Dealing with Name-calling

MY daughter came home from school one day complaining about a classmate who called her names. Name-calling and teasing are common among schoolchildren but this does not mean they should be taken lightly or ignored.

Frequent name-calling, insulting or negative labeling will have undesirable effects on children. It will affect their personality development and lower the child’s self worth, esteem and confidence.

When a child’s sense of self has yet to fully develop, calling a child names and labeling him "stupid" for instance, may cause the child to believe that he is so. The child will then tend to act or behave in a manner that is consistent with that negative self-image.

How do we help a child handle such situations? In her book, My Name is Not Dummy, Elizabeth Crary, a parent educator with over 20 years’ experience, provides ideas on how to help a child overcome the problem. Here are a few.

» Ignore it – tell your child to completely ignore the unkind words and the person who says it. Do not glance in his direction, and talk with another student or read instead. Appear calm and unfazed. Usually, the teaser will lose interest and stop if he does not receive any response.

» Do the unexpected – when teasers don’t get the reaction they are looking for, they will tend to stop. For example, if a girl named Lizzie is being called "Dizzy Lizzie", she can turn around and say, "My full name is Elizabeth. Got any rhymes for that?" or "Do you have one that goes with Edward? He’s my brother."

» Ask for help – if a child has run out of ways for dealing with the problem on her own, then it is appropriate to ask an adult for help. In the above example, Lizzie might approach her teacher for help.

Lizzie’s parents can also help by affirming that she is not what they call her. They can ask, "Are you dizzy? If those kids say so, does that mean it’s true?" Help her differentiate fact from teasing words and understand that what people say of her is not necessarily right or true.

Children who tease and call others names may have picked up the bad habit from people around them such as family members, or through unsupervised television viewing.

The whole family needs to practise respect toward each other at all times. Set good examples and turn negative descriptions around by being careful with your choice of words.

For example, instead of "messy", use the word "tidy" or turn "mean" into "kind". Your words then change from "Don’t be mean to your sister" to "Please be kind to your sister".

Explain to them why name-calling is wrong, that it makes people unhappy when they do that. Ask them to imagine how they would feel if others called them names.

Certain children’s programmes on television compromise proper choice of words in their script for the sake of entertainment.

It may be funny when one cartoon character yells "Stupid!" or "You’re such a nerd!" but the odds are that the child will also use these words and think it is funny the next time he gets a chance to do so.

Be careful with what your child is exposed to and guide them in the right way when they encounter negative influence.

Dream-Related Questions

What is the average amount of dreams a person usually has in one night?

The average person has about 3 to 5 dreams per night, but some may have up to 7 dreams in one night. The dreams tend to last longer as the night progresses. During a full 8-hour night sleep, two hours of it is spent dreaming.

Please tell me is it unusual for an individual to have multiple dreams during the course of one night's sleep? Is this normal? I normally dream two or three dreams in one night.

It is not at all unusual for a person to have more than one dream per night. In fact, it is perfectly normal! The trick is remembering all your dreams. Some people have trouble remembering one single dream, let alone multiple dreams.

Does a person dream all night? If not, when do they?

No, a person does not spend the entire night dreaming. A person spends about two hours in the dream state per night. A person moves through the four stages of the sleep cycle throughout the night. In the final stage of the sleep cycle (referred to as REM sleep) is where dreaming occurs. Each cycle of sleep lasts anywhere from 60-90 minutes and then will repeat itself throughout the night.

Would you please tell me why people do not dream?

Everybody dreams! This is a scientifically proven fact. Research has shown that all human beings in a study showed brain activity during their sleep. Just because you cannot remember your dreams does not mean that you do not dream. So why is it that some people don't remember their dream? This may be attributed to alcohol consumption, certain antibiotics, fever, lack of sleep, high levels of stress, and/or unconscious fears about the content of your dreams. Some researchers believe that certain people have a genetic disposition to forget their dreams as they come out of their sleep.

Do children's dreams mean the same as adults? If not what is the difference?

Dreams often reflect our experiences and life concerns. For this reason, children's dreams are different then the dreams of adults. The dreams of young children (3-5 year olds) usually have no real story line or any strong emotional content. Children around this age also frequently experience nightmares relating to their fears (strangers, monsters, loud noises, etc.) By the time children reaches their teen years, their dream patterns are matched closer to that of adults.

Is it true that some dreams can predict the future?

There is no scientific proof that dreams can predict and foretell the future. Yes, many people have had dreams that eventually came true afterwards. This can be explained in how we unconsciously gather little information here and there and when you have a dream, it puts together all this unconscious information before you are consciously able to do so. In short, you unconsciously already know what was going to happen and it only appears as if the dream had predicted the future. Another explanation is that such dream are mere coincidences or is the faulty memory of the dreamer.

Why do you think that we have dreams?

This is still an unresolved topic amongst researchers as to the reason we have dreams. One theory suggests that dreams serve as a means for cleansing and release. During the day, we may hold back our feelings and repress our anger. Thus dreams serve as a safe outlet for us to release our negative emotions. Another theory says that dreams is a biologically necessary aspect of sleep. Research has shown that people who were prevented from entering the dream state and woken up before they can dream were more easily irritated, jittery, and performed far below average. I believe these are two theories summarize why we dream.



Do dreams have any significance?

Yes dreams have a significance. The images in our dreams always contain hidden meaning which goes far beyond the outer appearance. The language of dreams is symbolic and are not to be taken literally.
The significance of dreams is personal and dependent on your own personal experiences. However, there are many universal symbols.

What causes or why do some dreams keep repeating themselves?

Dreams that recur (or repeat themselves) is a clear indication that some issue is not being confronted or that it has not yet been resolved. Your anxieties about a certain situation that you are struggling with may also cause you to have recurring dreams.

Do we dream in black and white or color, or does it mean anything if we dream one way or the other?

Most people do dream in color, but some may not notice colors in their dreams. Because color is such a natural part of our visual experience, we sometimes overlook colors in our dreams. Another reason may have to do with how our dreams fades so quickly from our memory upon waking that when we may be able to recall the dream in shades of gray. However, the dreams that are in black and white can be an indication of a depressed or sadden mood.

I heard from a friend that the more senses you can experience in dreams (colors, smell, etc), the greater your intelligence is in general. Do you know anything about this?

