hefty annual salary, but you probably won't excel at something you don't enjoy. That's why Corey recommends going into the field that you find yourself reading about in your spare time. He asks, "Do you read fashion magazines? Get a job in fashion. Do you read gossip blogs? Get a job in celebrity-based enterprises. Do you read Car & Driver? ESPN.com? Yahoo Pets Forum?" Even if the field doesn't seem lucrative, there are ways to make it to the top--something that's more likely to happen if you love it.

[For more, read: "Juggling Your Money in the Recession."]

Decide how much money you really want. For many people, $1 million won't be enough. "For most Gen-X and Gen-Yers, retiring with a couple million when they are 65 won't be anywhere near enough to maintain even an average lifestyle, because that little pup called inflation is constantly nipping at your heels as you try to run towards building your own retirement nest-egg," says Cartwood. A more reasonable goal might be $3 million-- an amount that Cartwood considers the minimum to be a "bare bones millionaire" these days. Consider your ideal lifestyle and what you would like to be able to fund. A mortgage of a certain size? Exotic vacations? College tuition for your children? Having a concrete goal in mind makes it easier to get there, says Cartwood.

Invest against the grain. Corey recommends making investment decisions based on the exact opposite of what everyone else is doing. Right now, for example, stocks are relatively cheap because so many people have sold off shares, which means anyone buying can get them at a discount to their values from a year ago. Corey's rule of thumb doesn't just apply to stocks. "Buy a foreclosed house, fill it up with roommates, and you can get a pretty good passive income," he suggests.

Live below your means. Even Eminem, a celebrity and millionaire, scales back his purchases out of concern for frugality. In February, London's Independent newspaper reported that as Eminem considered buying a $15,000 watch he liked, he started worrying that he should save his money instead. Eminem reportedly said, "I don't want to run out of money; I want my daughter to be able to go to college." And so far, at least, Eminem hasn't fallen victim to the financial challenges so many other stars, from Aretha Franklin to Annie Leibovitz, have faced.

[For more, read: "How to Go Broke Like a Rock Star."]

On the same note, Smith says that even though she's a millionaire, no one would know it--and that's the point. She recommends saving at least 10 to 25 percent of your income. She also suggests avoiding buying "status" items, such as fancy sports cars or mansions. After all, bling doesn't make a millionaire--and in fact, too much of it can prevent you from ever becoming one.

What the Boss' Body Language Says

2009-04-13T15:07:00.000+08:00

Most employees pay attention to what the boss says, while the savvy employee also pays attention to how it is being said. Bosses can be good at using -- not just reading -- body language, which may be one of the reasons they got to be boss in the first place.

Often the body changes quickly if the boss likes or does not like what he saw or heard, or if she is uncomfortable in what she is saying to you. So watch closely -- it happens in a nanosecond!

Here are some ways to help interpret the boss' body language:

Body Stance and Posture

Positive:

* Physically on the same level (sitting or standing).
* Directly faces you.
* Comes into your office rather than just standing at the door.
* In a group, sits or stands close to you.

Negative:

* Does not face you directly.
* Stands and looks down on you. (Ever have a boss who never sits?)
* Places both hands on his hips to create a wingspan. (Even the big guys and gals who don't need more "space" may do this.)
* In groups, avoids you, sits with others, or does not introduce you.

Eyes, Head, and Face

Positive:

* Looks you directly in the eye.
* Muscles around the eye are relaxed.
* Facial muscles are relaxed. Lips are their normal size.
* Pleasant face and friendly smile.

Negative:

* Rapid eye movement, does not look at you; has a cold, glaring, staring, or glazed-over look.
* Blinks more than normal.
* Raises one eyebrow as if in disbelief or doubt.
* Facial muscles are tight; lips thin out.
* Jaw muscles and clenched, and temple or neck veins throb.
* Smile is stiff and forced.

Hands, Arms, and Gestures

Positive:

* Hands are in view, opened, calm.
* Arms are open (but may be crossed in a comfortable position).

Negative:

* Hands are not in sight -- in pockets, or under the table or desk.
* Hands (in sight) are closed or in a fist; fingers tightly clasped.
* Arms are tightly crossed (defensive or protective position).
* Points or wags his or her finger aggressively.
* Drums his or her fingers or fidgets nervously.

Remember, sometimes body language is not about you. Bosses have their own issues and you might just be in the line of fire. Observe many situations and look for consistency for the full story.

Pat Mayfield is the president of Pat Mayfield Consulting, LLC, based in San Francisco and Pleasanton, California. She specializes in sales and marketing solutions, working with companies of all sizes.

10 Habits that Bosses Love

2009-04-13T15:04:00.001+08:00

Every boss wants employees who do their jobs well. But even among highly competent employees, there are distinctions. Here are 10 tips for making sure you're on the boss's A-list:

1. Communicate, communicate, communicate. Especially at the beginning of your relationship -- that is, when either you or the boss is new to the job -- err on the side of giving your boss too much information and asking too many questions.

"There's no such thing as a dumb question," says Marianne Adoradio, a Silicon Valley recruiter and career counselor. "Look at it as information gathering."

Don't keep up the constant stream of communication unless your boss likes it, though. It's best to ask directly whether you're giving the boss enough information or too much.

2. Acknowledge what the boss says. Bosses appreciate "responsive listening," says John Farner, principal of Russell Employee Management Consulting. When your boss asks you to do something or suggests ways for you to improve your work, let her know you heard.

3. Collaborate. When your boss has a new idea, respond to it in a constructive way instead of throwing up roadblocks.

"Be willing to brainstorm ways to get something done," says Michael Beasley, principal of Career-Crossings and a leadership and career development coach.

4. Build relationships. You'll make your boss look good if you establish a good rapport with your department's customers, whether they're inside the company or outside. Bring back what you learn -- about ways to offer better customer service, for example -- to your boss. This is also helpful for your own career development.

"Everybody wins in the long run," Adoradio says.

5. Understand how you fit in. Is your boss detail-oriented, or someone who keeps his head in the clouds?

"The boss's personality is just incredibly important," says Norm Meshriy, a career counselor and principal of Career Insights.

Equally important is understanding what your boss wants in an employee. It may be, for example, that a boss who is detail-oriented will expect his employees to be as well. But a boss who has no time for details may actually appreciate an employee who does.

6. Learn the boss's pet peeves. If your manager has said repeatedly that she hates being interrupted first thing in the morning, don't run to her office to give her a project update when you first get in.

7. Anticipate the boss's needs. Once you have worked with your boss for a while, you should be able to guess what information he will want before approving your purchase order, for example.

If you provide it ahead of time, "that's a gold star," Farner adds.

8. Think one level up. You still need to do your own job, of course. But when managers consider who deserves a promotion, they look for people who understand the issues that their bosses face.

9. Open yourself to new ways of doing things. When your boss comes to you with a new idea, don't simply dismiss it. If you don't think it will work, offer to discuss it further in "a mature, responsible, adult-like way," Beasley says.

10. Be engaged in your work. Arguing with your boss over every request is not a good strategy, but neither is simply shrugging your shoulders and agreeing with everything your boss says. "The manager would like to see an engaged individual," Beasley says. That means both showing enthusiasm for your work and speaking up when you see room for improvement.

The Best Relationship Advice I Ever Got

2009-04-06T08:25:00.004+08:00

#1. Polite Fight
"On my wedding-invitation RSVP cards, I left space for guests to write their favorite wedding wisdom. The tidbit that rings truest after almost nine months of marriage is: 'Attack the issue, not each other.' How it works: If my husband and I disagree about something, we stay focused on the issue and skip the personal put-downs." -- Melissa Gitter Schilowitz, 31, Metuchen, NJ

#2. Fit to a Tee
"My grandmother insisted that I learn how to play golf. 'If your husband loves to play, you can go along and spend hours together,' she said. So I took lessons, and now my husband and I hit the links once a month. We both love the game and are thrilled to share a hobby, even when we spend half an hour looking for my out-of-bounds balls!" -- Aimee Borders, 27, Houston, TX

#3. Tabletop Trick
"My aunt told me that if I'm running late when it's my turn to make dinner, just set the table. That way my husband thinks he'll be eating any minute, so he doesn't start complaining, which buys me some time. It's a silly trick that sounds straight out of the 1950s, but I have to admit that I've tried it a few times in the three years I've been married -- and it works!" -- Dawn Clayton, 34, Holdrege, NE

#4. Boob-Tube Brilliance
"Because my husband is such a remote-control freak, my mom suggested that we have 'my turn' TV nights. That means three nights a week I get to hold the remote and watch whatever I want, and on the other nights it's his turn to hold the remote and watch whatever he wants. Now when he starts flipping through the channels, it doesn't get on my nerves like it used to." -- Angela Clayton, 27, Odenton, MD

#5. Pop the Question
"My sister-in-law passed this helpful hint on to me, and it has served me well for our five years of wedded bliss: 'Marriage is not mind reading, so ask your spouse what he/she wants and believe what he/she says.'" -- Clare Graca, 27, Dallas

#6. Nix the Nit-Picking
"Before I said 'I do,' my mom (who's been married to my dad for 55 years) told me to take out a piece of paper and write down the top three things that bugged me about my husband-to-be. Then she told me to forget the things on that list and forgive him for not being flawless. Once you make a commitment this big, she explained, you can't let petty things get in the way. In our eight years of marriage, my husband and I have had two kids, tackled cross-country moves and started two businesses -- and so far, so great."-- Rebecca Hart Blaudow, 31, Jacksonville, FL

#7. Space Smarts
"Always have separate closets, my best friend told me. It may seem silly, but I listened to her and made sure to find a one-bedroom apartment with two closets (mine being the larger, of course). Now my husband and I each have our own private space, and we respect that: If he wants to keep his shoes in one huge heap or leave his dirty clothes in a pile on the floor, the mess doesn't bother me a bit!" -- Patricia Bontekoe, 26, Lake Hiawatha, NJ

#8. Agree to Disagree
"Before we got married, my minister told my husband and me, 'You are two imperfect people making an imperfect union, and that's wonderful.' This advice made me ditch my belief that in a happy marriage, the couple always agrees. My husband and I have learned to appreciate our differences (yes, even differences of opinion!); in fact, we encourage them because we realize now that those differences are what makes each of us unique and special." -- Beth Swanson, 28, Chicago

#9. Comic Relief
"Before I headed down the aisle, my stepfather told me to always laugh and never take myself too seriously. After four years of marriage, I know that this trick works. My husband and I often play practical jokes on each other and always try to crack each other up, even in the middle of an argument. Hey, if one person laughs, a fight tends to fizzle, doesn't it?" -- Lisa Giassa, 31, Bogota, NJ

Anti-Pop Advice From the Experts
You've probably heard a few of these pieces of marital pop wisdom before. If so, these marriage experts say to promptly forget 'em.
Love means never having to say you're sorry. "Oh, please! In marriage, love sometimes means having to say you're sorry even if you don't know what you did or you didn't mean to do it." -- Trisha Taylor, psychotherapist, Houston, TX
Always be totally honest. "What are you going to do, tell him that he's just too short and you can't stand his mother? Sometimes you need to temper the truth." -- Tara Fields, Ph.D., marriage, family and child therapist, Marin County, CA
Children come first. "This is bad advice if it means your husband always comes second. Of course you should love and care for your kids, but you should never lose sight of your couple-ness. The best thing a child can have is happy, fulfilled parents who are deeply in love." -- Mary Pender Greene, chief of social work services, Jewish Board of Family and Children's Services, New York
Always keep the peace. "No, no, no. If you don't face a hot issue head-on, you'll stockpile negative feelings. And before you know it, 20 years go by and you're still fighting over the same thing because you never resolved it in the first place." -- Rebecca S. Ward, M.S.W., psychotherapist, Little Rock, AR
Never go to bed angry. "Forget it. Often a couple needs time to calm down before they can rationally wrap up an argument. And that may take a few days, so in the meantime, get some sleep!" -- Gilda Carle, Ph.D., psychotherapist, New York

Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.

Seven Things No One Tells You About Marriage

2009-04-06T08:17:00.003+08:00

That may sound grim. But here's a secret: Sometimes it's the least romantic parts of marriage that have the most to teach you about yourself, your partner, and the nature of love. Read on for some simple truths that will unlock the surprising treasures and pleasures in your imperfect, unstorybook, real-life love.

1. You will look at the person lying next to you and wonder, Is this it? Forever?
When you get married, you think that as long as you pick the right guy -- your soul mate -- you'll be happy together until death do you part. Then you wake up one day and realize that no matter how great he is, he doesn't make you happy every moment of every day. In fact, some days you might wonder why you were in such a hurry to get married in the first place. You think to yourself, "This is so not what I signed up for."

Actually, it is. You just didn't realize it the day you and your guy were cramming wedding cake into each other's faces, clinking champagne glasses, and dancing the Electric Slide. Back then you had no idea that "for better and for worse" doesn't kick in only when life hands you a tragedy. Your relationship mettle is, in fact, most tested on a daily basis, when the utter sameness of day-in/day-out togetherness can sometimes make you want to run for the hills. That's when the disappointment sneaks in, and maybe even a palpable sense of loneliness and grief. It's not him. It's just you, letting go of that sugarcoated fantasy of marriage that danced in your eyes the day you and your beloved posed in all those soft-focus wedding photos. You're learning that marriage isn't a destination; it's a journey filled with equal parts excitement and tedium.

Waking up from a good dream to face the harsh morning daylight may not seem like a reason to celebrate. But trust me, it is. Because once you let go of all the hokey stories of eternal bliss, you find that the reality of marriage is far richer and more rewarding than you ever could have guessed. Hard, yes. Frustrating, yes. But full of its own powerful, quiet enchantments just the same, and that's better than any fairy tale.

2. You'll work harder than you ever imagined.
Early on, when people say, "Marriage takes work," you assume "work" means being patient when he forgets to put down the toilet seat. In your naivete, you think that you will struggle to accommodate some annoying habit, like persistent knuckle cracking or flatulence.

If only it were that easy. Human beings, you may have noticed, are not simple creatures. Your man has mysterious, unplumbed depths -- and from where he sits, you're pretty complicated, too. You have to learn each other the same way that you once learned earth science or world geography. And getting married doesn't mean you're done -- it just means you've advanced to graduate-level studies. That's because every time you think you've mastered the material, he'll change a bit. And so will you. As two people grow and evolve, the real work of marriage is finding a way to relate to and nurture each other in the process.

"It's like losing weight," says Andrea Harden, 45, of Buffalo, NY. "You want it to be a one-time deal. You lost it, now just live. But then you learn it's a lifestyle. That's marriage. The effort is a forever thing." So don't be too hard on yourself -- or him -- on those days when you feel like you're struggling through remedial math.

3. You will sometimes go to bed mad (and maybe even wake up madder).
Whoever decided to tell newlyweds "Never go to bed angry" doesn't know what it's like inside a bedroom where tears and accusations fly as one spouse talks the other into a woozy stupor until night meets the dawn. If this scenario sounds familiar, I've got three words for you: Sleep on it.

You need to calm down. You need to gain perspective. You need to just give it a rest. I've found that an argument of any quality, like a fine wine, needs to breathe. A break in the action will help you figure out whether you're angry, hurt, or both, and then pinpoint the exact source. Maybe the fight that seemed to erupt over the overflowing garbage can is really about feeling underappreciated. Could be you're both stressed out at work and just needed to unload on someone. Taking a break will help you see that, and let go. Or maybe you really do have a legitimate disagreement to work out. Without a time-out, sometimes a perfectly good argument can turn into an endless round of silly back-and-forth, rehashing old and irrelevant transgressions as you get more and more wound up.

Even when you do manage to stay focused and on topic, there are some fights that stubbornly refuse to die by bedtime. And if you stifle your real feelings just to meet some arbitrary deadline, your marriage will surely be the worse for it. "This was a huge lesson for me," says Andrea. "As women we've been trained to make nice. But the whole kiss-and-make-up thing just to keep the peace was eating me up inside. I'd let things build up inside me until I just exploded. Now I wait a while to get hold of myself -- let the emotions settle a bit -- and state my position. Even if that means reopening the fight the next day."

4. Getting your way is usually not as important as finding a way to work together.
I can be a bit of a know-it-all. There, I said it. It's really not my intention to be hurtful or brash with people I love. It's just that a lifetime of experience has taught me that in most areas, at most times, I am right about most things. What shocked me several years into my marriage, though, was the realization that the more "right" I was, the more discontented my husband and I were as a couple. See, oddly enough, throughout his life Genoveso has been under the misguided impression that he's right most of the time (go figure!). So we'd lock horns -- often. That is, until I learned a few things.

Namely, that when it comes to certain disagreements, there is no right or wrong -- there is simply your way of looking at things and your husband's. "I used to be very black-and-white earlier in our marriage," says Lindy Vincent, 38, who lives in Minneapolis. "Now I see that I'm not all right and my husband is not all wrong. There's more gray in life than I thought, and that's taught me patience and the value of compromise."

5. A great marriage doesn't mean no conflict; it simply means a couple keeps trying to get it right.
Maybe you think that because of my newfound wisdom, Genoveso and I never fight anymore. Ha! As important as it is to strike a balance, it's also important to have a big, fat fight every now and then. Because when you fight, you don't just raise your voices; you raise real -- sometimes buried -- issues that challenge you to come to a clearer understanding of you, your man, and your relationship. I wouldn't give up our fights for anything in the world, because I know in the end they won't break us; they'll only make us stronger.

6. You'll realize that you can only change yourself.
Ever seen the '80s sci-fi cult classic "Making Mr. Right?" When the stylish heroine, played by Ann Magnuson, is hired to teach a robot how to act like a human, she seizes the chance to create a perfect guy. A hotshot commercial whiz, she uses her marketing prowess to shape John Malkovich's android character into her personal version of the ideal man -- sensitive, eager to please, and willing to listen.

There is a bit of that makeover fantasy in all of us -- something that makes us believe we can change the person we love, make him just a little bit closer to perfect. We may use support and empathy or shouts and ultimatums, but with dogged conviction we take on this huge responsibility, convinced we're doing the right thing.

Whatever our motives, the effort is exhausting. Transforming a full-grown man -- stripping him of decades-old habits, beliefs, and idiosyncrasies -- is truly an impossible task. And you will come to realize, sooner than later if you're lucky, that it is far easier to change the way you respond to him.

7. As you face your fears and insecurities, you will find out what you're really made of.
There were clues when Genoveso and I were dating, especially with the trust thing. Early on, I was supersuspicious of him. He used to say things like, "I'll call you at 8." Then, just to try to trip me up, he'd call at 8. I knew he was up to something, I just couldn't figure out what. The same kinds of experiences followed after the wedding. Except occasionally he would actually mess up. And I had no sense of scale when it came to rating his offenses; everything was a major violation. Whether he teased me about a new haircut or came home late, I seethed for days and even let thoughts of divorce creep into my head. I figured, if he loved me -- really and truly -- this stuff wouldn't happen.

I'd like to be able to say that this irrational behavior lasted only a few months and I eventually worked it out. Kind of, sort of, is closer to the truth. After years of looking deeply into my soul and talking to good friends and the best sister a girl could ever have, I've come to recognize certain things about myself. Not to get all Dr. Phil about it, but I've had to examine my history with an emotionally distant dad and a strong-willed mom and face up to all the ways, both good and bad, that those relationships have affected how I approach my marriage.
That's the strange beauty of marriage: It's full of hard times and hard lessons that no one can ever prepare you for. But in the end, those are the things that give richness to your life together -- and make your love even deeper and stronger than when it began.

Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.

5 Things Single Women Hate To Hear

2009-04-06T08:11:00.001+08:00

Every time she hung out with her single female friends, the same gripes surfaced. Enough already with the how-to-snag-a-guy advice streaming from anyone and everyone as soon as status single was announced, they said.

Suddenly, Karin Anderson, Ph.D., assistant professor of psychology at Concordia University Chicago, found herself keeping track of what these single women were saying, replacing the strict academic research techniques she was used to with more informal polling.

What she found was a deluge of well-meaning advice being issued to singles that, while offered with the best of intentions, not only wasn't working but was making singles' skin crawl.

"The message to singles tends to be that they're doing something wrong, 'You're too this' or 'You're not enough that.' Being single is treated as this problem that needs to be solved," says Anderson. "That's really bogus. We should be telling single women, 'You're fine. There's nothing wrong. Enjoy your life.'"

These five snippets of well-meaning advice to singles top Anderson's list of worst offenses. Here's why.

1) What's Said: MAYBE YOU'RE NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH.

What's Heard: "This can come off sounding like you're passing judgment on effort," says Anderson. "It's better to encourage a single person to explore new relationships to the extent they are comfortable and to extend themselves in ways that feel natural and not forced."

2) What's Said: WEAR MORE MAKEUP.

What's Heard: More than implying that the search for Mr. Right is as easy as brushing a spot of color onto the cheeks, this comment offends further by actually attacking a person's core identity. "A woman presents herself according to what she defines as meaningful. Whether her style is glamorous belle or au naturelle, every woman should be allowed to be herself. There's a man out there who is going to be attracted to her style, whatever it is. If she's presenting herself as anyone other than who she really is, that's false advertising and that's going to backfire."

3) What's Said: GET BACK OUT THERE!

What's Heard: This can send the signal that the single person is simply not doing enough speed or Internet or blind dating, or worse, that she isn't living a full enough life. "Singles are not by definition hiding out in their closets curled up in the fetal position all day," says Anderson. "Most are likely working, meeting friends out for dinner and events, working out."

4) What's Said: YOU'RE TOO PICKY.

What's Heard: This implies that at some point, a point that the single friend or loved one has reached, she is no longer allowed to be discriminating, says Anderson. "This sends single women the message that their time to be choosy is up, that it's now time to go out and pick up any chump."

5) What's Said: TONE IT DOWN A NOTCH.

What's Heard: You ask too many questions. You're too intimidating. You're overly opinionated. You're too consumed with work. "This is interpreted by single women to mean that they have to dial down their core identity a notch in order to attract potential suitors and make them feel comfortable," says Anderson. "Suggesting that a woman reduce the fullness of who she is to lure a mate will lead to an inauthentic connection, and is a recipe for a disastrous relationship or marriage. Because really, how long can any person fake it and maintain a facade?"

Kesan Penagihan Alkohol

2009-04-05T16:36:00.002+08:00

Sebagaimana warga USM sedia maklum, insiden yang telah berlaku ke atas salah seorang kakitangan Pejabat Perhubungan Awam USM pada 20 Ogos lalu telah meninggalkan kesan yang amat mendalam ke atas setiap individu yang mengenalinya. Pemergiannya penuh tragis akibat daripada sikap tidak bertanggungjawab pemandu di bawah pengaruh alkohol.

Langkah drastik yang diambil oleh USM dengan mengadakan Kempen Anti Alkohol adalah wajar bagi menunjukkan tentangan warga kampus terhadap sikap individu yang memandu di bawah pengaruh alkohol. Selain daripada itu, ia juga memupuk warga USM khasnya dan masyarakat umum tentang padahnya akibat penagihan alkohol.

PenawaRacun kali ini mengambil kesempatan berkongsi maklumat tentang bahaya penagihan alkohol.

Larangan agama sememangnya berasas. Malah, setiap agama di dunia ini turut melarang tabiat tersebut di kalangan para penganutnya. Selain memabukkan alkohol juga memudaratkan kesihatan diri sekiranya diamalkan berterusan. Ia umpama kombinasi dadah dan racun kepada badan kita.

Kesan ketagihan akibat meminum alkohol bukannya bergantung kepada jenis alkohol tetapi jumlah yang diminum pada satu-satu masa. Pada dasarnya terdapat dua kesan yang ketara pada penagih alkohol iaitu kesan jangka pendek dan jangka panjang.

Kesan jangka pendek pengambilan alkohol lebih kurang satu botol besar menjadikan seseorang itu kurang daya koordinasi seperti tidak boleh berjalan dengan betul dan tidak boleh membuka pintu. Dalam masa yang singkat ini juga boleh menyebabkan hangover. Hangover lazimnya disebabkan oleh keracunan alkohol, bahan lain dalam alkohol dan tindakbalas ketagih alkohol. Tanda-tanda hangover alkohol termasuklah sakit kepala, loya, muntah, cirit birit, gangguan pergerakan usus dan menggeletar selama 8 – 12 jam kemudian.

Kesan jangka panjang akan dirasai selepas meminumnya selama beberapa bulan atau tahun. Kesan utama adalah seperti sakit jantung, hati atau penyakit dalam perut. Bila situasi ini berlaku mereka akan kurang selera makan, kekurangan vitamin, jangkitan penyakit, mati pucuk atau kekurangan haid. Kematian yang awal adalah lebih kerap pada orang yang kuat minum, terutamanya daripada sakit jantung atau hati, radang paru-paru, kanser, keracunan alkohol yang teruk, kemalangan, pembunuhan dan pembunuhan diri.

Kesan pada otak
Pada asasnya selepas diminum, alkohol akan meresap dari usus kecil ke dalam darah. Alkohol terus dibawa ke jantung yang kemudiannya mengepam darah beralkohol tadi ke seluruh tubuh. Dari sini ia terus meresap ke dalam otak dan seterusnya ke urat saraf. Otak merupakan salah satu organ penting yang dimiliki oleh manusia kerana otaklah yang mengawal segala pergerakan dan perlakuan seseorang dan dengan kemasukan bahan asing ini ke dalamnya ia akan mempengaruhi pergerakan dan kelakuan peminumnya.

Di sini, alkohol menyebabkan penindasan kawasan-kawasan yang biasanya mengawal maruah dan disiplin diri sehingga peminum mula merasa kurang sifat malu, fikiran bercelaru, dan pergerakannya pula agak tidak terkawal.

Peminum juga kurang keupayaan dari segi belajar, membentuk idea spontan, menumpukan fikiran, dan membuat pertimbangan yang teliti. Semakin banyak jumlah alkohol yang diminum semakin kuat otak tertindas sehinggakan boleh menyebabkan tidak sedarkan diri dan seterusnya kematian.

Kesan pada hati
Kesan alkohol yang paling bahaya adalah kesan pada hati. Setiap kali seorang peminum meminum alkohol, hati akan mengalami kecederaan (mendapat luka). Sel hati akan mati dan menjadi parut. Parut ini akan mengurangkan kemampuan hati untuk berfungsi dengan sempurna. Parut yang serius akan menyebabkan hati tidak dapat berfungsi langsung. Keadaan ini disebut sirosis hati dan boleh membawa maut.

Bengkak hati (hepatitis) juga boleh berlaku disebabkan oleh lebihan toksik alkohol. Pada mulanya ia menyebabkan hati mengembang dan lama kelamaan saluran darah akan mengecut. Ini menyebabkan darah tidak dapat mengalir ke hati dengan sempurna dan akhirnya saluran darah akan membengkak lalu pecah. Pada peringkat kritikal, penghidap hepatitis akan mengalami muntah darah dan najis mereka akan bercampur dengan darah.

Kesan pada perut
Alkohol juga menyebabkan kerengsaan perut (gastritis) yang akhirnya boleh membawa kepada ulser. Bagi mereka yang memang menghidapi ulser perut, sakitnya akan menjadi semakin teruk.

Kesan pada saraf
Kerosakan saraf boleh menyebabkan pelbagai jenis penyakit seperti sindrom Wernicke-Korsakoff dan kerosakan sel-sel otak, yang seterusnya membawa kepada komplikasi psikiatri. Peminum boleh mengalami halusinasi pendengaran, amnesia, paranoia, depresi, dan kecenderungan membunuh diri.

Kesan pada janin
Peminum alkohol kronik yang sedang hamil boleh menyebabkan kandungannya mempunyai ciri-ciri kecacatan seperti kekurangan berat badan, saiz kepala yang terlalu kecil berbanding tubuh, kurang penyelarasan otot, keadaan muka yang rata, dan kelemahan sendi-sendi.

Selain daripada kesan-kesan di atas, alkohol juga bertindak dengan pelbagai sistem dan organ tubuh. Contohnya, kesan terhadap sistem peredaran tubuh menyebabkan darah lebih banyak dialirkan ke kulit. Ini menyebabkan kulit peminum menjadi kemerah-merahan dan perpeluhan meningkat. Pengepaman jantung juga bertambah pantas dan kuat seperti individu yang sedang melakukan senaman. Kepada penghidap penyakit jantung, mereka mempunyai kemungkinan diserang penyakit itu.

Peminum alkohol juga didapati lebih cenderung membuang air kecil dengan kerap kerana etanol boleh merencat hormon penahan kencing.

Peminum alkohol juga mungkin mengalami anemia, hipoglisemia (kekurangan gula di dalam darah), dan ketandusan vitamin.

Bagi perokok yang meminum alkohol boleh meningkatkan risiko kanser sebanyak 15 kali terutamanya pada bahagian mulut dan tekak.