I have never heard that the more senses you experience in your dream is correlated with your intelligence. The way we process our senses varies from individual to individual and does not necessarily have to do with intelligence. However, it is correct to say that most people recall the visual and auditory aspects of their dreams. Touch, smell, and taste tend to be secondary unless it happens to be a central component of the dream. Or unless the person is visually impaired, In this case, sense of feel and/or smell will be dominate.

Do animal dreams?

Similar to humans, all other mammals exhibit the same brain activity during sleep. But the extent and nature of their dreams is another questions.

I've been checking out you web site since I found it a few day ago. I must say that your site is great!!! But I still don't understand what REM sleep is. Does it refer to deep sleeping?

Yes, the REM stage of sleep is where you achieve your deepest sleep. It is also the final stage in the sleep cycle. REM which stands for Rapid Eye Movement is so called because in this stage of sleep, your eyes move rapidly back and forth under your eyelids. It is also in REM sleep that you experience all your vivid, and sometimes bizarre dreams.

How can our daily activities effect our dreams?

Whenever you suppress your feelings throughout the day, it has a very good chance of showing up in your dream. For example, if you wanted to express your anger toward someone and then refrain from doing so, then your suppressed anger may show up in your dream in some symbolic form. Traumatic experiences also have a way to affect the content of your dreams.

Are there any differences in male and female dream patterns?

If, by dream patterns, you mean brain wave activity while in the dream state, then the answer is no. There are no difference between male and female dream patterns. However, if your are referring to the content of the dream, then the answer is yes. Studies have shown that men tend to dream more about men, while women dream about both men and women equally. This makes perfect sense when you think about it. Dreams are often seen as aspect of yourselves. For a man to dream about a woman, indicates that he is acknowledging some feminine aspect of his own self, which is difficult for men to admit that they have a soften feminine side to begin with.

Is it normal only to remember nightmares and never a good dream?

It is not a question of whether or not it is normal to remember only your nightmares, but why you remember your nightmares as opposed to your other dreams. Nightmares are much easier to remember for several reasons. First nightmares are vivid, frightening, and often jolt you awake. Whenever you are awakened in the REM stage
of sleep, you are much more likely to recall the events of your nightmare. Secondly, nightmares tend to occur in the early morning hours, when you are about to wake up. Remembering your dreams can take some effort on your part and not a question of normality.



What does it mean to have a dream within a dream?

Having a dream within a dream may be safer and more acceptable way to express material from your unconscious. The dream within a dream protects you, the dreamer from waking up. Such dreams often reflect a hidden but crucial issue which you need to acknowledge and confront.

Is it possible to die (not really die in real life) in your our dreams?

Yes, it is possible to experience death in your dreams. Dreams of death often occur as a result of great stress caused by relationships, school, career changes, depression or by the approach of death itself. Death in dreams may also be viewed as a metaphor - as a new beginning or a time of renewal. Judging from your question, I am assuming you never have had a dream about dying.

I frequently have dreams that something happens like a gun shot, I fall or something that would make me jerk. I really do jerk and usually wake up. What's with that? Like why do I jerk and wake up when something like that happens in my dream?

There is actually a term to describe what you are experiencing in your dream. It is called myclonic
jerks. Many who dream that they are falling sometimes jerk or twitch their legs/arms and end up waking themselves up. There is no concrete reason as to why this happens. One theory is that it is our instinctive response for what the brain perceives as
a potentially dangerous situation. Sometimes dreams are so real that the brain believes that you are really falling or in some sort of danger. And hence the brain sends signals to the body to start "fleeing".

5 Careers that Pay Well Even in a Recession

It seems no matter where you turn these days there's bad news: entire neighborhoods in foreclosure, a volatile stock market, and unemployment rates at their highest in decades. While the recession is affecting us all, professionals in certain fields can feel confident that their skills will be needed no matter how gloomy the financial outlook.

What's the secret to staying employed and well-paid during an economic downturn? Choose your profession wisely. With the right career choice and training, you could be employed and earn well, recession or not. Consider the following five careers.

1. Engineer

The Profession: The economic stimulus plan includes funds to rebuild roads, bridges, and schools, requiring civil engineers who can create plans and oversee these projects. A growing focus on increasing productivity is expected to lead to the creation of over 40,000 new jobs for industrial engineers, who specialize in finding the most effective ways to use the people, machines, materials, and energy to create products.

The Secret: Due to the highly technical nature of this occupation, a bachelor's degree in engineering is the standard requirement for most positions. Some colleges and universities offer five-year programs, granting graduates a master's degree in engineering, which can often increase earning potential.

The Payoff: Starting salaries for civil and industrial engineers in 2007 were nearly $50,000, and average earnings in both occupations were close to $75,000.

2. Accountant

The Profession: Given the recent financial scandals, it's no wonder that 226,000 new accountants are expected to join the workforce between 2006 and 2016. The large infrastructure projects proposed by the stimulus plan should also provide employment for accountants.

The Secret: The most common educational requirement of accountants is a four-year degree in business or accounting, often available online. Earn a license as a Certified Public Accountant (CPA) to add more employment options to your accounting career.

The Payoff: While median earnings for accountants hover around $57,000, the top quarter earned $75,000 or more in 2007.

3. Marketing and Sales Manager

The Profession: With the rapidly changing face of technological innovations, opportunities for well-trained, technically-savvy marketing and sales managers are bright. The Bureau of Labor Statistics expects 57,000 new jobs for marketing and sales managers through 2016.

The Secret: Applicants for marketing and sales management positions face stiff competition, but a bachelor's or master's degree in business administration or marketing can give you a leg up in your job search. Honing your computer skills can also add to your employability.

The Payoff: Median salaries for sales managers are just under $95,000, and most marketing managers pull in over $100,000 each year.

4. Registered Nurse

The Profession: Our nation's aging population has created an unprecedented demand for registered nurses (RNs), in hospitals, schools, and nursing care facilities. While the recession has reduced employment of nurses in some states, a national nursing shortage means that RNs who are flexible should have no trouble finding a job.

The Secret: A bachelor's of science degree in nursing (BSN) offers graduates the greatest potential for advancement, earnings, and choice in employment options. If you don't want to invest four years in your career training, consider an associate's degree in nursing (ADN), which can be completed in as little as two years. Many RNs with associate's degrees take advantage of RN-to-BSN programs to earn their bachelor's, often enjoying tuition reimbursement programs offered by some employers.