Selain daripada kesan ke atas kesihatan ia boleh juga menimbulkan pelbagai masalah sosial. Masalah ketagihan alkohol boleh merosakkan hubungan persahabatan, kehilangan pekerjaan, hutang, simpanan keluarga dihabiskan, masalah rumah tangga, penganiayaan, penderaan, keruntuhan moral dan sebagainya.

Oleh itu hindarilah dari meminum minuman tersebut kerana jelas keburukan alkohol jauh mengatasi kebaikannya.

It’s lights out ’til morning

2009-04-03T10:34:00.001+08:00

BEFORE we become parents, we just know that those sleepless nights other parents have would not happen to us. Oh no, our children would know who is boss right from the word go.

When they are put to bed, they would go to sleep and around a decent time in the morning, they would wake up and say: "Thank you for putting me to bed. I am so well rested now. May I have some breakfast?"

And then, of course, the dream is shattered by actually having children.

If you’re struggling to win the war on bedtimes, there are some solutions at hand. However, it is going to take a concerted effort to fix it.

If you are a two-parent family, or live in an extended family situation, your biggest problem often isn’t the children, but the other adults in the house undermining your rules and authority.

The very first thing you need to do is work out with all the adults what the rules are. If everyone is providing a united front, then half the battle is already won.

Bedtime battles are generally far more about control than anything else. If a child senses you and the other adults are not agreeing, they’ll use that to dodge the bedtime bullet.

Once you have the adults on your side, you can create an environment that’s going to get your children sleeping like, well, babies.

All through this process, it is very important to remember that you’re the grown-up here. Stay calm and loving, keep positive and follow through with the new rules.

» Sticking to bedtime

Things happen from time to time that can throw this out the window but children thrive on routine. With younger children, especially, you have to make the rule and stick to it.

You can give your child the power to choose his/her own bedtime, making the second option only 15 minutes or so later than the first.

If you have older children, you may decide to let them stay up longer on weekends as a treat.

Teenagers would not like having lights out early, but you can tell them they are expected to be in their own rooms by a certain time.

» Make it consistent

Develop a bedtime routine that leads up to going to bed every night and stick to it. It helps everyone to wind down and get ready and gives you a routine that becomes familiar with time.

» Time’s up

Give them a warning around an hour or so before bedtime, so they have plenty of time to start winding down. If they have chores to do before bed or homework, they may need a bit more notice. This isn’t about creating tension but about making things easier for everyone.

» Staying in bed

Sometimes your children are just not going to be tired. It can be referred to as adult time, but even so, children need to remain in bed during this period.

Older children may want to read, younger children may want to play. Everything is okay, as long as they are in bed, playing or reading quietly. It’s their wind-down time.

» Set down the rules

If they are coming out for drinks, give them a bottle of water to take into their bedroom. If they are popping to the toilet, then say this is permissible only if they do not talk to anybody.

Keep all post bedtime interactions to a bare minimum when they are up.

» Plan your evening

If you set it up, this could be the beginning of some lovely quiet time for you too. Take back your evenings, and enjoy both the benefits of a well-rested child, and a well-rested you.

A Study of the National Aftercare Programme

2009-04-01T10:00:00.000+08:00

This study of the Aftercare Programme is a follow-up of an earlier study of official treatment and rehabilitation programme for institutionalized drug dependents. This postal survey used a self-administered questionnaire that contained salient features and factors elicited in the qualitative approach of an earlier case study. The respondents are mainly rehabilitation officers involved with the Aftercare Programme throughout Peninsular Malaysia.

The major findings were the goals and objectives of the Aftercare Programme, which are to help recovering addicts to reintegrate into society, and to be fully functioning without resorting to drugs need to be translated into measurable components that can be effectively implemented and monitored. Lack of resources both material and personnel were apparent. The programme officers have to perform functions that have no relationship to the programme goals. Lack of professionally skilled staff impedes the progress of staff-client relationship and the success of client’s psychosocial adaptation. Administrative work features a great deal in the function of the officers thereby reducing the time for interaction with their clients. Various aspects of the Aftercare Programme need refinement and redevelopment so as to ensure that the recovering addicts would have greater likelihood not to relapse. The involvement of the family, volunteers and the community in general needs to be further enhanced and mobilized. Support from ex-addicts helping in various aspects of treatment and rehabilitation is a recommended strategy to enhance the programme success. Better data management of client’s records is needed to improve the monitoring system and facilitate the conducting of meaningful programme evaluation.

A Study into Certain Aspects of Drug Education Programmes in Malaysian Schools

2009-04-01T09:58:00.001+08:00

This survey was conducted on all government secondary schools in the states of Perlis, Kedah, Perak and Penang. The study covered evaluation of several aspects of existing drug education programmes in Malaysian schools, as well as research activities directed towards developing and testing new drug education programmes for secondary schools.

This study reports on five main aspects or activities related to drug education in the 250 secondary schools surveyed in the states of Kedah, Penang, Perak and Perlis. The data was analyzed with respect to two important variables, namely, categories of schools and the risk level of the school. The five main aspects covered in this survey are, printed materials such as posters and pamphlets, non-printed materials (slides and films), and talks, seminars and workshops, and finally the school curriculum. In addition the comments of the headmasters regarding the drug education programmes in their schools were also sought.

The results of the survey indicated that the headmasters in general considered the existing facilities like posters, pamphlets, films, slides, exhibitions, talks, seminars and workshops as relatively useful for drug education. There is a slight indication that the larger schools tended to have more opportunities to participate in these activities than smaller schools and that schools in high-risk areas were more receptive of these activities. This trend was not strong but is present for some of these activities. In addition, the three school subjects considered most relevant to drug education are Civics, Health Education and Islamic Religious Instruction. It was felt that an attempt should be made to provide a systematic drug education programme in the existing syllabus in order to help prepare students to stay away from drugs while in school and especially after they leave school. The study concludes that an important and desirable feature of any drug education programme in schools is its preventive nature, thus it should employ strategies aimed at helping students to develop correct attitudes and values towards drugs and healthy living. Such attitudes and values will form the basis for students’ decisions on the use of drugs when they leave school.

A Comparative Study of the Psycho-Social Profile of Drug Using and Non-Drug Using School Children

2009-04-01T09:56:00.000+08:00

The purpose of the study was to obtain a psychosocial profile of a group of secondary school children in Penang as an attempt to understand the background of potential drug users in schools. More specifically the study attempted to compare the background and some characteristics of the drug users and the non-drug users in school.

The major findings related to the general pattern on substance use for the full sample are: 73% of the Penang upper secondary school children have never taken any form of soft drugs (cigarettes and alcohol) or hard drugs (prescription drugs from either legal or illegal sources like tranquillizers, barbiturates and stimulants, as well as illegal drugs like opium, cannabis and heroin). Use patterns show that only a small minority of hard drug users was frequent or polydrug users, a greater number were occasional monodrug users using drugs on experimental basis. Alcohol and cigarettes have remained as the most commonly used soft drugs by secondary school children. A larger proportion of students using hard drugs tended to smoke and/or drink. The average age of initiation for smoking and using hard drugs is 16 years and above. Drug abuse adolescents tended to report low religiosity and poor relationship with their families. Large variability in school performance of hard drug users was noted; they have a lower general self-concept, lower value on moral-self, family-self and behaviour. There was no difference in anxiety level between drug users and non-users. Attempts to relate locus of control with substance-abuse behaviour found no significant relationship between the two variables. However, the trend revealed that drug users tended to be more externally controlled compared to non-users. Finally in comparing psychological needs, the study revealed that drug users tended to be more achieving, impulsive, aggressive, dominating, attention-seeking, to engage in fantasized-achievement and take greater risks.

A Follow-up Study on Drug Addicts after Treatment and Rehabilitation

2009-04-01T09:54:00.000+08:00

This is a prospective six-month follow-up study on drug addicts after treatment and rehabilitation. The main concern is to find out during this critical period, whether the addicts were able to stay off drugs or fall back to drugs and what happened during the process.

The major findings were: quite a number of the addicts cannot be traced after completing treatment and rehabilitation; 25% dropped-out of the study mainly due to drug use; 39.2% of those follow-up were re-addicted while 17.9% "slipped"; only 17.9% managed to abstain from drugs during the six months follow-up period. Addicts who relapsed can be divided into 2 groups: those who returned to drugs immediately after rehabilitation, and those who fall back several months later after attempting to stay away from drugs without success. The main reasons identified for relapse were mixing with addict-friends, boredom, craving for drugs and emotional pressure. The majority of those who slipped first started to consume alcohol because they thought alcohol is not a drug. A combination of various factors such as strong family support, avoiding drug addicts or the temptations, mixing with non-addicts, self-realization, having a job, determination and beneficial activities to fill their time helped the addicts to abstain from drugs. Cigarette smoking is rather common and most of the cases returned to cigarette smoking rather immediately. Majority of those who dropped-out, relapsed or slipped, started alcohol use soon after treatment.

The study recommended for the whole treatment and rehabilitation programme to be reviewed. Families need to be educated about addiction, rehabilitation, relapse prevention and handling of addicts. Rehabilitated addicted have to be integrated into their families before they return to the larger community. The problem of easy availability of drugs must be dealt with seriously. Joining self-help groups, recreational activities and guidance from recovering addicts are important.

Study of Misuse of Drugs among Secondary School Children

2009-04-01T09:51:00.000+08:00

Two studies in this area of research were conducted, the first in the west coast states of Penang and Selangor, followed by a comparative study in the east coast state of Kelantan. The misuse of drugs by secondary school children in Malaysia has caused considerable public and official concern. These studies were conducted to investigate the extent and nature of illicit drug taking amongst Malaysian secondary school children; and to compare the drug using individuals against their non-drug using contemporaries in terms of their social background, educational aspirations and performance, social relationships, general attitudes and value system, self concepts, and their knowledge of and attitude towards drug and drug taking, as well as the reasons drug users give for their habit and comparison of the users of different types of drug in these regions.

The west coast study gives an introduction to the scientific background, and considers the drugs in use (ganja (cannabis), heroin, morphine, opium, sedatives, tranquillizers, amphetamines) and their effects, and the social and psychological characteristics of the drug user. An appropriate methodology is suggested for dealing with as sensitive a topic as drug use. The studies describe the patterns of drug use revealed on self-reported questionnaires administered to over 16,000 school children in the west coast states and to over 4,700 school children in Kelantan. Striking similarities were found between the east and west coast states in all the study aspects surveyed. Both surveys showed a very consistent picture of the level and nature of drug abuse amongst this sample population. The three states of Penang, Selangor and Kelantan – have contrasting traditions and present-day economic and social concerns; and yet in all three the problem of youthful drug abuse have been shown to have much the same characteristics. That ten percent of the secondary school population has experience of drug substances, some of which may be addictive and all of which are illegal, is cause for concern; but that the majority of these individuals cease the use of drugs after brief experimentation is reason for responding to the problem with caution. Over-reaction on the part of society might well have the effect of maintaining such experimenters on their drugs, and increasing the already apparent interest in illegal drugs admitted to by a significant minority of individuals who have never experienced any illegal drug. (Indeed, a realistic way was expressed to members of the survey team by a number of headmasters in Kelantan, who feared that the very conducting of survey might itself strengthen curiosity about drugs amongst their pupils).

The studies concluded that there is a serious problem of drug abuse without this problem reaching epidemic proportions, the treatment facilities available are inadequate; the most damaging way society – parents, teachers, policy makers and others – could respond would be to see the issue as a social menace, without realizing the normal human motivations that have led the adolescent generation to use drugs; treat the curious and experimenting adolescent as reasonable individuals who can be educated; treat regular users in a compassionate manner rather than alienating them by the process of stigmatization; be honest in using the process of influence; and above all realize that the menace to society lies in the manufacturers, traffickers and pushers of drugs rather than in their commercial victims.

Drug Abuse and Dependence among Adolescents in Malaysia

2009-04-01T09:50:00.000+08:00

The purpose of the study is to examine the problem of young drug abusers of 21 years old and below. It also aims to examine the trend of drug abuse among this group, over the years 1978 through 1987. The socio-demographic characteristics of these young abusers and their general pattern of drug use were examined.

The study concluded that a majority of the young drug abusers in Malaysia, identified over the years 1978 – 1987 were not chronic and heavy users. There are some influences on the pattern of drug use and the socio-demographic background of young abusers by ethnicity, academic status and age. A larger proportion of the Malay young abusers attained higher education. This indicates a need to investigate further on the psychosocial factors that contributed to this phenomenon. Late adolescence (15 – 19 years old) was found to be the most vulnerable time period to drug abuse for student abusers. A larger proportion of student abusers were found using cannabis while a larger proportion of non-student abusers were found using heroin. A majority of the non-student abusers were found to be ‘drop-outs’ of Primary Six or LCE.

Dealing with Name-calling

2009-03-19T09:30:00.002+08:00

MY daughter came home from school one day complaining about a classmate who called her names. Name-calling and teasing are common among schoolchildren but this does not mean they should be taken lightly or ignored.

Frequent name-calling, insulting or negative labeling will have undesirable effects on children. It will affect their personality development and lower the child’s self worth, esteem and confidence.

When a child’s sense of self has yet to fully develop, calling a child names and labeling him "stupid" for instance, may cause the child to believe that he is so. The child will then tend to act or behave in a manner that is consistent with that negative self-image.

How do we help a child handle such situations? In her book, My Name is Not Dummy, Elizabeth Crary, a parent educator with over 20 years’ experience, provides ideas on how to help a child overcome the problem. Here are a few.

» Ignore it – tell your child to completely ignore the unkind words and the person who says it. Do not glance in his direction, and talk with another student or read instead. Appear calm and unfazed. Usually, the teaser will lose interest and stop if he does not receive any response.

» Do the unexpected – when teasers don’t get the reaction they are looking for, they will tend to stop. For example, if a girl named Lizzie is being called "Dizzy Lizzie", she can turn around and say, "My full name is Elizabeth. Got any rhymes for that?" or "Do you have one that goes with Edward? He’s my brother."

» Ask for help – if a child has run out of ways for dealing with the problem on her own, then it is appropriate to ask an adult for help. In the above example, Lizzie might approach her teacher for help.

Lizzie’s parents can also help by affirming that she is not what they call her. They can ask, "Are you dizzy? If those kids say so, does that mean it’s true?" Help her differentiate fact from teasing words and understand that what people say of her is not necessarily right or true.

Children who tease and call others names may have picked up the bad habit from people around them such as family members, or through unsupervised television viewing.

The whole family needs to practise respect toward each other at all times. Set good examples and turn negative descriptions around by being careful with your choice of words.

For example, instead of "messy", use the word "tidy" or turn "mean" into "kind". Your words then change from "Don’t be mean to your sister" to "Please be kind to your sister".

Explain to them why name-calling is wrong, that it makes people unhappy when they do that. Ask them to imagine how they would feel if others called them names.

Certain children’s programmes on television compromise proper choice of words in their script for the sake of entertainment.

It may be funny when one cartoon character yells "Stupid!" or "You’re such a nerd!" but the odds are that the child will also use these words and think it is funny the next time he gets a chance to do so.

Be careful with what your child is exposed to and guide them in the right way when they encounter negative influence.

Dream-Related Questions

2009-03-16T08:16:00.004+08:00

What is the average amount of dreams a person usually has in one night?

The average person has about 3 to 5 dreams per night, but some may have up to 7 dreams in one night. The dreams tend to last longer as the night progresses. During a full 8-hour night sleep, two hours of it is spent dreaming.

Please tell me is it unusual for an individual to have multiple dreams during the course of one night's sleep? Is this normal? I normally dream two or three dreams in one night.

It is not at all unusual for a person to have more than one dream per night. In fact, it is perfectly normal! The trick is remembering all your dreams. Some people have trouble remembering one single dream, let alone multiple dreams.

Does a person dream all night? If not, when do they?

No, a person does not spend the entire night dreaming. A person spends about two hours in the dream state per night. A person moves through the four stages of the sleep cycle throughout the night. In the final stage of the sleep cycle (referred to as REM sleep) is where dreaming occurs. Each cycle of sleep lasts anywhere from 60-90 minutes and then will repeat itself throughout the night.

Would you please tell me why people do not dream?

Everybody dreams! This is a scientifically proven fact. Research has shown that all human beings in a study showed brain activity during their sleep. Just because you cannot remember your dreams does not mean that you do not dream. So why is it that some people don't remember their dream? This may be attributed to alcohol consumption, certain antibiotics, fever, lack of sleep, high levels of stress, and/or unconscious fears about the content of your dreams. Some researchers believe that certain people have a genetic disposition to forget their dreams as they come out of their sleep.

Do children's dreams mean the same as adults? If not what is the difference?

Dreams often reflect our experiences and life concerns. For this reason, children's dreams are different then the dreams of adults. The dreams of young children (3-5 year olds) usually have no real story line or any strong emotional content. Children around this age also frequently experience nightmares relating to their fears (strangers, monsters, loud noises, etc.) By the time children reaches their teen years, their dream patterns are matched closer to that of adults.

Is it true that some dreams can predict the future?

There is no scientific proof that dreams can predict and foretell the future. Yes, many people have had dreams that eventually came true afterwards. This can be explained in how we unconsciously gather little information here and there and when you have a dream, it puts together all this unconscious information before you are consciously able to do so. In short, you unconsciously already know what was going to happen and it only appears as if the dream had predicted the future. Another explanation is that such dream are mere coincidences or is the faulty memory of the dreamer.

Why do you think that we have dreams?

This is still an unresolved topic amongst researchers as to the reason we have dreams. One theory suggests that dreams serve as a means for cleansing and release. During the day, we may hold back our feelings and repress our anger. Thus dreams serve as a safe outlet for us to release our negative emotions. Another theory says that dreams is a biologically necessary aspect of sleep. Research has shown that people who were prevented from entering the dream state and woken up before they can dream were more easily irritated, jittery, and performed far below average. I believe these are two theories summarize why we dream.

Do dreams have any significance?

Yes dreams have a significance. The images in our dreams always contain hidden meaning which goes far beyond the outer appearance. The language of dreams is symbolic and are not to be taken literally.
The significance of dreams is personal and dependent on your own personal experiences. However, there are many universal symbols.

What causes or why do some dreams keep repeating themselves?

Dreams that recur (or repeat themselves) is a clear indication that some issue is not being confronted or that it has not yet been resolved. Your anxieties about a certain situation that you are struggling with may also cause you to have recurring dreams.

Do we dream in black and white or color, or does it mean anything if we dream one way or the other?

Most people do dream in color, but some may not notice colors in their dreams. Because color is such a natural part of our visual experience, we sometimes overlook colors in our dreams. Another reason may have to do with how our dreams fades so quickly from our memory upon waking that when we may be able to recall the dream in shades of gray. However, the dreams that are in black and white can be an indication of a depressed or sadden mood.

I heard from a friend that the more senses you can experience in dreams (colors, smell, etc), the greater your intelligence is in general. Do you know anything about this?

I have never heard that the more senses you experience in your dream is correlated with your intelligence. The way we process our senses varies from individual to individual and does not necessarily have to do with intelligence. However, it is correct to say that most people recall the visual and auditory aspects of their dreams. Touch, smell, and taste tend to be secondary unless it happens to be a central component of the dream. Or unless the person is visually impaired, In this case, sense of feel and/or smell will be dominate.

Do animal dreams?

Similar to humans, all other mammals exhibit the same brain activity during sleep. But the extent and nature of their dreams is another questions.

I've been checking out you web site since I found it a few day ago. I must say that your site is great!!! But I still don't understand what REM sleep is. Does it refer to deep sleeping?

Yes, the REM stage of sleep is where you achieve your deepest sleep. It is also the final stage in the sleep cycle. REM which stands for Rapid Eye Movement is so called because in this stage of sleep, your eyes move rapidly back and forth under your eyelids. It is also in REM sleep that you experience all your vivid, and sometimes bizarre dreams.

How can our daily activities effect our dreams?

Whenever you suppress your feelings throughout the day, it has a very good chance of showing up in your dream. For example, if you wanted to express your anger toward someone and then refrain from doing so, then your suppressed anger may show up in your dream in some symbolic form. Traumatic experiences also have a way to affect the content of your dreams.

Are there any differences in male and female dream patterns?

If, by dream patterns, you mean brain wave activity while in the dream state, then the answer is no. There are no difference between male and female dream patterns. However, if your are referring to the content of the dream, then the answer is yes. Studies have shown that men tend to dream more about men, while women dream about both men and women equally. This makes perfect sense when you think about it. Dreams are often seen as aspect of yourselves. For a man to dream about a woman, indicates that he is acknowledging some feminine aspect of his own self, which is difficult for men to admit that they have a soften feminine side to begin with.

Is it normal only to remember nightmares and never a good dream?

It is not a question of whether or not it is normal to remember only your nightmares, but why you remember your nightmares as opposed to your other dreams. Nightmares are much easier to remember for several reasons. First nightmares are vivid, frightening, and often jolt you awake. Whenever you are awakened in the REM stage
of sleep, you are much more likely to recall the events of your nightmare. Secondly, nightmares tend to occur in the early morning hours, when you are about to wake up. Remembering your dreams can take some effort on your part and not a question of normality.

What does it mean to have a dream within a dream?

Having a dream within a dream may be safer and more acceptable way to express material from your unconscious. The dream within a dream protects you, the dreamer from waking up. Such dreams often reflect a hidden but crucial issue which you need to acknowledge and confront.

Is it possible to die (not really die in real life) in your our dreams?

Yes, it is possible to experience death in your dreams. Dreams of death often occur as a result of great stress caused by relationships, school, career changes, depression or by the approach of death itself. Death in dreams may also be viewed as a metaphor - as a new beginning or a time of renewal. Judging from your question, I am assuming you never have had a dream about dying.

I frequently have dreams that something happens like a gun shot, I fall or something that would make me jerk. I really do jerk and usually wake up. What's with that? Like why do I jerk and wake up when something like that happens in my dream?

There is actually a term to describe what you are experiencing in your dream. It is called myclonic
jerks. Many who dream that they are falling sometimes jerk or twitch their legs/arms and end up waking themselves up. There is no concrete reason as to why this happens. One theory is that it is our instinctive response for what the brain perceives as
a potentially dangerous situation. Sometimes dreams are so real that the brain believes that you are really falling or in some sort of danger. And hence the brain sends signals to the body to start "fleeing".

5 Careers that Pay Well Even in a Recession

2009-03-15T23:01:00.002+08:00

Saat menilai cinta

2009-03-14T19:26:00.000+08:00

SETIAP kali menjelang tahun baru, melakukan resolusi mengenai karier, hal kewangan dan cinta sememangnya menjadi rutin bagi setiap orang.

Bagi pasangan yang sedang bercinta, kenangan yang dilalui sepanjang tahun lalu mungkin lebih mematangkan fikiran. Apatah lagi bagi pasangan yang pernah gagal dalam percintaan.

Mereka menganggap tahun yang dilalui umpama suatu pengajaran yang membawa ke arah kehidupan yang lebih bermakna.

Menyentuh soal cinta, jangan pula anda lupa melakukan perubahan kepada diri dengan meletakkan keazaman yang tinggi dalam hal-hal melibatkan dunia percintaan.

Ikuti tip-tip yang disenaraikan di bawah:

1. Lupakan masa lalu

Anda bukanlah insan yang pernah dikhianati, dibenci mahupun ditinggalkan menjelang hari pernikahan. Setiap perkara yang dilalui sepanjang kehidupan lalu harus dijadikan pengajaran. Tetapi, jangan biarkan pengalaman buruk anda pada masa lampau mempengaruhi hubungan yang sedang terjalin.

Jangan biarkan hal-hal positif dan menyenangkan anda dengan pasangan bertukar gara-gara terlalu asyik membuat perbandingan dari tahun ke tahun. Ibaratkan hubungan yang baru dijalinkan itu seperti kertas putih yang siap dicorak.

2. Temui ramai orang

Bekerja di bawah satu bumbung yang sama atau tinggal berhampiran dengan kediaman anda tidak bermakna dapat membantu anda menemui calon kekasih yang berpotensi, kecuali seorang teman yang sudah lama dikenali. Jalinkan hubungan cinta dengan seorang teman yang boleh membawa anda ke arah dunia persahabatan yang lebih bermakna.

Keluarlah dari zon selesa anda. Sekiranya selama ini anda kerap ke pusat gimnasium selepas pulang dari tempat kerja, namun pada tahun ini, bangunlah pada awal pagi dan lakukan rutin harian dengan melaksanakan segala tugasan yang lebih menyihatkan. Lebih berkesan, ikuti kursus atau motivasi yang melibatkan pesertanya terdiri di kalangan lelaki dan wanita.

3. Ubah penampilan

Sudah tiba masanya anda meninggalkan gaya penampilan lama. Tidak salah sekiranya anda mengeluarkan wang yang lebih semata-mata untuk mengubah stail rambut terkini. Kunjungi salon dan bawalah contoh model rambut daripada majalah sekiranya perlu mendapat keterangan.

Demikian pula dalam hal berkaitan pakaian dan aksesori. Pilih baju berwarna cerah dan bermotifkan corak yang menarik agar anda kelihatan menonjol pada setiap masa.

4. Jangan terburu-buru

Menemui cinta baru mungkin mendatangkan kesan positif. Tetapi, jangan pula anda terus membawanya berjumpa dengan seluruh ahli keluarga. Tunggulah sehingga waktu yang tepat dan jangan sesekali merosakkan hubungan yang baru dibina itu. Hindari berbicara tentang masa depan saat hubungan baru berumur setahun jagung. Nikmatilah waktu perkenalan ini untuk memantapkan hati anda dan pasangan.

5. Jangan terlalu memilih

Setiap orang pasti ada kekurangannya, jadi apabila anda begitu obses akan kekurangan pasangan, mungkin anda sukar untuk menemui cinta baru. Sekurang-kurangnya selidik dulu kelebihan yang ada pada dirinya.

6. Buat keputusan

Cinta kerana paksaan akan membawa duka pada kemudian hari. Jangan takut untuk meluahkan apa yang terpendam kerana ia boleh mendatangkan kesan buruk dalam perhubungan. Oleh itu, lakukan keputusan yang berpihak kepada diri dan jangan takut katakan 'tidak'

Alasan berbohong

2009-03-14T19:21:00.001+08:00

Umumnya, wanita berbohong bukannya disebabkan mereka tiada arah tuju atau cuba mencipta sesuatu perkara yang tidak masuk fikiran. Terdapat beberapa alasan yang mendorong mereka melakukan hal ini.

1. Balas dendam

Sekiranya kamu berani mengkhianati cintanya, dia juga akan berani membalasnya. Bahkan, dia lebih hebat daripada kamu. Walaupun tindakannya itu telah diketahui, mungkin dia sengaja melakukan sedemikian. Ramai wanita mempunyai cara tersendiri saat menghadapi situasi pembohongan yang dilakukan kekasihnya. Malah, dia juga berani melakukannya dengan secara tersembunyi, tanpa pengetahuan kamu.

2. Urutan kasih

Wanita sememangnya menginginkan dirinya dicintai dan dihargai. Apatah lagi, mengharapkan sebuah percintaan yang tiada titik noktahnya. Lebih-lebih lagi daripada insan tersayang. Mereka ingin menjadi wanita pertama di dalam hidup kamu dan bukannya, berada di tangga kedua atau berikutnya. Sekali kamu menduakan cintanya, dia akan berkali-kali mengkhianati hidup kamu.

3. Kekerasan

Kini, ramai wanita semakin sedar tentang pentingnya penghargaan yang patut diterimanya. Salah satunya ialah bersikap tegas ketika pasangannya melakukan kekerasan (umumnya secara fizikal) kepadanya. Mungkin pada awalnya dia akan cuba bertahan, tetapi apabila kamu kembali mengulangi tindakan tersebut, mereka akan meninggalkan kamu tanpa sebaris nota. Mereka yakin, masih ramai lelaki di luar sana yang dapat menghargai dirinya yang jauh lebih baik daripada kamu.

4. Hambar

Wanita begitu gemar hal-hal yang remeh atau kecil. Misalnya, hari ulang tahunnya, hari jadi kamu berdua atau hal-hal istimewa lainnya. Hati-hati bila kamu menganggap semua ini sebagai hal yang remeh. Apatah lagi apabila selama ini, si dia selalu mengurus hal yang melibatkan pengorbanan demi kekasihnya.

Sekiranya, kamu tidak pernah sesekali menghargai apa yang dia lakukan untuk kamu dan mengabaikan hal-hal yang dianggapnya penting, bersiap sedialah menghadapi pertengkaran yang hebat.

5. Seks

Meskipun kamu tidak memberikan perhatian yang sepenuhnya terhadap si dia, ketidakpuasan dalam urusan seks mampu memberi kesan yang mendalam terhadap perhubungan. Ingat, akibat kurangnya layanan seks, ia akan mendatangkan kesan bahaya dalam perkahwinan. Oleh itu, segeralah mencari jalan penyelesaiannya.