The Payoff: Median earnings for registered nurses are just over $60,000, but the top 25 percent of RNs make nearly $75,000.

5. Computer Systems Analyst

The Profession: As experts in the latest applications of technological advances, computer systems analysts help organizations choose the best technology for their needs and then incorporate it effectively into existing infrastructure. While many work in the computer systems design industry, computer systems analysts are also employed by the government, hospitals, and financial institutions. Nearly 150,000 new jobs for computer systems analysts are expected from 2006 through 2016.

The Secret: An online bachelor's degree in computer science or information science can help you get a job as a computer systems analyst. Training in information security can make you even more attractive to employers.

The Payoff: Median salaries for computer systems analysts were just over $73,000 in 2007, but the highest-paid professionals in this field raked in well over $100,000.

It's not likely we'll see the end of this recession in the near future. As you readjust your budget and lifestyle with the changing economy, be sure to map out a long-range career plan for yourself. An investment in your professional skills, especially in a strategically-chosen field, could mean the difference between a comfortable paycheck and financial uncertainty.

Saat menilai cinta

SETIAP kali menjelang tahun baru, melakukan resolusi mengenai karier, hal kewangan dan cinta sememangnya menjadi rutin bagi setiap orang.

Bagi pasangan yang sedang bercinta, kenangan yang dilalui sepanjang tahun lalu mungkin lebih mematangkan fikiran. Apatah lagi bagi pasangan yang pernah gagal dalam percintaan.

Mereka menganggap tahun yang dilalui umpama suatu pengajaran yang membawa ke arah kehidupan yang lebih bermakna.

Menyentuh soal cinta, jangan pula anda lupa melakukan perubahan kepada diri dengan meletakkan keazaman yang tinggi dalam hal-hal melibatkan dunia percintaan.

Ikuti tip-tip yang disenaraikan di bawah:

1. Lupakan masa lalu

Anda bukanlah insan yang pernah dikhianati, dibenci mahupun ditinggalkan menjelang hari pernikahan. Setiap perkara yang dilalui sepanjang kehidupan lalu harus dijadikan pengajaran. Tetapi, jangan biarkan pengalaman buruk anda pada masa lampau mempengaruhi hubungan yang sedang terjalin.

Jangan biarkan hal-hal positif dan menyenangkan anda dengan pasangan bertukar gara-gara terlalu asyik membuat perbandingan dari tahun ke tahun. Ibaratkan hubungan yang baru dijalinkan itu seperti kertas putih yang siap dicorak.

2. Temui ramai orang

Bekerja di bawah satu bumbung yang sama atau tinggal berhampiran dengan kediaman anda tidak bermakna dapat membantu anda menemui calon kekasih yang berpotensi, kecuali seorang teman yang sudah lama dikenali. Jalinkan hubungan cinta dengan seorang teman yang boleh membawa anda ke arah dunia persahabatan yang lebih bermakna.

Keluarlah dari zon selesa anda. Sekiranya selama ini anda kerap ke pusat gimnasium selepas pulang dari tempat kerja, namun pada tahun ini, bangunlah pada awal pagi dan lakukan rutin harian dengan melaksanakan segala tugasan yang lebih menyihatkan. Lebih berkesan, ikuti kursus atau motivasi yang melibatkan pesertanya terdiri di kalangan lelaki dan wanita.

3. Ubah penampilan

Sudah tiba masanya anda meninggalkan gaya penampilan lama. Tidak salah sekiranya anda mengeluarkan wang yang lebih semata-mata untuk mengubah stail rambut terkini. Kunjungi salon dan bawalah contoh model rambut daripada majalah sekiranya perlu mendapat keterangan.

Demikian pula dalam hal berkaitan pakaian dan aksesori. Pilih baju berwarna cerah dan bermotifkan corak yang menarik agar anda kelihatan menonjol pada setiap masa.

4. Jangan terburu-buru

Menemui cinta baru mungkin mendatangkan kesan positif. Tetapi, jangan pula anda terus membawanya berjumpa dengan seluruh ahli keluarga. Tunggulah sehingga waktu yang tepat dan jangan sesekali merosakkan hubungan yang baru dibina itu. Hindari berbicara tentang masa depan saat hubungan baru berumur setahun jagung. Nikmatilah waktu perkenalan ini untuk memantapkan hati anda dan pasangan.

5. Jangan terlalu memilih

Setiap orang pasti ada kekurangannya, jadi apabila anda begitu obses akan kekurangan pasangan, mungkin anda sukar untuk menemui cinta baru. Sekurang-kurangnya selidik dulu kelebihan yang ada pada dirinya.

6. Buat keputusan

Cinta kerana paksaan akan membawa duka pada kemudian hari. Jangan takut untuk meluahkan apa yang terpendam kerana ia boleh mendatangkan kesan buruk dalam perhubungan. Oleh itu, lakukan keputusan yang berpihak kepada diri dan jangan takut katakan 'tidak'

Alasan berbohong

Umumnya, wanita berbohong bukannya disebabkan mereka tiada arah tuju atau cuba mencipta sesuatu perkara yang tidak masuk fikiran. Terdapat beberapa alasan yang mendorong mereka melakukan hal ini.

1. Balas dendam

Sekiranya kamu berani mengkhianati cintanya, dia juga akan berani membalasnya. Bahkan, dia lebih hebat daripada kamu. Walaupun tindakannya itu telah diketahui, mungkin dia sengaja melakukan sedemikian. Ramai wanita mempunyai cara tersendiri saat menghadapi situasi pembohongan yang dilakukan kekasihnya. Malah, dia juga berani melakukannya dengan secara tersembunyi, tanpa pengetahuan kamu.

2. Urutan kasih

Wanita sememangnya menginginkan dirinya dicintai dan dihargai. Apatah lagi, mengharapkan sebuah percintaan yang tiada titik noktahnya. Lebih-lebih lagi daripada insan tersayang. Mereka ingin menjadi wanita pertama di dalam hidup kamu dan bukannya, berada di tangga kedua atau berikutnya. Sekali kamu menduakan cintanya, dia akan berkali-kali mengkhianati hidup kamu.

3. Kekerasan

Kini, ramai wanita semakin sedar tentang pentingnya penghargaan yang patut diterimanya. Salah satunya ialah bersikap tegas ketika pasangannya melakukan kekerasan (umumnya secara fizikal) kepadanya. Mungkin pada awalnya dia akan cuba bertahan, tetapi apabila kamu kembali mengulangi tindakan tersebut, mereka akan meninggalkan kamu tanpa sebaris nota. Mereka yakin, masih ramai lelaki di luar sana yang dapat menghargai dirinya yang jauh lebih baik daripada kamu.

4. Hambar

Wanita begitu gemar hal-hal yang remeh atau kecil. Misalnya, hari ulang tahunnya, hari jadi kamu berdua atau hal-hal istimewa lainnya. Hati-hati bila kamu menganggap semua ini sebagai hal yang remeh. Apatah lagi apabila selama ini, si dia selalu mengurus hal yang melibatkan pengorbanan demi kekasihnya.

Sekiranya, kamu tidak pernah sesekali menghargai apa yang dia lakukan untuk kamu dan mengabaikan hal-hal yang dianggapnya penting, bersiap sedialah menghadapi pertengkaran yang hebat.

5. Seks

Meskipun kamu tidak memberikan perhatian yang sepenuhnya terhadap si dia, ketidakpuasan dalam urusan seks mampu memberi kesan yang mendalam terhadap perhubungan. Ingat, akibat kurangnya layanan seks, ia akan mendatangkan kesan bahaya dalam perkahwinan. Oleh itu, segeralah mencari jalan penyelesaiannya.

BIASANYA wanita akan mencari jalan penyelesaiannya sendiri apabila berhadapan dengan masalah cinta. - Gambar hiasan

6. Cadangan

Saat putus cinta, biasanya kaum wanita lebih cepat 'menderita' ketika menghadapi hari-hari mendatang sebelum mampu bangkit semula untuk hidup gembira.

Ini kerana, sewaktu dia mendapat petunjuk bahawa perhubungan itu tidak dapat dipertahankan lagi, mungkin dia akan mencari pengganti kamu. Jadi, sekiranya kamu benar-benar mencintainya, perbaikilah hubungan kamu dengannya segera.

7. Jejaka bermasalah

Maksudnya, terdapat banyak perkara di sekeliling kamu yang membuatkan pasangan merasakan kamu tidak diperlukan lagi. Sebabnya, selain menjalani hubungan cinta yang sudah tentunya tidak lepas daripada kekangan masalah, kamu juga harus menangani karakter kekasih yang semakin berani. Ingat, dia bersikap sedemikian disebabkan kamu yang memulakannya dahulu.

8. Hubungan tiada kesudahan

Kebiasaannya, saat menjalani hubungan dengan pasangan, wanita menginginkan adanya hubungan yang penuh komitmen, iaitu hubungan yang diakhiri dengan keputusan membanggakan.

Apabila sudah lama menjalin hubungan cinta, tetapi tiada keputusan untuk ke jinjang pelamin, wanita akan berfikir bahawa kamu tidak lagi menginginkan dia dalam hidupnya. Jadi, buat apa menunggu kamu dengan lebih lama?

9. Bosan

Hal ini muncul disebabkan dia terperangkap dalam rutin hariannya sama ada kerja rumah mahupun hubungan yang dijalinkan itu begitu membosankan.

Baginya, jika kamu tidak memberinya perhatian yang diharapkan dan waktu kamu pula lebih banyak dihabiskan untuk urusan lain, biasanya wanita akan mencari jalan penyelesaiannya yang tersendiri. Perlu diingatkan bahawa wanita gemarkan suatu kejutan dan selalu ingin dirinya lebih istimewa.

10. Hubungan tidak diduga

Pada awalnya, dia berasa terlalu selesa saat menjalin hubungan dengan kamu. Tetapi ternyata, dia tidak menikmati kehangatan bersama dan terasa begitu terikat dengan kamu. Tidak hairanlah apabila kamu masih cuba membawanya ke sana dan ke sini, dia mula bersikap dingin kerana sudah menyerahkan seluruh perasaannya kepada insan lain.

Berbohong secara kompulsif

Apabila anak berbohong secara kerap ia adalah petanda awal masalah yang lebih serius.


KANAK-KANAK berbohong. Inilah satu kenyataan yang perlu dihadapi oleh kebanyakan ibu bapa. Tiada arahan atau galakan diperlukan.

Berbohong seakan sudah sebati dalam jiwa sesetengah kanak-kanak. Memperbesarkan masalah, memutar-belitkan kebenaran, mereka cerita dan menafikan kenyataan adalah antara yang akan dilakukan sewaktu bercakap bohong.

Namun, jika kekerapan seseorang anak berbohong menjadi kompulsif dan tanpa sebab, ibu bapa mungkin perlu 'campur tangan'.

Apabila kitaran penipuan bermula, ia akan menghilangkan kepercayaan orang lain terhadap si anak, sekali gus menyukarkan kitaran tidak sihat ini dihentikan.

Oleh sebab itulah, ibu bapa perlu bertindak meneroka sebab anak berbohong dan perlu mencari jalan penyelesaian untuk memperbaiki tabiat buruk itu.

Mungkin ramai yang tidak tahu berbohong juga adalah petanda awal kepada masalah yang lebih serius.

Berbohong cara kompulsif biasanya dikaitkan dengan penderitaan anak ekoran gangguan masalah sosial pada peringkat awal. Khasnya akibat penyakit Gangguan Hiperaktif dan Kurang Daya Tumpuan (ADHD) dan gangguan perilaku.

Dalam sesetengah kes, tabiat berbohong secara kompulsif turut disertakan dengan masalah kelakuan yang lain. Ini termasuk mencuri, ponteng sekolah, bersikap ganas, agresif dan kemahiran bersosial yang lemah.

Masalah seperti ini biasanya bercambah daripada rasa tidak selesa dalam situasi bersosial, bertindak secara spontan dan tidak menumpukan perhatian.

Apabila berlaku situasi seperti ini, penglibatan pakar-pakar kaunseling misalnya, amat penting untuk membantu kanak-kanak ini. Kaunselor-kaunselor dapat menolong melengkapkan ibu bapa dengan gaya mendidik serta pemahaman terhadap anak yang lebih spesifik.