BIASANYA wanita akan mencari jalan penyelesaiannya sendiri apabila berhadapan dengan masalah cinta. - Gambar hiasan

6. Cadangan

Saat putus cinta, biasanya kaum wanita lebih cepat 'menderita' ketika menghadapi hari-hari mendatang sebelum mampu bangkit semula untuk hidup gembira.

Ini kerana, sewaktu dia mendapat petunjuk bahawa perhubungan itu tidak dapat dipertahankan lagi, mungkin dia akan mencari pengganti kamu. Jadi, sekiranya kamu benar-benar mencintainya, perbaikilah hubungan kamu dengannya segera.

7. Jejaka bermasalah

Maksudnya, terdapat banyak perkara di sekeliling kamu yang membuatkan pasangan merasakan kamu tidak diperlukan lagi. Sebabnya, selain menjalani hubungan cinta yang sudah tentunya tidak lepas daripada kekangan masalah, kamu juga harus menangani karakter kekasih yang semakin berani. Ingat, dia bersikap sedemikian disebabkan kamu yang memulakannya dahulu.

8. Hubungan tiada kesudahan

Kebiasaannya, saat menjalani hubungan dengan pasangan, wanita menginginkan adanya hubungan yang penuh komitmen, iaitu hubungan yang diakhiri dengan keputusan membanggakan.

Apabila sudah lama menjalin hubungan cinta, tetapi tiada keputusan untuk ke jinjang pelamin, wanita akan berfikir bahawa kamu tidak lagi menginginkan dia dalam hidupnya. Jadi, buat apa menunggu kamu dengan lebih lama?

9. Bosan

Hal ini muncul disebabkan dia terperangkap dalam rutin hariannya sama ada kerja rumah mahupun hubungan yang dijalinkan itu begitu membosankan.

Baginya, jika kamu tidak memberinya perhatian yang diharapkan dan waktu kamu pula lebih banyak dihabiskan untuk urusan lain, biasanya wanita akan mencari jalan penyelesaiannya yang tersendiri. Perlu diingatkan bahawa wanita gemarkan suatu kejutan dan selalu ingin dirinya lebih istimewa.

10. Hubungan tidak diduga

Pada awalnya, dia berasa terlalu selesa saat menjalin hubungan dengan kamu. Tetapi ternyata, dia tidak menikmati kehangatan bersama dan terasa begitu terikat dengan kamu. Tidak hairanlah apabila kamu masih cuba membawanya ke sana dan ke sini, dia mula bersikap dingin kerana sudah menyerahkan seluruh perasaannya kepada insan lain.

Berbohong secara kompulsif

2009-03-14T19:18:00.001+08:00

Apabila anak berbohong secara kerap ia adalah petanda awal masalah yang lebih serius.

KANAK-KANAK berbohong. Inilah satu kenyataan yang perlu dihadapi oleh kebanyakan ibu bapa. Tiada arahan atau galakan diperlukan.

Berbohong seakan sudah sebati dalam jiwa sesetengah kanak-kanak. Memperbesarkan masalah, memutar-belitkan kebenaran, mereka cerita dan menafikan kenyataan adalah antara yang akan dilakukan sewaktu bercakap bohong.

Namun, jika kekerapan seseorang anak berbohong menjadi kompulsif dan tanpa sebab, ibu bapa mungkin perlu 'campur tangan'.

Apabila kitaran penipuan bermula, ia akan menghilangkan kepercayaan orang lain terhadap si anak, sekali gus menyukarkan kitaran tidak sihat ini dihentikan.

Oleh sebab itulah, ibu bapa perlu bertindak meneroka sebab anak berbohong dan perlu mencari jalan penyelesaian untuk memperbaiki tabiat buruk itu.

Mungkin ramai yang tidak tahu berbohong juga adalah petanda awal kepada masalah yang lebih serius.

Berbohong cara kompulsif biasanya dikaitkan dengan penderitaan anak ekoran gangguan masalah sosial pada peringkat awal. Khasnya akibat penyakit Gangguan Hiperaktif dan Kurang Daya Tumpuan (ADHD) dan gangguan perilaku.

Dalam sesetengah kes, tabiat berbohong secara kompulsif turut disertakan dengan masalah kelakuan yang lain. Ini termasuk mencuri, ponteng sekolah, bersikap ganas, agresif dan kemahiran bersosial yang lemah.

Masalah seperti ini biasanya bercambah daripada rasa tidak selesa dalam situasi bersosial, bertindak secara spontan dan tidak menumpukan perhatian.

Apabila berlaku situasi seperti ini, penglibatan pakar-pakar kaunseling misalnya, amat penting untuk membantu kanak-kanak ini. Kaunselor-kaunselor dapat menolong melengkapkan ibu bapa dengan gaya mendidik serta pemahaman terhadap anak yang lebih spesifik.

Mengapa berbohong?

Terdapat beberapa sebab mengapa kanak-kanak bercakap bohong secara kompulsif.

Takut

Perasaan takut adalah pendorong biasa untuk seseorang memberanikan diri berbohong. Takut dimarahi ibu atau takut kebebasan yang diberikan akan dirampas. Ketakutan yang rasional atau tidak juga boleh memberi kesan pembohongan serupa. Sebab apa yang diimpikan oleh anak hanyalah 'perlindungan' sementara daripada hukuman.

Namun, terdapat dua perkara penting di sini. Pertama, anak yang berbohong besar kemungkinannya tahu mereka telah melakukan sesuatu kesalahan. Kedua, ibu bapa perlu menerima pembohongan itu kerana anak sememangnya takut berdepan dengan reaksi mereka.

Tidak hairanlah apabila teriakan bertalu-talu, sikap pemarah dan ibu bapa yang terlalu melindungi anak membuatkan mereka ketakutan. Memberi peluang untuk berkompromi dan mendengar sebelum menyalahkan anak membolehkan komunikasi dua hala berlangsung.

Tabiat

Kata orang, semakin kerap kita mempraktikkan sesuatu, semakin mudahlah ia bertukar menjadi satu tabiat. Begitu juga dengan bercakap bohong. Pembohongan berulang biasanya diperkukuhkan dengan pendekatan yang agresif. Salah satu kaedah paling efektif untuk menyelesaikan pembohongan berkala adalah memberi peluang kepada anak untuk menarik balik kata-kata bohong itu. Ini harus dilakukan tanpa rasa takut akan akibat yang bakal dihadapinya.

Meniru

Sebahagian besar anak 'terpanggil' untuk berbohong setelah melihat orang lain melakukannya. Dilema yang dihadapi oleh ibu bapa adalah mampukah mereka melindungi anak daripada berbohong. Seandainya sukar untuk ibu bapa mengawal anak daripada meniru pembohongan di luar rumah, maka buangkanlah tabiat berbohong anda terlebih dahulu. Lebih berkesan jika mereka tidak meniru tabiat berbohong di rumah dan menjadikannya tabiat.

Perlukah saya menghukum?

PERASAAN takut adalah pendorong biasa untuk seseorang memberanikan diri berbohong.

Terdapat beberapa perkara yang perlu ibu bapa pertimbangkan sebelum menjatuhkan hukuman ke atas kesalahan anak.

1. Hukuman sememangnya direka untuk mengurangkan perilaku yang teruk. Masalahnya, hukuman tanpa kasih sayang dan arahan yang betul adalah sia-sia. Dalam sesetengah situasi, hukuman pula menyumbang kepada tindakan melampau dan penderaan.

2. Menghukum anak atas pembohongan yang berobjektifkan ketakutan atau akibat meniru bukan satu kaedah efektif dalam jangka masa panjang. Sebaliknya, mengenal pasti punca masalah adalah lebih praktikal berbanding berdepan dengan simptom-simptomnya.

3. Hukuman patut dijadikan pilihan terakhir dan bukan dilakukan mengikut emosi. Penggunaan bahasa dan pendekatan yang lebih lembut biasanya lebih berkesan. Beritahu anak dalam nada rendah seperti, "Tahu tak, mak dan ayah rasa kecewa apabila Atan berbohong?"

Yang penting, ketahuilah niat setiap ibu bapa adalah untuk melihat anak bercakap benar. Justeru, gunakanlah pendekatan yang lebih baik agar anak belajar daripada kesilapannya.

7 best part-time jobs

2009-03-06T13:14:00.001+08:00

The common perception is that part-time jobs have less to offer than full-time positions.

That may be true in terms of hours in the work week, but many part-time jobs pay just as well as a traditional 40-hour week ones and a number of positions come with health insurance coverage, paid vacation days and employee discounts.

Here is our list of some of the best part-time jobs:

1. Tax Preparer
Thousands of people need help every year to file their returns. Part-time tax preparers are often accountants who know their way around deductions and forms, and who want extra income. Though the job typically peaks in the spring, many clients choose to retain their tax professional as a year-round personal accountant and adviser.
Salary: Set your own fee. H&R Block typically charges anywhere from $100 to $200 for their services, so you can probably charge up to $80 and still offer a bargain.

2. Substitute Teacher
Many states offer substitute teaching positions without requiring a teaching degree. Often, anyone with a bachelor’s degree is eligible, provided they pass a background check and interview. The length of employment varies and you should be flexible for days when you get a frantic last-minute call at 6 a.m., but it’s a good way to put your education to use while aiding in the education of others.
Salary: Varies depending on the state. In Oregon, for example, substitutes get about $150 a day.

3. Private Tutor
Jeremiah LeBrash started tutoring in college as a way to make some extra income. He’s now making enough money for it to be his full-time job. “I started out teaching SAT prep for Kaplan, but I was only making $20 an hour,” he says. “I realized I could do it on my own, give my students one-on-one attention, and charge twice as much.” LeBrash now charges $80 an hour for test preparation and $60 for general math and science help.
Salary: Companies like Kaplan and The Princeton Review pay tutors anywhere from $20 to $60 an hour, depending on the test they teach and the size of the class. Private tutors, like LeBrash, can set their own fee.

4. Part-Time Receptionist
Answering telephones and receiving packages may not be the most glamorous job, but according to career counselor Judith Gerberg, it’s a great opportunity to network. Gerberg, president of the Career Counselors Consortium, knew a laid off radio DJ who ended up working as a receptionist for a law firm. She soon became acquainted with a filmmaker client who loved her music knowledge so much, he hired her as an associate producer. “Lawyers and small businesses always need administrative help,” says Gerberg. “You might be making minimum wage, but keep your ego under wraps. You never know who will walk through the door.”
Salary: Varies, but can be in the $20,000-a-year range.

5. Computer Technician
Gerberg says there is an increased need for tech support, as more people move their businesses home. Computer technicians make basic repairs, set up wi-fi and perform other jobs. Companies are also looking for individuals who can build websites, which makes this a no-brainer for anyone with a little creativity and HTML experience.
Salary: Set your own fee. Tech support rates vary according to the job, rates can be around $30 an hour or more.

6. Copy Editor
“Copy editing is proofreading,” says Rachel Goldman, who took her skills honed in her day job as an online news producer and used them to score part-time work as well. In addition to checking texts for spelling, punctuation, grammar and formatting errors, "I also help the person brainstorm and flesh out their work,” says Goldman. Although she started out editing essays for college students, Goldman is now working on documents such as patent applications and television scripts as well.
Salary: Goldman’s fees vary based on length and subject matter, but she estimates that she makes about $100 per document.

7. Direct Seller
Companies such as Amway and Avon allow people to make money on their own time, while offering incentive programs like discounted insurance. And while the recession may have curbed consumer spending, Avon recently reported earnings that were above expectations. “Our products are selling well because it’s affordable luxury,” says Lindsay Blaker, an Avon spokesperson.
Salary: Blaker says she’s seen reps make anywhere from a few hundred dollars a month to six-figure annual salaries. “I met someone who went from a corporate setting to becoming a full-time seller because she was making just as much money staying at home,” she says. “People love the flexibility of the job."

Words to Avoid in Your Resume

2009-03-03T20:38:00.001+08:00

Most resume-writing guides focus on "power words" -- words that promise to grab the attention of recruiters as they scan hundreds of resumes -- but few tell you what words to avoid in your resume.

Below is a list of words and word types that your resume would be better without.

Abbreviations and Acronyms

AFPCA, CHIGFET, FIPL, MRSRM, ZWE: Looks like a fresh game of Scrabble, doesn't it?

Too many abbreviations and acronyms in a resume make it unreadable.

As a rule, avoid using abbreviations and acronyms unless they are commonly recognized. If you work in an acronym-heavy industry, such as technology, use acronyms sparingly.

Personal Pronouns

It seems odd to avoid personal pronouns (I, me, my) in your resume -- a document that is all about you.

But, it actually does make sense.

Since your resume is all about you, the addition of "I" or "me" is redundant. Since a resume should contain no unnecessary words, there is no place for the personal pronoun. Your resume, after all, is not a memoir but a concise summary of your skills and experience.

Negative Words

These words spell death for a resume.

Words like "arrested," "boring," "fired," "hate" and "sexist" catch a recruiter's eye like to a two-ton magnet catches a paper clip.

If there are difficult issues you want to raise, save them for the interview.

Keep These Words to a Minimum

There are other words that are sometimes necessary in a resume, but that should nevertheless be kept to a minimum.

Among these:

* Abused words: a, also, an, because, the, very

* Any word you can't define: You may think using these words make you sound smart, but if you use them incorrectly they could kill your chances of landing the job.

* Words that can be embarrassing if spelled wrong: assess, skills

6 Soft Skills That Could Land You the Job

2009-03-03T20:34:00.000+08:00

WANTED: Payroll Manager with BA in accounting, five years of management experience, extensive knowledge of payroll principles, and a sense of humor.

Wait. Humor? Now you have to reconcile W2s, process checks, and crack up coworkers? Has the job market become that competitive?

Not exactly. Employers seem to demand the moon these days, but they're really looking for candidates who may be easier to work with (assuming they already have the core skills to do the job). That means "soft," or intangible qualities, such as leadership, sense of humor, or "playing well with others," can be a strong competitive advantage for the job seeker. When a search comes down to two systems analysts with similar backgrounds and core competencies, the one who also may be a better "team player," or can "wear many hats," is more likely to get the nod.

Qualities You'll Need

"Today, employers want to see a candidate's ability to show value in the workplace beyond the job description," Stefanie Cross-Wilson, co-president of recruitment and talent management at Hudson, tells Yahoo! HotJobs. "It's the tangible skills or core competencies that get you in the door. It's the soft skills that often get you the job."

Any of these six qualities could give you a competitive edge:

Leadership/Team Building. Leadership skills are not only critical for supervisory positions, but also for candidates who may want rise to positions where they'll give directions to others, experts say.