Mengapa berbohong?

Terdapat beberapa sebab mengapa kanak-kanak bercakap bohong secara kompulsif.

Takut

Perasaan takut adalah pendorong biasa untuk seseorang memberanikan diri berbohong. Takut dimarahi ibu atau takut kebebasan yang diberikan akan dirampas. Ketakutan yang rasional atau tidak juga boleh memberi kesan pembohongan serupa. Sebab apa yang diimpikan oleh anak hanyalah 'perlindungan' sementara daripada hukuman.

Namun, terdapat dua perkara penting di sini. Pertama, anak yang berbohong besar kemungkinannya tahu mereka telah melakukan sesuatu kesalahan. Kedua, ibu bapa perlu menerima pembohongan itu kerana anak sememangnya takut berdepan dengan reaksi mereka.

Tidak hairanlah apabila teriakan bertalu-talu, sikap pemarah dan ibu bapa yang terlalu melindungi anak membuatkan mereka ketakutan. Memberi peluang untuk berkompromi dan mendengar sebelum menyalahkan anak membolehkan komunikasi dua hala berlangsung.

Tabiat

Kata orang, semakin kerap kita mempraktikkan sesuatu, semakin mudahlah ia bertukar menjadi satu tabiat. Begitu juga dengan bercakap bohong. Pembohongan berulang biasanya diperkukuhkan dengan pendekatan yang agresif. Salah satu kaedah paling efektif untuk menyelesaikan pembohongan berkala adalah memberi peluang kepada anak untuk menarik balik kata-kata bohong itu. Ini harus dilakukan tanpa rasa takut akan akibat yang bakal dihadapinya.

Meniru

Sebahagian besar anak 'terpanggil' untuk berbohong setelah melihat orang lain melakukannya. Dilema yang dihadapi oleh ibu bapa adalah mampukah mereka melindungi anak daripada berbohong. Seandainya sukar untuk ibu bapa mengawal anak daripada meniru pembohongan di luar rumah, maka buangkanlah tabiat berbohong anda terlebih dahulu. Lebih berkesan jika mereka tidak meniru tabiat berbohong di rumah dan menjadikannya tabiat.

Perlukah saya menghukum?

PERASAAN takut adalah pendorong biasa untuk seseorang memberanikan diri berbohong.

Terdapat beberapa perkara yang perlu ibu bapa pertimbangkan sebelum menjatuhkan hukuman ke atas kesalahan anak.

1. Hukuman sememangnya direka untuk mengurangkan perilaku yang teruk. Masalahnya, hukuman tanpa kasih sayang dan arahan yang betul adalah sia-sia. Dalam sesetengah situasi, hukuman pula menyumbang kepada tindakan melampau dan penderaan.

2. Menghukum anak atas pembohongan yang berobjektifkan ketakutan atau akibat meniru bukan satu kaedah efektif dalam jangka masa panjang. Sebaliknya, mengenal pasti punca masalah adalah lebih praktikal berbanding berdepan dengan simptom-simptomnya.

3. Hukuman patut dijadikan pilihan terakhir dan bukan dilakukan mengikut emosi. Penggunaan bahasa dan pendekatan yang lebih lembut biasanya lebih berkesan. Beritahu anak dalam nada rendah seperti, "Tahu tak, mak dan ayah rasa kecewa apabila Atan berbohong?"

Yang penting, ketahuilah niat setiap ibu bapa adalah untuk melihat anak bercakap benar. Justeru, gunakanlah pendekatan yang lebih baik agar anak belajar daripada kesilapannya.

7 best part-time jobs

The common perception is that part-time jobs have less to offer than full-time positions.

That may be true in terms of hours in the work week, but many part-time jobs pay just as well as a traditional 40-hour week ones and a number of positions come with health insurance coverage, paid vacation days and employee discounts.

Here is our list of some of the best part-time jobs:

1. Tax Preparer
Thousands of people need help every year to file their returns. Part-time tax preparers are often accountants who know their way around deductions and forms, and who want extra income. Though the job typically peaks in the spring, many clients choose to retain their tax professional as a year-round personal accountant and adviser.
Salary: Set your own fee. H&R Block typically charges anywhere from $100 to $200 for their services, so you can probably charge up to $80 and still offer a bargain.

2. Substitute Teacher
Many states offer substitute teaching positions without requiring a teaching degree. Often, anyone with a bachelor’s degree is eligible, provided they pass a background check and interview. The length of employment varies and you should be flexible for days when you get a frantic last-minute call at 6 a.m., but it’s a good way to put your education to use while aiding in the education of others.
Salary: Varies depending on the state. In Oregon, for example, substitutes get about $150 a day.

3. Private Tutor
Jeremiah LeBrash started tutoring in college as a way to make some extra income. He’s now making enough money for it to be his full-time job. “I started out teaching SAT prep for Kaplan, but I was only making $20 an hour,” he says. “I realized I could do it on my own, give my students one-on-one attention, and charge twice as much.” LeBrash now charges $80 an hour for test preparation and $60 for general math and science help.
Salary: Companies like Kaplan and The Princeton Review pay tutors anywhere from $20 to $60 an hour, depending on the test they teach and the size of the class. Private tutors, like LeBrash, can set their own fee.

4. Part-Time Receptionist
Answering telephones and receiving packages may not be the most glamorous job, but according to career counselor Judith Gerberg, it’s a great opportunity to network. Gerberg, president of the Career Counselors Consortium, knew a laid off radio DJ who ended up working as a receptionist for a law firm. She soon became acquainted with a filmmaker client who loved her music knowledge so much, he hired her as an associate producer. “Lawyers and small businesses always need administrative help,” says Gerberg. “You might be making minimum wage, but keep your ego under wraps. You never know who will walk through the door.”
Salary: Varies, but can be in the $20,000-a-year range.

5. Computer Technician
Gerberg says there is an increased need for tech support, as more people move their businesses home. Computer technicians make basic repairs, set up wi-fi and perform other jobs. Companies are also looking for individuals who can build websites, which makes this a no-brainer for anyone with a little creativity and HTML experience.
Salary: Set your own fee. Tech support rates vary according to the job, rates can be around $30 an hour or more.

6. Copy Editor
“Copy editing is proofreading,” says Rachel Goldman, who took her skills honed in her day job as an online news producer and used them to score part-time work as well. In addition to checking texts for spelling, punctuation, grammar and formatting errors, "I also help the person brainstorm and flesh out their work,” says Goldman. Although she started out editing essays for college students, Goldman is now working on documents such as patent applications and television scripts as well.
Salary: Goldman’s fees vary based on length and subject matter, but she estimates that she makes about $100 per document.

7. Direct Seller
Companies such as Amway and Avon allow people to make money on their own time, while offering incentive programs like discounted insurance. And while the recession may have curbed consumer spending, Avon recently reported earnings that were above expectations. “Our products are selling well because it’s affordable luxury,” says Lindsay Blaker, an Avon spokesperson.
Salary: Blaker says she’s seen reps make anywhere from a few hundred dollars a month to six-figure annual salaries. “I met someone who went from a corporate setting to becoming a full-time seller because she was making just as much money staying at home,” she says. “People love the flexibility of the job."

Words to Avoid in Your Resume

Most resume-writing guides focus on "power words" -- words that promise to grab the attention of recruiters as they scan hundreds of resumes -- but few tell you what words to avoid in your resume.

Below is a list of words and word types that your resume would be better without.

Abbreviations and Acronyms

AFPCA, CHIGFET, FIPL, MRSRM, ZWE: Looks like a fresh game of Scrabble, doesn't it?

Too many abbreviations and acronyms in a resume make it unreadable.

As a rule, avoid using abbreviations and acronyms unless they are commonly recognized. If you work in an acronym-heavy industry, such as technology, use acronyms sparingly.

Personal Pronouns

It seems odd to avoid personal pronouns (I, me, my) in your resume -- a document that is all about you.

But, it actually does make sense.

Since your resume is all about you, the addition of "I" or "me" is redundant. Since a resume should contain no unnecessary words, there is no place for the personal pronoun. Your resume, after all, is not a memoir but a concise summary of your skills and experience.

Negative Words

These words spell death for a resume.

Words like "arrested," "boring," "fired," "hate" and "sexist" catch a recruiter's eye like to a two-ton magnet catches a paper clip.

If there are difficult issues you want to raise, save them for the interview.

Keep These Words to a Minimum

There are other words that are sometimes necessary in a resume, but that should nevertheless be kept to a minimum.

Among these:

* Abused words: a, also, an, because, the, very

* Any word you can't define: You may think using these words make you sound smart, but if you use them incorrectly they could kill your chances of landing the job.

* Words that can be embarrassing if spelled wrong: assess, skills

6 Soft Skills That Could Land You the Job

WANTED: Payroll Manager with BA in accounting, five years of management experience, extensive knowledge of payroll principles, and a sense of humor.

Wait. Humor? Now you have to reconcile W2s, process checks, and crack up coworkers? Has the job market become that competitive?

Not exactly. Employers seem to demand the moon these days, but they're really looking for candidates who may be easier to work with (assuming they already have the core skills to do the job). That means "soft," or intangible qualities, such as leadership, sense of humor, or "playing well with others," can be a strong competitive advantage for the job seeker. When a search comes down to two systems analysts with similar backgrounds and core competencies, the one who also may be a better "team player," or can "wear many hats," is more likely to get the nod.

Qualities You'll Need

"Today, employers want to see a candidate's ability to show value in the workplace beyond the job description," Stefanie Cross-Wilson, co-president of recruitment and talent management at Hudson, tells Yahoo! HotJobs. "It's the tangible skills or core competencies that get you in the door. It's the soft skills that often get you the job."

Any of these six qualities could give you a competitive edge:

Leadership/Team Building. Leadership skills are not only critical for supervisory positions, but also for candidates who may want rise to positions where they'll give directions to others, experts say.

Team Player. Employers like people who play well with others. Even if the job you seek isn't officially part of a team, an employer may want examples of how you collaborated with people who don't report to you.

Goal-Oriented Self-Starter. This doesn't necessarily require motivating others. While employers don't necessarily want loose canons or mavericks, they do appreciate people who don't need to be told what to do and can set their own tasks and follow through.

Excellent Communicator. No matter what the core job duties are, the ability to write a coherent memo or email, give clear verbal instructions, and help meetings run smoothly -- or, at least, not sabotage meetings -- will probably be needed.

Flexibility/Multi-Tasking Ability. Sometimes employers will call this the "ability to wear many hats." Most professionals have multiple job duties even in the best of times. In an environment rife with layoffs, managers are especially comforted knowing a candidate can take on even unanticipated tasks.

Sense of Humor. Unless you're applying to Comedy Central, you don't have to make them double up laughing, according to John McKee, president and founder of BusinessSuccessCoach.net and author of "Career Wisdom."

"While I don't hear recruiters asking for candidates who can tell a joke well, I do believe that evidence of light-heartedness and/or the ability to lighten up a tough situation is valued, and self deprecation seems to be well-received," McKee says.

Putting the Skills in Play

Other common soft skills demanded on job listings include "time management" (you can get everything done on time), "strong work ethic" (you're not inclined to take three-hour lunches), and "problem solver."

Though you might be able to hint at any of these qualities on your resume, it's really in an interview where you let the skills shine. "At interview time, most hiring managers are digging deeper into core skills, but also evaluating soft skills, which depend on what is necessary for the position," says Lindsay Olson, partner and recruiter at Paradigm Staffing.

You don't have all of these soft skills? Don't worry. Even in today's job market, it's not necessary to be super-human. Cross-Wilson says: "Employers don't expect you to be brilliant at everything. In the interview you can be honest if there is a weakness you have. If you are able to be relaxed and be yourself, they'll see you as authentic."

Build Mini-Stories

Olson suggested that job seekers build "mini-stories" around the soft skills they think would be valuable for the job and share them at the interview. "You should prepare specific examples of how you dealt with a specific task or issue that will help others understand you have skills to solve their problems too."

What if you don't think you have the necessary soft skills to land the job? It's not like you can take a class to boost your sense of humor, but you can ask a mentor or a friend for help in improving, for example, your email etiquette. Many soft skills can be built or improved on the job, experts say. Consider volunteering for more responsibility, or jump at the chance to be on a team, so that you'll have anecdotes to tell on your next interview.