Team Player. Employers like people who play well with others. Even if the job you seek isn't officially part of a team, an employer may want examples of how you collaborated with people who don't report to you.

Goal-Oriented Self-Starter. This doesn't necessarily require motivating others. While employers don't necessarily want loose canons or mavericks, they do appreciate people who don't need to be told what to do and can set their own tasks and follow through.

Excellent Communicator. No matter what the core job duties are, the ability to write a coherent memo or email, give clear verbal instructions, and help meetings run smoothly -- or, at least, not sabotage meetings -- will probably be needed.

Flexibility/Multi-Tasking Ability. Sometimes employers will call this the "ability to wear many hats." Most professionals have multiple job duties even in the best of times. In an environment rife with layoffs, managers are especially comforted knowing a candidate can take on even unanticipated tasks.

Sense of Humor. Unless you're applying to Comedy Central, you don't have to make them double up laughing, according to John McKee, president and founder of BusinessSuccessCoach.net and author of "Career Wisdom."

"While I don't hear recruiters asking for candidates who can tell a joke well, I do believe that evidence of light-heartedness and/or the ability to lighten up a tough situation is valued, and self deprecation seems to be well-received," McKee says.

Putting the Skills in Play

Other common soft skills demanded on job listings include "time management" (you can get everything done on time), "strong work ethic" (you're not inclined to take three-hour lunches), and "problem solver."

Though you might be able to hint at any of these qualities on your resume, it's really in an interview where you let the skills shine. "At interview time, most hiring managers are digging deeper into core skills, but also evaluating soft skills, which depend on what is necessary for the position," says Lindsay Olson, partner and recruiter at Paradigm Staffing.

You don't have all of these soft skills? Don't worry. Even in today's job market, it's not necessary to be super-human. Cross-Wilson says: "Employers don't expect you to be brilliant at everything. In the interview you can be honest if there is a weakness you have. If you are able to be relaxed and be yourself, they'll see you as authentic."

Build Mini-Stories

Olson suggested that job seekers build "mini-stories" around the soft skills they think would be valuable for the job and share them at the interview. "You should prepare specific examples of how you dealt with a specific task or issue that will help others understand you have skills to solve their problems too."

What if you don't think you have the necessary soft skills to land the job? It's not like you can take a class to boost your sense of humor, but you can ask a mentor or a friend for help in improving, for example, your email etiquette. Many soft skills can be built or improved on the job, experts say. Consider volunteering for more responsibility, or jump at the chance to be on a team, so that you'll have anecdotes to tell on your next interview.

The 10 Biggest Interview Killers

2009-03-02T23:13:00.002+08:00

When you're on a romantic dinner date, you try to avoid "mood killers" -- talking with a mouth full of food, cursing an ex-lover, or complaining about a foot ailment. During a job interview, you have to avoid similar spoilers if you want to make a good impression.

Here are 10 of the most common "advantage killers" and how you can steer clear of them during your next job interview.

1. Not knowing your aim. Too often candidates think their purpose in an interview is simply to ask for a job. Your goals are to demonstrate how you are a good fit for the organization, and to assess whether the job is really right for you.

2. Being too needy. Neediness is probably the No. 1 advantage-killer in an interview. Remind yourself before walking in the door: you do not need this job. You do need food, you do need air, and you do need water. Keep things in perspective.

3. Lousy nonverbal communication. This is about demonstrating confidence. Your first impression makes the difference. When you enter the interview room, stand up straight, make eye contact, and offer a strong handshake with your interviewer. If necessary, jot their name on your notepad as soon as you seat yourself. Do the same for any other individual you are meeting with.

4. Compromising your position. You should always participate in the interview as an equal, not a subordinate, of the person conducting the interview. Often this is a subtle matter of self-perception, so remind yourself before the interview.

5. Falling into the answers-only rut. An interview is a conversation. Don't just answer their questions. That's why you've prepared stories to highlight your accomplishments, which will be your moments to shine. When you do answer any questions, make sure that you answer immediately and follow up with a question of your own, if at all possible.

6. Rambling. Telling your interviewer more than they need to know could be fatal. Your stories should be 60 to 90 seconds long and they should have a relevant point. Focus, focus, focus. Stick with your rehearsed stories, your research, and the questions you need to ask. Don't fill up the silence with unnecessary talk.

7. Being overly familiar. A good interviewer will be skilled enough to put you at ease within the first 10 minutes of the interview. That doesn't mean that they have become your best friend. Don't let your guard down. You're there to interview them and get answers to your questions. Treat this from start to finish as the professional business meeting that it is.

8. Making incorrect assumptions. Points are not deducted at the interview for asking questions when you don't understand something. Don't guess at what your interviewer means. Effective interviewing is all about collecting information in real time, taking good notes, and responding only to the actual facts you've collected. If you find yourself making assumptions or guessing about something that was said, stop and ask for clarification before you answer.

9. Getting emotional. At times the interviewer may hit a nerve or consciously try to provoke you into an "outburst." Don't fall for it. Clear your mind of any fears or expectations, so you can maintain a calm, open-minded perspective at all times. When emotions enter into an interview, failure follows.

10. Not asking specific questions. You want to find out more about what this job is really about and whether you want it. Arrive with a list of several prepared questions about the company, the position, and the people who work there. Ask questions that begin with "what," "how," and "why." Avoid simple yes/no questions. Get your interviewer talking as much as possible, then take notes. Most interviewers are unimpressed by someone who has no questions.

Two Words To Boost Your Career: Thank You

2009-03-02T23:09:00.002+08:00

Beginning with the "thank you" for your first job interview and ending with the "thank you" for your retirement party, your career can benefit enormously from simple notes of gratitude written along the way. Frequent, well-written thank-you notes can foster professional success in unimaginable ways, and they are especially important after a job interview.

The Mechanics

Thank-you notes should be printed on letterhead stationery or personal-business stationery, or -- for a little warmer tone -- handwritten on fold-over note cards. You can simplify the process by sending an email thank-you message (more on this later), which is not as distinctive as a handwritten note but far better than no message at all.

As you're writing, don't worry about being creative or clever or profound. People are so charmed to receive thank-you notes at all that they are seldom very critical. "Thank you very much" are words that everyone likes to read.

After the Job Interview

An essential job-seeking technique as well as a gesture of courtesy is to thank the people who interview you. Write a note immediately after the interview and before a decision has been made.

1. State what you liked about the interview, the company, and the position.
2. Emphasize briefly and specifically your suitability for the job.
3. Address concerns about your qualifications that came up during the interview.
4. Mention any issue that you didn't have the opportunity to discuss. But primarily say thanks.
5. If you felt you had a particularly friendly interview, you might close with a sentence or two referring to something you talked about unrelated to the interview (like sports, common interests, or family).

Keep in mind that several people spent time setting up the appointment, doing the paperwork, interviewing you, and doing the paperwork again. They'll appreciate a little recognition.

A few letter-writing experts dislike the "thanks again" that concludes so many thank-you letters and notes. However, it is a popular and benign way of reminding the reader of the purpose of your note. If you like it, use it.

A Sample Note

A sample thank-you note for a job interview might look like this:
I enjoyed this morning's discussion of the research position you want to fill. I was pleased to know that my advanced degree is definitely an asset, and I was impressed by the team spirit among the other employees I met. Thanks so much for your time and for the congenial interview.

Other Factors To Consider

You can email your thanks, but in most cases, it's not as impressive. The point of a thank-you note is that it is personal and somewhat formal. However, if the company you're interviewing with tends to do business by email and if most of your contacts have been through email, then it's definitely the way to go.

Once you're hired, you'll want to send thank-you notes -- or notes of appreciation, which is almost the same thing -- to the interviewers, your new boss, and anyone else you dealt with throughout the interview process. Saying thanks is one of the least expensive, easiest strategies in creating a favorable environment for yourself wherever you go.

10 Ways to Ruin a Job Interview

2009-03-02T23:04:00.002+08:00

The great thing about a job interview is the way that it narrows the field. If you can get in front of the people making a hiring decision, that means that you've already moved from a group of perhaps 100 resumes to a field of just a few serious contenders. At that point, your chance of getting a job offer improves dramatically.

Of course, having surmounted that huge hurdle, the last thing you want to do is blow it. To that end, here are 10 job-interview gaffes to avoid.

1. Complaining about the parking or directions.
Don't think it doesn't happen! As cordial and happy-go-lucky as your interviewers may seem, they don't want to hear a job-seeker complain that the place was hard to find or that the parking is inconvenient. The best (that is, the worst) example of this I ever experienced as an HR person came from the candidate who said, "Seven handicapped parking spaces next to the front door? What, are you having a wheelchair convention or something?" That was a short interview.

2. Bad-mouthing your previous job, manager, or company.
If you've been laid off or suffered some other unpleasant experience at your last job, it's easy to launch into a litany of everything the old employer did wrong. Don't do it! The interviewer is bound to wonder "Will this person be bashing me behind my back on some future interview, too?" Zip it.

3. Digging into details off the bat.
The typical selection process allows plenty of time for you to learn everything you need to know about the company's dental plan, its tuition-reimbursement policy, and the size of your cubicle. Don't ask about any of these items on a first interview, when you should be focusing the conversation on the role and the organization.

4. Groveling.
Employers want to hire people who can do the jobs and who are enthusiastic about the work. What's not so appealing is the candidate whose every word and gesture conveys the message, "Hire me, I beg you!" Joblessness is no fun, but you don't help your chances of getting the nod by presenting yourself as a candidate whose most notable attribute is desperation.

5. Answering a question before you understand it.
The absolute worst answer to any interview question is the response that shows you weren't really listening. When an interviewer asks a question that requires thought, like, "Tell me about a time when you had to convince a team of people to change gears," you don't want to blurt out, "Oh, I've done that a million times!" Any "tell me about a time when" question is a question that the interviewer has chosen to elicit a specific problem/solution story from you. Take the time to think through the question and compose a thoughtful answer. A few minutes of silence in the room won't kill anybody.

6. Spacing out.
Any interviewer worth her salt will be able tell when you've zoned out. If you're wondering whether the 5:40 train will get you home in time to watch the playoff game, the interviewer will spot it in your eyes. If you're really out of it, he may throw you a curve ball like, "So, who would you say was the most effective member of Teddy Roosevelt's cabinet, and why?" Stay in the room, with your eyes either meeting the interviewer's or looking thoughtfully at the ceiling. Or your shoes.

7. Slouching.
We'll throw in tipping the chair back off its front legs, resting your head on your hand, and lacing your fingers together behind your head.

8. Cursing.
Interviewers love to put job candidates at ease. When you reach the state of ease that lets an "f-bomb" escape your lips, you've gone too far.

9. "Opening the kimono."
It's tempting to share with a sympathetic interviewer the news that this job search has been really hard, that you're not getting callbacks, and that you've already sent out 150 resumes. Don't do it. Smart job candidates put out a vibe that says, "I'm glad to be here with you and this job might be fun, but I'm a capable person who's aware of his value on the job market."

10. Doing anything disgusting.
The long list of personal gross factors includes picking one's teeth or nose, spitting, and other unmentionables that are best left to the imagination. Any of these is a sure-fire interview-killer (and can we really blame the employer for that?). One candidate asked me for a cup of water, took a sip, swished it around in his mouth, and spat into a potted plant. Niiiiiice!

Careers: Keeping Yourself Marketable During Hard Times

2009-03-01T20:05:00.002+08:00

Most career counselors emphasize the need to keep your job skills fresh in the best of times, let alone during a slump in the economy. Technology and "best practices" in all professions are constantly evolving and even the more experienced workers can find themselves trumped by recent graduates who have a better handle on skills that improve the bottom line. If you're wondering how best to remain competitive in the workplace, consider bolstering your training now.

The advantage of online degree programs is that you can keep your job during rocky times and prepare for advancement or a new career while maintaining your earnings. If you're among the recently unemployed, taking a job to make ends meet while you re-tool for new, more promising professions can provide a distinct advantage.

Job expert Robb Sutton suggests that you make yourself "unfireable" by becoming increasingly diversified in your skill sets. That may mean enrolling in online career training in computer software, management theory, accounting, marketing, healthcare technologies, or by completing additional IT certifications. No matter your field, you'll always strengthen your prospects by mastering general workplace competency in communication, research and planning, organization, and human relations.

Here are some suggested associate, bachelor's, master's degree or career training programs--all available in-part or fully online--that can propel you toward the front of the hiring line:

Paralegal Studies

If you already have strong office skills, and interest in the law, and want to boost your administrative assistant or secretarial earnings, consider enrolling in a paralegal studies degree program. They're available at the associate, bachelor's and master's degree level and earnings--according to The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS)--are topping out above the $70,000-a-year range. Oh, and job openings for paralegals are predicted to rise by 22 percent during the 2006-2016 decade.

Education Administration Degree

While many teachers have job stability, it's not always certain that their school districts will have sufficient operating funds during hard times for routine raises. Education administrators earn more, but you'll need training beyond your bachelor's degree and post-graduate certificate to move into district administration or principal roles. Sign up for a flexible online master's degree program in education administration while you're still teaching. The median 2007 annual wage for elementary and secondary administrators was $80,580.

Web Developer Training

You may be an accomplished Web designer, knowing your way around hand-coded HTML pages, and may even have a keen eye for photo-image software. But it's getting so that high school seniors can write code in their sleep. To remain atop the profession, you should consider additional training beyond an associate or bachelor's degree for work as a senior Web developer. That means gaining new skills in Java, PHP/PERL, MySQL, ColdFusion, Virtual Basic, and other essential programs for use on deploying sites on Windows, Apache, and Linux platforms. There are plenty of online training programs to boost your skills and earning power. Senior Web developers were expected to earn to salaries of $108,250 in 2008.

Accounting Degree

Don't wince. An accounting degree or accounting training can increase the bandwidth of most any job qualification. Whether you have a degree or experience in business, sales, marketing, healthcare, manufacturing, or non-profit sectors, knowing how to do forecasts, crunch numbers, handle taxes, or coordinate tabulations using data-management tools, spreadsheet software, or more sophisticated forecast programs can brighten your prospects. You can pursue associate or bachelor's degrees in accounting online, too. If you're already an auditor, consider training for a certified public accountant designation to really enhance your chances. Top earnings for accountants in 2007 surpassed $98,000.

Bachelor's Degree in Nursing

Whether you're just considering nursing training or already hold an associate's degree, heading back to school for a bachelor's degree can broaden your professional appeal. RN to BSN programs abound online. The additional training offers development of nursing skill sets in more diverse clinical populations and settings than do associate programs, and you can gain additional abilities in management and teaching. According to the American Association of Colleges of Nursing, fast-track baccalaureate programs for those already holding degrees take between 11 and 18 months to complete.