The 10 Biggest Interview Killers

When you're on a romantic dinner date, you try to avoid "mood killers" -- talking with a mouth full of food, cursing an ex-lover, or complaining about a foot ailment. During a job interview, you have to avoid similar spoilers if you want to make a good impression.

Here are 10 of the most common "advantage killers" and how you can steer clear of them during your next job interview.

1. Not knowing your aim. Too often candidates think their purpose in an interview is simply to ask for a job. Your goals are to demonstrate how you are a good fit for the organization, and to assess whether the job is really right for you.

2. Being too needy. Neediness is probably the No. 1 advantage-killer in an interview. Remind yourself before walking in the door: you do not need this job. You do need food, you do need air, and you do need water. Keep things in perspective.

3. Lousy nonverbal communication. This is about demonstrating confidence. Your first impression makes the difference. When you enter the interview room, stand up straight, make eye contact, and offer a strong handshake with your interviewer. If necessary, jot their name on your notepad as soon as you seat yourself. Do the same for any other individual you are meeting with.

4. Compromising your position. You should always participate in the interview as an equal, not a subordinate, of the person conducting the interview. Often this is a subtle matter of self-perception, so remind yourself before the interview.

5. Falling into the answers-only rut. An interview is a conversation. Don't just answer their questions. That's why you've prepared stories to highlight your accomplishments, which will be your moments to shine. When you do answer any questions, make sure that you answer immediately and follow up with a question of your own, if at all possible.

6. Rambling. Telling your interviewer more than they need to know could be fatal. Your stories should be 60 to 90 seconds long and they should have a relevant point. Focus, focus, focus. Stick with your rehearsed stories, your research, and the questions you need to ask. Don't fill up the silence with unnecessary talk.

7. Being overly familiar. A good interviewer will be skilled enough to put you at ease within the first 10 minutes of the interview. That doesn't mean that they have become your best friend. Don't let your guard down. You're there to interview them and get answers to your questions. Treat this from start to finish as the professional business meeting that it is.

8. Making incorrect assumptions. Points are not deducted at the interview for asking questions when you don't understand something. Don't guess at what your interviewer means. Effective interviewing is all about collecting information in real time, taking good notes, and responding only to the actual facts you've collected. If you find yourself making assumptions or guessing about something that was said, stop and ask for clarification before you answer.

9. Getting emotional. At times the interviewer may hit a nerve or consciously try to provoke you into an "outburst." Don't fall for it. Clear your mind of any fears or expectations, so you can maintain a calm, open-minded perspective at all times. When emotions enter into an interview, failure follows.

10. Not asking specific questions. You want to find out more about what this job is really about and whether you want it. Arrive with a list of several prepared questions about the company, the position, and the people who work there. Ask questions that begin with "what," "how," and "why." Avoid simple yes/no questions. Get your interviewer talking as much as possible, then take notes. Most interviewers are unimpressed by someone who has no questions.

Two Words To Boost Your Career: Thank You

Beginning with the "thank you" for your first job interview and ending with the "thank you" for your retirement party, your career can benefit enormously from simple notes of gratitude written along the way. Frequent, well-written thank-you notes can foster professional success in unimaginable ways, and they are especially important after a job interview.

The Mechanics

Thank-you notes should be printed on letterhead stationery or personal-business stationery, or -- for a little warmer tone -- handwritten on fold-over note cards. You can simplify the process by sending an email thank-you message (more on this later), which is not as distinctive as a handwritten note but far better than no message at all.

As you're writing, don't worry about being creative or clever or profound. People are so charmed to receive thank-you notes at all that they are seldom very critical. "Thank you very much" are words that everyone likes to read.

After the Job Interview

An essential job-seeking technique as well as a gesture of courtesy is to thank the people who interview you. Write a note immediately after the interview and before a decision has been made.

1. State what you liked about the interview, the company, and the position.
2. Emphasize briefly and specifically your suitability for the job.
3. Address concerns about your qualifications that came up during the interview.
4. Mention any issue that you didn't have the opportunity to discuss. But primarily say thanks.
5. If you felt you had a particularly friendly interview, you might close with a sentence or two referring to something you talked about unrelated to the interview (like sports, common interests, or family).

Keep in mind that several people spent time setting up the appointment, doing the paperwork, interviewing you, and doing the paperwork again. They'll appreciate a little recognition.

A few letter-writing experts dislike the "thanks again" that concludes so many thank-you letters and notes. However, it is a popular and benign way of reminding the reader of the purpose of your note. If you like it, use it.

A Sample Note

A sample thank-you note for a job interview might look like this:
I enjoyed this morning's discussion of the research position you want to fill. I was pleased to know that my advanced degree is definitely an asset, and I was impressed by the team spirit among the other employees I met. Thanks so much for your time and for the congenial interview.

Other Factors To Consider

You can email your thanks, but in most cases, it's not as impressive. The point of a thank-you note is that it is personal and somewhat formal. However, if the company you're interviewing with tends to do business by email and if most of your contacts have been through email, then it's definitely the way to go.

Once you're hired, you'll want to send thank-you notes -- or notes of appreciation, which is almost the same thing -- to the interviewers, your new boss, and anyone else you dealt with throughout the interview process. Saying thanks is one of the least expensive, easiest strategies in creating a favorable environment for yourself wherever you go.

10 Ways to Ruin a Job Interview

The great thing about a job interview is the way that it narrows the field. If you can get in front of the people making a hiring decision, that means that you've already moved from a group of perhaps 100 resumes to a field of just a few serious contenders. At that point, your chance of getting a job offer improves dramatically.

Of course, having surmounted that huge hurdle, the last thing you want to do is blow it. To that end, here are 10 job-interview gaffes to avoid.

1. Complaining about the parking or directions.
Don't think it doesn't happen! As cordial and happy-go-lucky as your interviewers may seem, they don't want to hear a job-seeker complain that the place was hard to find or that the parking is inconvenient. The best (that is, the worst) example of this I ever experienced as an HR person came from the candidate who said, "Seven handicapped parking spaces next to the front door? What, are you having a wheelchair convention or something?" That was a short interview.

2. Bad-mouthing your previous job, manager, or company.
If you've been laid off or suffered some other unpleasant experience at your last job, it's easy to launch into a litany of everything the old employer did wrong. Don't do it! The interviewer is bound to wonder "Will this person be bashing me behind my back on some future interview, too?" Zip it.

3. Digging into details off the bat.
The typical selection process allows plenty of time for you to learn everything you need to know about the company's dental plan, its tuition-reimbursement policy, and the size of your cubicle. Don't ask about any of these items on a first interview, when you should be focusing the conversation on the role and the organization.

4. Groveling.
Employers want to hire people who can do the jobs and who are enthusiastic about the work. What's not so appealing is the candidate whose every word and gesture conveys the message, "Hire me, I beg you!" Joblessness is no fun, but you don't help your chances of getting the nod by presenting yourself as a candidate whose most notable attribute is desperation.

5. Answering a question before you understand it.
The absolute worst answer to any interview question is the response that shows you weren't really listening. When an interviewer asks a question that requires thought, like, "Tell me about a time when you had to convince a team of people to change gears," you don't want to blurt out, "Oh, I've done that a million times!" Any "tell me about a time when" question is a question that the interviewer has chosen to elicit a specific problem/solution story from you. Take the time to think through the question and compose a thoughtful answer. A few minutes of silence in the room won't kill anybody.

6. Spacing out.
Any interviewer worth her salt will be able tell when you've zoned out. If you're wondering whether the 5:40 train will get you home in time to watch the playoff game, the interviewer will spot it in your eyes. If you're really out of it, he may throw you a curve ball like, "So, who would you say was the most effective member of Teddy Roosevelt's cabinet, and why?" Stay in the room, with your eyes either meeting the interviewer's or looking thoughtfully at the ceiling. Or your shoes.

7. Slouching.
We'll throw in tipping the chair back off its front legs, resting your head on your hand, and lacing your fingers together behind your head.

8. Cursing.
Interviewers love to put job candidates at ease. When you reach the state of ease that lets an "f-bomb" escape your lips, you've gone too far.

9. "Opening the kimono."
It's tempting to share with a sympathetic interviewer the news that this job search has been really hard, that you're not getting callbacks, and that you've already sent out 150 resumes. Don't do it. Smart job candidates put out a vibe that says, "I'm glad to be here with you and this job might be fun, but I'm a capable person who's aware of his value on the job market."

10. Doing anything disgusting.
The long list of personal gross factors includes picking one's teeth or nose, spitting, and other unmentionables that are best left to the imagination. Any of these is a sure-fire interview-killer (and can we really blame the employer for that?). One candidate asked me for a cup of water, took a sip, swished it around in his mouth, and spat into a potted plant. Niiiiiice!

Careers: Keeping Yourself Marketable During Hard Times

Most career counselors emphasize the need to keep your job skills fresh in the best of times, let alone during a slump in the economy. Technology and "best practices" in all professions are constantly evolving and even the more experienced workers can find themselves trumped by recent graduates who have a better handle on skills that improve the bottom line. If you're wondering how best to remain competitive in the workplace, consider bolstering your training now.

The advantage of online degree programs is that you can keep your job during rocky times and prepare for advancement or a new career while maintaining your earnings. If you're among the recently unemployed, taking a job to make ends meet while you re-tool for new, more promising professions can provide a distinct advantage.

Job expert Robb Sutton suggests that you make yourself "unfireable" by becoming increasingly diversified in your skill sets. That may mean enrolling in online career training in computer software, management theory, accounting, marketing, healthcare technologies, or by completing additional IT certifications. No matter your field, you'll always strengthen your prospects by mastering general workplace competency in communication, research and planning, organization, and human relations.

Here are some suggested associate, bachelor's, master's degree or career training programs--all available in-part or fully online--that can propel you toward the front of the hiring line:

Paralegal Studies

If you already have strong office skills, and interest in the law, and want to boost your administrative assistant or secretarial earnings, consider enrolling in a paralegal studies degree program. They're available at the associate, bachelor's and master's degree level and earnings--according to The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS)--are topping out above the $70,000-a-year range. Oh, and job openings for paralegals are predicted to rise by 22 percent during the 2006-2016 decade.

Education Administration Degree

While many teachers have job stability, it's not always certain that their school districts will have sufficient operating funds during hard times for routine raises. Education administrators earn more, but you'll need training beyond your bachelor's degree and post-graduate certificate to move into district administration or principal roles. Sign up for a flexible online master's degree program in education administration while you're still teaching. The median 2007 annual wage for elementary and secondary administrators was $80,580.

Web Developer Training

You may be an accomplished Web designer, knowing your way around hand-coded HTML pages, and may even have a keen eye for photo-image software. But it's getting so that high school seniors can write code in their sleep. To remain atop the profession, you should consider additional training beyond an associate or bachelor's degree for work as a senior Web developer. That means gaining new skills in Java, PHP/PERL, MySQL, ColdFusion, Virtual Basic, and other essential programs for use on deploying sites on Windows, Apache, and Linux platforms. There are plenty of online training programs to boost your skills and earning power. Senior Web developers were expected to earn to salaries of $108,250 in 2008.

Accounting Degree

Don't wince. An accounting degree or accounting training can increase the bandwidth of most any job qualification. Whether you have a degree or experience in business, sales, marketing, healthcare, manufacturing, or non-profit sectors, knowing how to do forecasts, crunch numbers, handle taxes, or coordinate tabulations using data-management tools, spreadsheet software, or more sophisticated forecast programs can brighten your prospects. You can pursue associate or bachelor's degrees in accounting online, too. If you're already an auditor, consider training for a certified public accountant designation to really enhance your chances. Top earnings for accountants in 2007 surpassed $98,000.

Bachelor's Degree in Nursing

Whether you're just considering nursing training or already hold an associate's degree, heading back to school for a bachelor's degree can broaden your professional appeal. RN to BSN programs abound online. The additional training offers development of nursing skill sets in more diverse clinical populations and settings than do associate programs, and you can gain additional abilities in management and teaching. According to the American Association of Colleges of Nursing, fast-track baccalaureate programs for those already holding degrees take between 11 and 18 months to complete.

Master's degree programs in nursing take three years to complete and can prepare you for greater responsibilities--and earnings--as a Clinical Nurse Specialist, Certified Registered Nurse Anesthetist, Nurse Practitioner, or Certified Nurse-Midwife.