Master's degree programs in nursing take three years to complete and can prepare you for greater responsibilities--and earnings--as a Clinical Nurse Specialist, Certified Registered Nurse Anesthetist, Nurse Practitioner, or Certified Nurse-Midwife.

Gesturing babies are smarter

2009-02-27T22:43:00.000+08:00

BABIES who use many gestures to communicate when they are 14 months old have much larger vocabularies when they start school than those who don't, US researchers said.

They said babies with wealthier, better-educated parents tend to gesture more and this may help explain why some children from low-income families fare less well in school.

"When children enter school, there is a large socio-economic gap in their vocabularies," said the University of Chicago's Meredith Rowe, whose study appears in the journal Science.

Gestures could help explain the difference, Rowe told the American Association for the Advancement of Science annual meeting in Chicago.

Vocabulary is a key predictor of school success. Earlier research showed that well-off, educated parents tend to talk to their children more than their poorer, less-educated peers.

"What we are doing here is going one step earlier and asking, does this socio-economic status relate to gesture, and can that explain some of the gap we see at school entry," Rowe said.

The researchers filmed 50 Chicago-area children and parents from diverse economic backgrounds and counted the number of gestures, such as pointing at a picture.

The team found that 14-month-olds from high-income, well-educated families used gesture to convey an average of 24 different meanings during each 90-minute session, compared with 13 meanings conveyed by children from lower-income families.

When the same children entered school at age four and a half, those from higher-income families had better vocabulary scores on standardised tests.

"At 14 months, an age when there aren’t even socio-economic differences in their talk yet, we see there are differences in their gestures," Rowe said.

The videos revealed that the wealthier parents gestured more with their children than the other parents.

Rowe said the findings suggest that gestures can at least partly explain vocabulary differences between the groups, and may prove useful as the basis for interventions.

"Can we manipulate how much parents and children gesture, and if so, will it increase their vocabulary?" Rowe said.

How to Read Body Language

2009-02-16T12:29:00.004+08:00

Understanding body language is a skill that can enhance your life. You can know what a person thinks and feels by examining their subconscious body language. This article will help hone this social advantage you can gain over people in your life. You must watch from head to toe to see their actions.

Steps

1. Gauge how close someone is to you.

The closer they are, the warmer their opinions are of you. The farther away that someone is, the less they care. It is worth noting that personal space is culturally fluid; be aware that what is considered close in one country is far away in another.

2. Watch their head position.

* Overly tilted heads are a potential sign of sympathy. Alternatively, the person is trying to convince you of their honesty.
* Lowered heads indicate a reason to hide something. Take note if someone lowers their head. If it is when he is complimented, he may be shy, ashamed, timid, keeping distance from the other person, in disbelief, or thinking to himself. If it is after an explanation, then he may be unsure if what he said was correct.
o It should be noted that some cultures see this as a sign of respect.
* Cocked heads mean that they are confused or challenging you, depending on eye, eyebrow, and mouth gestures.

3. Look into their eyes.

* Liars will consecutively look at you and look away a number of times. You can actually learn specifically how to observe behavior to judge whether someone is lying.
* People who look away while supposedly listening to you are thinking about something else. This is why when you are talking to a group of people, if an item in conversation strikes the one looking away, they will ask for you to repeat the story.
* Some cultures believe that looking at someone in the eyes is a sign of disrespect.
* Auditory learners may look from side-to-side and repeat phrases in an effort to retain information.

4. See if they're mirroring you.

Mirroring is another common gesture. If someone mirrors, or mimics your appearance, this is a very genuine sign that they are interested in you.

5. Check their arms.

* People with crossed arms are closing themselves to social influence. The worst thing that you can do to people with crossed arms is to challenge them in one way or another, no matter how they react. This annoys them. Though some people just cross their arms as a habit, it may indicate that the person is (slightly) reserved, uncomfortable with their weight (therefor trying to hide it), or just trying to hide something on their shirt.
* If someone rests their arms behind their neck, they are open to what is being discussed and interested in listening more. They may be waiting to state their opinion on the matter.
* Look at the location of their hands. If their hands are in their pockets, then they are more relaxed and are more likely to be attracted to you.

6. Be aware of nervous gestures:

* If someone brushes their hair back with their fingers, their thoughts about something conflict with yours. They might not voice this. If you see raised eyebrows during this time, you can be pretty sure that they disagree with you.
* If the person wears glasses, and is constantly pushing them up onto their nose again, with a slight frown, that may also indicate they disagree with what you are saying. Look to make sure they push up their glasses with an intent, not casually adjusting them. Look for pushing on the rim with two fingers, or an extra motion of wiggling the side of their glasses. The frown or raised eyebrows should tip you off.
* If they are playing or fiddling with their hair (a girl may twirl a lock of her tresses around a finger), they are feeling self-conscious and possibly uncomfortable.
* If someone is biting their lip, they are anticipating something.
* Lowered eyebrows and squinted eyes illustrate an attempt at understanding what is being said or going on. It's usually skeptical. (Or maybe they have a problem seeing things e.g. short-sightedness, astigmatism...)

7. Watch their feet:

* A fast tapping, shifting of weight, or movement of the foot will most often mean that the person is excited, nervous, scared, or intimidated.
* Slowly shifting weight usually means that someone is distracted, uncomfortable, or bored.

8. The eyes play a very important part:

* Dilated pupils mean that the person is interested. Keep in mind, however, that alcohol causes pupils to dilate, as does cocaine, amphetamines, MDMA and LSD. Don't mistake having a few drinks for attraction.
* Looking to the side means that the person feels guilty.

Tips

* It's easy to spot a confident person; they will make prolonged eye contact and have a strong posture.
* If people laugh excessively, it may be dishonest, or they just might be very naturally jovial, or just happy. Use your best judgment. Some people laugh out of nervousness.
* Don't isolate yourself by constantly examining body language when interacting with people. Otherwise, there is no reason to gain a social upper hand anyway. This is paralysis by analysis.
* Watch the face, it will usually give off a quick involuntary and sometimes subconscious twitch when something happens that irritates, excites, or amuses them.
* Mimicking your actions means that the person is comfortable around you.

Warnings

* Unfortunately, there are always exceptions. Some people's body language cues are not a representation of how they feel. This is where your instincts must decide.
* There are wide cultural differences, so body language will differ in other countries.
* Some people know how to control their body and are able to project false, misleading signs, such as thieves, actors, or other good liars.

10 tough questions interviewers ask

2009-02-16T11:35:00.002+08:00

1. Tell me about yourself.
Restrict your answer to a minute or two. Cover your education and work history, and emphasise your recent career experience.

2. What do you know about us?
You should be able to discuss products or services, revenues, reputation, image, goals, problems, management style, people, history and philosophy. Show that you have done some research, but do not act as if you know everything about the place.

3. Why do you want to work for us?
You can say that your research has shown that the company is doing things you would like to be involved in, and that it is doing them in ways that greatly interest you.

4. What can you do for us that someone else can't?
Talk about your record of getting things done, and mention specifics from your resumé or list your career accomplishments. Say that your skills and interests, combined with a history of getting results, make you valuable. Mention your ability to set priorities, identify problems and use your experience and energy to solve them.

5. What do you expect to be doing in this role?
Think in terms of responsibilities and accountability. Make sure that you really do understand what the position involves. If you are not certain, ask the interviewer; he may answer the question for you.

6. How long would it take you to make a meaningful contribution?
Be realistic. Say that, while you would expect to pull your own weight from the first day, it might take six months to a year before you could expect to know the organisation and its needs well enough to make a major contribution.

7. Do you think you are over-qualified or too experienced?
Emphasise your interest in establishing a long-term association with the organisation, and say that you assume that if you perform well in this job, new opportunities will open up for you.

Mention that a strong company needs strong staff. Observe that experienced executives are always at a premium. Suggest that since you are so well-qualified, the employer will get a fast return on his investment.

8. What is your management style?
Possible styles include:

* Task-oriented: "I enjoy problem-solving, choosing a solution and implementing it";

* Results-oriented: "Every management decision I make is determined by how it will affect the bottom line";

* Paternalistic: "I'm committed to taking care of my subordinates and pointing them in the right direction."

* Participative: "I prefer an open-door method of managing, and getting things done by motivating people and delegating responsibility.

9. Why are you leaving (did you leave) your present (last) job?
Be brief and as honest as you can without hurting yourself. If you were laid off in an across-the-board cutback, say so; otherwise, indicate that the move was your decision. Do not mention personality conflicts.

10. What do you think of your boss?
Be as positive as you can. A potential boss is likely to wonder if you might talk about him in similar terms at some point in the future.

When you are well-prepared to field tough questions, you will not only give thoughtful answers but will seem calm and self-assured - qualities that the interviewer will give you extra points for.

There is life after retrenchment

2009-02-16T11:29:00.002+08:00

WITH the current financial crisis, there are many reasons why companies are retrenching employees if they cannot be redeployed.

Companies are freezing wages and hiring. Some are re-locating to other countries with lower costs. Others may wind up their operations totally. What if you are caught in the crossfire and made redundant?

Here are some tips to cope better if you are laid off during this financial crisis.

1. Reframe your beliefs
First, accept the fact that your services are not required by your current employer. It is natural to feel shocked and angered by this, but sooner or later, you will have to move on.

You are afraid to step out of your comfort zone to experience new growth. You are not alone. Many people don't bother to stretch themselves. They remain somewhat contented in this zone as they are complacent, safe and sound.

Your comfort zone is dictated by change. The harder you fight change and resist its force, the more difficult it is to break through and move forward.

Begin with embracing small changes incrementally and adapting to the new environment. Then you can move on. A tree grows a small bit at a time, adding layers to its foundation for greater strength and stability in the future. Be like the tree and grow daily.

Technology and ways of doing business are evolving every day. Sooner or later, you will be left behind if you do not act. Playing it safe is usually not an option. You must continue to learn or risk falling behind.

2. Work in a different industry
If your current industry is described as being in its sunset phase, it is probably not a wise choice to stay in it. You may want to consider a career in another industry. Although your salary package might be reduced, at least you are still engaged in the workforce. Alternatively, you can take on a part-time job. This will help to easy your current cash-flow problems and give you more time to decide what you want your next job to be.

3. Upgrade your skills
Enrol for courses to upgrade your skills. It is never too late to improve. Business writing, communication, resumé writing and presentation courses boost your soft skills and directly impact your chances of finding a job. Next, decide which technical skills you need to work on to make yourself more employable.

4. Network
Don't sit in front of the computer or stay at home for too long. Participate in a variety of networking events to broaden your knowledge and build up your circle of contacts. You will be able to find people with common interests. Networking also provides fresh information about new openings and other career opportunities.

5. Work on your resumé
If you have worked at the same company for a long time, your resumé will be outdated. You may want advice from a professional resumé writer or attend courses on how to create an impressive resumé.

6. Update your image
It's not enough to be smart: You have to look smart too. Read up on how to present a professional and well-groomed image to boost your job search. You can even invest in the services of an image consultant if you think you need a dramatic overhaul. When you feel good about yourself, you will appear confident and make a good impression on your interviewers.

Teens at work

2009-01-29T16:47:00.001+08:00

AS the parent of a teenager, you have many decisions to make every day, ranging from approving their clothes and hairstyles to boyfriends and girlfriends.

If your child wants a part-time job, however, the decision is easy – let him/her take it.

Part-time jobs are great for teenagers as they teach them responsibility, the value of hard work, and money management skills that they will learn nowhere else but the real world.

By allowing your teenager to find a part-time job, you’re stepping out of the way and letting the adult world teach him these skills.

Whether it’s mowing grass for the neighbours or flipping burgers at your local fast-food joint, a job is a classroom in and of itself, where your teen learns a variety of real-life lessons.

Learning these lessons will be a boon to them now and when they grow up.

» Be responsible

The key element of doing well at a job is showing up. If your teenager can manage that, consistently and on time, he’s ahead of the game.

People, who are frequently absent from work or are tardy, end up getting fired. Regular attendance will teach your teen the importance of responsibility.

He’ll also practise this skill as he works on the tasks required by the job – to do them consistently and accurately.

If your teen gets fired, you may be tempted to jump in and negotiate on his behalf. Don’t! Instead, help him to see where he fell short on the job and correct his mistakes, so that the problem doesn’t happen again.

By doing so, you’ll be teaching your teen even more about responsibility, although it may be a painful lesson to learn.

» Know value of hard work

Most part-time jobs require repetitive tasks or manual labour – neither of which is a lot of fun. In fact, the job may very well feel like ... well ... WORK!

This may be your teen’s first experience with hard work, so be sure to reiterate to him how valuable the experience is.

Take the time, however, to help your teenager find a job that suits his skills or interests, so that he won’t completely detest it. There’s value in finding meaningful work that you enjoy – help your teen to do so if possible.

» Money management skills

Now that your teenager has a part-time job, it may be time for him to start contributing a bit more to the household finances.

For example, you may have him pay his own cellphone bill, or contribute towards his petrol or car insurance bills.

Teach your teenager about money, savings, credit, and other financial subjects. He will need this information as he grows into adulthood, and it’s wise to use his own money to help him learn.

If he is of age, you may even consider opening a current or savings account in his name and teach him how to use it properly.

While it can be difficult at first to let your child work, remember that part of your job as a parent is to let go when necessary.

A part-time job is a great way to practise sending your young adult out into the world, while you’re still around to help him work through his mistakes.

40 Things You Can Learn About a Guy in 10 Minutes

2009-01-28T23:37:00.004+08:00

You don't have to date a guy for six months to get the lowdown on who he really is. With the right clues, you can size him up in 10 minutes. "A man's actions -- especially the ones you see in unguarded moments when he's not going out of his way to try to impress you (or doesn't realize you're watching) -- can speak volumes about his character and personality traits," says Rita Benasutti, PhD, a psychotherapist who specializes in couples' issues.

His Favorite Sport
"Solo sportsmen, like runners and swimmers, 1 savor their independence and relish spending a lot of time alone," says relationship-skills coach Steve Nakamoto, author of "Men Are Like Fish: What Every Woman Needs to Know About Catching a Man." Men who are fans of mainstream team sports, like football, basketball, and baseball, 2 tend to be competitive -- on the field and in all aspects of their life -- and they like to hang with their entourage. As for the guy who's just not into sports at all, 3 "he's an independent thinker, usually on the sensitive side."

How Long He's Been Hanging With His Friends
A guy who has been friends with the same posse since he was 10 years old can certainly claim 4 loyalty as one of his strong suits. But "you better like what you see, because he's probably not great with change," says dating coach Liz H. Kelly, author of "Smart Man Hunting." "And be patient, because it will take a while for you to win his trust." If your date has buddies from all areas of his life -- i.e., college, the gym, work -- don't be afraid to drag him to your cousin's wedding. 5 "He has no problem schmoozing strangers and adapts to new situations easily."

Credit vs. Cash
A guy who likes to flash his plastic 6 craves status. "He may be ambitious and confident. He'll reach his financial goals," says Rob Ronin, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist and registered financial consultant. "If he always pays in cash, 7 he's self-sufficient and independent," which might make him a difficult dude to corner. And if his wallet is dry? 8 Here's a guy who's dependent on others to take care of him.

His Bad Habits
Gambling men 9 are risk-takers, which can make them a lot of fun. "But their over-the-top optimism that they'll come out ahead makes it difficult for them to face reality," says Mitchell Parks, MD, assistant professor of psychiatry at Vanderbilt University, in Nashville. "Hard-core smokers 10 tend to be anxious," says Dr. Parks, so it can be hard to pin them down for couple-time. And if he's a boozer, 11 he could be hiding his insecurity behind his buzz.

His Communication Style
When your date opts to email you -- rather than call -- 12 he could be a hard nut to crack. "The fact that he chooses a communication method that allows him to edit what he says signals that he might not want to show his true self," says Jeff Bryson, PhD, professor of psychology at San Diego State University. An IM addict 13 craves your nonstop attention and needs that instant assurance that you're there for him. And the phone fan? 14 He might be a little old-fashioned and likes to do things by the book. But, according to Bryson, "he's not afraid of intimacy."

The Clothes You Wear That He Prefers
If your fave T-shirt and jeans or a cute little sundress do more for him than your slinky black number, 15 you're dating an earthy, laid-back guy who likes equally laid-back, low-maintenance chicks. A man who's wowed by a woman who likes to get dolled up in high-end designer duds 16 places a high priority on prestige. "He'll probably make a lot of money, but it also might play too important a role in his life," says Los Angeles clinical psychologist Nancy Irwin, PsyD. And a guy who wants a Carmen Electra-sensual girl on his arm 17 is looking for an ego boost. "He places a lot of value on being admired and envied."

How He Deals With Traffic
If he constantly weaves in and out of cars, tailgates slowpokes, and glares at other drivers, 18 "it's pretty clear that he has a problem with aggression," says Leon James, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Hawaii and author of "Road Rage and Aggressive Driving." While a forceful personality might take him far in the workplace, it could be difficult to deal with this argumentative guy in a relationship. If he's able to exude Zen-like calm when stuck in gridlock, 19 "he's likely to have more self-control."

What He Orders in a Restaurant
A meat-and-potatoes-type guy 20 is usually steady and dependable, says image coach Dianne Daniels, author of "Polish and Presence: 31 Days to a New Image." "But he's also a little unadventurous." If your date goes for exotic dishes, 21 "you're with someone who makes spontaneity a priority and could easily get bored with the status quo."

Neat Freak or Messy Man
A guy who puts his dirty socks in the hamper is one thing; a guy who color-codes them in his drawer is something else. 22 "This man is way too fastidious to have fun," explains Daniels, "and he'll expect you to be just as neat." A mildly messy man 23 is looser and more open-minded. But if the inside of his shower has never seen a scrub brush, 24 he may be immature or just plain lazy.

Favorite TV Shows
Take note if he parks himself in front of one sitcom after another. 25 "Here's a guy who uses humor to defuse stress," says TV producer Hedda Muskat, author of "Dating Confidential: A Single's Guide to a Fun, Flirtatious and Possibly Meaningful Social Life." This can be a good thing, because he won't hold a grudge against you or lose his cool. But it also might be hard to get into a serious conversation with him, which can be frustrating. "The more you try to discuss something important, the more evasive he will become," says Muskat. A couch sleuth who's fascinated by CSI-type shows, on the other hand, 26 is analytical and thoughtful. "He prides himself on his problem-solving abilities and will be there for you when you need support," says Muskat.

His Birth Order
"The oldest child 27 is usually a responsible, take-charge kind of guy," says Nancy Fagan, author of "Desirable Men." If your babe is the baby of his brood, 28 "he's likely to be creative and a little rebellious." As for a middle man: 29 "He's a sensitive soul who needs loads of attention."

How He Approaches PDAs
When you're out in public and he's all over you like a rash, 30 "he's either trying to show you off or marking his territory, both of which are signs of insecurity," says Nakamoto. A guy who's allergic to body contact in public is 31 unsure about his feelings for you or your feelings for him. "PDAs are statements of togetherness," says Nakamoto. "If he has doubts, he'll keep his distance physically."
Whether He Always Drives or Wants You To
"A guy who doesn't automatically assume driving rights 32 is likely to let you steer the relationship at least some of the time," says Kelly. A man who hogs the wheel -- even in your car -- 33 is sweetly old-fashioned at best and, at worst, could be a control freak.

The Guy's Grooming MO
A guy who checks out his reflection in every store window you pass is obviously vain. But, interestingly, 34 it's also a sign of a dude who's intent on succeeding. "Presentation is everything to this kind of man," says Sheenah Hankin, PhD, author of "Complete Confidence." "He sees it as a measure of his self-respect and success." 35 The low-key, less conceited guy might be less ambitious, "but he's easier to connect with emotionally because he's not as superficial," says Hankin. "What counts on the inside matters more to him."

If He Looks You in the Eye
"A man who doesn't make eye contact during conversation 36 may not be trustworthy," says speech coach Diane DiResta, author of "Knockout Presentations." "Meanwhile, if his eyes bore into yours as he's talking, 37 he might be trying to intimidate you." But a smoldering gaze -- you know what that looks like -- 38 means he's immensely fond of you.

His Speaking Style
If your man moves his mouth a mile a minute, 39 you're with a spontaneous, high-energy guy who may be a little too self-absorbed. "Fast talkers get so wrapped up in making a good impression that they don't pay attention to their audience," says DiResta. Slow talkers 40 typically play it safe. "The way they deliberate every word before it comes out of their mouth is indicative of how they approach life: They look before they leap." So although you shouldn't expect a lot of surprises, at least you'll know he means what he says.

Things You'll Only Learn With Time
Your speedy profiling skills won't reveal these tidbits from psychotherapist Katherine Woodward Thomas, author of "Calling in 'The One'."
How loyal he'll be: Wait and see if you're shown the same allegiance as his buds are.
If he's a man of his word: Will he really keep those promises he made to you early on?
His little quirks: Time reveals the small details that really make a person tick.
If his parents' split haunts him: His broken home may have issued him some big-time emotional baggage.

10 Pitfalls to Avoid When Asking for a Raise

2009-01-25T12:54:00.000+08:00

When you're ready to ask for a raise or promotion, here are 10 major pitfalls to steer clear of, according to Camp.

1. Avoid telling your employer you hope she'll say yes.
Instead: Start by inviting your boss to say no. Tell her you're comfortable with a no answer and you want her to be comfortable to say no. This puts her at ease and clears the air.

2. Avoid being emotional.
Instead: Turn your mind into a blank slate. Have no expectations, hopes or fears. Above all, overcome all neediness, the No.1 deal-killer. Not needing this raise or promotion gives you power.

3. Avoid going into the meeting unprepared.
Instead: Research what people in your position get paid. Find out what obstacles stand in your way. Has the company just fired employees? Is there new management in the wings? Know all the issues that might keep your boss from giving you a raise. State each problem clearly and ask your boss how these problems might be solved.

4. Avoid trying to impress your boss.
Instead: Let her feel completely at ease with you, and perhaps even a little superior. Never dress to impress, brag or be pretentious.

5. Avoid giving a presentation.
Instead: Talk as little as possible. Ask your employer a lot of questions so you can find out her position, issues, concerns, needs and objectives.

6. Avoid asking yes or no questions.
Instead: Get your employer spilling the beans by beginning all of your questions with an interrogative: who, what, when, where, how or why.

7. Avoid thinking about the outcome.
Instead: Don't think about, hope for or plan on getting the raise. Focus instead on what you can control: your behavior during the negotiation.

8. Avoid believing that your mission is to get more money.
Instead: Your mission and purpose in this conversation is to fulfill your employer's business needs and objectives. Every decision you make in the negotiation process should be focused on helping your employer see that giving you a raise or promotion will further her business interests.

9. Avoid presenting your current salary or position as a problem.
Instead: Present yourself as the solution. Don't be afraid to give specific examples of challenges you faced and the solutions you provided. Special assignments that fit the employer's vision should be explained and discussed. The more examples you can provide the better.

10. Avoid giving an ultimatum.
Instead: Continue to negotiate with no need. Never threaten or posture with another offer or a take-it-or-leave-it stance. Use a calm, slow voice. State problems clearly and don't be afraid to ask for what you need to solve those problems. The more effective you appear at discussing her problem as you see it, the better.

6 Ways to Create Interview Chemistry

2009-01-25T12:37:00.001+08:00

To help job seekers overcome this common obstacle and quickly create chemistry between themselves and interviewers, Susan Britton Whitcomb offers the following tips in "Interview Magic":

1. Share commonalities
Discuss your passion for your field or enthusiasm for a new product or service, as well as personal commonalities such as family (i.e., children of the same age), recreational activities, hobbies or interests.

2. L.I.S.T.E.N. attentively
Laser your focus. Investigate and be curious. Silence your tongue -- hold your judgment and open your mind. Take brief notes and take time to formulate your response. Elevate the other person. Note the nonverbal, including your body language and that of your interviewer. It is impossible to connect with others if you don't listen well.

3. R.E.S.P.O.N.D. well
Remember your objective; Engage the interviewer. Share succinctly. Point to benefits. Offer proof. Never drone on. Dedicate yourself to a win-win relationship.

4. Pay attention to the 'howchas'
The "howchas" are how you say something (as opposed to what you say). Tone, inflection, body language, attitude and motive combine to make how you say it just as important as what you say. To improve your 'howcha's,' remain deferential, respectfully curious and concerned about the interviewer/company's welfare. Use verbal and body language mirroring to enhance communication, matching aspects of your interviewer's voice, language, mannerisms and body language.

5. Recognize their learning style, whether auditory, visual or kinesthetic/tactile.
Offer variety in your interview so that each style is addressed. This might include answering questions for the auditory learners, writing an outline on a whiteboard or showing a PowerPoint demonstration for the visual learners, and engaging the kinesthetic/tactile learners in activities or encouraging them to take more thorough notes.

6. Understand their temperament
Theorists (often seen in executive roles) value impressive training or credentials, and stress vision, logic, innovation, mastery, progress and excellence. Catalysts (often seen in human service roles) value harmony in work relationships and appreciate ideal, meaningful work environments. Stabilizers (often seen in finance and management roles) value factual, reality-based responses in a sequential, detailed fashion. Improvisers (often seen in sales/marketing roles) value action, excitement and variety, and prefer solutions that are practical and effective to help them get what they want.

Making these efforts throughout the interview will go a long way toward impressing the interviewer and positioning yourself ahead of other candidates. Even if you don't win the job offer, the interviewer may be inclined to recommend you to others or keep you in mind for future opportunities if he or she developed a connection with you.

"Acing an interview -- even for a job that isn't perfect for you -- will put you on the radar screen of those who can help you in the future," Whitcomb says. "Remember that interviewers have their own network of contacts that will likely be valuable to you."

Selena Dehne is a career writer for JIST Publishing who shares the latest occupational, career and job search information available with job seekers and career changers. She is also the author of JIST's Job Search and Career Blog.

Six-Figure Jobs You Don't Need a College Degree For

2009-01-20T13:52:00.000+08:00

Maybe you don't want to spend all that time taking classes in obscure subjects while hoping to find your calling and piling up student loan debt. Maybe you don't really care so much about college. You just want to work and make money.
You can do it, but there aren't many fields where it happens very often. In our list (see below) of 14 potentially six-figure jobs that don't require a four-year diploma, only two have a median wage of above $100,000. For the rest, you'll have to be in the top 10% of earners, and even then you may find yourself working 50 to 60 hours a week.

Dr. Al Lee, director of quantitative analysis at Payscale.com, says that most of these jobs share a few qualities. (Payscale's research provided the numbers that made this list possible. The company measured the average earnings for people with eight or more years in their field.)

No test can tell an employer how good you might be at some of these lines of work -- real estate broker or fashion designer, for example. That's why a degree is less important to a potential employer than field experience and demonstrated past success. Either you're good at it or you're not.

Many of these jobs rely on variable pay (commission and overtime) to break six figures. Good plumbers, ultrasound techs and construction managers generally do a lot of overtime. It's far more valuable to a company to pay them extra than to hire an additional employee, Lee says. And that means workers can break past what they would earn if confined to 40 hours a week.

Stress is pretty much a given in all these occupations. A high price for failure is not uncommon. Cost estimators can't estimate too high on a project or they'll risk losing it to a competitive bidder. They can't go too low or their company won't make money on the deal. Radiation therapists and ultrasound technologists have to worry about the danger of malpractice suits. Court reporters mustn't miss a word in the courtroom. Air traffic controllers know that hundreds of lives ride on their actions.

Almost all these positions produce revenue that can give them a clearly defined monetary value. An executive chef at a hotel can pull in guests or send them fleeing. An ultrasound technologist or radiation therapist paid $100,000 a year can bring the hospital several times that. A sales manager's value can often be pinpointed in dollars and cents at the end of the year. Also, a few of these jobs -- air traffic controller, police supervisor, court reporter -- have unions to thank for their good pay.

Lee says now is as good a time as any to start on the path to one of these jobs. The market may be in bad shape, but companies will still need competent workers. When better to find out if you're truly good at something than when it's most difficult?

He says of people who make more than $100,000, "At the end of the day, the largest percentage of them are degree-holders." But you definitely can get there this way -- not that it's easy. "You learn on the job. You pay attention. You move your way up."

Could it be time to design your five- or 10-year path to six figures? Below is a list of 14 options for possible six-figure jobs without a degree.

1. Real Estate Broker
2. Air Traffic Controller
3. Small Business Owner/Operator
4. Fashion Designer
5. Plumber, Pipe Fitter or Steamfitter
6. Non-Retail Sales Manager
7. Network/Data Communications Manager
8. Construction Superintendent/Manager
9. Radiation Therapist
10. Police and Detective Supervisor
11. Ultrasound Technologist
12. Hotel Executive Chef
13. Court Reporter
14. Construction Cost Estimator